I will never again . . . (Part 3)

[Smithy]

FOOMP.

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Basil endive parmesan shrimp live

Lobster hamster worchester muenster

Caviar radicchio snow pea scampi

Roquefort meat squirt blue beef red alert

Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks

Provolone flatbread goat's head soup

Gruyere cheese angelhair please

And a vichyssoise and a cabbage and a crawfish claws.

--"Johnny Saucep'n," by Moxy Früvous

As an aside, I can't believe you know Moxy Früvous! I thought their appeal was largely limited to Canadian university campuses (and mostly in the '90s), but it's nice to see they have other fans out there.

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They get a lot of play on Minnesota Public Radio, too. Great fun!

[C. sapidus]

. . . underestimate the power of a Preethi mixie.

Returning from the ice rink with a passel of boys, we decided to warm everyone up with a big batch of Mexican hot chocolate. Mexican chocolate comes in a thick wheel. One adds a quarter of the chocolate wheel to a cup of hot milk in the blender, and then blends the mixture until frothy. I have done this many, many times with our old blender.

For my birthday, Mrs. Crab gave me a new Preethi mixer/grinder, which is WAY more powerful than the old blender. I found this out the hard way. First batch: hit the pulse button, BLAMMO! Sticky hot chocolate everywhere. Hmm, maybe I didn’t hold the lid down hard enough. Second batch: leaning on the lid with all my might, hit the pulse buttn, BLAMMO! More hot chocolate everywhere.

By the third batch, I figured out the trick: breathe on the pulse button for a microsecond. This breaks up the chocolate chunks. Do it again, just in case. After that, blend away.

The frothy, cinnamon-scented hot chocolate was wonderful. The walls, window, and coffee maker cleaned up nicely.

[lrsmann]

Cutting cake boards with the X-acto.....and forgetting the silpat was underneath!! Oh well, I now have 3 silpats instead of two....

[maggiethecat]

By the third batch, I figured out the trick: breathe on the pulse button for a microsecond. This breaks up the chocolate chunks. Do it again, just in case. After that, blend away.

The frothy, cinnamon-scented hot chocolate was wonderful.   The walls, window, and coffee maker cleaned up nicely.

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Been there, done that. My walls, window, coffeemaker, KitchenAid, Cuiz, panini grill, cocktail shaker, toaster (and ceiling and curtains) have never recovered completely. But they smell good.

[miladyinsanity]

Cutting cake boards with the X-acto.....and forgetting the silpat was underneath!!  Oh well, I now have 3 silpats instead of two....

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Be careful. The fibres from the cut side can get into food.

[lrsmann]

Thanks! I had no idea. Well, down to one silpat. Excuse to shop.

[tino27]

I will never again try to make bread using nutritional yeast.

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Yes, but those were probably the healthiest crackers you could possibly make!

[andiesenji]

Thanks!  I had no idea.  Well, down to one silpat.  Excuse to shop.

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Take the pieces outside, place them on something that is not flamable, steadying them between two bricks works quite well, and using your kitchen blowtorch, bring the flame close to the cut edge and move it along the edge as it melts. That should seal the cut edges just fine.

P.S. It helps to have a steady hand or rest the hand holding the torch on something firm.

[HKDave]

Did the classic last night: while using my rarely-used gravy separator to remove fat from braising juice, I very carefully poured the delicious fennel/apple/vermouth scented juice down the sink, retaining every drop of fat in the separator.

I even stopped a couple of times while doing it, thinking 'Hmm, something's not right'. But then I continued until I was done.

Edited September 20, 2006 by HKDave (log)

[BekkiM]

I even stopped a couple of times while doing it, thinking 'Hmm, something's not right'. But then I continued until I was done.

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And *that's* where I started laughing so hard I startled my cube-mates...

I LOVE this thread!

[Domestic Goddess]

Cooked popcorn on my plastic dimsum steamer (with cover & steamer mat) in my microwave. Now there's a nice hole over the strainer mat. My dad came over to visit me from Manila and saw my steamer and started laughing. He did the exact same thing back home.

[Ruth in Condechi]

Reading just parts of this thread has had me in fits of laughter! My own recollections after 35 years in the kitchen:

My first attempt at Thanksgiving dinner ( I was 18 ) for my family (my dad was a chef, my mother a fabulous latin american cook) I had all the courses done and dad was carving the bird when he started to serve the stuffing from the birds cavity -- and struck the giblet bag which I had forgotten to remove But the bird was perfect!

