Screaming Toddlers in Restaurants

MattyC · July 23, 2015

Probably shouldn't answer for other people but I can't help but feel that most folks agree with this. I know I do.
Within reason.
But we are not talking about that. We are talking forty minutes of disruption. That is some people's whole meal.
At some point, the responsibility shifts to the parents.

Very much agreed. I think if this whole situation had happened within....5, maybe 10 minutes? It would be a much different view of the general public.

But going on almost an hour is just outright absurd. Even if there is exaggeration by a little bit of time this way or that, it's still a crazy amount of time to have an unchecked child causing such a disruption. With this much time, it really does fall onto the parents. The child obviously isn't in control of this, and if the owner has *tried* to be reasonable, then who else is left?

Maybe yelling *at* the kid didn't do much for the situation, but at the end of a reasonable person's rope, I would probably do the same thing.

And if you look at it another way, it was more to fix the situation than the parents tried :-p

Tri2Cook · July 24, 2015

But we are not talking about that. We are talking forty minutes of disruption. That is some people's whole meal.
At some point, the responsibility shifts to the parents.

Absolutely. The responsibility belongs to the parents right from the start and 40 minutes is unacceptable in almost any circumstance. I only said what I said because I see that other extreme more often than situations like the one being discussed. Where a kid makes a little too much noise and you see everybody start to glare and sigh and become visibly annoyed even though the parents are trying to deal with it.

GlorifiedRice · July 24, 2015

So apparently what happened was the parents ordered a stack of pancakes for the kid and they were those plate size giant pancakes (3 of them) and

they didnt want her to eat them all and put the plate out of reach of her and thats why she started to scrream

kayb · July 24, 2015

Put me down as another one on the owner's side, although I agree she shouldn't have yelled at the child. The parents, on the other hand, needed SOMETHING to get their attention, as the child certainly was not.

i took my eldest child out to eat, and many other places, from the time she could sit in a high chair, and she was, for the most part, perfectly behaved, particularly if given something to drink and a package of crackers until her meal came. When my second daughter was about three months old, the four of us went to dinner. As soon as her little diaper-clad butt hit the high chair she commenced to scream, and nothing would quiet her, not even being taken from the chair and held.

I was mortified. I took her outside, while my husband changed our order to "to go." And I waited about two years before I tried taking her out again. She was never as well-behaved in a restaurant as her sister, and consequently, got to eat a lot more fast food and home cooking.

lindag · July 24, 2015

Parent should have removed child when It started acting up, there's simply no excuse for subjecting the other diners and wait staff to screaming. I doubt whether the owner actually screamed at the kid, I think it more likely that that was the interpretation by the miserable excuse for a parent.

Yes, I have been subject to this kind of tantrum more than once, it's the worst kind of situation.

I also think it takes an extreme situation for a restaurant owner to get aggressive with a customer.

Edited July 24, 2015 by lindag (log)

Martin Fisher · July 24, 2015

Stranger pays family's restaurant bill after admiring how they handled their toddler's tantrum.....

ABC News: Another Toddler's Tantrum in Restaurant Leads to Stranger's Surprising Response

Jaymes · October 30, 2015

Stranger pays family's restaurant bill after admiring how they handled their toddler's tantrum.....
ABC News: Another Toddler's Tantrum in Restaurant Leads to Stranger's Surprising Response

Interestingly enough, in this other instance, folks in the restaurant handled the Toddler's Tantrum differently because these parents handled it differently. Far differently.

These parents were worried about their child disrupting everybody in the place, took the child outside twice, and when the child still couldn't calm down, these parents left.

A far cry from the "diner owner screaming at toddler" parents that just thought everybody should put up with it because that's what little kids do and refused to leave, despite being asked (politely at first) to do something or leave, several times. And in this new example, nobody had to ask these parents to leave. They were smart enough to figure it out all by themselves. As opposed to those other parents, who shouldn't have had to be asked, but were, and ignored it.

I raised three kids, from birth to college graduates, and I can tell you that if you want to eat in a restaurant with little kids it's totally incumbent upon you to ride herd over them and see to it that they don't ruin everybody else's meal. It's not fun and it's not easy. Wrangling little kids in a public place is work. Tedious and stressful work.

If that's not what you want to do, if you're just not up for that, if you want to have a nice, relaxing dinner at a restaurant, figure out a way to leave the kids home.

Even if that means you don't go to restaurants until the kids are old enough to behave themselves.

