Do you get the manager or send food back

[K8memphis]

All this talk about negative feedback & critiquing & getting the manager and writing letters & stuff...

I can promise you that I will get sh*tty sh*tty food in the shee-shee-est places when someone else is treating me to the meal. Whether it's his boss or my boss & everyone is politely sitting staring at their plate of food waiting for everyone to be served, I'll be served last of course, it sucks of course.

Not always always. But sooo often. 3-4 times plus the time at the sushi place where they seemed to have forgotten to wash the clever wooden cutting board they were serving me my food on. But I mean to get that dingy of a surface on there they had to brush the food off many times from many previous diners. Geez I'm gonna hurl just thinking about it. And that was the time the kid was treating her Dad & all of us to a Father's Day meal--it was her first big time to treat us. I was a bit squeemish about sushi & stuff anyways.

So it seems that if I even ever so gentley say to the waiter, by the way, please step aside or I'm going to throw up on your shoes. No no no, I was kidding--that's what I would like to say.

But I mean how do you ask for a manager without disrupting the table--how do you recover the atmosphere after you send something back & everyone knows you'll be eating later, sometimes much later. Plus you know somebody's drooling on your food somewhere back there 'cause you sent it back.

I mean I have no regrets about keeping my mouth shut at the sushi place for Father's Day (hurl hurl) because I totally did not want that to be the memory. Mom was freaked out about sushi and then she sent all her stuff back blahblahblah. But later my son agreed that that board was scary looking.

But anyway--how do you send stuff back when someone else is paying??? Doesn't it seem a little umm, ungrateful is not the right word, umm, out of place to send it back, inappropriate, as if you are slighting their generosity somehow. I mean of course they want you to enjoy your meal--and get their money's worth--but still, what do you think??? How do y'all handle that?

[Kim WB]

In a business situation, I would NEVER send food back. The only exception I can think of would be if they served me duck breast when I ordered scallops.

I wouldn't send my meal back if it was a "kid's first treat", either..but most personal situations would be a case by case basis.

[Sugarella]

I think it's only inappropriate to send food back when you're at someone's house.

Seriously, what if it wasn't a dirty dish? (Although sending that back would not have guaranteed you anything better, in that case.) What if your chicken was still pink and oozing blood when it came to the table? Would you send it back? Of course you would, and that's not an insult to the person treating you either....they didn't cook it.

I think the best thing to do is send food back but let everyone else start eating and just wait, continue eating the rolls, etc. I know if it's a kid's first treat it's hard for a parent to do, but I think the valuable lesson to them in it would be not accepting mediocre product or service or being a pushover in the interest of just being polite. And I don't think that'd be everyone's only memory of the day years down the road, either.

[therese]

I've actually been in situations where I had to deal with something that wasn't going quite right, sometimes when I was paying (but didn't want to disturb my guests in any way), sometimes when I wasn't (and certainly didn't want my hosts to realize that things weren't just perfect).

What I do is leave the table under some pretense (cell phone or beeper going off is a good one, potty break second best) and hunt down the server or manager. I explain the problem and explain what remedy needs to be made (cutting down on hemming and hawing all around). I point out that I want the change made without any fuss or explanation to the others at the table, just a smile and a murmer if necessary.

When I return to the table the situation's generally been addressed.

[annanstee]

I agree that I would never think about sending food back when at a business function. In any case, I would not send it back if I just found the food to be mediocre, or not quite to my taste- nor would I complain to my host about it, any more than I would if you were in her home. If he or she brought it up, I might say something-like "yes, I felt the meat was a little tough, but [insert positive comment here]."

I guess the exception would be if the food was totally off, like I had a bad oyster or there was a worm or glass in it or something, in which case I would unobtrusively ask to have it addressed.

If someone is trying to give you a treat, you do not want to make them feel bad about their choice of venue. The host is the host, and any complaining to be done should be done by them.

[bavila]

I like the idea of demanding replacement without the rest of the party knowing. I wish I could have done this once when I was in Costa Rica. My now in-laws were treating me and now hubby to dinner at what (they thought was a great restaurant). I ordered filet, and while I'm not sure what cut they brought me, it sure as hell was not filet, and it definitely was inferior. I was pissed. Especially because I thought the staff may have been trying to pass one over on the gringa. I didn't say anything to the in-laws, because I knew they'd be embarassed, and I still don't speak enough Spanish to have fixed the situation quietly. Incentive to learn...

[Sneakeater]

I'm beginning to think Therese is like the only grownup on this board.

[Pan]

I recently got a salmon dish at a business dinner (part of an interview for a job). It was a bit fishy. If I had been with friends, I probably would have sent it back. In that context, I ate the whole thing and did not make any kind of negative comment about the meal. If the fish had been really bad instead of a bit fishy and kind of borderline, I'm not sure what I would have done.

