Dinner II: The Gallery of Regrettable Foods (Part 1)

[chardan]

Hi Daniel,

So sorry that happened to those kidneys! :<

_Jesse Williamson ;-};l

[crinoidgirl]

Sorry folks but, I think this takes home the blue ribbon.. This actually caused immediate illness.. Rancid veal kidney.. Fried in butter and finished in a mustard shallot cream sauce..

A disgusting camera phone picture to boot.. I didnt look so bad in real life, but the taste of the kidney made up for it..

←

Stupid question...

Why did you decide to cook rancid kidneys? Or does this belong in the "3 a.m. drunken food" category?

[gus_tatory]

Okay, I have another entry in what could become a series: Unsightly Eggplant Dishes We Have Known and Eaten. Observe:

←

you know, mizducky, i love eggplant, but that looks like hot and sour soup...

[mizducky]

you know, mizducky, i love eggplant, but that looks like hot and sour soup... 

←

Yeah, as I recall, I really lost control of the liquid content on that dish. IIRC, I put in something like a cup of liquid; but though I know better, I totally spaced about eggplant's ability to give off a whole bunch of liquid of its own. So, yeah, things did get a mite bit soupy. As well as that distinctive grayish-brown eggplant color.

[Shalmanese]

Ugh, no pictures but follow me in my litany of trainwrecks. So I'm leaving the country soon and as a result, I've been trying to find... creative ways to use up some pantry items before I go.

I had some cornmeal so why not make cornbread since I'd never made it before.

Mistake the first: Only after mixing the cornmeal with the flour did I discover we were out of milk and only had a carton of soy milk left from when a healthnut girlfriend of one of my friends was staying over.

Mistake the second: All my oil supply/fat/shortening had been depleted. The only fats I had left were butter and not-extra-virgin olive oil. The butter went into the batter but I didn't want it to burn in the pan so I went with the olive oil in the pan.

Mistake the 3rd: I thought a bit of cheese would hide all of the other flavours so I rifle through my cheese locker and the only appropriate one is a chunk of truffled pecorino I had left over. In that went.

Mistake the 4th: All of the recipes I looked at gave quantities of 1 cup cornmeal/1 cup flour/1 cup liquid. This is evidently fine if you have a my-first-cast-iron-skillet but it barely filled my skillet to 1/2 an inch. I should have doubled the amount.

Mistake the 5th: I didn't check the bread until it was slightly overbaked.

Unfortunately, there are no photos but it came out looking like a giant cow turd and tasted about as good .

[racheld]

Ugh, no pictures but follow me in my litany of trainwrecks. So I'm leaving the country soon and as a result, I've been trying to find... creative ways to use up some pantry items before I go.

I had some cornmeal so why not make cornbread since I'd never made it before.

Mistake the first: Only after mixing the cornmeal with the flour did I discover we were out of milk and only had a carton of soy milk left from when a healthnut girlfriend of one of my friends was staying over.

Mistake the second: All my oil supply/fat/shortening had been depleted. The only fats I had left were butter and not-extra-virgin olive oil. The butter went into the batter but I didn't want it to burn in the pan so I went with the olive oil in the pan.

Mistake the 3rd: I thought a bit of cheese would hide all of the other flavours so I rifle through my cheese locker and the only appropriate one is a chunk of truffled pecorino I had left over. In that went.

Mistake the 4th: All of the recipes I looked at gave quantities of 1 cup cornmeal/1 cup flour/1 cup liquid. This is evidently fine if you have a my-first-cast-iron-skillet but it barely filled my skillet to 1/2 an inch. I should have doubled the amount.

Mistake the 5th: I didn't check the bread until it was slightly overbaked.

Unfortunately, there are no photos but it came out looking like a giant cow turd and tasted about as good .

←

Intentions: Endearing. Recipe: enchanting, dismaying, hilarious.

Description: Priceless. And is the comparison from real life? You gotta love a guy who tries so hard to make cornbread.

