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Confessions of a Pop-Tarts Taste Tester

Alex

By Alex
in Food Traditions & Culture

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Alex

Alex

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Fun article in the New York Times

 

Quote

Almost every family has a secret they never discuss. Ours is this: We were taste testers for Pop-Tarts.

 

It was not long after Kellogg’s introduced the toaster pastry in 1964. But for several months one year (none of us can pinpoint the exact date), brown cardboard boxes arrived on our doorstep with an assortment of Pop-Tarts tucked inside. Strawberry. Raspberry. Brown-Sugar Cinnamon. We ate them all. After dinner. Sometimes hot, usually cold. With frosting and without.

 

Quote

On tasting nights, we would gather around the kitchen table after dinner. Then my father would appear with the box of Pop-Tarts and place it gently on the counter with the same care he laid baby Jesus in the crèche on Christmas Eve. My mother would tear open the bags and dole out one Pop-Tart apiece. She did not toast them (which is kind of the point, isn’t it?), and the flavor was kept secret until the big reveal.

 

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"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1

 

"Imagine all the food you have eaten in your life and consider that you are simply some of that food, rearranged."  -Max Tegmark, physicist

 

Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

 

"...in the mid-’90s when the internet was coming...there was a tendency to assume that when all the world’s knowledge comes online, everyone will flock to it. It turns out that if you give everyone access to the Library of Congress, what they do is watch videos on TikTok."  -Neil Stephenson, author, in The Atlantic

 

"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer

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BeeZee

BeeZee

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Pop-tarts appeared regularly in our house when I was a kid. The two flavors I remember being in regular rotation were frosted strawberry (colored sprinkles!) and frosted apple (a little cinnamon flavor). I think they were a weekend breakfast treat, definitely not an everyday food.

"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast" - Oscar Wilde

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Senior Sea Kayaker

Senior Sea Kayaker

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A few packages of Pop-Tarts was always de rigueur on canoe trips.

Method:

Carefully open the package by cutting along the top edge and remove the Pop-Tarts. Discard or give to someone who'll eat them (although I've been told they make a decent fire starter with a bit of added paraffin wax).

Place the flattened airtight packaging against the dried puncture in your canoe or kayak and carefully duct tape it in place. Should last out the trip.

Almost as good as sacrificing your flexible cutting board.

 

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'A drink to the livin', a toast to the dead' Gordon Lightfoot

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MaryIsobel

MaryIsobel

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We were a very meat+starch+veg family. Home made cookies, cakes, pies, etc. So, of course as kids we longed for the treats shown on TV or discovered at our friend's homes. My mom's solution was that on holidays or special occaisions we could each pick a treat that we had been longing for. One Christmas I chose PopTarts. I don't recall the flavour that I chose but I do recall being horribly disappointed with my choice

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Kim Shook

Kim Shook

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All three of us still eat them.  Not sure why.  They aren't really good, but somehow they satisfy a particular craving.  I prefer unfrosted (not a fan of royal icing - which is what it is basically.  Mr. Kim and Jessica love trying the "out there" flavors, but I prefer the standards - strawberry, blueberry, brown sugar.  

Kim

Kim's Cookbook

What Fresh Hell is This?

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Senior Sea Kayaker

Senior Sea Kayaker

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34 minutes ago, MaryIsobel said:

We were a very meat+starch+veg family. Home made cookies, cakes, pies, etc. So, of course as kids we longed for the treats shown on TV or discovered at our friend's homes. My mom's solution was that on holidays or special occaisions we could each pick a treat that we had been longing for. One Christmas I chose PopTarts. I don't recall the flavour that I chose but I do recall being horribly disappointed with my choice

 

I grew up in petty much the same type of family. My mother was a very good cook with everything homemade......

TV ads: early '60's we were inundated with ads from Swanson TV Dinners. Oh they looked good and my two brothers and I badgered my mother into getting us TV  dinners. Finally she relented and said she would buy us one each. Serious discussion followed on what we would choose.

When we finally sat down to eat the general consensus was 'this doesn't taste good' ...etc... 

My mom, as I remember, said something along the lines of 'you will eat every bit of that' although more likely a bit saltier after putting up with us.

 

 

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'A drink to the livin', a toast to the dead' Gordon Lightfoot

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Alex

Alex

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8 hours ago, ElsieD said:

I have never had one.  I think I may have to try one.

 

Please allow me to discourage you.

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"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1

 

"Imagine all the food you have eaten in your life and consider that you are simply some of that food, rearranged."  -Max Tegmark, physicist

 

Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

 

"...in the mid-’90s when the internet was coming...there was a tendency to assume that when all the world’s knowledge comes online, everyone will flock to it. It turns out that if you give everyone access to the Library of Congress, what they do is watch videos on TikTok."  -Neil Stephenson, author, in The Atlantic

 

"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer

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blue_dolphin

blue_dolphin

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9 hours ago, ElsieD said:

I have never had one.  I think I may have to try one.

 

39 minutes ago, Alex said:

 

Please allow me to discourage you.


I agree.  I was thinking of revisiting the brown sugar cinnamon ones as they were my pick when the grocery store sales and coupons aligned and my mom let us have them. Thinking back, even when nicely toasted, they weren’t very good. You won’t want more than a bite. 
There are much tastier ways to indulge in empty calories! 

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gfweb

gfweb

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9 hours ago, ElsieD said:

But...but...but...after all this chatter, I feel the need.....

 

Go ahead, give them a try.  You won't get hooked.

 

Put the rest of the box in your bomb shelter.  I can't imagine they'd ever spoil.

 

 

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Alex

Alex

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10 hours ago, Margaret Pilgrim said:

An upscale San Francisco bakery makes equally upscale poptarts.     Our son, who to my knowledge has never tasted the Kellogg' product, adores these.

 

So does Ted's Bulletin, in the DC area. Ms Alex is a fan.

"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1

 

"Imagine all the food you have eaten in your life and consider that you are simply some of that food, rearranged."  -Max Tegmark, physicist

 

Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

 

"...in the mid-’90s when the internet was coming...there was a tendency to assume that when all the world’s knowledge comes online, everyone will flock to it. It turns out that if you give everyone access to the Library of Congress, what they do is watch videos on TikTok."  -Neil Stephenson, author, in The Atlantic

 

"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual." -Galileo Galilei, physicist and astronomer

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gfron1

gfron1

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On 10/9/2023 at 9:44 PM, heidih said:

Ditch the pop-tarts - give me Danish Go Rounds  https://bionicbear.livejournal.com/53035.htmlun

Could not agree more. Those were so good but never survived the 70s.

12 hours ago, Kerry Beal said:

@gfron1 made poptarts as you may recall here.  I do believe that occasionally they may make an appearance at Bulrush?

For all the haters in this thread let me just say, I'm sure they're not as good as my child-brain remembers, but the recipe that I did tastes exactly like the boxed, and has the exact texture as the originals, but fixes the fatal flaw of filling to crust ratio...as well as removes about 20 preserving and coloring chemicals. I still make my version everytime I do a brunch pop-up and they are always the first thing to sell-out. Bougie pop-tarts can kiss off...if it's not an homage to the original then it's not a pop-tart.

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Chef, Bulrush & Squatters in St. Louis, MO

BBC Write-up

Smithsonian magazine story

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ElsieD

ElsieD

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John came home the other day with 2 packages of pop tarts, s'mores and strawberry with icing.  Tried a s'mores and couldn't finish it.  Neither one of us could.  The rest went in the garbage.  When we go to a regular grocery store, we usually buy groceries for the food bank.  The strawberry ones will be part of the next lot.  Turns out I haven't missed a thing.

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