When friends won't share their recipes

[Maison Rustique]

23 hours ago, gfweb said:

 

 

Give 'em the recipe. Unless you are in business, who cares if they cook well too?

 

Exactly! I am actually happy when my British friends tell me they made my corn pudding that they had at our house one Thanksgiving and always think of us when they have it. And the same for when I make my friend's Shepherd's Pie recipe. Brings me happy memories to remember when she made it for us when we were there for their daughter's wedding. 

 

Just like food, recipes are meant for sharing. JMHO

 

P.S. I am not a big "recipe cook"but rather wing it as I go, using a recipe as a general guideline. It can be difficult for me to tell someone exactly how I made something when every time I make it, it is a little different.

[Darienne]

As for 'winging'...I find that I never have the exact ingredients called for, and some ingredients I simply never have in the house, like chocolate chips.  So I constantly 'wing' it to some extent.  

 

OTOH, I have just joined a group in our small regional library, the Library Cookbook Club, mostly because of the library friends to show support, and now I must make something out of one of the library cookbooks, and here I am again...without this or that...and winging it with apologies.  Oh, we live in the middle of nowhere so to get the missing ingredient always means another trip to town...unless we are already heading there.  

[Porthos]

23 hours ago, dcarch said:

Supposed you promised a friend who gave you the recipe never to share that recipe?

 

My Dw and I freely share recipes when asked. I'm well known for my corned beef, a

very simple recipe, and share it when asked. I consider it a compliment.

However ...

My DW is known for her bread puddings, called "Kate Crack" by our friends. Some

years ago a friend of ours shared her Amaretto Bread Pudding recipe with my DW

with the provision that my DW never pass it along. We have been asked for the

recipe but always respond with "we promised the woman who gave it to us to never

share it."  It's about respect in a case like this.

[Toliver]

19 hours ago, Shelby said:

...Mine is a lost recipe for vinegar chicken.  I made it years ago and Ronnie loved it.  I had the recipe saved in my faves on my computer and, of course, my computer died without me backing up or saving anything.  I cannot remember what site it was on.  I've tried many recipes since then and none are the same.  It had a lot of garlic and, unlike all of the other recipes I've since tried, the vinegar flavor was pronounced but not like swallowing a spoon of it.

 

19 hours ago, FauxPas said:

Similar to a Filipino Chicken Adobo, perhaps? Some variations don't include the soy sauce, but I think all use vinegar and garlic.

https://www.yummy.ph/news-trends/different-kinds-of-adobo-in-the-philippines-a1101-20160510

@Shelby I was going to suggest the same dish. My niece learned her chicken adobe recipe from watching (and recording on her phone) her Filipino grandmother make it.

 

14 hours ago, RobertM said:

My grandfather died without providing weights for the ingredients to our caramel for apples....  Rather it was “a scoop of sugar” “a tin of milk” “a spade of seasoning”......my nightmare....what size scoop?  What size tin, and what kind of milk?  A spade full of searing??  Come on.....

i lucked into a caramels, toffee and fudge class and the instructors sat down with me and we calculated the weights.  I was heartened by comments such as “this is a very premium caramel....”

when we finished, they looked at me and said “keep this and share it with your family, so they don’t have to go through this in the future”

Exactly this. See my response just above. My niece solved this issue by recording her grandmother on her phone while the grandmother made her recipes. My niece was able to figure out the amounts/measurements and now my niece is the one the family turns to make all of the Filipino dishes for the family get-togethers. (Yes,  @Kerry Beal my niece did do the dishes after getting the recipes  ).

 

As for the "recipe tweakers" out there...my belief is you should make the recipe I've given you one time exactly as written. That becomes the veritable "yardstick". Then feel free to tweak it all you want. You just won't be making my recipe any longer.

On the up side of this, my sister-in-law tweaked one of my mom's best dessert recipes (butter-flour-walnut-sugar baked crust with layers of sweetened cream cheese, chocolate & vanilla puddings, topped with whipped cream and shaved chocolate) and came up with a strawberry version (no puddings but replaced with a layer of sliced strawberries mixed with the red strawberry glaze you can buy in the grocery stores). The tweaked recipe tastes just like Marie Callender's fresh Strawberry pie. Win-win! 

[Darienne]

The Dog Weekend is about to begin and the fore-mentioned and much shared recipe  Tostitos Kakimochi are made...and delicious...and wicked.