Your soy-milk and olive oil concoction was fairly OK, but the truffled pecorino was the only "appropriate" cheese? What else did you HAVE? Tripe Brie? Candied Swiss?

Next week: Grits. Batten down the hatches.

[dockhl]

I love this place..........

where else do you find references to "left over truffled pecorino that I needed to use up........"

Kinda like the "left over duck confit in my pantry" comments from before..........

(of course, my daughter DID ask about the five different types of fats in my freezer the other day !)

Hmmmmmmmmm.............

[Shalmanese]

Ugh, no pictures but follow me in my litany of trainwrecks. So I'm leaving the country soon and as a result, I've been trying to find... creative ways to use up some pantry items before I go.

I had some cornmeal so why not make cornbread since I'd never made it before.

Mistake the first: Only after mixing the cornmeal with the flour did I discover we were out of milk and only had a carton of soy milk left from when a healthnut girlfriend of one of my friends was staying over.

Mistake the second: All my oil supply/fat/shortening had been depleted. The only fats I had left were butter and not-extra-virgin olive oil. The butter went into the batter but I didn't want it to burn in the pan so I went with the olive oil in the pan.

Mistake the 3rd: I thought a bit of cheese would hide all of the other flavours so I rifle through my cheese locker and the only appropriate one is a chunk of truffled pecorino I had left over. In that went.

Mistake the 4th: All of the recipes I looked at gave quantities of 1 cup cornmeal/1 cup flour/1 cup liquid. This is evidently fine if you have a my-first-cast-iron-skillet but it barely filled my skillet to 1/2 an inch. I should have doubled the amount.

Mistake the 5th: I didn't check the bread until it was slightly overbaked.

Unfortunately, there are no photos but it came out looking like a giant cow turd and tasted about as good .

←

Intentions: Endearing. Recipe: enchanting, dismaying, hilarious.

Description: Priceless. And is the comparison from real life? You gotta love a guy who tries so hard to make cornbread.

Your soy-milk and olive oil concoction was fairly OK, but the truffled pecorino was the only "appropriate" cheese? What else did you HAVE? Tripe Brie? Candied Swiss?

Next week: Grits. Batten down the hatches.

←

I have some bleu cheese, some brie, cream cheese, fontina and butter in my cheese draw at the moment. I guess I could have used the fontina but my thinking process was that the truffle cheese better get used up before it looses all its fragrance.

And dockhl I actually DO have some duck confit left in my fridge. I had completely forgotten about it 6 months ago and frankly, I'm a bit scared to open it up and see what it's become.

[Grub]

I couldn't believe this picture when I first saw it. The sauce was orange in color -- yeah okay, it was orange... And that wasn't really the color I had hoped for when I got the idea to make this sauce -- I sort of envisioned it as a red sauce. So I used a red bell pepper. But I guess the yellow onion got enough color to move the hue from redishy red to ambery orange... But it wasn't FLUORESCENT orange, damnit!

The fish looks completely soggy and soaked. Uck. And the parsley in the breading looks burned (it wasn't really burned, but it did have a pretty dark color though -- how can you shallow fry a breaded fish with parsley and not do that to the parsley, while cooking the fish to a golden, crisp coating? Use higher temperatures and shorter cooking time, or vice versa?).

Even the asparagus looks limp -- and I tossed the first asparagus I made, which I HAD overcooked.

But the sauce, the sauce... Man, I should keep this sauce in mind if I cook something for Halloween or somesuch... Jezz...

[mizducky]

I'm pooped and don't have the energy to do the full-fledged camera thing, so I'll give you a verbal on tonight's creation.

I set out to make a totally mushroom soup with no dairy or starch, and boy did it ever taste like a million bucks, but wow did it look unsightly. Base was a boatload of supermarket button mushrooms (they were on special), sliced and sweated in a little olive oil till super-tender, spiked with about two ounces of dried mixed European shrooms, reconstituted. This then got simmered with a generous amount of sweated chopped onion, minced garlic, S&P, a scant tsp. of dried tarragon, a little glug of red wine vinegar, the cup of mushroom soaking liquid, and a generous tsp of veg base dissolved in a cup of water. I pureed most of the concoction in the blender--it got a lovely light mousse-like consistency. At the last minute before taking it off the heat, I decided to shred and halve a whole package of enoki I had sitting around, raw, and fold the whole lot into the puree.

