Sharing Plates/Double-dipping

[palo]

First off let me clarify that there are two groups of people, those that we describe as intimate, and not necessarily in the biblical sense and those that we see as just good friends or aquainticies.

Double-dipping may not be seen as the best of good manners but in my mind acceptable with intimates.

Plate-sharing however takes the process to whole different level. I have read in these forums a blatant dislike to people who decline or do not choose to plate-share. First off if people decide afore-hand to share their menu choices, then it becomes a non-issue. However if no such agreement is in place, then the expectation is unwarranted and indeed intrusive. The same goes for the expectation that diners never order the same entire, unless again the expectation has been agreed upon.

Personally, I have no problems with plate-sharing with an intimate, however I do with "friends". I don't consider myself overly concerned about germs or contamination (double-dipping does not in itself induce vomit reactions rather than just poor manners) I just react to the "expectation" and incumbent societal political correctness. I get quite angry reading posts that deride and criticize fellow diners who do not subscribe to this philosophy.

Your reactions/comments.

p

[jmacnaughtan]

Yeah, I don't tend to share restaurant dishes- unless it's with my better half.  Then it's OK.

 

But for other people, I subscribe to the philosophy that if you want to try something, you should order it.  I wouldn't share a beer or a glass of wine, so why a main course?

[palo]

Hear, hear!

I've even suggested to a significant other that if they want it, they should get their own!

[LizD518]

I am all for sharing and have shared plates with everyone from new acquaintances to family and good friends; however, there are differences in the how I go about it.  If you fall towards the acquaintance end of the scale then a general offer to the table of "would anyone like to try this" offering up my dish is what I would go with and I generally don't ask to try someone else's dish but wait to be offered first.  All the way up to sticking my hand or fork in my best friend's dish and helping myself - with the full expectation that she would do the same to me.  I often go with her and her family to events like outdoor festivals where everything we buy is with the purpose of sharing and don't bother divvying up something like a sandwich - just passing it back and forth, so obviously double-dipping is not a concern for us.  I also don't have a problem sharing beverages and when out at happy hour with co-workers we have often commented on each other's beverage choices and shared sips. YMMV.

[suzilightning]

I will take a bit of whatever food I want someone else to taste and put it on either a bread plate or on a clean area of their plate and let them taste it.  Done it with my dangerous dining friends as well as Johnnybird.

[Jaymes]

I will take a bit of whatever food I want someone else to taste and put it on either a bread plate or on a clean area of their plate and let them taste it.  Done it with my dangerous dining friends as well as Johnnybird.

And do you do this with your fork before you've stuck it into your mouth?

[suzilightning]

And do you do this with your fork before you've stuck it into your mouth?

 

Nope...usually with my unused spoon or fork and a knife.

 

Having worked in the back of the house off and on for years I am VERY conscious about this.

Edited April 5, 2015 by suzilightning (log)

[LizD518]

The OP referenced two kinds of people at the beginning - those who are "intimates" and those who are not.  I would suggest that there two other types of people.  Those who feel that sharing forks, etc with anyone, as long as those people are seen as reasonably clean and not sick, is fine, and those who don't. I look at it this way - if I wouldn't be grossed out by kissing you (preferred gender doesn't matter because that isn't really the point here), then I won't have a problem sharing food/ a fork/ beverage/etc...with you.  It seems like I may be in the minority, and I certainly wouldn't force anyone who felt differently by imposing myself on them, but it seems like a silly line to me.

[Lisa Shock]

I like sharing, but, I always ask in advance and respect the other person's choice. Most commonly, I go to lunch with a friend to a burger place which has a variety of different veggie burgers and we each order a different burger. Before we start eating, we cut them in half and switch halves with each other -all done with clean silverware. I will occasionally do this with entrees, in places where the portion sizes are ample and the atmosphere casual -like the local Chinese joint.

 

If something is really good or unique, I'll offer tastes later on the bread plate or an unused soup spoon -unless it's an easy grab, like sushi. I offer because I like to share, I don't have any expectations of reciprocation. I will ask others what a unique dish tastes like and trust their description.

[gfweb]

Legend has it that Julia Child so abhorred plate sharing that she had been known to order the same thing for each person at the table, so as to take away the urge.

[palo]

I'm from a previous generation where "sharing" was synomous with surrendering and "play nice" was something you did when the teacher was watching.

 

j/k but there is some truth in that today those philosophies are more prevalent/relavent than when I was younger. Not necessarily a judgement, just an observation.

 

p

[radtek]

Depends on situation obviously. I'm more comfortable with family and loved ones. Split some stir-fried collard green in oyster sauce yesterday. But we served onto our own plates with a neutral spoon.