[pastrygirl]

A handy guide for whether or not to share that recipe

 

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/on-the-politics-of-sharing-a-recipe

 

Edited September 4, 2018 by pastrygirl (log)

[gfweb]

On 8/8/2018 at 10:46 AM, Porthos said:

 

My Dw and I freely share recipes when asked. I'm well known for my corned beef, a

very simple recipe, and share it when asked. I consider it a compliment.

However ...

My DW is known for her bread puddings, called "Kate Crack" by our friends. Some

years ago a friend of ours shared her Amaretto Bread Pudding recipe with my DW

with the provision that my DW never pass it along. We have been asked for the

recipe but always respond with "we promised the woman who gave it to us to never

share it."  It's about respect in a case like this.

After a month of thought...I think the request to never share is unreasonable and puts you in a bad position.  Maybe share it but leave out the salt or something obvious...so you honor the request but aren't a jerk. 

[gfweb]

On 8/16/2018 at 1:45 PM, Darienne said:

The Dog Weekend is about to begin and the fore-mentioned and much shared recipe  Tostitos Kakimochi are made...and delicious...and wicked.

Got the recipe?

[JoNorvelleWalker]

1 hour ago, gfweb said:

After a month of thought...I think the request to never share is unreasonable and puts you in a bad position.  Maybe share it but leave out the salt or something obvious...so you honor the request but aren't a jerk. 

 

In all seriousness I would not accept a recipe with a promise not to share it ever. 

 

[gfron1]

Going by @pastrygirl's list above (which was shared via link with attribution but no modification nor desire to profit by the sharing) I score vary highly on the - give it to him list. Of course I couldn't answer the questions about my friend's source. Because one person here thinks I'm Satan incarnate by my friendly pestering, I haven't asked since. Instead I made Diana Kennedy's recipe which I'll cut into tomorrow and post photos abundantly on my social media.

 

After reading everyone's thoughts there really is only one factor that I would take seriously - does the recipe provide financial recompense for the originator and is it his/her recipe or did they swipe it from someone else? if not, I would suggest that one might be taking life way too seriously and could probably benefit by putting their tightwad energy elsewhere and focusing on being more giving and generous. But what else would this Satan incarnate recipe beggar possibly have to say about the matter! 

[Arey]

14 hours ago, gfweb said:

After a month of thought...I think the request to never share is unreasonable and puts you in a bad position.  Maybe share it but leave out the salt or something obvious...so you honor the request but aren't a jerk. 

there was a Dick van Dyke Show  episode in which Millie Halper was wondering why her guacamole didn't taste as good as Laura's since she got the recipe from Laura.  Laura admits to Rob that she may have left the peanut butter out when she gave Millie her guacamole recipe.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Arey (log)

[gfweb]

10 hours ago, gfweb said:

After a month of thought...I think the request to never share is unreasonable and puts you in a bad position.  Maybe share it but leave out the salt or something obvious...so you honor the request but aren't a jerk. 

 

Which is not to say that @Porthos was in any way wrong in honoring that request.

 

[Katie Meadow]

2 hours ago, Arey said:

there was a Dick van Dyke Show  episode in which Millie Halper was wondering why her guacamole didn't as good as Laura's since she got the recipe from Laura.  Laura admits to Rob that she may have left the peanut butter out when she gave Millie her guacamole recipe.

Everyone knows peanut butter is one of the standard ingredients in Guacamole, so I'd say Millie should have figured that one out.

 

As for not sharing recipes I don't have a lot of patience or sympathy if we are talking about friends. Any one who makes you promise not to tell shouldn't tell in the first place. And if they do, they shouldn't believe that secret will be kept. The truth is that if I give someone a recipe on request I don't expect the end result to come out like mine. Changing ingredients to suit taste or the variation in technique or interpretation is always in play. The real obligation lies in giving credit when you pass it along. Name the recipe, like "Rachel's Friend's Grandmother's chocolate cake."

[Lisa Shock]

I am reminded of a holiday season many years ago when I lived in Santa Fe before it was popular. The population was about 28,000 people and maybe we didn't know everyone, but, it seemed like everyone's grandmothers knew each other. (and I used to drive Tab Hunter's mom to the grocery store) Anyway, I was at the used regular bookstore (as opposed to the used art bookstore) on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and a middle-aged guy I knew vaguely popped in and handed the bookstore owner a piece of paper. He explained that it was a recipe. He had just discovered that if you added a bit of raw green chile to the recipe for raw cranberry relish (which used to be on the bags of cranberries: cranberries, sugar, orange juice -tossed into a blender in small amounts to shred) it was delicious and he wanted to spread the word. He turned to me and handed me a copy and encouraged me to make it and then left because he wanted to tell more people. I actually caught up with him again at a different shop later in the day, still spreading the recipe like a proud parent handing out cigars.

