I just can't cook __________!

[lindag]

 

12 minutes ago, liuzhou said:

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

 

Which part of 

 

 

don't you understand?

 

You have been offering suggestions left, right and centre. @Anna N has already told you we don't want to know!

 

 

Couldn't help myself.

[Beebs]

Poached eggs. I attempt poached eggs when I have a hankering for scrambled egg soup.

 

Cutting up a whole chicken into parts. Chicken looks abused.

 

Mind you, these are techniques I can probably improve with a lot of practice...but I just don't want to.

[ChocoMom]

Pie crusts here. I don't know how many times I've tried.  My mother made them PERFECTLY.  Roll the dough out in between two sheets of waxed paper. Hers were amazing, mine come out crappy.  I use store bought, and dust the surface with powdered sugar to make it more edible. 

 

Heck, even for the pasties, I use store-bought crust!   Pasty crust should be thinner, but, if I can't get it right in a pie, its definitely not going to work in a pasty.  

 

 Its just not happening in this lifetime. 

[Martin Fisher]

On 10/8/2017 at 10:26 PM, gfweb said:

Crack the  egg into a fine strainer to get rid of all the thin part of the egg white. Then dump that into swirling hot water.  Much neater result.

 

Yes, that's a Ruhlman trick too.

You can even 'rinse' more of the thin white off the egg under a very fine stream of water.

Now I'm starting to give away some of my secrets! 

[JoNorvelleWalker]

4 hours ago, DiggingDogFarm said:

 

Yes, that's a Ruhlman trick too.

You can even 'rinse' more of the thin white off the egg under a very fine stream of water.

Now I'm starting to give away some of my secrets! 

 

I'm sure Ruhlman would rather you crack your egg into one of his egg spoons for poaching.

 

[JAZ]

17 hours ago, DiggingDogFarm said:

 

Yes, that's a Ruhlman trick too.

You can even 'rinse' more of the thin white off the egg under a very fine stream of water.

Now I'm starting to give away some of my secrets! 

 

Actually, as far as I know, they both got it from Harold McGee, as did I, for an article I wrote (ahem) way before either Kenji or Ruhlman wrote about that technique.

[JAZ]

What I hate more than things I can never make well is when I go to make a dish I've made so often I feel like I could make it in my sleep, and it just doesn't work. The most recent was lemon curd -- it just wouldn't thicken, and since I was making it for lemon bars, I ended up with overcooked, lemon glazed shortbread. 

[Darienne]

9 minutes ago, JAZ said:

What I hate more than things I can never make well is when I go to make a dish I've made so often I feel like I could make it in my sleep, and it just doesn't work. The most recent was lemon curd -- it just wouldn't thicken, and since I was making it for lemon bars, I ended up with overcooked, lemon glazed shortbread. 

Now, that I would say is exactly my situation.  Things which I depend upon, which I make my admittedly somewhat dubious reputation upon...suddenly go awry and I am left in a very bad state, indeed.

[Norm Matthews]

Two things I cooked once; really didn't like and never tried again was borscht and tongue.  I don't know if it was me or the food but I was never interested in trying to learn to make them turn out to my liking.

Edited October 12, 2017 by Norm Matthews (log)

[Thanks for the Crepes]

15 hours ago, JAZ said:

What I hate more than things I can never make well is when I go to make a dish I've made so often I feel like I could make it in my sleep, and it just doesn't work. The most recent was lemon curd -- it just wouldn't thicken, and since I was making it for lemon bars, I ended up with overcooked, lemon glazed shortbread. 

 

This!

 

I used to make a milk loaf bread from the 1968 "Better Homes and Gardens" Cook Book all the time in the 70's and into the 80's. It was the only bread served in my home, and it was so delicious! Then I got caught up in a career and store bought bread had to do.

 

I tried making the old favorite from Better Homes a few years ago and it was just pretty bad. It disheartened me toward trying to make bread so much, I haven't again, with the exception of @kayb's rolls one time which came out very fine. 

 

I need to get over my little snit fit about this bread failure and move on. I am only hurting myself. Especially now that I have the Cuisinart Steam Oven which was inspired by professional bread ovens, I need to move on in making bread.

 

But yeah, JAZ. I know it is disorienting beyond logic and reason to have a long-trusted recipe blow up in your face.

[kayb]

5 hours ago, Thanks for the Crepes said:

 

This!

 

I used to make a milk loaf bread from the 1968 "Better Homes and Gardens" Cook Book all the time in the 70's and into the 80's. It was the only bread served in my home, and it was so delicious! Then I got caught up in a career and store bought bread had to do.