 

Dips and chips and salsa and stuff? Best to have a spoon in there too. I don't even stick my fingers in the olive jar.

 

Getting your rounds of Hepatitis A&B is a good idea anyway IMO.

[huiray]

I'm just curious, palo – what do you (and fellow diners, whether "intimates" or "acquaintances") do when you go to a Chinese restaurant, say?  Do you order individual plates/dishes which each person eats solely alone, or do you order dishes to be placed in the center of the table from which everyone helps themselves?  (Yes, of course if you and companions were having the "Lunch Specials" where single individual plates were prepared then that would not fall under this query)

 

What about other culinary traditions (many) where sharing of dishes was "standard" (a.k.a. "family style") - what is your approach?

 

Just asking.

 

It may be that this conversation really relates to the Western manner of individually prepared and assembled plates - as suggested by the conversation - but that was not specified in the topic as broached.  (Various posters have already alluded to non-Western modes where dishes are shared...)

[gfweb]

Mandatory Chinese restaurant sharing is an especially problematic case.  It is de rigeur in many places, but fails to allow for the possibility that I don't want what you ordered...not even a little bit. Folks who don't tolerate heat (not me) can be at a table with nothing on other plates to share-in....and find their own dish decimated. I've witnessed this and it sucked for the victim.

 

Not the end of the world, but not nice either.

[Lisa Shock]

As a vegetarian, this has happened to me (everyone taking my food and leaving me nothing edible). I try to scope out situations beforehand and will decline invitations if things look like they'll be problematic. It's not so bad at Chinese places, I just order my dish and tell people hands off, or order two vegetarian mains to guarantee that I get something -but I make an announcement before I order, then remind people when the food arrives. I'm also not shy about ordering extra rice, but, if rice is all I get to eat, I will complain mightily if the check gets split evenly. At all family style places, like some Italian joints, I will just refuse to go, fake illness, whatever. But, a couple times a year, I try to take all my veggie friends out for a food sharing feast -because we rarely get to do this.

[gfweb]

Another issue is if I order wisely and others get crap, why should I share? 

 

Do I want your sweet and sour day-glo chicken? I think not.

[JoNorvelleWalker]

I was dining with my son, daughter in law, and grandkids at a local Japanese restaurant.  As always we were helping ourselves to each other's plates.  I mentioned that I'd just read that in Japan, except for relatives, it was polite to use the opposite end of hashi for sharing.  "Good thing we are all one family," said my granddaughter reaching over.

[Thanks for the Crepes]

I love the concept of sharing food, and do it every day. I hate the concept of of involuntarily swapping body fluids with anyone I'm not having sex with.

 

Family style is usually the way I serve what I cook when cooking for more than just me and my husband. I always make more than we could all possibly eat so there will be a gracious plenty for everyone. Every dish is served with a separate, sterilized-in-the-dishwasher serving utensil. Dips like salsa are served in individual dishes or ramekins. I like double dipping in my own salsa, but wouldn't dream of it in a communal dish in a restaurant. My brother and I had a HUGE blowup over this very issue at my then favorite Tex-Mex place about ten years ago. He used to drink directly out of the milk container too. Why do I put up with him??? 

 

The more one knows about communicable diseases and their transmission, the more one will not want to swap spit with anyone. My brother brought a can of salt and pepper peanuts for snacking on to our Easter cookout today. He urged me to try some, and I just told him I didn't really care for peanuts. I like them okay, just not my favorite "nut" (actually they are a legume). The real reason for my demur was that there were four prospective partakers, one of whom I hadn't seen in nearly 30 years. When you take something with your hands (hopefully? clean) and place it in your mouth, especially when it's as small as a peanut, you're going to transfer saliva to your fingers, and back to the communal food. No thanks.

 

I've read about Ethiopian and other cuisines where everyone partakes of a communal dish with their hands with no utensils at all. I've seen videos of them licking their fingers, then going back for more. That is very colorful, interesting, and fine and dandy for them, but I'll pass, thank you very much.

 

In restaurants, especially those that are inexpensive with ample servings, I like sharing just fine, but it must be sanitary, and it must be mutually upon agreed on beforehand. Of course, I'm talking about individually plated dishes. There aren't too many family style restaurants in this area, with a very good Chinese place being the exception. Their dishes are generous and not a problem at all to share cleanly.

 

I just don't eat out with people who would vulturize my plate. People who know me make jokes about me stabbing them with a fork if they tried to take something off my plate. I've been hungry before, and I can still get pretty primal over food, although, as I said before, one of the great joys of my life is taking the mostly cheap ingredients I can afford, turning them into tasty dishes, and sharing with the people I care about.