I really like how this concoction turned out in terms of taste and mouthfeel--the still-crunchy threads of enoki in the soft puree was really interesting. But--an attractive dish it most definitely was not. Pureed well-stewed shrooms look like deep brown baby poop. What it looked like with the enoki mixed in, I hesitate to put into words, but leave to your imagination. Hint: Euw.

I ate it anyway, I was that pleased with the flavor. This idea is definitely a keeper; I just need to come up with a way to make it more presentable. Maybe just content myself with a sprinkle of enoki on top, not a whole bale of it mixed in. Those little packages of enoki are deceptive--it's amazing how many of the little buggers are packed in there once you start pulling them apart a bit.

(Going off to get another bowl of the shrooms...)

[gus_tatory]

This thread cracks me up.

←

me too. consistently.

[Lordof7]

Ugggh. Yesterday was the most horrible cooking day I've had since starting this whole "Wow cooking is fun!" epiphany. Well, so as not to lose my taste (ow!) for this hobby, I will proceed to do what I do best in this situation, which is bitch about it. My wife heard enough yesterday, so now its your turn!!! Muhahahaha!!

Breakfast: Eggs Benedict

(Disclaimer: I be a noobie. If I am "experienced" in cooking something, I've done it three times before.)

Ok, so this one I have made a few times before. The last sticky part for me is, of course, the sauce. (I use the method from the cream sauce eGCI course.) I have learned previously that cutting the hollandaise recipe in half while forgetting to halve the amount of vinegar (distilled at that) makes for, ummm, interesting hollaindaise. Last time I made this it came out well - nice and thick, with proper flavor and bite.

First attempt yesterday - wht wine vinegar reduced nicely, add half an egg yolk, wow its getting thick...uhhh, oh shit. Forgot to add cold water and let the pan cool. Screw it - toss and start again. Reduce vinegar, let pan cool, add cold water, add half an egg yolk. Hmm. If I added half the first time, why does this look like so little egg? Well, I'm very careful not to overcook the egg, seems like its thickening, so I start adding butter. No problem, except for the sauce doesn't seem to be thickening. Oh well, eggs are ready so lets plate. I poured the sauce on top, and it promptly ran off the eggs into a nice watery pool on the plate. I guess I didn't heat the egg enough to get the sauce thick enough (or I ran out of time and didn't add enough butter.) Ate it anyway. They tasted ok, but because the hollandaise was so runny, it didn't taste as good as previously. Screw it, I'll redeem myself at dinner...

Dinner: Grilled Ribeye steak, Twice baked parmesan mashed potatoes, green beans.

One thing I do feel pretty good about is my grilling skills. Although I always overcook everything by a tiny degree still (too scared to pull it early enough), I can at least get stuff pink (I like rare.) So, get the steaks to room temp (ribeye for me, filet mignons for the wife) and start the grilling. Oh, before grilling, the first bake for the potatoes should be finished. Hmmm. Why after an hour at 375 are they rock hard inside? Into the microwave for eight minutes while I sear the steaks. Ok, steaks are seared and finishing, why does one part of the ribeye feel raw by the poke test (the outside fattier part) while the inside leaner bit feels medium-well? Forget it - pull them and rest while I make the mashed potatoes. OK, after an hour in the oven and eight minutes in the microwave (enough to cook them without the oven!!!) they are STILL hard in the middle. Damn it! Well, no time now - rice and mix in ingredients. Taste - well, they TASTE ok, but the texture is bad. Kinda like mushy couscous, but you added some at the very end. Screw it - we're hungry. Top with butter, throw under the broiler. Plate everything and start eating. I didn't take any shameful pictures because it actually looked very nice. Taste on the other hand... Potatoes tasted like I described. Blech. I have been known to eat 3-4 of these at a sitting, but I could barely finish one. The part of my steak that felt medium well was medium well, and the part that felt rare was rare (and the fat wasn't well cooked). Very odd - I flipped in a fashion so that it should have cooked it evenly. Fortunately I got my wifes filets right, and she raved about the potatoes (but I'm sure it was to make me feel better - they were really bad.)

