The eGullet Hall of Shame

[Stephanie Brim]

I just thought of another one. Canned Hormel chili (no beans, please) + Velveeta + tortilla chips = party staple when I was growing up.

Close to something I love: Hormel Chili and cream cheese heated together. Hand me a chip and watch out!

Salsa and cream cheese for me. Strange, I know, but quite good on chips. Also good just buzzed in the food processor a bit and spread on wrap sandwiches. Considering I never buy salsa spicier than medium, the cream cheese dampens the spice somewhat and makes even hotter salsa little more edible to me.

[pastrygirl]

I have never to my knowledge eaten Kraft macaroni and cheese. Maybe at a friends house growing up, but never at my parents house, never in my own house.

There is still chocolate on my kitchen floor from making last year's Christmas treats.

[Snadra]

I have never to my knowledge eaten Kraft macaroni and cheese. Maybe at a friends house growing up, but never at my parents house, never in my own house.

I don't understand where the shame is in this. I once tried to eat Kraft Dinner at a friends house when I was six or so. Even with more ketchup than KD on my plate I couldn't eat it. I've never had it since either, even as a poor, poor student. And I'm not ashamed of that at all.

There is still chocolate on my kitchen floor from making last year's Christmas treats.

Hey, you never know when it might come in handy! I have great difficulty cleaning my floor - it just never seems important enough.

[kayb]

I've always been partial to bartender soup at work - take a bottle of Schweppes tomato juice mix (it's from-concentrate tomato juice with added salt and citric acid) and put in a mug. Add cream and some bloody mary type spices. Heat using the steam wand on the coffee machine. Enjoy. Don't forget to clean the coffee machine!

That would explain the pink foam on my latte. Seriously though, it sounds rather good. A big step up from the Depression Era ketchup-and-water soup.

Bloody Mary mix with yogurt works, too.

[pastrygirl]

I have never to my knowledge eaten Kraft macaroni and cheese. Maybe at a friends house growing up, but never at my parents house, never in my own house.

I don't understand where the shame is in this. I once tried to eat Kraft Dinner at a friends house when I was six or so. Even with more ketchup than KD on my plate I couldn't eat it. I've never had it since either, even as a poor, poor student. And I'm not ashamed of that at all.

Well its not shame exactly but it makes me feel like a freak. Mom never even made homemade mac & cheese, so I never understand the big deal about it. Made with good cheese it can be good, but can't relate to seemingly the rest of America on their nostalgia/cravings for Kraft. Also never had PB&J in my lunchbox.

[ChrisN]

To me, avocados are tangible proof of the existence of evil. Same with okra. And I can't stand the smell of any melon but watermelon.

If there are funyuns around, I have to be restrained to keep from eating them. Same with those bags of pork rinds.

I know I should eat whole grain foods, but I avoid whole wheat pasta, since it tastes like someone added sand.

I have sometimes used garlic from a jar.

[IndyRob]

[For an American comfort food grilled cheese, the petroleum based Kraft American cheese-like substance is a must. But the Texas Toast angle is pure genius.

Can we throw some cheese in the car's gas tank if we run out? Care to elaborate for us uneducated how this is petroleum based food?

No, I don't believe you could run a car on it. But if it were to be heated, it might stand a better chance of working than petroleum jelly. Yet, with enough cheese powder, petroleum jelly could be equally unworthy of the name 'cheese'.

But the Kraft Cheese-like stuff is a requirement for a classic American diner style grilled cheese.

Edited September 12, 2010 by IndyRob (log)

[ScottyBoy]

I don't like oysters and there's a small place in my heart for American cheese.

[judiu]

A minuscule spot in my heart for American "Cheese", with crappy bologna on a sandwich with white toast and Hellman's mayo. A small possibility of a grilled cheese sandwich, but not if I have any other possible fodder...

[Snadra]

Well its not shame exactly but it makes me feel like a freak. Mom never even made homemade mac & cheese, so I never understand the big deal about it. Made with good cheese it can be good, but can't relate to seemingly the rest of America on their nostalgia/cravings for Kraft. Also never had PB&J in my lunchbox.

Ahhh. I see where you're coming from. I was a fussy kid raised by parents who believed in brown rice & granola, and I always felt a bit of a freak when I astonished friends and neighbours by refusing all sorts of processed delights.

[Toliver]

I don't like oysters and there's a small place in my heart for American cheese.

The mention of American cheese reminded me of the boxes and boxes of Velveeta we ate as kids.

"Cheese" comes in boxes?

[ScottyBoy]

That's what it is for me. Growing up and having it on all the sandwiches my mother made for lunch. Funny how the things you grew up on you always have a taste for, comfort food.

[DanM]

Kosher espresso powder is hard to find and I don't have an espresso machine... So I will admit that when a recipe calls for espresso powder, I grab Nescafe.

[judiu]

Lately? Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, raspberry flavor. Nice crispy, flaky pastry, and disgusting, sugary, delicious "frosting". Happy mouth!

[Mel Z]

Salsa and cream cheese for me. Strange, I know, but quite good on chips. Also good just buzzed in the food processor a bit and spread on wrap sandwiches. Considering I never buy salsa spicier than medium, the cream cheese dampens the spice somewhat and makes even hotter salsa little more edible to me.