 

Just don't get your spit in my portion! 

[palo]

Just to clarify "Family Style" is not "sharing plates"

 

Big bowl of mashed potatoes with serving utensil -->Family Style

 

Mashed potatoes on the same plate as the entre served to diner who ordered it, offered to another diner to sample-->sharing plates

 

Obviously my "problem" is with the latter not the former.

 

p

[Tri2Cook]

I haven't reached the point of worrying over someone else touching the slice of bread I'm about to eat or tasting my food with their already used fork. If I know them, and I'm assuming if we're sharing food off of our plates that I do, I'm just not worried about it. I've made it this far without paying a penalty for that lack of concern. If it ever comes back to bite me in the butt, I'll be sure to post about it here and take my "we told you so" comments like a champ. I do however completely respect other people's right to not share that attitude. I'd never eat off of someone's plate uninvited. My only real sharing complaint involved my ex-wife. The entire time we were dating and married, she would never order fries at restaurants but then would proceed to eat half of my fries from my plate. No amount of "if you want fries, order them" helped. Saying "keep your hands off of my fries" just caused an argument. But even with that, her eating food from my plate wasn't the issue. The issue was that I wanted my f'ing fries.

[KennethT]

Whenever I got to a Chinese restaurant (or any other restaurant featuring dishes meant to be shared (there are a lot of them now in NYC)), I always discuss the menu with everyone else at the table, basically saying "so, what do we want to get". That way we discuss what each person wants and doesn't want, and tailor the ordering to make everyone happy.

Even though it is a group decision, we have one person do all the ordering, except for drinks.

Sharing "family style" or Chinese style, or whatever you want to call it, doesn't pertain to the cleanliness "ick" factor when sharing off of individual plates. Each dish arrives with a serving utensil, so no one's dirty fork/spoon/chopsticks have to contact other people's food.

[palo]

I'm not germophobic, it's just the principle.

 

I ran across another post here and I believe it was in the "Annoying Dinner Companions" regarding two couples out for dinner together.

 

The husband said the irritating thing was that the other woman refused to share and "Ate The Whole Thing Herself!!!!" He went on to say that he and his wife were "Quite Taken Aback".

 

Well that's an extreme example, but I think the attitude is not that uncommon.

 

btw if you do browse that topic "Annoying Dinner Companions", I'm sure you'll find me mentioned a few times 

 

p

[kayb]

I dine occasionally in restaurants with close friends and we expect to share. Generally we'll ask for extra small plates so we can put bits of our entree on them at the beginning of the meal, pass them around for others to do the same, so everyone gets a taste of everything. Given the size of most restaurant entrees, that still leaves me with more of my own entree than I can eat.

 

With friends, if I'm drinking a different wine or beer and they ask about it, I'll offer a sip, turning the glass so they're drinking from a different spot. That's more in deference to their potential germophobia than my own.

 

Meals at home are almost always family style.

[Jaymes]

I love the concept of sharing food, and do it every day. I hate the concept of of involuntarily swapping body fluids with anyone I'm not having sex with.

 

Just don't get your spit in my portion! 

 

This is exactly how I feel.  Funny how many people confuse the two concepts.  I also love sharing.  But give me a bite of yours BEFORE you've started eating it. 

 

Had a dear friend that absolutely could not comprehend the difference.  Every time we ate out with other friends, she'd start by loudly announcing that Jaymes "hates sharing."  I'd have to go through the difference.  And say that I'm happy to share, but let's do it before we get our spit in our food.

 

It just so happens that I am very susceptible to several communicable diseases - the common cold comes immediately to mind.

 

Everybody else gets a cold, sniffles and sneezes and is uncomfortable for about a week, and then is fine.

 

Whereas I, a good month later, am dealing with bronchitis, ear and sinus infections, and a host of other complications, all of which take me about three months to completely rid myself of.

 

I don't think there's anything "phobic" about my dislike of germs.

 

And I insist on doing what I can to see to it that you keep yours to yourself.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Jaymes (log)

[JoNorvelleWalker]

I don't see the problem sharing food in a family.  Obviously you've been intimate with your own children at some point, and children in law and grandchildren are not much of an extension, particularly when growing teenage grandchildren are hungry.  An exception to be made if someone has the flu.

 

A customer of mine from a middle eastern country once commented unfavorably that his customers, the medical practitioners in a Chinese hospital, ate lunch from a communal plate.

 

Some of these differences may be cultural.