A second attempt at doing a Christmas dinner for family (always at least 10 people and more)

I enlisted help from the then current boyfriend who insisted on having espresso to be able to help -- we put the old fashioned Italian espresso pot (where you turn it over when the water is boiling) on the restaurant burner ( my parents had a restaurant on Thompson St in Grrenwich Village by then), I forgot, and the sound of the explosion woke everyone in the building (Oh did I forget -- all night party, why sleep, just get to it at 5 AM) the fire and police officers where actually very pleasant for the that time of the morning. Biggest problem -- the stains on the ceiling -- they were still there 25 years later.

[racheld]

Old boyfriends fade away; coffee stains are forever. What a great story!

[bigbrowncow]

Slicing half my fingernail off and going right into my finger while chopping chillis with a brand new japanese santoku.

It did heal up relatively quickly but I can't recommend wiping a whole load of chilli into your cuts. Unless you like that wierd kind of pain.

Steve

[fatmat]

Slicing half my fingernail off and going right into my finger while chopping chillis with a brand new japanese santoku.

It did heal up relatively quickly but I can't recommend wiping a whole load of chilli into your cuts. Unless you like that wierd kind of pain.

Steve

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OUCH OUCH... I can feel the sweat of pain rise on my brow - I have, however, scratched my man bits, on a trip to the loo, after chopping scotch bonnet chillies...

[Pontormo]

...combine briefly cooked, still warm fresh tomatoes with pesto.

I can't tell you how many times I've made the same mistake. As good as raw cherry tomatoes or chopped fresh plum tomatoes are on pasta tossed with pesto sauce, the heat does bad, bad things to the dish. Sludge.

Slow-roasted tomatoes at room temperature? Good, too. Quickly sauteed cherry tomatoes with garlic and olive oil? Fine, just dump the contents out of the pan and pop them in the freezer for a few minutes to cook it down to room temperature. THEN add the cooled stuff to the pasta.

Edited September 26, 2006 by Pontormo (log)

[sazji]

...try to ladle soup into a bowl while talking on the phone and getting talked to by a guest. I grabbed a wide soup dish in the left hand, ladle in right hand, ladled the soup in, dropped the bowl as hot soup went over my fingers...

I was holding the dish upside down...

[prasantrin]

Not quite in the kitchen, but I will never again try to take a picture of soup with my camera by holding the camera with just one hand (and after having an alcoholic beverage or two).

Or rather, I'll never again drop my camera into my soup, getting pumpkin soup all over the lens, and knocking the bowl of soup over. (Thank god for charger plates!)

[chef_mico]

The most dumbest thing i ever did was catch a falling knife during my culinary school days, it was a real bleeder, i didn't want to see what was underneath all that blood because it was real nasty, and it was really painful. Didn't need stitches though, but i couldn't open my hand for about a week and i had to take a bath with a bag over it so it wouldn't get wet. It was a very uncomfortable to wash...if you know what i mean.

That's why i have a 2 inch scar on my left palm as a reminder of how careless i was back then. Just remembering it just makes my spine tingle.

That's why just let the knife fall if you drop it, so what if it's an expensive knife, it's better than losing a digit or worse your hand.

[Mano]

Not me, but a babysitter who arrived at 4:00 was instructed to turn off the crock pot at 6 p.m. She'd never seen one before and at one point thought to herself, "shouldn't it be on the stove to cook?"

She turned on the electric element and put the crock pot, which had a plastic bottom, on the element to "cook."

Needless to say, we went out and got a new crock pot and a new babysitter.

[Domestic Goddess]

OMG, Mano. I'm glad you didn't have to replace your kitchn or worse yet, your entire house.

[scubadoo97]

get side tracked while cutting up a butternut squash. Gash to the tip of the left index finger. No time for stiches at the time so I'm still covering the flap and it's 3 weeks now. It healing slowly without infection. I haven't cut my self in a few years and can't say this will never happen again but it's a bitch when it happens.

[Misa]

... I will never again attempt to use "the safe way" to chop Romaine right after being handed a just-sharpened knife.

I am more comfortable, and cautious, with "my way".

What happens with "the safe way"?

(Warning: This is kinda gross. If you squick easily, don't look.) Ouch.

Of course... I didn't go to the ER or anything. I mean, what was there to sew up? It was a chunk - gone.

[chef_mico]

... I will never again attempt to use "the safe way" to chop Romaine right after being handed a just-sharpened knife. 

I am more comfortable, and cautious, with "my way".

What happens with "the safe way"?

(Warning: This is kinda gross. If you squick easily, don't look.) Ouch.

Of course... I didn't go to the ER or anything. I mean, what was there to sew up? It was a chunk - gone.

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Damn!!!! That's gotta hurt!!!

[Hawthorne]

wet oven mitts DO NOT insulate at all!

Word.

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One more word: wool

This is off topic, but when your beloved spouse helpfully washes - and dries in the dryer - your pure wool king size blanket, you now have a lot of material for truly superior oven mitts, potholders and other good insulating devices.

When you have lemons ...