How to make a sandwich

[Fresser]

Our Diet Coke had not chilled yet, so Mama Fresser ambled to the fridge for some ice cubes. To her dismay she found an EMPTY ice cube tray.

"Fresser!" Mama squealed as she poked me in the tummy. "Did you forget the recipe again?"

"Sorry, Mama. I was watching 'Iron Chef.' "

"Turn that off and open up one of your Martha Stewart cookbooks. That chick makes EVERYTHING from scratch!"

Given that the Fresser household is the epicenter for Borscht Belt humor, it's only natural that we joke about ice cube recipes. So when I looked at my jar of Miracle Whip and saw a recipe for "The Classic Turkey Sandwich," I thought it was a joke too. It wasn't.

It read thusly:

Prep time: 5 minutes

Ingredients: 2 slices of whole-grain bread

1 tablespoon Miracle Whip

leaf lettuce

two tomato slices

five pieces of thinly sliced turkey

Preparation:

Spread the Miracle Whip on one slice of bread. Place the lettuce and tomato on the bread and top with the turkey. Cover with the remaining slice of bread.

Makes 1 serving.

Frankly, this turkey tutorial raises more questions than it answers. On which bread slice should I spread the Miracle Whip? Assuming the two slices are not perfectly equal, this choice affects both the sandwich's taste and texture. What if I'm using the end piece? And once I've selected the slice, which side gets the Whip? The top or the bottom? Or maybe the slice that will end up face down on my carpet?

As if Miracle Whipping weren't enough pressure, now I need a mise en place for the lettuce and tomatoes. Garde manger!!

And I'm suspicious about that serving size. This recipe obviously would not accommodate the soup-and-half-sandwich crowd. Perhaps some information was missing.

Aauugh! I can't handle the pressure! No more Miracle Whip jar recipes for me. I'll just watch Rachel Ray instead.

I hear she has a great ice cube recipe...

[Jason Perlow]

Clearly Ms. Kostyra from Nutley knows a thing or two about turkey sandwiches. What does she say? I question the "five thin slices" of Turkey from the Miracle Whip container, though. I like thick, fresh slices of roast turkey on my sandwich myself.

The preferred Jason Perlow method is to take several thick slices of freshly roasted turkey breast, and place them on a slice of toasted whole grain bread that has been liberally applied with Hellman's Mayonaise (NOT Miracle Whip). Then, reach for the pepper grinder and generously apply ground black pepper on top of the turkey. Season with a dash of salt. Place 2 fresh slices of tomato on top, a leaf or two of fresh lettuce, repeat hellmans procedure with toasted cover slice, and you're done.

Edited May 4, 2006 by Jason Perlow (log)

[Fresser]

The preferred Jason Perlow method is to take several thick slices of freshly roasted turkey breast, and place them on a slice of toasted whole grain bread that has been liberally applied with Hellman's Mayonnaise (NOT Miracle Whip).

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Coming soon to a Hellman's jar near you...

[JanMcBaker]

What I don't understand is why spread your preferred spread on only one slice? I've seen that elsewhere and I don't get it. Why have a dry slice on your sandwich? Plus, the mayo on both bread slices helps glue the sandwich together!

[Daniel]

Could this recipe be applied to other sliced meats.. What if I had 5 slices of roast beef.. Or is there a completely different formula?

[Bombdog]

The preferred Jason Perlow method is to take several thick slices of freshly roasted turkey breast, and place them on a slice of toasted whole grain bread that has been liberally applied with Hellman's Mayonaise (NOT Miracle Whip).

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Gotta cast my lot with Jason here...NO Miracle Whip, AND thick slices (preferably from my own herb brined and smoked breast)

[Gifted Gourmet]

For the Miracle Whip averse (and there are many of them!! ), there is this long thread on, of course, mayo .. and all of its many variations ..

[Daniel]

I have never tasted Miracle Whip.. What exactly is it? I always thought it was the Hunt's Ketchup of the Mayo world.. Is it not Mayo?

Edited May 4, 2006 by Daniel (log)

[dvs]

gross as it is... i believe miracle whip is either "salad dressing" or "sandwich spread" not mayo.

[Marlene]

it's classified as "salad dressing". There are actually some things that I like Miracle Whip on although sandwiches are not one of them. There's a potato salad I make (there's a topic around here somewhere, where I convinced hordes of eGulleters to go out and slink home with some Miracle Whip) that the Miracle Whip just works better. And it was a great substitute when I was on WW.

[H. du Bois]

Whatever its provenence, it's white, gooey and ... sweet.

[PCL]

Thomy Mayonnaise is the superior mayonnaise... it lends a lovely unctuousness to any sandwich preparation.

[PatyGirl]

What I don't understand is why spread your preferred spread on only one slice?  I've seen that elsewhere and I don't get it.  Why have a dry slice on your sandwich? 

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I second this! Why have a dry slice?!!

[FabulousFoodBabe]

I have never tasted Miracle Whip.. What exactly is it?  I always thought it was the Hunt's Ketchup of the Mayo world.. Is it not Mayo?

