I will never again . . . (Part 2)

[peppyre]

Never ever again will I think that it's a good idea to peel a butternut squash with a chef's knife, in the dark with a migraine. WTF was I thinking. Even as I was peeling and right before the knife slipped into my thumb, I was thinking that this really wasn't the smartest thing to do. For a cut that didn't really bleed alot, damn is it ever deep.

Of course, next migraine, I'll probably think it's a good idea to debone a chicken....in the dark....

[racheld]

It did not occur to me to throw the lid on the pot as I ran for cover and mustard seeds covered not only ever surface in the kitchen (ceiling included) but sprayed out the doors at either end of my galley kitchen.

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That must have been like being attacked by wee hot sticky BB's.

[Jake]

I will never again attempt to make Rice Krispie squares using the microwave to melt the marshmallows (a first, for me......and a last). Yes, there are a lot of marshmallows in the bag. No, it does not take 5 minutes at high in a very high-powered microwave. Yes, they will blow up all over said microwave and turn into a sticky molten mass upon removal. Blech.

[kendrabail]

Make mashed potatoes in the food processor.

Remember that glue paste we all used in elementary school? Now add, a stick of butter, 1/2 cup heavy cream and some roasted garlic.

[jgm]

I will never again (except I probably will) do extreme cooking without a little planning first. Mr. jgm and I decided to cook a 22 lb. turkey this weekend, because we wanted leftovers to vacuum pack and freeze for sandwiches. So when it came time to ease the bird into the pan, I pulled out my largest roasting pan, and of course it was much too small. Improvisation saved the day.

A few hours later, we pulled a golden, crisp bird out of the oven. We looked at the bird. We looked at our small amount of counter space. We looked at the bird again. We didn't bother looking back at the counter.

Fortunately, we are both pretty laid back people, and we don't get excited too easily. We've been married less than 10 years, and all of our holidays have been spent at relatives' homes. So we haven't acquired serving pieces, and other things required for cooking for more than about 4 people.

So, the pan juices were sucked up with one of those bulb syringe things (I finally got to use it!), said bird was dismembered, carefully, while still in the pan, and we worked our way through the situation. But boy, do we have a lot of turkey. . .

[Jenny McClure]

Take a 1lb block out the fridge and leave it on top of the Aga to soften so it will be spreadable for toast. Mum wasn't to pleased when she walked into the kitchen an hour later to find melted butter all over the Aga, the kitchen tops and floor.

[johnder]

I have done SOOO many of these things!

Brown steak on the stove, pop it in the oven to finish, remove pan, set steak aside to rest and grab handle without a mitt to start the pan sauce.  OW!  SOLUTION:  (It only took a dozen times to figure this one out folks...hehe) Put the oven mitt over the handle once the pan comes out of the oven.  Its my reminder that the damn thing is HOT.

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I have definately been "burned" by this in the past. This was especially problematic when working at restaurants. You quickly learn to grab any handle you see in the vicinity of a stove or dirty/with food in it with a side towel. I still do this at home which has saved me many times.

I too have had the "my god what died in here" moment. That was a bag of yukon gold potoates that fell behind the fridge. Nothing like cleaning up a fuzzy green puddle or putrid potato juice.

[rooftop1000]

I will never again attempt to make Rice Krispie squares using the microwave to melt the marshmallows (a first, for me......and a last).  Yes, there are a lot of marshmallows in the bag.  No, it does not take 5 minutes at high in a very high-powered microwave.  Yes, they will blow up all over said microwave and turn into a sticky molten mass upon removal.  Blech.

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You must try again......melt tsp of butter in big plastic bowl - swish it up the sides - fill bowl halfway up with marshmallows and nuke while standing there watching...

its low fat and cleans up super easy....if it doesnt explode

tracey

[snowangel]

Before leaving for two weeks in the summer, remember to take out the kitchen trash and run the garbage disposal.

[R.E. Turner]

I believe that I've found my tribe... and I can't decide whether that's a comforting or disturbing thought!

