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Bring A Bottle of Wine To Another Couple??


gulfporter
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We're the relatively new kids on the block.  We've met most of our neighbors and have been to their homes and they have been to our home, always for group get-togethers.  We always bring a bottle of wine and they have likewise brought bottles to our parties.  

 

A part-time couple has invited just us for wine and cheese.   We have never socialized with them before, neither at our home or at other neighborhood get-togethers.  

 

This is probably Etiquette 101, but my DH and I disagree on what to bring.  I think it would be awkward to bring a bottle of wine; he thinks it's pretty much mandatory. 

 

IMO bringing a bottle may send a message that: we don't expect them to have a good-enough wine; we are trying to impress them or embarrass them; or we simply drink too much xD.  This is for wine and cheese at 4PM (they selected the time).  We are all retired.  

 

I was thinking I'd bring some homemade spiced pecans instead of wine.  It's not a financial burden for us to bring wine, it just seems odd to me.

 

What do you do?

 

PS: If it was a couple we knew, we'd be likely to bring a half-opened bottle since most of us are pretty casual.  But these folks seem a bit more formal and we don't really know them.  

 

 

Edited by gulfporter (log)
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Do they actually drink wine? Bringing a bottle is not a diss on them but when we were invited to visit some new folks I didn't know I brought some flowers and local fruit and vegetables they could use later.  Got a note from the wife that she loved the heads up to find some good local produce and appreciated that we didn't bring alcohol.........turns out she is allergic to it.

Nothing is better than frying in lard.

Nothing.  Do not quote me on this.

 

Linda Ellerbee

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21 minutes ago, suzilightning said:

Do they actually drink wine?


I'm going to guess that, since they are inviting people over for cheese and wine, they probably drink wine. Of course, that's not a guarantee, but it seems like safe odds.

As for the etiquette involved, I'm no help. To quote Garth Brooks, I've got friends in low places. I never feel obligated to bring anything unless asked to. Bringing something is always appreciated and I often do but I've never had the feeling it was expected and never worried over what I take other than being sure it's not something I know they dislike. I can't imagine them being insulted by being gifted a bottle of wine but as I said, my grasp of the etiquette of high society is probably tenuous at best. :D

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It's kinda like wrestling a gorilla... you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is tired.

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In the circumstances you described, I'd probably bring a bottle of wine.  It's kind of the standard hostess gift around here and I've never thought it conveyed any message that the gathering might be lacking in quantity or quality.

 

42 minutes ago, gulfporter said:

I was thinking I'd bring some homemade spiced pecans instead of wine

Who knows, they could have a severe nut allergy :o

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I guess it's been a long time since we've been invited to a 'new' couple-to-couple meet-up for wine and cheese.  We always bring wine to group events.  Our bottle gets put out with several other bottles.  

 

I think if it were us inviting 2 'new' folks for an early evening glass of wine and some cheese, I'd have both a red and white opened (to cover all the bases).  Another bottle from the only other couple??

 

Just seems odd (to me)....should I bring some cheese, too 9_9

Edited by gulfporter (log)
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 Normally I would think a bottle of wine would be just the ticket but when invited to enjoy cheese and wine with them I would have second thoughts. 

 

If they are sophisticated they have carefully selected the wine(s) that will accompany the cheeses.  Bringing another bottle of wine might put them in the position of feeling they must open it then and there. ( I have friends and acquaintances who believe this is a requirement and it’s a bit awkward at times). 

 

Not knowing them very well and not ever having visited their home makes it difficult.

 

 I might suggest a house plant or perhaps flowers if I knew more about them. 

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Anna Nielsen aka "Anna N"

...I just let people know about something I made for supper that they might enjoy, too. That's all it is. (Nigel Slater)

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@Anna N....you expressed my sentiments better than I did.  I mean, if all we're having is wine and cheese and it's only us 2 couples, I figure they've covered the basics.  I personally don't like gifted flowers (have to run around find a vase, etc.).  House plant...they are seasonal residents here, so no. 

 

I always try to bring something homemade, but maybe the pecans aren't the best choice.  I was going to make them and put in a nice bag/ribbon.  

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9 minutes ago, gulfporter said:

 

Just seems odd (to me)....should I bring some cheese, too 9_9

 


I hadn't actually approached it from that angle. You now have me rethinking my original comment. While I still can't imagine it being ill-received, I can easily picture it seeming a bit odd.

It's kinda like wrestling a gorilla... you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is tired.

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What you said in the 4th paragraph in your original post. And what Anna said. Your DH is wrong, wrong, wrong. No wine. Absolutely not. Nonononononono! No cheese, either. Pecans, yes, in a nice presentation box. Or homemade cookies. But no wine for this particular occasion (first meeting, wine already being provided).

