Cooking for Therapy?

[jgm]

I've spent the past about 6-8 weeks fighting the same crud everybody else in town is fighting. Recurring fever and fatigue, going on for weeks on end, interspersed with fits of coughing.

It's just been this week that I haven't been crawling into bed shortly after coming home from work. Although that's good news, I am now overwhelmed by all of the stuff that didn't get done during that period.

Optimistically, I had purchased the ingredients for the Steak Bruschetta featured in the current CuisineAtHome issue. Wednesday rolled around and I still hadn't made it, so I launched into it even though I really didn't feel like I had the energy. It's not a difficult recipe, but it does involve more effort than pouring Cheerios into a bowl, which is what I've been doing for dinner a lot lately. But I was down to the wire with the meat - make the recipe or throw it out.

Lo and behold, the recipe was delicious! What an upper! I usually don't make recipes for things like this, so it was especially great that not only did it turn out well, but I've branched out in a new direction. I have energy now like I haven't had in ages. Cooking itself isn't relaxing for me, but having good results is about the best therapy around. And fortunately, I've reached the place where if the results aren't particularly good, oh well, on to the next dish.

[Genny]

It's that whole zen thing, where cooking becomes the meditation and the only focus is on the creativity and love that you are expressing.

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I was at the dentist office on Monday and had an hour-long process. I get a little squirly strapped in the dentist chair for any length of time. Boy "zen" is the word for it! I started chopping onions and carrots, pealing and chopping potatoes and making an amazing braised shank menu --all in my head. I came up with a great 4 course meal that I just have to make now. I got through the whole hour without freaking out This gives a whole new twist to cooking for therapy!

[Oceangroveguy]

For years I've been saying "After a hard day at work, there's nothing more therapeutic than hacking and scorching food" to acknowledge that dinner prep chores every night are indeed how I wind down. I usually have about an hour before my wife gets home, and that time spent in the kitchen, with the dog and an adult beverage, is really restorative. And as others have noted, we get to enjoy the results of the therapy.

[Special K]

So it's not just me! I like the control I have over what happens here, after a day in which I seem to have very little control over things. For the same reason, I also like the clean-up - I love to walk into a nice, clean kitchen, chop, slice and dice and make a real mess, play with fire, eat a scrumptious meal, and then wash up and put everything away and walk away from a nice, clean kitchen. I usually plan something new and really complicated on days I know are going to be stressful.

I've also done the "cooking in my head" thing - during a seemingly never-ending MRI. It really did help. And then I went home and did it again, for real. Better than Halcion!

[nonblonde007]

I wish, at this moment, that I was gifted with a writers ability. This thread has touched me deeply in ways that I cannot express. I have allways run to my kitchen and my cherished knives when faced with any uncomfortable challenge that life may have thrown at me. I never realy thought about it, I just cooked. Chopped, sliced, julianned, stirred, lovingly peeled and shaped, impatiently paced my small kitchen striving for perfection. The funny thing is, I never actually eat much of what I create, I taste and plate the results as beautifully as I am able, and only nibble at the outcome, no matter how wonderful or ghastly it turns out to be. It's the process. It's therapy. It's healing on some deep level that I am not qualified to diagnose. My family have often commented on the fact that I cook so much that is not eaten, stored as left-overs that are destined for the trash bin, due to the fact that each night, I need to create and can't allways do that with the remains. Depends on my mood. Sometimes, I just need to feel my knife in my hands. Explains why I have no food processors or choppers in my house, I just stubbornly refuse to use anything that removes my hands from the heart of the prep. Explains why I am obsessively possesive of my favorite knife, carefully cleaning and storeing it, and No, use the other one please and don't put that in the dishwasher, I will take care of it myself, thank you. I want to try everything and explore new ways of creating. The more stressed my day the more creative and involved my cooking becomes. And, yes, I allways feel better afterwards, less stressed, more in tuned with my little world. As long as I have my knife and something to chop, I can face whatever challenges the dawning day decides to throw my way. That, in itself, is theraputic.

[miladyinsanity]

It occurred to me the other day that some people eat to live, other live to eat, and that to no small extent I eat to cook.

Kevin

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Yes!