If somebody is going to be inconvenienced, it ought to be you. Not others that had no say in any of your decisions. If you don't want strangers yelling at your kids, make different decisions, and don't put them in situations where that reasonably might occur.

I'm 100% team diner owner.

100%.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Jaymes (log)

Porthos · October 30, 2015

A couple of weeks ago I was part of a large multiple-table group that went to the Hollister, CA Round Table Pizza on a Sunday evening. Part of that group was my daughter, SIL and their 19 M/O toddler. He was a tired cookie but had done well for quite a while. When he decided it was time to just cry I picked him up and headed for the door. He started to quiet down twice on the way so I stopped but within seconds he started up again. I did take him outside and have a seat in their outdoor dining area, which was otherwise unoccupied. My daughter came out willing to take over but I told her to go back in since I was done eating my pizza. I wanted to give her and my SIL a break. Had I not been there they would have taken him outside. I was just in a good position to help out. It is just common sense and curtesy to not let your children take away from other dinner's experiences, even if just for pizza.

eta: If my daughter were on this forum she would tell you that that is how she was raised and she gets it as a mom.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Porthos (log)

gfweb · October 30, 2015

Interestingly enough, in this other instance, folks in the restaurant handled the Toddler's Tantrum differently because these parents handled it differently. Far differently.

These parents were worried about their child disrupting everybody in the place, took the child outside twice, and when the child still couldn't calm down, these parents left.

A far cry from the "diner owner screaming at toddler" parents that just thought everybody should put up with it because that's what little kids do and refused to leave, despite being asked (politely at first) to do something or leave, several times. And in this new example, nobody had to ask these parents to leave. They were smart enough to figure it out all by themselves. As opposed to those other parents, who shouldn't have had to be asked, but were, and ignored it.

I raised three kids, from birth to college graduates, and I can tell you that if you want to eat in a restaurant with little kids it's totally incumbent upon you to ride herd over them and see to it that they don't ruin everybody else's meal. It's not fun and it's not easy. Wrangling little kids in a public place is work. Tedious and stressful work.

If that's not what you want to do, if you're just not up for that, if you want to have a nice, relaxing dinner at a restaurant, figure out a way to leave the kids home.

Even if that means you don't go to restaurants until the kids are old enough to behave themselves.

If somebody is going to be inconvenienced, it ought to be you. Not others that had no say in any of your decisions. If you don't want strangers yelling at your kids, make different decisions, and don't put them in situations where that reasonably might occur.

I'm 100% team diner owner.

100%.

Me too. Did that with our kids. One peep and out you go. They figured out quickly what behavior was rewarded

gulfporter · October 31, 2015

My brother and his wife had a baby late in life (he was 45, she was 37). Prior to having a child, they ate out often with friends in very nice eateries. When we were with them, they were the first to comment on the parents of disruptive babies/children in the restaurant. While my SIL was pregnant, they declared they would never be 'those parents.'

As luck would have it, their baby was a colicky sort. But true to their word, they drove in separate cars to restaurant outings. At the first peep out of their baby, one of them was out the door. They'd give the kid a chance to settle down (especially as he got older) and return to the table, but more often than not, one parent would head home while the other finished his/her meal with their friends.

When they wanted a nice meal as a solo couple, they lined up a sitter. Oddly, they still drove to the restaurant in separate cars. Just kidding on that last sentence :laugh:

lindag · January 2, 2016

Where I live there are precious few good choices for moderately priced, good, sit-down meals.

One of those here is Red Robin. Unfortunately, unless I want to sit among ill-behaved, shrieking children and indulgent moms it's not the place to go. If I wanted a chuck e cheese atmosphere, I'd go to Chucky E Cheese.

Maison Rustique · January 2, 2016

We recently went to a sparkling wine tasting. There was not a dinner, but lots of appetizers. The couple sitting behind us brought their young child--maybe about 4. He was bored, kept trying to talk over the wine presenter, etc. I kept turning around and glaring at the couple. What on earth goes through someone's head to bring a child to a wine tasting? If the sitter backed out at the last minute, they should have cancelled!