 

 

"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1

 

Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

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I agree that bringing wine to a "drop in for wine & cheese" feels odd. If at all, I'd bring something like a jar of local honey or jam. Hostess gifts so often are relegated to the "re-gifting pile"

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I like the local honey idea, or if there's anything else for which the local area is particularly known. If it were a larger group, I might bring a bottle of wine, particularly if that's the custom in your 'hood. But if they're new, and this is a one-on-one get-to-know-you, I'd bring something that doesn't have to have anything done with it at the moment.

 

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3 hours ago, gulfporter said:

 

I always try to bring something homemade, but maybe the pecans aren't the best choice.  I was going to make them and put in a nice bag/ribbon.  

I think this might be the best idea yet. I understand about the allergy but if they are allergic it’s unlikely they are drastically allergic or they would’ve told you. So they can accept the nuts graciously and then regift them if necessary. 

Anna Nielsen aka "Anna N"

...I just let people know about something I made for supper that they might enjoy, too. That's all it is. (Nigel Slater)

"Cooking is about doing the best with what you have . . . and succeeding." John Thorne

Our 2012 (Kerry Beal and me) Blog

My 2004 eG Blog

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3 hours ago, Mmmpomps said:

I would bring wine for sure, they are new to the area and you are showing them your traditions...oh and bring the nuts too that's a nice touch :)

We're the new kids on the block...not that new, 10 months but this couple lives elsewhere full-time.  

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This is a small village and area.  Everyone shops at the same stores.  Yes the honey is local but it is sold on street corners (in large tub-like containers).  There are 3 stores that sell decent wines (and one of them is Walmart-Mexico!!).  It would be a stroke of chance if I found something 'special' in a local store that they have not seen or know about (they have lived here 5 years seasonally).   

 

DH still wants to bring wine.  I bring my spiced pecans.  It will be overkill IMO, but DH says, why not?

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 Perhaps we are overthinking this?  

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Anna Nielsen aka "Anna N"

...I just let people know about something I made for supper that they might enjoy, too. That's all it is. (Nigel Slater)

"Cooking is about doing the best with what you have . . . and succeeding." John Thorne

Our 2012 (Kerry Beal and me) Blog

My 2004 eG Blog

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2 minutes ago, Anna N said:

 Perhaps we are overthinking this?  


That's what I was thinking. All this obligation and reciprocation and worry over whether a gift is right or wrong would just steal all the fun right out of it for me. 

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It's kinda like wrestling a gorilla... you don't stop when you're tired, you stop when the gorilla is tired.

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1 hour ago, gulfporter said:

DH still wants to bring wine.  I bring my spiced pecans.  It will be overkill IMO, but DH says, why not?

 

I've been in your recipients' situation more than once. It was uncomfortable each time. That's why not. But hey, it's your community.

Edited by Alex (log)
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"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Act 1

 

Gene Weingarten, writing in the Washington Post about online news stories and the accompanying readers' comments: "I basically like 'comments,' though they can seem a little jarring: spit-flecked rants that are appended to a product that at least tries for a measure of objectivity and dignity. It's as though when you order a sirloin steak, it comes with a side of maggots."

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Is there time enough to call or shoot an email to ask if there is anything you can bring to enhance the cocktail hour?

I have asked and if they say no I honor it ....

Conversely I have been asked as well and will answer honestly........

A)Whatever you want to drink...

B)Here is what I am making for dinner and appetizers .....how about something for dessert(we are NOT really dessert folks)

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Nothing is better than frying in lard.

Nothing.  Do not quote me on this.

 

Linda Ellerbee

Take Big Bites

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This is hilarious, frankly. I agree with the posters who think wine is not necessary. I also think that they may feel obliged to open it when they have already chosen the wine and cheese pairing they like. Wine is always a great gift when you are invited for a dinner party, but when the host is clearly highlighting wine, it seems a little redundant, especially since you don't know them well. Home made spiced pecans is a nice gift, but may not go with their wine and cheeses and they might also feel obliged to serve them. 

 

If there is a local deli or gourmet store near you, consider getting some of your favorite olives, something not too heavily spiced. You won't outshine their offerings and who wouldn't want some olives with wine and cheese? Like Suzi, I think it is perfectly appropriate to call and ask if there is anything they would like you to contribute if you don't want to just bring something of your choice.

 

Do NOT bring wine and cheese!

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In a situation like this, I'd seriously consider gifting a winery/wine store gift card.

Eliminates awkwardness, and they can get exactly what they like.

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~Martin :)

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