That's definitely something I've come to realise since I moved out. I enjoy my food, but there are days when I decide to cook simply because I Have To Cook. Not eat, but Cook.

[Marlene]

I cooked my way through two family illnesses and subsequent passings. Therapy indeed. I cooked for my brother and gained 20 lbs myself, trying to put weight on him. I cooked during my mom's illness, even though she could not eat, and I did not. It was all about the chopping, the stirring, the making. Having the knife in my hand, and yes I have all the toys, but during that one year, they rarely got pulled out, as I needed to do everything by hand. Cooking is my greatest stress reliever, but it is also the place where I find my greatest joy. I don't need to be stressed to cook. I find it just as much "therapy" to cook when I'm happy as when I'm sad. It is, to a large extent, what defines me. And for some weird reason, I find making stock to be about the most relaxing thing I can think of. When I get stressed, I'll start a batch of stock. I have a lot of stock.

Something I wrote elsewhere sums it up for me:

For me, cooking is not only a passion, but a form of relaxation and of fun. It is also an expression of caring. I cook because its as close as I can get to sharing a piece of myself with family and friends. When I offer them something I've made, I'm offering them a part of me. If that makes any sense. It's caring enough to give them the best I can offer. And caring enough to be willing to take the time to make it so. During my brother's illness, I cooked for him, because that was the best way I knew to care for him and support him. That's it for me in a nutshell. Your milage may vary

And I agree 100% with this statement

it occurred to me the other day that some people eat to live, other live to eat, and that to no small extent I eat to cook.

Edited November 2, 2007 by Marlene (log)

[pax]

I came to grips with my food addiction by learning to cook instead of eat. Please note.."came to grips" for me means, I am coping with it in a healthier way, not that I beat it. I have no interest in pushing my luck. God knows what I might turn to next. Sex or something.

It's nothing but therapy, for me.

I want to thank you veteran Gulleters for posting good links to previous threads.

[hummingbirdkiss]

Cooking for me is better than any medication on the planet!

no matter how tired I am when the knife comes out and I start slicing dicing and putting food together .....I loose track of time...become extremely happy and calm and just feel better over all

I have friends that do all kinds of stuff after work to decompress from our draining careers!!! with me it is cooking!

My husband knows that when I am really insane..I make curry!!! ..it is my megatherapy

and he knows when I have my megatherapy going he gets not only a fantastic curry but .....

we are so Pavlovian in this house ..I cook he responds

[Dejah]

I cook as therapy for myself when I am stressed - the original aromatherapy! Who needs to buy lavender scented candles and the likes when there are herbs and spices: basil, thyme, lemongrass, cinnamon, cumin...

I cook as therapy and reward for my international students when they are homesick. I learn to cook something new, and they get to eat what they've missed.

I cook to procrastinate from marking assignments. I have 2 sets of essays and 3 sets of smaller assignments to mark this weekend. However, I spent all of yesterday making filling for char siu baos, chicken, mushroom, and lap cheung baos, and Thai curry chicken filling for puff pastry. This was much more fulfilling. Most of the effort will be given away to neighbors, collegues and my kids.

[CKatCook]

Risotto- it'll cure what ails ya.

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AMEN!!! When I am really toasted from stress, it is risotto all the way...

Baking bread. Roasted chicken w/ mashed potatoes..these come a close second..

[CKatCook]

II was feeling kind of stressed and worn out, so I went to a bookstore and then meandered around a grocery store.  After that I was rejuvinated and much more cheerful. 

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and here I thought I was the only one to do that.....

[nibor]

In contrast to everyone above, I find cooking to be one of the most depressing parts of my day. If I don’t have to really concentrate on what I am doing, for instance if I am just chopping away, my mind will wander to the things in my life that are currently bothering me. I take these unpleasant thoughts and churn them around and around. Such a drag.

The only way I have thus found to stop this from happening is to make myself be more mentally engaged in what I am doing - basically, by always making something new. You all are a great help with that. Maybe I should start listening to the radio in the kitchen.

[SundaySous]

Due to complications from an auto accident my mental faculties are no where near what they used to be. When I cook I have to be totally focused, mies en place is mandatory. I have noticed because of this cooking is a nice escape when outside influences are stressing me out.