[therese]

I recently got a salmon dish at a business dinner (part of an interview for a job). It was a bit fishy. If I had been with friends, I probably would have sent it back. In that context, I ate the whole thing and did not make any kind of negative comment about the meal. If the fish had been really bad instead of a bit fishy and kind of borderline, I'm not sure what I would have done.

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You can always just move it around a bit on your plate and eat the side dishes and bread to keep hunger at bay. If anybody notices (and they're unlikely to, as they're interviewing you rather than paying attention to your plate) you can say that you had a big or late lunch (assuming you're not eating with the same people). And if others are ordering dessert that will be another opportunity to get ingest some more calories.

[K8memphis]

I recently got a salmon dish at a business dinner (part of an interview for a job). It was a bit fishy. If I had been with friends, I probably would have sent it back. In that context, I ate the whole thing and did not make any kind of negative comment about the meal. If the fish had been really bad instead of a bit fishy and kind of borderline, I'm not sure what I would have done.

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Yeah, I had the sorriest salmon ever--in the fanciest of places too. It wasn't bad like spoiled--on that score, I would not eat it due to health issues I'd prolly die or wish I was dead -- I'd send it back if it stunk--but ...

How about this question, yah know how they say don't order filet well done because they give you crappy cuts and don't order fish on Monday cause it's leftover from the weekend or something??? So the regularity in which consumers receive awful meals when they are being hosted/treated by someone else--think that's a similar factor???? Think it's on purpose??? Or just random. Both probably huh.

Last time, with the dryasdust salmon, I thought about telling someone when I left the table to go to the john--but I didn't--it wasn't just his boss treating us it was big whigs from the mother ship--I mean from Chicago.

Oh no, they would notice, they would comment if you didn't eat your food, this is not an interview, this is business. I mean you don't have to 'clean your plate' but I mean we get several appetizers & pass & share, then the entrees arrive, mine late of course blahblahblah

So anyway... what a yah gonna do?

Edited April 7, 2006 by K8memphis (log)

[FabulousFoodBabe]

I'm beginning to think Therese is like the only grownup on this board.

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Agree.

I generally don't leave the table when a course is in front of me, though I've had to, on occasion, call the server over and gesture to them that they should lean down to me. Then I say, quietly, "could you please bring me a salad that has no grit in it?" and it's taken care of, quickly. If the main course is inedible, I pick at it and that's that. When the plate is taken away, I tell them quietly that the fish was bad or whatever, or that I just didn't care for it. Usually, it removes itself from the tab.

when I worked in advertising, the big thing to do was send wine back. I never did it, but was with people who did lots of times. If the stuff is corked or tastes like vinegar, that's one thing, but these people were truly ridiculous.

[therese]

I generally don't leave the table when a course is in front of me...

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That beeper comes in handy. One of the things about work dinners is that it's not unexpected that you might be contacted by work. And of course you'd never be so gauche as to have your phone or beeper set to an audible ring, and you'd also never be so gauche as to answer the call or page in hearing range of anybody else.

[therese]

How about this question, yah know how they say don't order filet well done  because they give you crappy cuts and don't order fish on Monday cause it's leftover from the weekend or something???  So the regularity in which consumers receive awful meals when they are being hosted/treated by someone else--think that's a similar factor???? Think it's on purpose??? Or just random. Both probably huh.

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I think it's because the people doing the hosting pick some pretty crappy restaurants.

Oh no, they would notice, they would comment if you didn't eat your food, this is not an interview, this is business. I mean you don't have to 'clean your plate' but I mean we get several appetizers & pass & share, then the entrees arrive, mine late of course  blahblahblah

Since Pan was actually being interviewed they likely wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't really put much of a dent in his salmon.

And if you're dining with colleagues who know you well enough to comment on whether or not you're eating then they know you well enough for you to tell them that you had a big lunch or have been watching your diet or whatever.

And boy, do I ever hate that "get several appetizers and pass and share" idea. Servers always seem to suggest that option for work dinners and I pretty much always look them straight in the eye and tell them that hell will freeze over before I seriously consider that option. Well, I don't put it in those terms, but they get the idea.

Of course if somebody else is hosting the meal then I just smile patiently. I rarely eat very much of that course, as it's generally various sorts of battered and deep fried bleah, and I've never had anybody comment on my not eating enough.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

One of the things about work dinners is that it's not unexpected that you might be contacted by work. And of course you'd never be so gauche as to have your phone or beeper set to an audible ring, and you'd also never be so gauche as to answer the call or page in hearing range of anybody else.

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If one is with co-workers, I'd think so! But if one is at a business-snagging dinner, or otherwise ...

So, I misunderstood.

