Thanksgiving (US) 2023

[gfweb]

44 minutes ago, liamsaunt said:

 

I am nervous about putting a large roasting pan fresh from the oven directly into the trunk of my car.  I do not have any cooler or other item large enough to put it in, so it would be sitting right on the trunk surface.  I normally transfer the turkey to a large platter or cutting board for the rest period, so this is not much different, to my mind.  I'm open to another idea if you have one though!

 

Buy a couple whole newspapers to set it on. Or broken down cardboard boxes

[Kim Shook]

We've been summoned to my MIL's for dinner (😄).  For the last few years, I'm told that she doesn't need me to cook anything.   A few years ago, I'd bring some kind of nibbly, snacky thing to have before dinner - something light because it's usually up to an hour before the food hits the table.  She asked me to please stop doing that since "her family" didn't like to fill up on stuff before the dinner.  (Can you tell I find all this a bit irritating 😁?).  Anyway, this year she asked me to bring an appetizer. So I'm bringing a trio of dips - green olive tapenade, shrimp, and corn dips with crackers and toasted baguette rounds.  

[MaryIsobel]

29 minutes ago, Kim Shook said:

We've been summoned to my MIL's for dinner (😄).  For the last few years, I'm told that she doesn't need me to cook anything.   A few years ago, I'd bring some kind of nibbly, snacky thing to have before dinner - something light because it's usually up to an hour before the food hits the table.  She asked me to please stop doing that since "her family" didn't like to fill up on stuff before the dinner.  (Can you tell I find all this a bit irritating 😁?).  Anyway, this year she asked me to bring an appetizer. So I'm bringing a trio of dips - green olive tapenade, shrimp, and corn dips with crackers and toasted baguette rounds.  

It's really all about getting together, enjoy the fact that someone else has taken charge. I wouldn't mind that once in a while. I was just telling my daughters that I have forgotten what it is like to just get dressed up, make and appy and bring a bottle of wine to a gathering since I have been the hostess for all family gatherings for years and years since my Mom died in 2002.

[Kim Shook]

29 minutes ago, MaryIsobel said:

It's really all about getting together, enjoy the fact that someone else has taken charge. I wouldn't mind that once in a while. I was just telling my daughters that I have forgotten what it is like to just get dressed up, make and appy and bring a bottle of wine to a gathering since I have been the hostess for all family gatherings for years and years since my Mom died in 2002.

This is very true - I never want to host Thanksgiving.  Christmas is my holiday (though I've decided not to do our regular Xmas Eve party this year - I don't think I can manage that and all the other holiday things).  I guess what I'm reacting to is that it feels like Jessica and I are considered "outsiders".  I know that Jessica's feelings have been hurt when she's told not to bring anything and then we walk in and the other granddaughters have been there the preceding 3 evenings baking pies with Grandma.  My MIL, SIL and nieces usually provide all the food.  So, while I truly do appreciate someone else hosting, I'd still like to pitch in a bit.  I'm 64 years old - this whining isn't very dignified, is it? 😄

[FauxPas]

5 hours ago, Kim Shook said:

A few years ago, I'd bring some kind of nibbly, snacky thing to have before dinner - something light because it's usually up to an hour before the food hits the table.  She asked me to please stop doing that since "her family" didn't like to fill up on stuff before the dinner. 

 

I'd say your MIL is a bit of a troll. She is absolutely making you feel like an outsider and you have every right to bitch/whine/complain. You and your daughter are lovely and willing to help, why would she turn that down except to keep some kind of control or exclusion? Weird. 

 

Why would she ask you to bring an appy when she had previously complained about food that preceded the meal? 

 

If I were you, I would find a way to ignore that summons to her dinner and do something else. My husband and I got out of one ill-intentioned invitation by volunteering to deliver meals on T-Day. But I know you already do enough of that kind of work. Can't you just say you might have come into contact with something contagious and find a way to have a nice dinner without having to cook a big meal yourself? 