You would think this would make cooking more stressful but pleasantly it has not.

[heidih]

When my mother died I cooked my heart out for the food after the funeral (she was only 53). I tried to make everything that she was "famous" for. Several months later my father and I hosted a Christmas open house and I baked as much as I could of the cultural stuff. This meant baklava and a number of Austrian treats. I also did the regular food portion. A year later when I got married all the "aunties" came and made the potato salad, coleslaw, etc and helped with the baked goods. My father brought in experts to spit roast lamb and pig. But the bottom line is that in my nervous state about marriage I was cooking intensely with my elder females. Today when I get aggitated, I start making a quick pickle, or potstickers for the kids, or whatever I can

[mizducky]

II was feeling kind of stressed and worn out, so I went to a bookstore and then meandered around a grocery store.  After that I was rejuvinated and much more cheerful. 

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and here I thought I was the only one to do that.....

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Nope. Wandering around grocery stores is one of my favorite therapies too--right next to cooking. Especially ethnic groceries. All those fascinating and unfamiliar labels and aromas and shapes and colors. Especially when I'm feeling blue over the slenderness of my wallet, browsing through an ethnic market is like a free vacation to another country. (And I can even justify buying a few "souvenirs," because after all, I still have to eat... )

[MarketStEl]

Thank you all for sharing.  This has really helped me.  It amazes me more and more how much I'd rather be cooking, experimenting, reading cook books, going through my new favorite website    than actually doing the job I get paid in my 9-5.  This all feeds my soul, and sometimes my belly too.

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I think you all know that I love what I do very much: I know I'm good at it and I get great satisfaction out of doing it well.

But I think one of the things I have learned in the wake of my recent job loss is that I enjoy it best when doing it on my own terms -- when I get to choose the time, place, topic, client, and pace. Unfortunately, this and sufficient, steady pay are usually incompatible unless you are a real hustler, which I'm not -- yet -- so at least for the near term, I will continue to have to adapt to doing what I do well on someone else's terms.

In the kitchen, I do not have to adapt. I am master of my domain. I choose the subject of my work, the way I will approach it, and the manner in which I execute it. After all these years, I hadn't made this connection until now, but I think it does explain one reason I love cooking as well as my territoriality towards my kitchen.

But therapy? I think that just thinking -- focusing on my thoughts and subjecting them to criticism -- has helped me tame "my black dog" (as Winston Churchill called his lifelong depression) more than anything else (besides going sober for 18 months), but thinking back over the times when my black dog had the run of my brain, no matter what else I didn't want to do, I could clear my head, if only momentarily, by heading into the kitchen and making something, anything.

II was feeling kind of stressed and worn out, so I went to a bookstore and then meandered around a grocery store.  After that I was rejuvinated and much more cheerful. 

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and here I thought I was the only one to do that.....

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Nope. Wandering around grocery stores is one of my favorite therapies too--right next to cooking. Especially ethnic groceries. All those fascinating and unfamiliar labels and aromas and shapes and colors. Especially when I'm feeling blue over the slenderness of my wallet, browsing through an ethnic market is like a free vacation to another country. (And I can even justify buying a few "souvenirs," because after all, I still have to eat... )

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Make that at least three of us who find grocery shopping uplifting. I think I go into an almost Zen-like state as I amble through the aisles of the Reading Terminal Market, push my shopping cart down 9th Street while scoping the produce, or stroll around the supermarket. Why should I limit myself to a single instance of this feeling per trip? (Well, there's that and the game a former maintenance guy in my building called "me vs. the supermarket: Who's going to walk away with more of my money?" I get a bit of a high from playing that game too.)

[helenjp]

Absolutely what Sandy said, and also because it involves tangible "things" instead of the blizzard of words I normally live with.

I like to grow what I can in the tiny space I have, and it gives me pleasure to pick things, anticipate and then make the planned dishes, and see if I can get them to the table without losing all the wonder of the simple and amazing fact that "plants grow".

Cooking FOR somebody is also pretty therapeutic for ME, if not for the hapless recipient!