So, I still don't know why the potatoes didn't cook, and my steak cooked strangely. I also realized I don't much care for ribeye - there was so much gristle it was just not a pleasant eating experience. Perhaps it was the particular cut I picked up. At the very least, the beans were ok.

Oh yeah, the leftover spaghetti I microwaved for lunch was pretty good.

[Ling]

I had some cornmeal so why not make cornbread since I'd never made it before.

Mistake the first: Only after mixing the cornmeal with the flour did I discover we were out of milk and only had a carton of soy milk left from when a healthnut girlfriend of one of my friends was staying over.

Mistake the second: All my oil supply/fat/shortening had been depleted. The only fats I had left were butter and not-extra-virgin olive oil. The butter went into the batter but I didn't want it to burn in the pan so I went with the olive oil in the pan.

Mistake the 3rd: I thought a bit of cheese would hide all of the other flavours so I rifle through my cheese locker and the only appropriate one is a chunk of truffled pecorino I had left over. In that went.

Mistake the 4th: All of the recipes I looked at gave quantities of 1 cup cornmeal/1 cup flour/1 cup liquid. This is evidently fine if you have a my-first-cast-iron-skillet but it barely filled my skillet to 1/2 an inch. I should have doubled the amount.

Mistake the 5th: I didn't check the bread until it was slightly overbaked.

Unfortunately, there are no photos but it came out looking like a giant cow turd and tasted about as good .

←

BAD! VERY BAD!!

Biggest mistake was using the truffled pecorino and the soy milk....ugh!!! You should have used the pecorino on pasta and used the fontina in your cornbread!

[gfron1]

I'm so happy to have a contribution that was bad enough for this thread! Tonight I had enough of the messy fridge, so it was leftover casserole - egullet style! A bunch of veggies sauteed in a nice olive oil, sprinkled with flour to thicken things up, covered in leftover puff pastry. Then a wilted spinach salad on the side, but I didn't have the right oils and let it get too hot, but I did add some truffle salt which was a nice touch. The result - a delicious (kinda) glop thing:

As we like to say in our house..."Bon Appeshit"

[Grub]

Veal Saltimbocca:

My initial idea was to make some fried veal patties from Marcella Hazan's excellent "Marcella Says..." But the only veal I found were these rather expensive veal scallopinis which I thought would be damn shame, to grind up for meat patties -- hence the Saltimbocca idea. But it's been a while since I cooked this, and the patties hadn't been pounded thin -- they were just cut thin. So I left them like that, and this proved a bit of a mistake. They buckled and twisted, without getting any color... Then, after deglazing the pan with white wine, I let the sauce reduce too much, over too high heat, and was left with a charred, burnt sauce.

The mashed potatoes came from Marcella's book also -- it is simple enough: mashed taters with parm cheese, parsley and roasted yellow onions. The roasting and chilling process for the onions takes about 3 hours, but I figured it might be worth it, for a special meal -- veal saltimbocca qualifies, in my opinion. But those mashers weren't worht it at all.

Finally, after having made some really nice, homemade croutons, I completely overdressed the salad. I used to just droop some salad dressing on top of my salad, on the plate, but discovered that dressing it properly creates a much better result -- plus, it takes far less dressing to properly cover the stuff. Essentially, if you just splash a dollop of dressing on your salad, you tend to use far more, than if you dress it properly. Only I still used too much.

Its said about chess, that you only learn from the games you lose (well, there is an opportunity for you to learn) -- man, there's a lot of learning for me to be had from this disaster...

