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Grub

Dinner II: The Gallery of Regrettable Foods (Part 1)

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Oooh, Shalmanese. Holy... errr... crap!


Joie Alvaro Kent

"I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2,000 of something." ~ Mitch Hedberg

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Shalmanese, I have to tell you - when I saw your beautifully plated lamb on the Dinner! thread, I did think to myself: oh, man, that could have been really nasty-looking.

You've definitely delivered. :wink: Cheers!


"We had dry martinis; great wing-shaped glasses of perfumed fire, tangy as the early morning air." - Elaine Dundy, The Dud Avocado

Queenie Takes Manhattan

eG Foodblogs: 2006 - 2007

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Oh boy... This was fairly close to an unmitigated disaster -- the Hollandaise sauce was pretty much the only saving grace, methinks... Okay, it looks like an unpleasant, unelegant blob -- but I liked how I got the sauce to increase in volume this time. The cookbooks all say this is what's ment to happen, but I've never managed to do this before (I used an immersion blender this time. Them things rule).

gallery_28832_1203_42679.jpg

I love salmon, and probably cook more of that than any other seafood -- or any other food, for that matter. Its one of the few dishes I feel comfortable just knocking together; improvising, and feel confident that it'll turn out okay. I mean, it's cheap stuff, tastes great, and by golly, it's supposed to be good for you and all that.

Well this time, I got this expensive, free-range, wild übersalmon and for some reason, decided to do things totally different from any other time I've cooked salmon: I was gonna brown it in a skillet, skin side up, then flip it over, drizzle on some some soy-sauce and and finish it in the oven. I could have done this in a non-stick, not-oven-proof skillet, and used another container for the oven -- but I was just so eager to use this new stainless steel skillet (call it kit-feaver; boys and their toys, you know...). I mean, I wanted to do it like the big boys do...

Well, the stainless steel skillet didn't work too good. It's good quality and all, but the salmon was too wet, and so it stuck like crazy. No nice browning -- it all completely peeled off. So I'm like stabbing at the pan with a spatula, trying to free it, there's pieces of salmon sticking all over the pan -- and I wouldn't have felt so stupid if I'd done this with a $3.99 lb. salmon, but this stuff cost about the same as those Chilean sea bass things. Argh.

And then there's the Hutspot -- the Dutch mashed potato dish with carrots, onions and parsnips. It looks like some deranged Halloween thingie.

And I love the way I desperately tried to fix it by covering everything with dill. WTF?

This is what it's supposed to look like -- luscious, golden, rich & yummy... From this thread (Dinner).

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Oh boy... This was fairly close to an unmitigated disaster -- the Hollandaise sauce was pretty much the only saving grace, methinks... Okay, it looks like an unpleasant, unelegant blob -- but I liked how I got the sauce to increase in volume this time. The cookbooks all say this is what's ment to happen, but I've never managed to do this before (I used an immersion blender this time. Them things rule).

gallery_28832_1203_42679.jpg

I love salmon, and probably cook more of that than any other seafood -- or any other food, for that matter. Its one of the few dishes I feel comfortable just knocking together; improvising, and feel confident that it'll turn out okay. I mean, it's cheap stuff, tastes great, and by golly, it's supposed to be good for you and all that.

Well this time, I got this expensive, free-range, wild übersalmon and for some reason, decided to do things totally different from any other time I've cooked salmon: I was gonna brown it in a skillet, skin side up, then flip it over, drizzle on some some soy-sauce and and finish it in the oven. I could have done this in a non-stick, not-oven-proof skillet, and used another container for the oven -- but I was just so eager to use this new stainless steel skillet (call it kit-feaver; boys and their toys, you know...). I mean, I wanted to do it like the big boys do...

Well, the stainless steel skillet didn't work too good. It's good quality and all, but the salmon was too wet, and so it stuck like crazy. No nice browning -- it all completely peeled off. So I'm like stabbing at the pan with a spatula, trying to free it, there's pieces of salmon sticking all over the pan -- and I wouldn't have felt so stupid if I'd done this with a $3.99 lb. salmon, but this stuff cost about the same as those Chilean sea bass things. Argh.

And then there's the Hutspot -- the Dutch mashed potato dish with carrots, onions and parsnips. It looks like some deranged Halloween thingie.

And I love the way I desperately tried to fix it by covering everything with dill. WTF?