For over a decade since she married my father in law, my mother in law has disparaged the dinners (and their manufacturer ) I took once or twice a week, but I kept taking them because I couldn't figure out any other way of maintaining communication, and the chopping and simmering made me feel I was at least trying. I couldn't stop myself, even though I had to admit that maybe she was right, and everything I made WAS really horrible! But a couple of years ago, she started throwing comments like "You're the only person who has ever cooked for me" in with all the put-downs. When I cook for her these days, it's like a kind of promise that I won't ever give up on her, cantankerous old fruitcake that she is!

[Sony]

I love being in the kitchen while at home alone, chopping, dicing, sauteeing, whatever.  Labor intenstive.  Especially when I'm feeling down or overwhelmed.

Totally agree. Cooking has been a major stress outlet for me since college. I was on work travel most of last week- got back rather late on Friday- and I know it was a tough week because this weekend, I:

-steamed and shucked 75 clams

-roasted half a turkey

-made stock

-made a soup with a confetti of tiny diced vegetables

-roasted some vegetables

-baked a dozen whole wheat blueberry walnut muffins

This was when I went out to lunch for one meal this weekend and had the leftovers for 2 additional meals. No meal this weekend was for more than 2 people, so a lot went into the freezer....I guess it just speaks to how important the process is to me, rather than cooking solely because I need the outcome. The roughest weeks for me are when I find myself microwaving leftovers/freezer stock that I typically reserve for lunch as dinner, instead of getting to create something new.

Oh yes, and I did go grocery shopping this weekend too- another stress-relieving outlet. I spent an hour walking around....and left with the clams, a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, half a gallon of milk and a can of corn (the clams were the only thing I didn't intend to purchase upon entering). I the market, someone I passed growled, 'I HATE grocery shopping...these crowds are really starting to get to me.' (under their breath, not directly at me!) I couldn't help thinking about how grocery shopping probably adds stress for lots of folks, even people who love to cook. I bet at some point my dreamy meandering through the grocery store, basket in hand, was bugging the crap out of someone trying to pass with a cart.

[eskay]

I bet at some point my dreamy meandering through the grocery store, basket in hand, was bugging the crap out of someone trying to pass with a cart.

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I have this fear a lot. Glad to hear it was a productive weekend though

Edited December 3, 2007 by eskay (log)

[Dianabanana]

For over a decade since she married my father in law, my mother in law has disparaged the dinners (and their manufacturer ) I took once or twice a week, but I kept taking them because I couldn't figure out any other way of maintaining communication, and the chopping and simmering made me feel I was at least trying. I couldn't stop myself, even though I had to admit that maybe she was right, and everything I made WAS really horrible! But a couple of years ago, she started throwing comments like "You're the only person who has ever cooked for me" in with all the put-downs. When I cook for her these days, it's like a kind of promise that I won't ever give up on her, cantankerous old fruitcake that she is!

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Wow, Helen--what generosity of spirit! Really lovely. (And I'm confident that everything you made was the farthest thing from horrible.)

[Ondine]

Amen, amen a thousand times!

I too use cooking as therapy. I cook when I am wired and exhausted, and the ritual helps me get my head and heart back in synch. I cook when I am grumpy and irritable, cranky or furious. The control and precision of the process helps quiet my indignation at circumstance.

Even when I am choked by the fog of depression I cook, through the heavy heart, to reassure myself that I can give rise to something good. Even if it's small, even if it's simple.

I cook because I feel best about myself when I am giving; like every time I cook.

[SundaySous]

For over a decade since she married my father in law, my mother in law has disparaged the dinners (and their manufacturer ) I took once or twice a week, but I kept taking them because I couldn't figure out any other way of maintaining communication, and the chopping and simmering made me feel I was at least trying. I couldn't stop myself, even though I had to admit that maybe she was right, and everything I made WAS really horrible! But a couple of years ago, she started throwing comments like "You're the only person who has ever cooked for me" in with all the put-downs. When I cook for her these days, it's like a kind of promise that I won't ever give up on her, cantankerous old fruitcake that she is!

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Wow, Helen--what generosity of spirit! Really lovely. (And I'm confident that everything you made was the farthest thing from horrible.)

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Wow you are a saint. Did the mother in law ever offer to teach you to cook? Maybe show up and help? Personally I don't think I would want her help.