Funeral/Wake Food...

[ludja]

Thank you for sharing your experience and suggestions jtphjl. It sounds like food played a good part in bringing people together at a difficult time for your own family and that you have also deployed this age-old comfort and reassurance so nicely for others in your ministry.

[Curlz]

Article in today's NY Times on this very topic!

[Marlene]

I'm in the process of planning a wake. The wake will be held two weeks after the funeral which is this evening, so I've got a little time. I must confess, for the funeral, we just picked a caterer and a package at the funeral home and just let them handle it. The wake will be different.

We're expecting around 125 people. I've got two kitchens to work with and plenty of fridge storage space. I'd like to keep the food simple but interesting. My brother was a simple guy who really loved good food, but was never into the fancy food in high end restaurants. I'll be back in my home kitchen next week so I will have good kitchen space, but will have to transport whatever I make in the car to the destination a little over an hour away. Any brilliant ideas?

One of the things I'm thinking of is to bring my smoker up and smoke a couple of butts. (how many butts does one need for that many people? We're having the party on Labour Day weekend for a reason. For years and years, my brother and his friends went to an annual pig roast on labour day weekend. It was one of those manly "guy" weekends with much drinking and eating. I don't think I'm quite up to roasting a whole pig, but I could probably manage some smoked butt! Oh and there will be raspberry pies. His favourite. Other than that, it's wide open right now.

Edited August 21, 2006 by Marlene (log)

[Chris Amirault]

My thoughts are with you, Marlene.

Given the pig roast connection, I think butts are a good idea. I fed 20 with one 9 lb bone-in butt in late June, and that was the centerpiece protein; according to that math, you'd have to smoke a lot of butt! To vary the meat, you could also make some smoked chicken or turkey for those who don't eat pork. If you're going in that direction, I'd suggest some simple but really good do-ahead sides like refrigerator pickles and cole slaw.

[Marlene]

Hmmm, given that, I might have to smoke a couple on thursday and a couple more on Friday. Since I've always smoked and eaten the same day, I'll have to wander over to the butt thread and ask some questions about smoking in advance and re heating and pulling for service, but it could be doable.

[lancastermike]

Hmmm, given that, I might have to smoke a couple on thursday and a couple more on Friday. Since I've always smoked and eaten the same day, I'll have to wander over to the butt thread and ask some questions about smoking in advance and re heating and pulling for service, but it could be doable.

←

Many regrets on the passing of your brother. I know it has been a while in coming, but it just is never easy.

As to the multiple butts, I'd say yes. When I do them ahead of time I do pull the pork. I re-heat the pulled pork in a low oven 200 or less and like to add just a little cider vinegar and water mixture to keep it from drying. This could also be done in crock pot or other slow cooker.

I have never re-heated the whole smoked butt. I think it would be a long time to do it that way.

[Jaymes]

Marlene -- deepest condolences on the passing of your brother. Such a very sad time for a family.

And for those of you that might be interested in a book on the subject, I recommend: Being Dead is No Excuse, the southern woman's guide to throwing the perfect funeral.

Not only does it actually have helpful advice and recipes, it's a pretty lively read.

Edited August 21, 2006 by Jaymes (log)

[Marlene]

[

As to the multiple butts, I'd say yes.  When I do them ahead of time I do pull the pork.  I re-heat  the pulled pork in a low oven 200 or less and like to add just a little cider vinegar and water mixture to keep it from drying.  This could also be done in crock pot or other slow cooker.

I have never re-heated the whole smoked butt.  I think it would be a long time to do it that way.

←

Ok, that makes sense if I can smoke and pull in advance. Easier in fact.

And for those of you that might be interested in a book on the subject, I recommend: Being Dead is No Excuse, the southern woman's guide to throwing the perfect funeral.

Not only does it actually have helpful advice and recipes, it's a pretty lively read.

←

This looks like a great book . Ok, so now I think I've got the main. Coleslaw and potato salad of course and =Mark's sauce for the pork. I'm hoping the weather will be nice enough to hold the event outside. I need nibble types of food now to put out when people first arrive. Thoughts?

[Anna N]

These Sweet and Spicy Pecans are easy to make, can be frozen ahead of time and always disappear very quickly. I make them every year for my SIL's annual company BBQ. The pecan halves I get from Costco.