 

 

 

[MaryIsobel]

6 hours ago, Kim Shook said:

This is very true - I never want to host Thanksgiving.  Christmas is my holiday (though I've decided not to do our regular Xmas Eve party this year - I don't think I can manage that and all the other holiday things).  I guess what I'm reacting to is that it feels like Jessica and I are considered "outsiders".  I know that Jessica's feelings have been hurt when she's told not to bring anything and then we walk in and the other granddaughters have been there the preceding 3 evenings baking pies with Grandma.  My MIL, SIL and nieces usually provide all the food.  So, while I truly do appreciate someone else hosting, I'd still like to pitch in a bit.  I'm 64 years old - this whining isn't very dignified, is it? 😄

The aditional information certainly changes the narrative. Knowing you virtually, I can't imagine why anyone would want to make you outsiders. The holidays are a happy time for many but I feel that there are equally as many people who dread getting together with people because they have to rather than want to. I'm 63 and slowly starting to give myself preference once in a while and I'm learning to weed out people who only bring negativity into my life. It's not easy but it is freeing.

[Tropicalsenior]

15 hours ago, Kim Shook said:

Jessica and I are considered "outsiders".

Reading this just makes my blood boil. I can just imagine how miserable it must be the entire day having to go there and be treated like this. If I were you, I would not go. I would tell my husband that she was his problem and I would take Jessica and go to a great restaurant or to a movie or do something that you really enjoy and have a great time without them.

"I recall writing in a thread about Thanksgiving that what that holiday -- and, really, all holidays -- are really about is being thankful to have the chance to spend another special day with loved ones. Celebratory food is part of that, but what's most important is sharing."

A member named @Pan wrote that back in 2005 and it is so true. If you don't enjoy the company of these people, be with someone that you do enjoy and ignore them.

Some years back when we still lived in Seattle, I was tired of being the one that fixed Thanksgiving dinner for everyone so we told his family that we were spending it with my family and we told my family that we were spending it with his family and we sneaked off and had Thanksgiving dinner at a French restaurant that we had always wanted to try. One of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had in my life.

Down here we didn't have to deal with relatives during the holidays but we always had about 30 people for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. Someone remarked once that everybody got along so well and had such a good time. I told him that that was because I only invited people that I liked.

9 hours ago, MaryIsobel said:

I'm learning to weed out people who only bring negativity into my life. It's not easy but it is freeing.

That is such good advice and it should bring your blood pressure down 20 points. Just so you know, you and Jessica are invited to my house for Thanksgiving always.

[Katie Meadow]

@Kim Shookyou have my sympathy. For some people the holiday is about stuffing, oneself and the turkey. For others it means a chance to see relatives or friends we don't get together with that often. For other people it's just about tradition and nostalgia. Unfortunately for another group, it's about control: what gets cooked, who gets invited and how to make yourself the star of the day, with everyone thanking you for all your labors. From my perspective it is very hard to get around those people who would turn a family gathering into a forum for grievances. 

 

So your in-laws don't want apps. They can try to insure that no one gets them or they can welcome anyone who wants to provide them do the work and they can simply not eat them. Your hosts have taken the first way. They are ungenerous and foolish and that is the kind of ingrown smallness that makes sure the traditions of ill will don't die, since that seems to fuel them. You can stay away and make your own Thanksgiving with people you enjoy spending time with. Or you can go and view the experience as an opportunity to study human behavior and have a free meal. Or you can confront the issue and make a ruckus, which rarely ends well. I really hope you can find a solution that doesn't feel like punishment. I don't know a soul on earth that hasn't had conflicts around holidays at least once or more in their lives. 

[Margaret Pilgrim]

Kim's description reminds me that there are what seem to be "in groups" within large families.   Often geographically caused, i.e., easy to spend time together resulting in close "friendships", inside jokes, more shared experiences.   Can only suggest that you go with smiles and steel spines.   Perhaps go loaded with questions about their lives.   Such people love to talk about themselves.   Be sure to ask for recipes for anything they have brought or produced, even if you find it inedible. 

[FauxPas]

@Kim Shook, this is a possibility maybe? 😄

 

https://rictoday.6amcity.com/food/places-pre-order-thanksgiving-dinner-richmond-va

 

 

[Kerry Beal]

On 11/9/2023 at 8:41 PM, liuzhou said:

I figured out years ago how to deal with turkey and always follow my established method.

