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Food Funnies

Keith_W

By Keith_W
in Food Media & Arts

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liuzhou

liuzhou

Posted
Posted

An Irishman walks into a pub.

 

“What’ll you have?” the bartender asks.

 

“Give me three pints of Guinness, please,” says the man.

 

guinness.jpg.194e626b76ba5f40981bdeb7835a8127.jpg

 

The bartender brings him three pints, and the man proceeds to sip them alternately — the first one, the next one, and then the third one, until they’re all gone. He then orders three more.

“Sir,” says the bartender, “I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on you, and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.”

 

“You don’t understand,” the man says. “I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.”

 

”What a wonderful tradition,” the bartender says, smiling.

 

Every week after that, the man comes into the bar and orders three beers. But one week, he orders only two. He drinks them and orders two more.

 

“I know what your tradition is,” says the bartender sadly, “and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.”

 

“Oh, me brothers are fine,” says the man. “I just quit drinking.”

 

 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 8

...your dancing child with his Chinese suit.

 

"No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot"
Mark Twain
 

The Kitchen Scale Manifesto

liuzhou

liuzhou

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 6/14/2024 at 10:20 PM, blue_dolphin said:

Seen on Facebook:

0E7D2547-FB56-481C-A1E5-77ACCD27AB88.thumb.jpeg.c5ef1ce5db0dbcee1dfd0db999381c32.jpeg

 

The one bean cracks me up!

 

 

Reminds me of when I moved to China. I was renting my London apartment out and, for various reasons, had to move in with my daughter for a couple of weeks before my departure. I was putting all my belongings into storage a week before moving to her place and she was helping me pack stuff. I asked her to clear out the kitchen drawer containing my eating utensils saying "leave one of each'. After she left I bought a Chinese take out meal from the local restaurant, went to eat it and found one chopstick. Totally her sense of humour! Don't know who she gets it from?!

 

Edited by liuzhou (log)
  • Haha 12

...your dancing child with his Chinese suit.

 

"No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot"
Mark Twain
 

The Kitchen Scale Manifesto

chromedome

chromedome

Posted
Posted

The solstice is almost upon us. Who's traveling to Sconehenge?

image.png.4f344f07bfe46d3295e83dfc06d64f48.png

  • Like 1
  • Delicious 1
  • Haha 7

“Who loves a garden, loves a greenhouse too.” - William Cowper, The Task, Book Three

 

"Not knowing the scope of your own ignorance is part of the human condition...The first rule of the Dunning-Kruger club is you don’t know you’re a member of the Dunning-Kruger club.” - psychologist David Dunning

 

dcarch

dcarch

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 6/17/2024 at 9:55 AM, chromedome said:

The solstice is almost upon us. Who's traveling to Sconehenge?

image.png.4f344f07bfe46d3295e83dfc06d64f48.png

Not very funny for whoever did this. After the picture taken, he/she had to eat scones for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday for a few weeks.

 

dcarch  🙂  🙂 

Edited by dcarch (log)
  • Haha 4
  • 2 weeks later...
chromedome

chromedome

Posted
Posted

image.png.5b1595cb64508a41b89705bff891b468.png

  • Haha 2
  • Sad 2

“Who loves a garden, loves a greenhouse too.” - William Cowper, The Task, Book Three

 

"Not knowing the scope of your own ignorance is part of the human condition...The first rule of the Dunning-Kruger club is you don’t know you’re a member of the Dunning-Kruger club.” - psychologist David Dunning

 

chromedome

chromedome

Posted
Posted

image.png.912fe96abb9fb4a1fc658deb1cd4121b.png

 

  • Like 2
  • Haha 10

“Who loves a garden, loves a greenhouse too.” - William Cowper, The Task, Book Three

 

"Not knowing the scope of your own ignorance is part of the human condition...The first rule of the Dunning-Kruger club is you don’t know you’re a member of the Dunning-Kruger club.” - psychologist David Dunning

 

NadyaDuke

NadyaDuke

Posted
Posted

My mother and grandmother always hid their emergency chocolate behind the spices, knowing their husbands would never go there. 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 6
MaryIsobel

MaryIsobel

Posted
Posted

Mine is always kept in between my baking sheets - no one goes there but me. That being said, I don't mind sharing but when I buy myself a little bit of very good chocolate and my husband gobbles it down like an Aero bar, it's a sign to stash the good stuff.

  • Like 4
  • Haha 5
ElsieD

ElsieD

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Senior Sea Kayaker said:

Doh. I had to read the comments to get the joke. 'Typical male'?

 

 

 

Me too.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3
Tropicalsenior

Tropicalsenior

Posted
Posted

Just got back from doing my regular grocery shopping and had this thought. Years ago  in their futuristic prognostications they said that in the future things would be more streamlined and easy to do. Today was the perfect example. When I first got married in the sixties it would have taken me all day to put away $100 worth of groceries. Today it only took me 10 minutes.

  • Like 3
  • Haha 14
  • Confused 1
chromedome

chromedome

Posted
Posted
15 hours ago, Tropicalsenior said:

Just got back from doing my regular grocery shopping and had this thought. Years ago  in their futuristic prognostications they said that in the future things would be more streamlined and easy to do. Today was the perfect example. When I first got married in the sixties it would have taken me all day to put away $100 worth of groceries. Today it only took me 10 minutes.

I remember an inflation-related joke from my 70s childhood (perhaps in a Reader's Digest) in which a robber stole $100 of groceries from a supermarket and made his escape in... (wait for it...) a VW. Oh, the hilarity!

Here in Canada we had a legendary comedy duo named Wayne & Schuster (Americans of the correct age will remember their appearances on the Ed Sullivan Show), who did a sketch at around that same time on a similar theme. In their sketch straight man Frank Shuster is in a Rip van Winkle sort of scenario, finding himself living unexpectedly in the future. He walks into a supermarket, only to find that they've reverted to the old-school model of keeping all of the food behind the counter where it's safe from theft. The food is doled out by a haughty concierge, played by his partner Johnny Wayne. After balking at the price of his first few requests, he finally says "Well, maybe I'll just have $10 worth of cheese."

The concierge looks down his nose in disgust (which takes some doing, because Shuster was the taller of the two) and says to an aide, "Marcel, wrap up three holes for the gentleman."

(NB: this is a paraphrase drawn from memories 50 years past, so I probably have a few details wrong, but that was the gist of it)

 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

“Who loves a garden, loves a greenhouse too.” - William Cowper, The Task, Book Three

 

"Not knowing the scope of your own ignorance is part of the human condition...The first rule of the Dunning-Kruger club is you don’t know you’re a member of the Dunning-Kruger club.” - psychologist David Dunning

 

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