[Dianne]

Marlene, I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

I have a recipe for a little cheesy thumbprint type cookie with pepper jelly. It came from a friend who didn't say where she got it, and then I modified it. I don't know if I can post it here, but I could PM it.

Dianne.

[Kim Shook]

Marlene, I am sorry about your brother. The only bad part of web friendships is that we can't all come over to your house and pitch in like we can with our real life friends. I wish we could.

Is anyone making arrangements for the non-pork types? What we've done with them in the past is to make a pot of shredded chicken bbq. That way, all the sides go with both main courses.

[Marlene]

Marlene, I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

I have a recipe for a little cheesy thumbprint type cookie with pepper jelly. It came from a friend who didn't say where she got it, and then I modified it. I don't know if I can post it here, but I could PM it.

Dianne.

←

If you've modified it, you should be able to post it. they sound great!

Marlene, I am sorry about your brother.  The only bad part of web friendships is that we can't all come over to your house and pitch in like we can with our real life friends.  I wish we could. 

Is anyone making arrangements for the non-pork types?  What we've done with them in the past is to make a pot of shredded chicken bbq.  That way, all the sides go with both main courses.

←

I'm in charge of all the food, so I have to make sure the non pork types get something else. The chicken sounds good!

[Marlene]

These Sweet and Spicy Pecans are easy to make, can be frozen ahead of time and always disappear very quickly.  I make them every year for my SIL's annual company BBQ.  The pecan halves I get from Costco.

←

My sister in law and I will be going to Costco today to get supplies (paper goods etc) for the party, so I'll add pecan halves to the list. thanks for this!

[Dianne]

Here are the cheesy cookies, Marlene. They always seem popular at parties.

Cheesy Thumbprint Cookies

11/2 cups shredded old cheddar (12 oz.)

1/2 cup butter (4 oz.)

1 tsp. salt

a pinch or 2 of cayenne

11/2 cups of AP flour

I do all this in the food processor. Process the cheese and butter till creamy and smooth. Add salt and cayenne and process to mix. Add flour and process till a dough forms.

Form dough into small balls. These puff and spread a little; so you want smaller balls than you might think. Place on sprayed or parchment lined cookie sheets. Make an indentation as for a thumbprint cookie and fill each with a little bit of pepper jelly.

Bake at 400F for 10 min.

Dianne Ross

[Kerry Beal]

I might suggest some little turnovers as good finger food. Cream cheese pastry so it is fairly soft. Middle can be a little spoonful of finely sliced sauted mushrooms and onions, with salt, pepper, dill and a bit of yogurt or sour cream to moisten. Alternately fill with a small shaving of great ham and some sharp cheddar.

[snowangel]

Marlene, butt (pulled right after smoking) can be frozen as well, and reheated as per the above instructions, so you could do the smoking well in advance. I have a butt in the freezer (which I didn't pull in advance because I pulled it off at 2:30 am!) which I will thaw and reheat and pull this weekend, and I'll let you know how that goes.

[phaelon56]

Marlene - I hope you'll have your head screwed on tighter than mine was! I lost my brother in late June and we had the memorial service about a month later in late July. It's the first time I've ever entertained mroe than 10 people in my home.

In some respects I did what you're aiming for - a real party with plenty of beer top drink and "real food" to chow down on (versus the cold cuts, cold salads and sandwich type stuff that my Irish-Americn extended family usually offers at such events).

I chose to have a local soul food caterer provide fried chicken, baked ham, mac 'n cheese, corn, collard greens, deviled eggs, veggies with dip etc.

Expecting about 50 people (who all did appear)... I had told the caterer to prepare food for only 35. This because I smoked six full racks of ribs that would just be finished when we arrived back at the house after the service. Having turned the smoker off immediately I busied myself with getting the food uncovered (which the caterer had dropped off) and completely forgot about the ribs until after the party!

As it turns out - the caterer was very generous with her portions and there was plenty for everyone. The two things that were or would have been superfluous from the caterer were cold salads (which we didn't order) and desserts (we order three cakes). Several people brought unsolicited cold salads and at least five people brought desserts.

And we sent him off the right way - with plenty of good food, good drink and socializing.

[Marlene]

And we sent him off the right way - with plenty of good food, good drink and socializing.

←

Exactly! I like the idea of providing fried chicken and other comfort foods and since I'm not about to start frying up a batch of chicken the day of, I think we'll order some. My brother was also a lover of good plain food that was cooked well too.