This is what it's supposed to look like -- luscious, golden, rich & yummy... From this thread (Dinner).

Hey Grub... I don't think that looks bad at all. How did it taste?

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Hey Grub... I don't think that looks bad at all.  How did it taste?

Heh, you're too kind! It didn't taste exactly bad. It was okay, but I think food's visual appearance is just about as important as its taste and flavor, and this thing didn't look at ALL like what it should have. The Hollandaise looks right, but I was hoping a nice, caramelized golden crust on a deep, red salmon, which I figured would look good in contrast with the dill. Instead the salmon came out in a depressing, pasty pink color -- I mostly used to dill to just cover it up, to be honest.

But I learned something, if nothing else.

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I thought it was a piece of headcheese at first wearing an orange beret. With spawn.

I sort of still like to think of it that way.

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Dutch beansoup with barley and meatballs

bruinebonensoep.jpg

this was supposed to go in the Dutch Cooking thread, but after eating it (and looking at it) I decided it was not worthy.

My husband started out by saying "this soup is ok but you should have left out the barley" and after eating a bowl he said "I do not really like this soup" (which is very rare for him, because he can usually muster up some enthousiasm even for what I consider my biggest failures)

This is basically brown beans cooked forever with lots of onions and leeks. Then cooked for another eternity after adding the barley. Then cooked some more after adding the meatballs.

It ends up tasting like sweet, bland, blah babyfood. In fact, everything that Dutch cuisine is always accused of. So this soup gets it's final resting place here in the Gallery of regrettable foods, instead of in the Dutch Cooking thread!

byebye soup :raz:

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Chufi:

I actually don't think your soup looks that bad, but your narrative cracked me up! Thanks for the laugh!


"Anybody can make you enjoy the first bite of a dish, but only a real chef can make you enjoy the last.”

Francois Minot

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take a wild guess.... :raz:

gallery_6134_1960_7802.jpg

I don't think I could have done anything to make this look better, so I didn't bother.


Kristin Wagner, aka "torakris"

 

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nope!

and also this is the way the finished dish is supposed to look, this is not a mistake. :biggrin:


Kristin Wagner, aka "torakris"

 

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take a wild guess.... :raz:

gallery_6134_1960_7802.jpg

I don't think I could have done anything to make this look better, so I didn't bother.

Ebola chips?


"I've caught you Richardson, stuffing spit-backs in your vile maw. 'Let tomorrow's omelets go empty,' is that your fucking attitude?" -E. B. Farnum

"Behold, I teach you the ubermunch. The ubermunch is the meaning of the earth. Let your will say: the ubermunch shall be the meaning of the earth!" -Fritzy N.

"It's okay to like celery more than yogurt, but it's not okay to think that batter is yogurt."

Serving fine and fresh gratuitous comments since Oct 5 2001, 09:53 PM

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Looks like beef jerky to me...

well this is the closest...

It is semi-dried marinated whale meat.

It tasted a bit like whale jerky, but you heat it over a flame so it gets a nice smokey taste, my 5 year old son loved it!


Kristin Wagner, aka "torakris"

 

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I missed this thread.. Glad to have it back.What kind of whale is used, Tokaris?


Edited by Daniel (log)

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I also have my own to add.. I was using the smoker this weekend.. I went to a place I have never been before and got quails..The only kind they had were semi boned.. There was a mix up and they got left soaking in this brandy marinade for almost 6 hours before we realized..

gallery_15057_2187_129102.jpg

They were smoked at a super low temperature.. I dont think the alcohol even burned off.. Needless to say,they were so soaked.. I swear, you couldnt serve this to a minor.. It was gross..They were ruined.. What a waste of a beautiful bird..

gallery_15057_2187_337749.jpg


Edited by Daniel (log)

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I missed this thread.. Glad to have it back.What kind of whale is used, Tokaris?

Arrrrh, the White Whale matey that's what tastes the best, the White Whale - Ahab

I thought it was chocolate bark. How's that for being way off.


**************************************************

Ah, it's been way too long since I did a butt. - Susan Fahning aka "snowangel"

--------------------

One summers evening drunk to hell, I sat there nearly lifeless…Warren

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You gotta love it when a thread on eGullet actually makes the creation of this beauty a welcomed event:

gallery_19707_1686_324895.jpg

Hint: I made this on November 24th.


Danielle Altshuler Wiley

a.k.a. Foodmomiac

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