[Blanche Davidian]

I have the opposite problem with a friend I occasionally dine with--regardless of who treats when we go out, he is tyrannically rude if anything about the meal is "off." For example:

We went to a very crowded restaurant, and we were all very hungry. The waiter came over to take our drink orders, which we gave along with some appetizers. On his way back to the kitchen, the waiter stopped at a table near ours who were similarly waiting to be waited on, and my friend jumped up, ran to the waiter and demanded he go straight to the kitchen because we were so hungry we couldn't wait another second for our drinks/food.

Another time, a third diner had ordered something wacky she ended up not liking. My friend called the waiter over and demanded that the offending dish be taken away and that it be taken off the bill. There was nothing wrong with the dish, it was just not what our third diner was expecting. The friend got quite shrill when the waiter explained the manager would not comp the dish because it didn't suit us--he let loose with a torrent of insults about the waiter, the manager, the food, the restaurant in general. "Never in all my life have I been treated with such rudeness!!!" I have never wanted to crawl under the table so badly in my life--I ended up offering to trade dishes to make the peace, although I warned diner #3 that she wouldn't like it and didn't like it too much myself.

I could go on and on about my poor friend's terrible restaurant manners, but those are the stories that fit the thread the best. I assure you he's quite lovely as a person, as long as he's not in a restaurant.

Edited April 7, 2006 by Blanche Davidian (log)

[nwyles]

I have the opposite problem with a friend I occasionally dine with--regardless of who treats when we go out, he is tyrannically rude if anything about the meal is "off."  For example:

We went to a very crowded restaurant, and we were all very hungry.  The waiter came over to take our drink orders, which we gave along with some appetizers.  On his way back to the kitchen, the waiter stopped at a table near ours who were similarly waiting to be waited on, and my friend jumped up, ran to the waiter and demanded he go straight to the kitchen because we were so hungry we couldn't wait another second for our drinks/food. 

Another time, a third diner had ordered something wacky she ended up not liking.  My friend called the waiter over and demanded that the offending dish be taken away and that it be taken off the bill.  There was nothing wrong with the dish, it was just not what our third diner was expecting.  The friend got quite shrill when the waiter explained the manager would not comp the dish because it didn't suit us--he let loose with a torrent of insults about the waiter, the manager, the food, the restaurant in general.  "Never in all my life have I been treated with such rudeness!!!"  I have never wanted to crawl under the table so badly in my life--I ended up offering to trade dishes to make the peace, although I warned diner #3 that she wouldn't like it and didn't like it too much myself. 

I could go on and on about my poor friend's terrible restaurant manners, but those are the stories that fit the thread the best.  I assure you he's quite lovely as a person, as long as he's not in a restaurant. 

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And what is it about being in a restaurant that makes them that way ?

Is it because it has developed into an accepted standard that you can be rude and mean and your server / manager / busboy etc. just has to stand there and take it.

I mean, try that behavior on your dentist, doctor or even auto mechanic and see where it gets you. They are people providing a service for money as well.

Anyways, I digress.

Sorry, back to the topic.

[bpeikes]

There is nothing wrong about sending food back. Just don't make a big deal about it. It obviously also depends on the people you are with but by not telling the staff about it, you don't give them a chance to make it right.

If you were paying for dinner, and chose a restaurant that you thought was good, would you rather your guests deal with a bad food, and then later complained behind your back about how the dinner was aweful?

We had a situation a little like that when we took a group out for dinner on New Years day. One person has a lot of food allergies and was asking tons of questions to the staff, but I thought they handled it well.

Servers should know that business diners usually are going to leave a good tip. It's in there interest to make you look good.

[Pan]

I think they would have noticed if I hadn't eaten the salmon. Yes, it was part of an interview, but the dinners themselves were more about the members of the search committee having the opportunity to get meals they wanted, and most of the conversation that night was about food and travel. They all more or less liked their meals.

[therese]

I think they would have noticed if I hadn't eaten the salmon. Yes, it was part of an interview, but the dinners themselves were more about the members of the search committee having the opportunity to get meals they wanted, and most of the conversation that night was about food and travel. They all more or less liked their meals.

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So, just returned from a trip where I found myself in exactly this situation.

Dinner early-ish, outside (so still plenty of light, not conducive to surreptious not-really-eating behavior), and inept wait staff.

Salad comprised of decent mixed greens that had partially frozen. Yep, cold and crunchy wilted nasty. The bits around the edges were edible, and I consumed them. Fortunately it was fairly large, so just eating the edges while also talking took up a decent amount of time.