 

This involves never buying it or eating it. There are much better meats. In fact most, if not all, meats are better.

And that you have in common with AnnaN - called turkey meatarian tofu. But she would happily take the carcass off my hands to make soup.

Edited November 17, 2023 by Kerry Beal (log)

[Kerry Beal]

On 11/10/2023 at 11:35 AM, Margaret Pilgrim said:

Forgive and allow me to repost Mary Risley's classic (albeit bawdy) video on How to Roast a Turkey. 

Or for a good laugh - Dave Cooks a Turkey - Stuart McLean from CBC radio

[lindag]

Image from selfproclaimedfoodie.com

 

[Kim Shook]

Thank you everyone for the understanding and sympathy.   And while I'd be perfectly happy to miss spending holidays with my MIL, @Katie Meadow has hit it on the hear when she said, "For others it means a chance to see relatives or friends we don't get together with that often."  I love seeing my nieces - and one lives in CA so Christmas is practically the only time we see her.  Also, my BIL lives in CA and AZ and it gives us an opportunity to spend time with my favorite in law.  Another thing to consider is that my MIL is 82 years old and Mr. Kim just lost his dad last December.  That has brought home to him that he has a finite amount of time to spend with her - for all of them to spend time as a family.  So, I grit my teeth a bit - and bitch and moan to understanding friends - and enjoy the fun parts!  

 

[Tropicalsenior]

20 minutes ago, Kim Shook said:

Another thing to consider is that my MIL is 82 years old

I totally understand where you're coming from and I just hope that the good experience with good relatives outweighs the bad.

As far as your mother-in-law being 82 years old, age is no excuse for bad manners. I'm 84 and I sincerely hope that if I were that much of a b**** that somebody would slap me in the head and put me in my place. My mother always said that if you took a long look at nasty old men that you would find out that they were just as nasty when they were young.

[heidih]

51 minutes ago, Kim Shook said:

Thank you everyone for the understanding and sympathy.   And while I'd be perfectly happy to miss spending holidays with my MIL, @Katie Meadow has hit it on the hear when she said, "For others it means a chance to see relatives or friends we don't get together with that often."  I love seeing my nieces - and one lives in CA so Christmas is practically the only time we see her.  Also, my BIL lives in CA and AZ and it gives us an opportunity to spend time with my favorite in law.  Another thing to consider is that my MIL is 82 years old and Mr. Kim just lost his dad last December.  That has brought home to him that he has a finite amount of time to spend with her - for all of them to spend time as a family.  So, I grit my teeth a bit - and bitch and moan to understanding friends - and enjoy the fun parts!  

 

I get it now. I just want to extend a heartfelt hug to Jessica. As to 82 years old, my dad is 101  and I thank goodness I'm avoiding both Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. Just the phonecall I forced myself to make this morning has turned my stomach away from any breakfast.

 

I may still attempt to order a frozen turkey as I need something else. Hope more success than last attempt.

[blue_dolphin]

2 hours ago, Tropicalsenior said:

I totally understand where you're coming from and I just hope that the good experience with good relatives outweighs the bad.

As far as your mother-in-law being 82 years old, age is no excuse for bad manners. I'm 84 and I sincerely hope that if I were that much of a b**** that somebody would slap me in the head and put me in my place. My mother always said that if you took a long look at nasty old men that you would find out that they were just as nasty when they were young.

 

Maybe @Kim Shook might want to shell out $29.99 to have Leslie Jones keep an eye on MIL? 

Watch this for a good chuckle:  

 

I will be joining my cousins, as I have for quite a few years.  There will be changes. My cousin's younger son passed away a few months ago, leaving his wife and 11 yo daughter.  I hope they come but understand they may not. Older son is in the midst of a divorce so I'll miss seeing his soon-to-be ex and am unsure whether their teen daughters will attend. Cousin's older sister passed away last month and younger sister's dementia is at the point where the lively phone calls or FaceTime sessions we used to share won't be happening. 