I've got a new one for you, then--hot pepper jelly with cream cheese on crackers. I love the stuff, and can imagine it'd be similar to what you're describing.

Add me to the list of Kraftaholics, but perhaps worse, a few of my tried & true recipes use onion soup mix. Until recently I couldn't afford sharp knives, and never managed to cut onions without bawling my eyes out...or I'm just making excuses.

[CKatCook]

I am in the processed cheese fan club! Nothing is better for grilled cheese, or the cheese, baloney (too early in the morning for spelling) and fried egg sandwiches I sometimes eat for breakfast.

Garlic in jar fan here too....

[Scargo]

Well its not shame exactly but it makes me feel like a freak. Mom never even made homemade mac & cheese, so I never understand the big deal about it. Made with good cheese it can be good, but can't relate to seemingly the rest of America on their nostalgia/cravings for Kraft. Also never had PB&J in my lunchbox.

Please excuse me. I don't mean to offend anyone, since we are all bearing our souls on this thread. I agree with pastrygirl that there is "good" cheese and not so good "cheese". Someone else mentioned "cheese" made with petroleum... For me it was Longhorn cheese or "rat-trap" cheese as a kid and young adult.

Processed cheese doesn't do anything for me, so I wonder what the attraction is for other? "Good" cheeses melt, have great flavor and don't cost an arm and a leg. It must have to do with what was or is economics or availibility, or is it nostalgia, "comfort food" or... OMG! Could your tastebuds be calibrated differently from mine?

I eat Ben and Jerry's from the container and will drink wine in a jelly glass or coffee cup. I hate healthy cereal breakfasts. Eggs and ham, please!

[andiesenji]

(snip).

Add me to the list of Kraftaholics, but perhaps worse, a few of my tried & true recipes use onion soup mix. Until recently I couldn't afford sharp knives, and never managed to cut onions without bawling my eyes out...or I'm just making excuses.

Cooks Illustrated/America's Test Kitchen tested a lot of knives and their top choices on different shows were the Victorinox Fibrox 8- inch chef's knife, the 12-inch slicing knife and the serrated bread knife. Inexpensive and took a good edge after extended hard use in their test kitchen.

So you don't have to spend a fortune to have good, sharp knives.

[Porthos]

Cooks Illustrated/America's Test Kitchen tested a lot of knives and their top choices on different shows were the Victorinox Fibrox 8- inch chef's knife, the 12-inch slicing knife and the serrated bread knife. Inexpensive and took a good edge after extended hard use in their test kitchen.

So you don't have to spend a fortune to have good, sharp knives.

My 10" Victorinox is my workhorse knife in my volunteer cooking for our guild at renaissance faires. I paid under $40.00 and it keeps a good edge.

[LizD518]

I bought "parmesan" cheese to go on my pasta the other day. Yes, the stuff in the green can. I've used the real thing for years, but, I just have decided that I like the flavor of the canned stuff. Childhood nostalgia maybe?

[Mjx]

Despite having been carefully raised in Italy, I loathe most cheeses, and only tolerate that which shows up on pizza.

Even more embarrassing, I know nothing about wine, or anything alcoholic, really, which isn't so amusing now that I'm formally an adult (my sense of smell gets really blunted if I eat anything involving wheat--not easy to avoid--so it's difficult to pick up on the distinguishing nuances).

The defining characteristic of most alcoholic beverages that I do like is 'sweet'.

I find creamy (savoury) sauces disgusting, regardless of whether or not they actually contain any dairy, making a lot of traditional French recipes non-starters for me.

I've been known to subsist on coffee and candy for an entire day.

I'm usually too impatient to mince garlic with a knife, and either reach for the press, or just slice it up.

Ever since my undergrad. Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy class, I've been unable to eat very rare meat (but still prefer a scalpel to any other knife in the kitchen).

Truffles (fungus) leave me cold.

[Rico]

I have finished an entire box of Reese's Peanut Butter cereal in two sittings ... This week.

I'm usually too impatient to mince garlic with a knife, and either reach for the press, or just slice it up.

Second that.

Edited April 1, 2011 by Rico (log)

[Cass]

Swedish fish, but no shame at all!

[SylviaLovegren]

I don't like oysters and there's a small place in my heart for American cheese.

The mention of American cheese reminded me of the boxes and boxes of Velveeta we ate as kids.

"Cheese" comes in boxes?

We "rediscovered" Velveeta a few months ago. It makes a wonderful cheese sauce for mac'n'cheese. But it's best sliced thin in a sandwich with soft whole wheat bread, mayo, and sweet pickles... (My husband will not eat this.)

[Mjx]

I omitted to mention that I consider 'rubbery' the perfect texture for a candy or dessert, and that I've tried precisely two kinds of sushi in my life, and didn't care for the second one (so, although I have sushi fairly often, it's the same thing every time: six-piece yellowtail roll).

I also have weird reaction to MSG, and will sometimes delibarately eat things that are likely to be really MSG-heavy, just for the trippy effect.

And I seem to be incapable of leaving any sort of snack partly finished: I have to kill it off in more or less one go, regardless of how queasy I feel.

I eat things out of the pot because I'm too lazy to wash up any additional items, and as long as I lived on my own, my plates and flatware consisted of a large mug, a soup plate, a spoon, a pair of chopsticks, and a boot knife (oddly, I'm not particularly good with chopsticks).