I'd chosen a margherita pizza for my main course, seduced by the description of fresh mozzarella and basil and tomatoes on a thin crust. The crust was thin, I'll admit, but otherwise boring and a bit soggy, the cheese was, well, I don't really know what the cheese was, the tomatoes were diced (little tiny perfect dice, presumably a processed product of some sort), and some shreds of fresh basil, if by fresh you mean wilted and a bit dessicated.

I ate exactly half, enough to keep my hosts from worrying whether I'd like it or not.

[MissAmy]

Honestly, if I were paying for a meal for someone, whether it were business related or not, I'd rather them send it back if something were wrong with it than suffer in silence. I want my guests to have a good time, and if they don't like what is served to them, I want them to find something that is suitable.

[ingridsf]

I wouldn't hesitate to send something back just because it's a business setting.

I'm low-key about it and send back stuff like bloody-chicken/funky fish. I let side-dish mistakes go, like when they bring creamed spinach (can't stand) instead of the salad I ordered. Can you really send something back just cause you don't like it? My, the things I don't know....

Finding the manager privately is brilliant.

Fortunately, we extremely aware sorts here know what CEOs are waking up to: It's good to hire people who are polite to service staff in restaurants. (Another current thread that seems related to this one.)

Edited April 19, 2006 by ingridsf (log)

[therese]

There's no way I could have sent back either the frozen/wilted salad or the pizza in this instance without embarassing my host, and believe me, he'd have been profoundly embarassed: not only was he trying to get me to take a job, but was eager to show me that this town offered great food. We were eating in this particular restaurant because it was Sunday night and most places were closed.

Handling it off line with the staff wouldn't have worked as the staff was stunningly inept.

Fortunately my subsequent meals on this trip were very good, so this experience was an anomaly.

[suzilightning]

well i asked my husband to take me out to a local restaurant that says they have a name chef last night for my birthday. i wish i had followed my own rule and gone by myself for lunch - it would have saved me a lot of unhappy feelings and a fight with my very buzzed husband.

first the good - the place looks fabulous. we were greeted and seated promptly. our cocktail order was taken. he had a margarita with a better tequila, i had an elderflower cocktail that was very, very nice. john ordered the codfish cake and the hand cut fettuccine with fire roasted tomatoes, olive, fresh herbs, etc. he said they were both very, very good. they provided the table with a bottle each of still and sparkling water.

now the not so good - i ordered 2 small plates of things i love to eat - beef and potato empanadas and onion rings. when they came out i ate one of the empanadas. the filling was really good. one of the best i have eaten and i have eaten these all over morris county. the crust not so much - by the time i finished the first one the crust was getting soggy. i tried to eat an onion ring. they were pipping hot - just as they should be but as i picked it up my hands felt greasy. i tried another and the same thing. as they sat there you could see the grease soaking the paper that lined the basket. this was very frustating since i was seeing that other diners were getting things like french fries that didn't look greasy.

i didn't say anything to our server since she never came by to ask how things were. she didn't show up until my husband had finished all of his meal and then she just asked if we wanted anything wrapped - and i was sitting there with basically an untouched basket of onion rings and two of three empanadas. when we said no she removed the food and, 10 minutes later, we asked a passing bus person to have her bring us the check. i was also under orders from my husband to say nothing because he wanted to take the tomatoes he couldn't finish home and he didn't want the kitchen staff to spit in them. and i shouldn't take it out on the server. and i should be glad there was even food on my plate. and maybe i'm too flipping picky about my food. and maybe the fat americans love their onion rings with grease dripping down to their elbows. did i mention that he had a glass of wine with his dinner?

would i have been out of line to say something? it seems that the server wasn't all that together. i emailed the owner and just got a response from the catering manager saying basically thank you for the input and she hopes i give the place another try. no offer of comp or even a free drink ... i feel that i have to give my husband an 20.00 to make up for it.

any thoughts?

[Okanagancook]

I feel your pain! Where we live it is very hard to get good food, just well prepared....aki, non greasy onion rings. How hard is that. (I should add that there are some great places to get great food). I think that the standard of expectations of the general, everyday restaurant eating crowd must be low because 'substandard' food is 'put-up-with', so the the restauranteurs think their stuff is good. When one complains, you get his look, like 'you're weird because everyone else loves this dish'. Very sad. I am just learning how to make great food at home out here. So, bottom line, I think your silence was correct. Just don't go back. Saying something falls on deaf ears.

[haresfur]

I'd only send the food back for something incredibly badly prepared like still frozen meat or broken glass in the salad. If it was merely not to my liking, I'd smile and choke it down. In a business situation, this could be a real test of how well you handle things. That could work in your favour if you clearly aren't being a prima donna and act, well, professionally.

Interesting thought that it might be wise to order something relatively "safe" if possible. Hard to screw up, doesn't make you look like a wacko (She likes tripe???), and importantly for me - something I'm unlikely to end up wearing.