At the reception last night for family I was surprised by what a nice job the caterer did. I didn't vet them in advance, simply picked one of three that the funeral home uses and hoped for the best. They had smoked salmon, chicken satays, pate, spring rolls, brie and cranberry phyllo twists and more. I was really happy with it.

[Jaymes]

And for those of you that might be interested in a book on the subject, I recommend: Being Dead is No Excuse, the southern woman's guide to throwing the perfect funeral.

Not only does it actually have helpful advice and recipes, it's a pretty lively read.

This looks like a great book .

Actually, the book is funny enough, and helpful enough, that anyone would be entertained by it.

Consider this excerpt regarding advice to someone that wants to be certain their funeral draws a big crowd. The authors have noted that St. James, a local Episcopal congregation, seems to do particularly well in that respect, and it's recommended that you join.

"Nobody wants an ill-attended funeral, and St. James' turns out in full force for one of its own. However, for a really big funeral, membership in both St. James' and Alcoholics Anonymous is the ticket. Episcopalians who have belonged to AA attract a standing-room-only crowd, without increasing the liquor bill for the reception."

And Marlene, in so far as finger food before the mains go, according to the book, regardless as to whatever else you have, you've got to ihave stuffed eggs. They're just expected.

Edited August 22, 2006 by Jaymes (log)

[Kim Shook]

Dianne - I copied that recipe and printed it out. It looks wonderful

Jaymes - the book is great! As a southerner, I am not sure if it is a spoof or a documentary !

[duckduck]

When I'm mourning, I have a difficult time holding down food at all. Bland things like bananas or bread can be helpful, especially if homemade. When my cousin was dying, I took a basket to the hospital for friends and family with fresh fruit, bottled fruit juices, water and soft breadsticks. Oh, and chocolate. Chocolate is always a good idea.

[Jaymes]

When I'm mourning, I have a difficult time holding down food at all. Bland things like bananas or bread can be helpful, especially if homemade.

Yes. My mother died four months ago and the entire responsibility of everything fell on me. I cooked for three days to take care of the 22 relatives that stayed at our house for two nights, and the night-before "visitation," and the post-funeral reception, also held in our home. I could eat nothing. However, the relatives and neighbors and friends seemed to have no problem.

[Jake]

I'm sure the party will be exactly as it should be, a celebration of life. To echo Marlene's statement earlier, the food the caterer provided at the reception was far above the usual quality one would find. It was also artfully displayed and visually inviting. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, and far more was consumed than one would expect considering the circumstances.

Jaymes, my condolences on the loss of your mother. That book does look hilarious, I'll have to pick up a copy.

[Marlene]

So in turns out, that I will be responsible for most of the mains plus a couple of nibbles. My sister in law will take care of the rest. This is what I'm thinking:

smoked pork on a bun. I'll smoke the pork shoulders on Friday and pull them

Baked beans which I can also make on Friday

Coleslaw, to be made the day of

cheddar cheese thumb print cookies

candied pecans

min pitas stuff with chicken salad.

Fried chicken which we will purchase

My sister in law will make her wonderful garlic potato salad and desserts and a couple of other nibbles. I'm open to other ideas for other sides! I'd make deviled eggs, but I really don't have a good way of transporting them all the way across the city, not to mention as well that all my fridges will be stuffed with this other food!

Edited August 27, 2006 by Marlene (log)

[Kerry Beal]

So in turns out, that I will be responsible for most of the mains plus a couple of nibbles.  My sister in law will take care of the rest.  This is what I'm thinking:

smoked pork on a bun.  I'll smoke the pork shoulders on Friday and pull them

Baked beans which I can also make on Friday

Coleslaw, to be made the day of

cheddar cheese thumb print cookies

candied pecans

min pitas stuff with chicken salad.

Fried chicken which we will purchase

My sister in law will make her wonderful garlic potato salad and desserts and a couple of other nibbles.  I'm open to other ideas for other sides!  I'd make deviled eggs, but I really don't have a good way of transporting them all the way across the city, not to mention as well that all my fridges will be stuffed with this other food!

←

It's going to be a lovely feast. If you don't want to have anything to do the day of, you could make the cabbage salad with the boiled poppyseed dressing that gets better if it sits for a few days.