[Kim Shook]

As we like to say in our house..."Bon Appeshit"

←

I'm thinking that this is going to become a saying in the Shook household!

[Pontormo]

I had some cornmeal so why not make cornbread since I'd never made it before.

Mistake the second: All my oil supply/fat/shortening had been depleted. The only fats I had left were butter and not-extra-virgin olive oil. The butter went into the batter but I didn't want it to burn in the pan so I went with the olive oil in the pan.

Mistake the 4th: All of the recipes I looked at gave quantities of 1 cup cornmeal/1 cup flour/1 cup liquid. This is evidently fine if you have a my-first-cast-iron-skillet but it barely filled my skillet to 1/2 an inch. I should have doubled the amount.

←

Shalmanese: I hope your move went well and you are starting to stock your kitchen with the riches of Seattle.

FYI: There are lots of Southern recipes for cornbread that do not call for any fat in the batter itself other than the percentage in the buttermilk or soured milk. Butter is then melted in the cast iron skillet--or pan--which was placed in the oven (or left there, in my case) first to heat up--and swirled to coat the entire surface before you pour in the batter. You do have to check the bread about 10 minutes before recommended time, but it shouldn't burn.

I just made a Southern recipe in which there is a little more liquid than cornmeal and no flour, sort of a 1.15: 1 ratio not including eggs vs. 1:2 in your recipe. (Interesting results BTW; good.) My skillet is a bit wider than called for and it was fine. Mind you, I used whole fat buttermilk and not soy milk. I tried making shortcake biscuits with soy milk once and the results were dreadful, too.

[mrbigjas]

FYI:  There are lots of Southern recipes for cornbread that do not call for any fat in the batter itself other than the percentage in the buttermilk or soured milk.  Butter is then melted in the cast iron skillet--or pan--which was placed in the oven (or left there, in my case) first to heat up--and swirled to coat the entire surface before you pour in the batter. 

i got two words for ya here: BACON DRIPPINGS.

[ringflinger]

When I was served this last week for lunch I certainly regretted ordering the "Porcini risotto served with Italian cold cuts". I just wish the picture could really do justice to the magnificent sauces. Oh well, at least the tomato wedge was OK.

Edited September 18, 2006 by ringflinger (log)

[Grub]

When I was served this last week for lunch I certainly regretted ordering the "Porcini risotto served with Italian cold cuts"...

←

That is spectacular -- and you got it in a restaurant?! That is some truly messed-up looking stuff...

[prasantrin]

←

What's that thing at the top of the plate? It looks like some poor guy lost a bit of his...umm....you know...

[Daniel]

That is one of the ugliest looking plates I have ever seen.. The tomato is like the cherry on top...Is that paprika sprinkled around the plate? Also is that fried egg at 8 o'clock? I missed this thread..

Edited September 18, 2006 by Daniel (log)

[Megan Blocker]

That is one of the ugliest looking plates I have ever seen.. The tomato is like the cherry on top...Is that paprika sprinkled around the plate?  Also is that fried egg at 8 o'clock?  I missed this thread..

←

It looks like chicken to me.

Is that even risotto??? It looks like a mound of brown rice, not creamy at all. Wowza.

[lesfen]

What is that "sauce" on the piece of meat at 2 o'clock. Gawd. Of all the spectacular images on this thread, this may be the first one to actually make me gag a little.

[Parmhero]

←

Yes, that plate of food is a winner. It is exceedingly repugnant.

In cataloging the many nasty elements, we note:

The sawed-off bit of sausage “thumb” with moldering gray areas.

The bile-like green-gray sauce on a piece of rubbery-looking prosciutto.

The yellow chicken-artichoke-egg substance smeared with green mucous sauce.

The broken slice of cappicola studded with bits of fat and gristle.

The dreary brown rice in which a stream of bilious gray sauce has run and collected into a mucosal gob.

The unattractive dusting of rust-brown spice.

Overall, an artless presentation compounded by the unappealing character of each particular foodstuff. A truly revolting collection.

Now, the question is, did you eat it?