My latest "note to self" moment happened over Christmas, while helping prepare for a large party at the folks' house. Naturally, with 20-25 people expected for a buffet dinner that evening, and my Dad "helpfully" suggesting menu additions every five minutes, Mom's kitchen was a madhouse... (Well, really, things weren't so bad. Mom and I work well together -- she's generally the exec. chef, I'm the pastry chef. When someone volunteers or is volunteered for prep and cleanup duty, family dinner parties work exceptionally well.) The only problem is that Mom's kitchen has very limited counter space. So, naturally, by the time the pecan pies requested by Dad (at the very last minute) come out of the oven, there's no readily available spot for cooling... except for the tempered glass kitchen table. Honestly, I think that the glass would have survived, except that I set the pies directly atop part of the metal base of the table. Several minutes later: CRRRRAAAACK! I raced frantically to grab the pies, burning both hands on the still-molten goodies. Naturally, the first question from my dad was "Did you save the pies?"

Another one learned in my mother's kitchen recently: Always double- and triple-check which burner you're turning on (scorched a line pan full of sliced pork tenderloin while trying to boil water. Just minutes before that pan needed to be on its way to a family reunion we were catering. Fortunately, the smoky pan was only 1/4 of the pork, but I lived a lifetime of horror, wondering whether I'd have to spend a full afternoon with my extended dysfunctional family... after running out of food!)

Almost as painful as the prospect of dealing with my hungry extended family: Always note the length of my fingernails before retrieving eggshell from a hot pan. I've had long nails since age ten, when I quit biting them in an effort to shame my mother into the same. (Mind you, I don't wear my nails claw-length, nor do I ever paint them. I keep them about 1/4 inch past my fingertip.) Needless to say, this is pretty handy for quick cleanup of that little speck of eggshell... right up to the semi-annual "Oops, I forgot that I broke that nail earlier today" blistering burn, usually on my right thumb or middle finger. Sometimes on both.

The most horrifying kitchen lesson I learned, though, was my mother's mistake. Back when we were young teens, my brother and I came home from school to find a bloodbath: Big splats of blood all over the counter, dishes, a trail to the bathroom, another to the front door, across the porch, and down the steps. The car was missing, and the house looked like an abbatoir. And there was a big, bloody butcher knife on the counter, amidst the blood and gore, plus a big pile mystery meat. And no one was home. Had mom and/or baby sister been attacked and kidnapped? No. Of course not. My brilliant mom had simply decided to separate frozen hamburger patties with the enormous, newly sharpened butcher knife. (Mom was fairly fortunate, in that the surgeon was able to reattach the tendons and most of the nerves in her left thumb.) Aauugh!

[scubadoo97]

I have done SOOO many of these things!

Brown steak on the stove, pop it in the oven to finish, remove pan, set steak aside to rest and grab handle without a mitt to start the pan sauce.  OW!  SOLUTION:  (It only took a dozen times to figure this one out folks...hehe) Put the oven mitt over the handle once the pan comes out of the oven.  Its my reminder that the damn thing is HOT.

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I have done this twice. It doesn't happen with my cast iron which I associate with hot but when I have use a stainless pan and removed it from the oven I have grabed the pan without thinking. I also have used the oven mitt or towel over the handle to remind me. Once was enough but twice? OUCH

One thing I will never do again is to try to make boiled peanuts after partying late at night. We had a picnic to go to years ago and wanted to make some boiled peanuts to take. Came home late after way too many drinds and put a big pot of peanuts on the stove to boil. Woke up with a layer of thick smoke just above my face. The peanuts were ashes and we were luck to be alive. Oh college days.

Edited January 24, 2006 by scubadoo97 (log)

[Jason Perlow]

I will never again put a pint-sized plastic deli container filled with leftover platanos maduros into the microwave, and push 1-0-0-0-START instead of Quick Minute.

This is the after shot:

I thought I nuked them for a minute, and went downstairs to check something on the computer. About five minutes later, I heard Rachel screaming, because apparently, the container melted into slag, and the food had burst into flames and smoke was pouring out of the microwave.