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Miracle Whip was the staple of all the kids' lunches where I grew up (Cincinnati). Mayo it isn't; it's a 'sandwich spread.' It's white and pretty sweet. I didn't have real mayonnaise until I was in my early 20s, and that's no lie.

As for the sandwich construction: you leave one slice of bread dry because that's the slice the tomato goes next to!

[phaelon56]

I don't recall ever seeing or trying Miracle Whip until I was in my teens. I didn't even know there were brands of mayonnaise other than Hellman's - much less imitation mayonnaise like Miracle Whip.

But if the sandwich premise is that one has started with Miraclle Whip (a given because the recipe is coming straight off the jar) then I think it's safe to assume that we're working with thinly sliced "turkey" (i.e. generic turkey loaf from the local grocery store deli or perhaps straight from an Oscar Mayer blister pack).

That doesn't mean I have any interest in eating a sandwich like that. But recipes printed on processed food containers are always fun to read. Especially the one I spotted here on the office on our jumbo sized container of generic dried creamer (aka fake "cremora" - a bit of redundancy!). That recipe describes how to make "whipped cream" from dried powdered creamer. yum .

Fake Kool Whip.... hey... wait... that's no redundant - it's a double negative. Does that mean it's real?

[bobmac]

"Given that the Fresser household is the epicenter for Borscht Belt humor,"

Wow! Either the Borscht Belt has slipped considerably or the South has risen again.

But keep it up. In our household the joke is, "Make me some ice water, will you? You do it much better than I do."

[moosnsqrl]

So, Fress, do you "Apply, lather, rinse and repeat" when you wash your hair, too? And they say real men never read instructions. Ha!

[Fresser]

Given that the Fresser household is the epicenter for Borscht Belt humor,

Wow! Either the Borscht Belt has slipped considerably or the South has risen again.

But keep it up. In our household the joke is, "Make me some ice water, will you? You do it much better than I do."

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See, Moosnsqrl? SOMEBODY appreciates my taste in humor, if not in sandwich spreads.

[jsolomon]

I tried that recipe and walked around all day with a Miracle Whip moustache.

Honestly, I don't think the people I work with even notice me.

[Lilija]

It doesn't even say how much lettuce to use!!! Who do they think we are? We weren't ALL privileged enough to go to cooking school! *freaks out*

[slbunge]

It's somewhat surprising that they went to the trouble of identifying 'LEAF LETTUCE' as the proper lettuce for this recipe. Perhaps I'm stereotyping, but I would think that the proper match for a Miracle Whip-based sandwich would be a crisp leaf of iceberg lettuce.

[PopsicleToze]

Perhaps I'm stereotyping, but I would think that the proper match for a Miracle Whip-based sandwich would be a crisp leaf of iceberg lettuce.

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Hey. No putting down on Iceberg lettuce. There's nothing wrong with it -- it's cool; it's crisp & it makes a great wedge salad.

Rhonda

[lamb abbey orchards]

I have never understood our culture's fascination with mayonnaise. I've always viewed it is the culinary equivalent of pus.

If you want to make a decent turkey sandwich, you need only use the following ingredients:

Sliced Smoked Turkey

A few leaves of lettuce (preferable Bibb or Romaine)

One Ripe Avocado

Bread & Butter Pickle Slices (optional)

I prefer it on toasted wholewheat flatbread, but I think the bread is a matter of personal taste. What's mandatory is the avocado, preferably mashed to the consistency of guacomole and liberally spread on both pieces of toasted bread where the mayonnaise should never have been in the first place. I sometimes throw a clove or two of minced garlic into the avocado mix as well.

Let me know what you think if you make one

John

[CharityCase]

I grew up on Miracle Whip and graduated to Hellman's in my late teens. So much tastier but even it doesn't hold a candle to tube mayonnaise from Holland. One squeeze per french fry!

This sandwich done with turkey, bacon, avocado, obnoxious amounts of black pepper and a bit of homemade cranberry sauce AND an overeasy egg would be just about right. And thick turkey particularly if it comes from a "beer can turkey" made using a giant can of budweiser.

[Khadija]

I have never understood our culture's fascination with mayonnaise.  I've always viewed it is the culinary equivalent of pus.

If you want to make a decent turkey sandwich, you need only use the following ingredients:

Sliced Smoked Turkey

A few leaves of lettuce (preferable Bibb or Romaine)

One Ripe Avocado

Bread & Butter Pickle Slices (optional)

I prefer it on toasted wholewheat flatbread, but I think the bread is a matter of personal taste.  What's mandatory is the avocado, preferably mashed to the consistency of guacomole and liberally spread on both pieces of toasted bread where the mayonnaise should never have been in the first place.  I sometimes throw a clove or two of minced garlic into the avocado mix as well.

Let me know what you think if you make one

John

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You're so right about mayonaisse. I use homeade honey mustard (recipe: mix honey and mustard together). I only use a touch of honey, so it's not cloyingly sweet like the commercial varieties. Avacodo sounds good. Maybe a bit of lemon and salt?