[ElsieD]

@Lisa Shock  And did you try the recipe?

[Lisa Shock]

1 hour ago, ElsieD said:

@Lisa Shock  And did you try the recipe?

 

Yes, yes I did. It wasn't quite to my taste, in retrospect I think it needed to be tweaked a bit for better balance, maybe add a little dollop of molasses for umami. But, if you like spicy and sweet together, try it.

[Shelby]

1 hour ago, ElsieD said:

@Lisa Shock  And did you try the recipe?

I'm not Lisa and this is a bit off topic I guess, but I made a cranberry jalapeño jelly that is really good--especially over cream cheese.

[Katie Meadow]

I hope someone invited that guy over for Thanksgiving dinner the next day. Anyone spending the Wednesday before Thanksgiving copying and distributing a recipe for cranberry relish to strangers in a bookstore clearly doesn't have a lot of holiday commitments. Okay, yes, I'm a bit snarky, but I do appreciate the urge to share a great recipe. I lived in New Mexico during the late sixties and early seventies but no one I knew was putting green chile in cranberry sauce.  And no one was putting chile powder in chocolate desserts then, either. So that fellow in the bookstore was an early adopter! 

 

And if pepper jelly is good for anything, cream cheese would be it. 

Edited September 5, 2018 by Katie Meadow (log)

[kayb]

Going further afield, but in the realm of sweet-spicy stuff over cream cheese, one of my favorites is what's known around here as Jezebel sauce, which is some kind of jelly with copious quantities of horseradish. It should be some kind of "blonde" jelly -- pear, apricot, apple, etc., as opposed to a red or purple one. I love it with apricot.

[gfweb]

Or Pickapeppa sauce over cream cheese. A staple in college in the 70s. 

 

With Ritz. 

[kayb]

Oooohhh. Hadn't thought of that. Bought a new bottle of Pickapeppa the other day.

[lindag]

Mixed up an early afternoon Bloody Mary today and tipped in a splash of Pickapepoa, forgetting that the bottle is not a dropper... so I used about a good teaspoon; I thought I'd ruined my drink but it was actually just fine.

Actually, I think this was not the first time I did this!  duh.

 

Edited September 5, 2018 by lindag (log)

[IowaDee]

I sometimes combine apricot jam and horseradish and slather it on a ham slice before baking.  That

was about as "exotic" as my Mom got in the kitchen so it has memories for me.  I plan to try it on

cream cheese too.  Usually just stick to pepper jelly so this will be a nice change.

[Norm Matthews]

I will always share a recipe but one time my ex came over and asked for some of my recipes. I let her copy anything she wanted out of my hand written recipe book.  This was before computers and the internet.  Some time after she left, I discovered one of our favorites missing.  I presume she stole it.  When the internet came about, i found several recipes by the same name but they were different.  Either someone had simplified the original or I had improvised some additions to the original which came from a magazine that said it was from a restaurant in California.  I was able to recreate it to our satisfaction over time but I'd still like to see the one that was in my cookbook again.

 

I expect any recipe I give out to lose my name sooner or later.  I got a recipe from a friend and always refer to it as her recipe even though she told me she got it from somewhere else.  

 

Once there was a recipe that I gave out and the person asking was famous and my recipe is on her web site and attributed to me but she changed the recipe in a way that makes it not as good -in my opinion- even though people have told me about how much they enjoy it.

ps the above recipe was printed in a California news paper and they said it was from the famous lady.

 

I wish I could remember all the details of this one story I heard but it was about an aunt's fab. recipe for choc. chip cookies.  She claimed it was an exotic recipe and gave it an fancy name. After years, the story teller discovered the recipe was the Toll House Cookie recipe.

Edited September 5, 2018 by Norm Matthews (log)

[Toliver]

4 hours ago, Norm Matthews said:

...I wish I could remember all the details of this one story I heard but it was about an aunt's fab. recipe for choc. chip cookies.  She claimed it was an exotic recipe and gave it an fancy name. After years, the story teller discovered the recipe was the Toll House Cookie recipe.

I think that was a storyline on an episode of "Friends". Flaky Phoebe was the one who made the cookie's from her aunt's recipe and she "Frenchi-fied" the name of the cookie...something like "Twole Haus", or something like that. Monica (the chef) was furious when she found out it was the Toll House recipe.

Perhaps the show's writers had heard the same story...