Arey · January 2, 2016

A couple who would bring a 4 year old to a wine tasting is not going to be affected by someone glaring at them. By the time the child reaches 4 they've probably been exposed to so many glares they don't even notice them anymore.

excv_ · January 3, 2016

Aside from the general irresponsibility/disrespect that the parents showed(team owner here too), I'm really concerned about their methods of parenting; Literally none of their claims makes any sense at all. Physically putting that pancake away to stop the child from eating it to the point she was screaming and crying, instead of teaching her responsibility and moderation, was abusive. Ignoring a toddler in that state over such a petty matter for forty minutes was abusive. Why even worry about the child being '''''traumatized''''' by other people when you're doing plenty of that yourself? The poor kid's going to grow up to be like her own mom at the best case scenario, thinking it's normal to do that, and(depending on whether that's the way they constantly treat her) with childhood abuse trauma at worst. Gross.

gfweb · January 3, 2016

On 1/2/2016 at 10:59 AM, Maison Rustique said:

We recently went to a sparkling wine tasting. There was not a dinner, but lots of appetizers. The couple sitting behind us brought their young child--maybe about 4. He was bored, kept trying to talk over the wine presenter, etc. I kept turning around and glaring at the couple. What on earth goes through someone's head to bring a child to a wine tasting? If the sitter backed out at the last minute, they should have cancelled!

The entitled generation. Outraged over trivia on social media but clueless about personal responsibility.

Heartsurgeon · January 3, 2016

When we had our first child, we took her on a trip to Napa around the age of 1 year, and had several memorable meals .

At Auberge du Soleil, our daughter started getting fussy. The wife ate her meal while I walked around outside with our child, then I ate my meal while she walked around with her.

It never would have occurred to either of us to sit there and subject the other diners to her fussing.

At some other restaurants she did great. Funny thing was about 25 years later, she went and had dinner at Auberge du Soleil, without knowing it was her second time there!

I also don;t understand a parent that could sit at a table (or eat or talk for that matter) with a child screaming for 40 minutes, and not try to remedy the situation.

As i recall, non-stop crying meant either a poopy diaper, and empty tummy, or a sleepy head.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Heartsurgeon (log)

Lisi · June 20, 2016

Whenever I visit a restaurant as a customer, and not as a chef, I make sure the parent knows to control their child or else I will. Our waiters are told to ask patrons to leave if they refuse to stop their children from screaming. Parents these days, they are gonna be the death of me...

IowaDee · June 20, 2016

Just curious, do you have children?

**andiesenji** · June 20, 2016

Back in the days before cell phones could take photos (and I was still working), I had reserved a table for ten at restaurant that catered to noon meetings - this was a birthday celebration for one of our nurses and my boss was paying for the lunch, prepaid for a cake and table decor (he trusted me with his credit card). Shortly after we were seated, another server seated a family with three children near us and the kids were absolutely out of control, throwing things, standing on and jumping off their chairs and one ran over and grabbed the corner of the tablecloth at our table and tried to pull it to reach one of the balloons in the centerpiece. I asked the mother to get her child and she just looked at me and shrugged and turned back to reading the menu.

I then went to the manager, told him I was going to take my party out and demand a refund if he didn't do something about that family. He called the server who had seated them and he said he had other patrons who didn't want the kids near them either. However the manager told him to move them and as I went back to my table, I passed their table and the woman yelled BITCH at me at the top of her voice.

Later one of our servers told me the guy that waited on them was furious because they didn't leave a tip and even shorted payment on the meal by a couple of dollars, just left money on the table and walked out.

Far too often, people who act like boors also don't tip and complain about idiotic things.

Doc and I were well known at this restaurant and they knew we always tipped generously, so we got good service. I don't remember seeing that other server again...

I have seen many families with children that were well behaved, quiet and not at all disruptive. I have also been treated to children that throw things - on me - one in a booth behind me at IHOP, grabbed my pony tail and yanked my head backwards AND her hands were covered with syrup. The mother was profusely apologetic but I had a stiff neck for a week because of her little brat. Plus I had to go home and wash my very long hair, which was in itself a chore. Since then I avoid sitting in booths that back up to other booths.

TicTac · June 20, 2016

3 hours ago, Lisi said:

Whenever I visit a restaurant as a customer, and not as a chef, I make sure the parent knows to control their child or else I will. Our waiters are told to ask patrons to leave if they refuse to stop their children from screaming. Parents these days, they are gonna be the death of me...

I am guessing he/she does not have children.

I took my boys (3 y/o and 11 m/o) for lunch at a fairly empty (see 2-3 other tables) restaurant the other day.

My little guy decided that he was going to exercise his lungs (babies communicate in the only way they know how, to make noise - often loud, as they get frustrated that others don't understand them as well as they understand you - and trust me, they understand more than you realize), while we did try to get him to calm down, he was still fairly loud and after a few minutes of no success, my sister took him out.