I guess I forgot to mention that the digital readout on our relatively new microwave got all screwed up a few months ago after we had some sort of power surge.

[StInGeR]

I will never again not check if it's powdered sugar or cornflour before adding to my thermidor sauce and adding to my 8lbs of lobster meat just before a dinner party!!! <sigh> and this was just last Saturday.

Just for the record it turned into a VERY VERY expensive dinner party!!!

Edited January 24, 2006 by StInGeR (log)

[Rachel Perlow]

I will never again put a pint-sized plastic deli container filled with leftover platanos maduros into the microwave, and push 1-0-0-0-START instead of Quick Minute.

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I was wondering why the microwave was running for so long, so I went to go look. I saw the smoke as I entered the kitchen. "Fire!" I yelled. I've never seen Jason respond to my screams so fast!

~~~

If I clean the soot with microwave oven cleaner and the ceiling doesn't seem damaged, is it still safe to use?

[snowangel]

If I clean the soot with microwave oven cleaner and the ceiling doesn't seem damaged, is it still safe to use?

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Yes, it is. I've done something similar. No one was home to hear the awful language I was using!

[andrewB]

I will never again grind whole dried ginger in a coffee grind while aimlessly talking to one of the servers. Seems that the ginger is a bit too hard for the plastic top and splindly little blades on the sucker. Well, the plastic shattered, one blade broke, the other blade was still running and gave me 8 stitches across my thumb. Thank god for the stopping power of a thumb nail!!!

[GSBravo]

Never forget to check the green beans you're steaming, thinking that what you're smelling must be something else.

The odor from the burned pan will infiltrate the green beans ruining them. And cleaning the pot is a royal pain.

[Shaya]

I will NEVER again attempt to remove the tag off my new Kasumi santoku knife with my smaller Kasumi boning knife.

In the words of the plastic surgeon: "That's a cut?"

Luckily all healed just fine; the knives, however, have been put deep into storage until both the kids and I have grown up!

[andrewB]

The only time i cut myself these days, knock on wood, is either with a new knife, one back from the sharpener, or putting it back in my case...

[andrewB]

this is the new one for the day:

I will never put a bain-marie of creme brulee on the top shelf of a stacked oven. My lil pastry cookie is a bit shorter than me, and in trying to take it out, he spilled it all over his head!!! Happy to report that he walked away with only a red face and a bruised ego...

[sazji]

How about...separate an egg, carefully passing the yolk back and forth between two eggshell halves, trying not to break it, as the white goes down the sink... and then remember that it was the white that you were after...

Edited January 25, 2006 by sazji (log)

[saskanuck]

GSBravo, I burned the green beans just the other day. Yep, it stank, they were ruined, and the pot was hell to clean.

I was distracted that day (yes, that's my excuse).

[Amida0616]

I will never again come home drunk from the bar and try to make curry chicken, pass out on the couch, wake up in the morning and find my apartment filled with smoke and a evil-looking black sludge boiling in the wok. My apartment smelled like burnt food for a month.

Edited January 26, 2006 by Amida0616 (log)

[JayBassin]

Just made a large batch of chili. Tasted it and decided it needed another hit of ancho chili powder, so I dumped in about 1/4 C from my jar. Instantly, the smell came up---it was ground cloves not ancho!!!

I will always smell the herbs/spices before adding.

I will always smell the herbs/spices before adding.

I will always smell the herbs/spices before adding.

...

(Fortunately, I didn't stir it in, so I skimmed off the top 1/2 inch from the pot. Came out fine but I was glad no one was watching.

[fifi]

Just made a large batch of chili. Tasted it and decided it needed another hit of ancho chili powder, so I dumped in about 1/4 C from my jar. Instantly, the smell came up---it was ground cloves not ancho!!!

I will always smell the herbs/spices before adding.

I will always smell the herbs/spices before adding.

I will always smell the herbs/spices before adding.

...

(Fortunately, I didn't stir it in, so I skimmed off the top 1/2 inch from the pot. Came out fine but I was glad no one was watching.

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Well, if some of the clove lingered, you could add a hit of allspice and call it Caribbean Chili.