 

I tried making the old favorite from Better Homes a few years ago and it was just pretty bad. It disheartened me toward trying to make bread so much, I haven't again, with the exception of @kayb's rolls one time which came out very fine. 

 

I need to get over my little snit fit about this bread failure and move on. I am only hurting myself. Especially now that I have the Cuisinart Steam Oven which was inspired by professional bread ovens, I need to move on in making bread.

 

But yeah, JAZ. I know it is disorienting beyond logic and reason to have a long-trusted recipe blow up in your face.

I have always, if I do say so myself, made excellent potato salad. Recently, I got on a trend of making it and it just...didn't...taste...right. Couldn't figure out why. I all but gave it up.

 

Then it dawned on me one day. I was using either spicy brown mustard or Dijon mustard, not plain old ballpark yellow mustard.

 

Potato salad wants ballpark mustard.

 

The potato salad universe, I am happy to report, is now righted again.

 

[Smokeydoke]

Roll Cakes. Roll cakes are my nemesis. They always crack.

[Darienne]

I cannot make a Bundt cake that does not stick in the mold.  And no, don't give me any more instructions that 'always' work.  I don't even own a Bundt pan anymore.

[SLB]

On 10/8/2017 at 6:52 AM, liuzhou said:

I precisely followed her instructions and left her behind with a plate of crud and a nervous breakdown.

 One thing you can do for sure, though, is write.

 

Me -- I cannot make an omelet that you would serve to another person.  Really. I have read the experts and watched videos and followed instructions.  But I always end up with  something that is Grade E-Edible.  

[liuzhou]

10 hours ago, SLB said:

 One thing you can do for sure, though, is write.

 

Me -- I cannot make an omelet that you would serve to another person.  Really. I have read the experts and watched videos and followed instructions.  But I always end up with  something that is Grade E-Edible.  

 

I can make an omelette, though. First thing I learned to cook. Taught by a master. Funny thing is that I seldom make or eat them. Occasionally, friends ask me to do them one, though.

[blbst36]

Pancakes and waffles.  Waffles usually fare a little better, but pancakes?  NOPE!  I've tried multiple recipes.  If it's not coming form the bisquick box, it's not working for me

[Cally]

Turkey.  I've never gotten a nice juicy whole bird.  Now I just cut the darn thing up and cook the different pieces for different times.

Edited November 22, 2017 by Cally (log)

[Kim Shook]

6 hours ago, Cally said:

Turkey.  I've never gotten a nice juicy whole bird.  Now I just cut the darn thing up and cook the different pieces for different times.

 

I never made a truly juicy turkey until I bought a Nesco.

[Cally]

On 11/22/2017 at 6:41 PM, Kim Shook said:

I never made a truly juicy turkey until I bought a Nesco.

Really?  That's good to know. I've been wanting to add a roaster like that to my kitchen for a while now.  It would be great to have more oven capacity for really big meals.  And if it can help me fulfill my Norman Rockwell fantasies, that would be even better.  

[Kim Shook]

9 hours ago, Cally said:

Really?  That's good to know. I've been wanting to add a roaster like that to my kitchen for a while now.  It would be great to have more oven capacity for really big meals.  And if it can help me fulfill my Norman Rockwell fantasies, that would be even better.  

Ham are awesome cooked in it, too.  But I'd better warn you after your Norman Rockwell comment () - you don't get a really browned, crisp skin in the Nesco.  It will brown - and the skin isn't flabby, but it won't be exactly like that perfect Rockwell turkey.  

[weedy]

I'm bringing this back to add TAMALES

 

They come out delicious, and almost right, but always not quite set... too mushy and loose no matter how long (seemingly) i steam or pressure cook them.

 

[gulfporter]

Rice.  Plain or in any recipe (other than my go-to paella recipe which results in a crispy socarrat).  I adjust for high altitude living but it always takes much longer, often leaving the rest of the dish wildly overcooked or getting cold (if rice is cooked separately).  

[Alex]

Rice? Really? Have you tried a rice cooker? Even at 5000', it should work just fine. I love ours because it'll hold rice at serving temperature while I finish (or cook) its accompaniment. Wirecutter liked this inexpensive model from Hamilton Beach. To take a step or two up to a "fuzzy logic" model, you could go with Zojirushi.

[gulfporter]

I rarely make rice as a stand alone starch.  Usually it's incorporated into a recipe with proteins and veg.  Not interested in another one off appliance.  Especially NOT electric here in Mexico.  

[Jim D.]

I can make a pie crust with a decent taste and flakiness (a Julia Child recipe), but I have never been able to make any sort of decorative edge on it. I can flute it beautifully, but once it gets in that oven, it loses all definition. Unlike the person who started this thread, I would very much like to have suggestions.