The point is, parents should be able to handle the situation on their own, you might have to put up with a few minutes of noise, but guess what, kids need to eat too, and as long as it is not ongoing through your entire meal and they are trying to deal with the issue, you 'making sure the parents know to control their child, or else you will' will not get you anywhere - in fact, I would love to see someone come up and say something to me, not sure you would like my response.

MattyC · June 20, 2016

4 hours ago, Lisi said:

Whenever I visit a restaurant as a customer, and not as a chef, I make sure the parent knows to control their child or else I will. Our waiters are told to ask patrons to leave if they refuse to stop their children from screaming. Parents these days, they are gonna be the death of me...

To be honest, I think if you went up to a parent and made a comment like that, they would hit you. I know I would.

It's a small child, who is more or less just getting the grip of coordinated motor functions, it's not a robot. Have a child, go ahead and attempt to "control" it and let me know how that goes.

I responded in this thread a long time ago, and I still agree with what I said - a few minutes it's fine, and in most cases is unavoidable, no matter how great of a parent you are - it's just how they communicate. They can't tell you what exactly is bothering them, and they can't let you know what exactly they want - it may take a little bit to get them happy, and even then, sometimes they just want to complain for no reason.

At the end of the day, as TicTac said, you may have to put up with a little noise, it's nature. 40+ minutes, as the original article stated? No, of course not, that's beyond reason and shifts to the parents just being bad/lazy/stupid, but to think that a child can be controlled and that you can escape any noise during an outing is nonsense. Even the most well-behaved child will get hungry at some point, unless of course you plan to control them not to eat?

Even if your meaning was strictly talking about *extended* spells of screaming or cry, you just simply don't say things like that to a parent. Handle it firmly yet politely.

TicTac · June 20, 2016

I can assure you that I would not hit anyone (unless they started becoming aggressive towards my child and did not respond to verbal warnings, then they are waking up a sleeping bear) - perhaps when I was young and slightly more foolish I would, but you learn a lot of restraint when you have kids - physical violence is not something I condone, unless you are being physically threatened.

I would however warn them with some strong choice words, should they choose to become verbally abusive/threatening towards my family or myself.

Fava · June 20, 2016

We didn't eat out much when my own children were young, I simply preferred to cook since dinner at local restaurants were fairly boring in those years. But when we did eat out as a family, my two children behaved, since they were tickled pink to be treated as an adult.

Now I have four young grandchildren, and I always ask for them to come along when we eat out as a family. They are no problem at all, since we have them practicing for years at day time outings to local Pizzerias, Burger places and such. One can't take them out in the evening without some training! I do remember having to leave one time when one of the girls threw a fit, because we didn't allow her to stand on the bench/chair to eat her Pizza. If a kid acts up and will not calm down, it needs to be removed!

At huge family gatherings ( say at a recent 50th Wedding anniversary) I would always book the event at such a place that we are having a room to ourselves. Then there is no problem if the children get antsy after Dinner and want to dance and chat. That way nobody else gets disturbed!

**andiesenji** · June 20, 2016

I have no problems with children being "normally" noisy - I can tune that out. But in the incident I described about, these children were invading our space and were being destructive and the parents ignored them.

One little girl stood on her chair and jumped off it just as a server was walking by the table. Fortunately she was just carrying a couple of extra plates and no food because she stumbled and had to catch herself on another table. The child screamed and laughed as if it was a game.

But it was when she came to our table and pulled on the tablecloth - threatening to dislodge the centerpiece, flowers, drink glasses and the plates that were already on the table, that I got up and confronted the mother who DID NOTHING but keep looking at the menu. Henri's was an upscale restaurant where one expects to have a meal in peace.

If people want to let their kids run wild and not pay attention to them, take them to Chuck-E-Cheeses.

My boss was paying over $300.00 for that lunch and I wasn't about to let our nurse's birthday celebration be spoiled by three brats.

Thanks for the Crepes · June 21, 2016

Sorry, lazy parents, but your out-of-control "darlings" have no place even in a burger joint or kicking the back of the booth abutting mine in an IHOP.

I used to go out to dine in some really nice places with my brother, SIL and their eldest son, who is now stationed in Key West. He was an infant then, when we started this, and grew up around me. SIL was very good about taking the baby outside almost immediately if he was fussy and noisy. It is a sacrifice good parents who are respectful of others trying to enjoy their dining dollars and experience sometimes have to make. My nephew is a fine young man, in no way diminished by not allowing him to run around like a hellion, and infringe on others. He will be getting married soon to a very fine young lady, and I fully expect that they will raise any children in the respectful manner that my nephew was raised.

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