 

I'm bringing the cranberry curd tart that the 11 year old loves, some sort of salad - Diana Henry's blackberry and caraway slaw is most likely, pockets full of Kleenex and maybe Leslie Jones 🙃

 

 

 

Edited November 17, 2023 by blue_dolphin
To fix link & add food (log)

[heidih]

We have an old Cranberry Sauce topic  https://forums.egullet.org/topic/31835-cranberry-sauce/   I usually do the back of bag with less sugar and some orange peel/juice, maybe ginger, or just a hint warm spice. However, my last grocery order presented me with a 2 pound bag - very plump. Tossed in freezer. Any new thoughts this year? I'll continue to play as I love the tart/sweet as a side to curries, and should lamb shank be the main - yes. 

 

[Katie Meadow]

4 hours ago, lindag said:

Image from selfproclaimedfoodie.com

 

 A centerpiece! Gets my vote for best use of candy corn. My late MIL's idea of a centerpiece was to ask one of her sons to pick some branches or greens from someone else's yard. 

[blue_dolphin]

24 minutes ago, heidih said:

We have an old Cranberry Sauce topic  https://forums.egullet.org/topic/31835-cranberry-sauce/   I usually do the back of bag with less sugar and some orange peel/juice, maybe ginger, or just a hint warm spice. However, my last grocery order presented me with a 2 pound bag - very plump. Tossed in freezer. Any new thoughts this year? I'll continue to play as I love the tart/sweet as a side to curries, and should lamb shank be the main - yes. 

 

This morning on NPR, Susan Stamberg shared not only her MIL's iconic cranberry relish with horseradish and sour cream but also had Madhur Jaffery on to share a recipe for cranberry chutney that sounded good. Recipe here.

I usually do something similar to you. Thinking I might throw the cranberries in to cook with a jar of chunky ginger marmalade instead of sugar. 

[Shelby]

On 11/15/2023 at 4:46 PM, Kim Shook said:

This is very true - I never want to host Thanksgiving.  Christmas is my holiday (though I've decided not to do our regular Xmas Eve party this year - I don't think I can manage that and all the other holiday things).  I guess what I'm reacting to is that it feels like Jessica and I are considered "outsiders".  I know that Jessica's feelings have been hurt when she's told not to bring anything and then we walk in and the other granddaughters have been there the preceding 3 evenings baking pies with Grandma.  My MIL, SIL and nieces usually provide all the food.  So, while I truly do appreciate someone else hosting, I'd still like to pitch in a bit.  I'm 64 years old - this whining isn't very dignified, is it? 😄

It's not whining it's venting

 

 

We are going to my brother/sister in laws like we did before covid.  Haven't been for 3 years.   My mother in law is in her 90's so I know it's important to go.   I've been told to bring my bread that everyone seems to like so that's easy.  I'd still like to get a turkey though and do it my way--SV half of the breast and roast one of the quarters.  So good.  Might just do that over the Thanksgiving weekend....

[TdeV]

@Kim Shook, you realize that they're probably jealous of how well you and Jessica cook and contribute, don't you?

 

 

Edited November 17, 2023 by TdeV (log)

[Norm Matthews]

It isn't until next year before it's my turn to cook for the family.  I will be taking some Cranberry Chutney, some Cranberry butter and a pumpkin pie or two depending on how much pumpkin I get from the two pie pumpkins I got for it.  I also tried a turkey recipe to see if I want to do that way next year.  The turkey was spatchcocked with the breast pushed down flat and cooked until the centermost part of the breast cooks to 157º.  After letting it rest out of the oven the temp. rose to 165.  The dark meat was around 190 and surprisingly it all was good tasting, not a Kodak moment for pictures though.

[Margaret Pilgrim]

Under the caption of holiday levity, I share an old in-law family recipe:   Cranberry/raspberry Jello/sour cream salad.    This is one of those much loved mid-Century sugar bombs.

 

one can cranberry sauce

one small pkg raspberry Jello

one half pint sour cream

 

Combine all well and  pour into mold.  

 

 I particularly remember one Thanksgiving when a young relative discovered this on the buffet table and made it centerpost of her meal.   Like nothing else, but half a dozen "seconds".    Finally hit the wall and spent the remainder of the evening on the couch.n

[heidih]

As gross as it sounds many adore it.  I put it in the category of ambrosia - that canned mandarin, pineapple, minimarshmallow and coconut thing with sour cream