Crimes Against Food

[Jinmyo]

I am sure I am all alone here, but I absolutely detest adulterated mashed potatoes.  Folks are adding all kids of things to spuds these days: chipotles, roasted garlic, goat cheese..even pears!  YUK!

Simple mashed potatoes, IMO, are there to catch the juices/sauce of the entree --think pasta.  If you want mashed poatotes with cheddar cheese and roasted chiles, then make THAT your entree.

←

Yes, you're all alone there.

While plain mashers are magnificent, part of their magnifence is their beneficient genorosity and quiet fortitude in holding up the flavours of other ingredients, cradling them gently in the sunlight.

I mean wasabi with mashers to accompany grilled bluefish or such... lovely.

But I do agree that say, cheddar trogether with chipotle is a bit much.

It depends upon the other dishes served.

[fifi]

. . . . .

While plain mashers are magnificent, part of their magnifence is their beneficient genorosity and quiet fortitude in holding up the flavours of other ingredients, cradling them gently in the sunlight.

. . . . .

←

Once again, Jinmyo captures in a few words the essence of perfection.

But I do have to agree that I have run into examples of overzealous assault on the noble spud. Scallops in a mornay sauce ladled onto a bed of potato is just wrong.

[Mnehrling]

Sugar in cornbread!

←

In the deep South, we would say cornbread that isn't sweet.

Edited January 15, 2005 by Mnehrling (log)

[Afterburner]

Since many people have used this thread to sound off about restaurant behaviors in addition to ingredient abuse, allow me to add my own pet peeve:

Restaurants who have obviously given a great deal of thought to their wine selection, but then only offer Budweiser, Miller, Coors, and maybe Sam Adams and Pete's Wicked as their beer selection.

Here's a newsflash for you chefs and restaurant managers: Good beer goes great with good food. And there's beer out there that's brewed with the same exacting standards of artisanal quality that underlies the best wines.

Do yourself a favor, and buy a copy of Garrett Oliver's The Brewmaster's Table. And don't skimp on your beer selection.

[Afterburner]

In the deep South, we would say cornbread that isn't sweet.

I grew up in the Deep South, and no, the cornbread I grew up with wasn't sweet.

Having had sweet cornbread since moving to the Eastern Seaboard back in '96, however, I can't really say I don't like it. In fact, it's actually pretty good.

[Mnehrling]

Last night I had a meal that I must categorize as the picture of everything a restaurant can do wrong.

My wife and I decided to go to The Mansion on the Hill in Tyler TX as a local splurge for our anniversary. http://www.mansiononthehill.com/default.htm

After Christmas we couldn't just run off to New Orleans or San Francisco, but we wanted to go some place special. I assumed from the age of this restaurant and the price that The Mansion on the Hill would be special- boy was I wrong.

The list of everything that could be done incorrectly was perfectly followed.

First the the wine list- while the list was impressive, it is helpful if one actually stocks the wines on the list. After the waiter checking on 5 different bottles, I finally settled on a 1997 Talus Cab. Of course, when a 2002 Talus Cab came, I was resigned to just accept it. We were, after all, not talking about an expensive wine.

Next came the salad- iceberg has its place, but when accompanied by a obvious cheap store bought ranch dressing and nothing else, it was an insult to the life the lettuce gave for my nourishment.

The side bread came next, only to be not much more than toasted Mrs Baird's.

For our appetizer, I chose what I thought would be an impressive $20 per person Masion Hot Combo. While this was not described in the menu, the waiter described it as the best items chosen by the chef. What we received was one steamed shrimp, one steamed crab claw, and two stuffed shrimp, one with crab and one with some unidentifiable red wine sauce. All of this was the blandest and least creative appetizers I have ever tried. The shrimp actually tasted very sour, and should have been a sign that this wasn't the freshest food- only to be confirmed later than night with many trips to the bathroom.

For our main course, my wife and I both chose a Roquefort sauced steak. While the steak was very tender, the sauce was so over salted, I am quite surprised that the sauce had any liquid body left. The side was the very familiar green bean and carrots, steamed until both were almost the same shade of gray.

Through all this disappointment, I decided to go for desert. Choosing one of my favorites, carrot cake, I hoped for a come back. When the carrot cake was delivered and it looked just liked a store bought carrot cake that I often am tempted to buy- but mostly avoid. Worse off, this cake had the plain, metallic taste of a cheap store bought cake. To add another level of awful, a chocolate sauce was poured around the cake that was obviously Nestle' chocolate sauce for chocolate milk. (The one with the rabbit on the package.)

If this were a chain restaurant and the bill was $30, I would not have minded. With a tab of just over $130, one of my biggest restaurant pet peeves was realized; a restaurant that charges too high of prices without giving even the slightest hint of value. I believe this is mostly because Tyler TX (HGTV Dream Home city) has very little in terms of nice restaurants with a plethora of elderly people with too much money. Here people will spend this much because they can, not because the meal was worth the price.

[cjs]

Rock hard, cold butter. 

Lettuce in guacamole.     

←

who the hell puts lettuce in guacamole??!!

[cjs]

I don't particularly like soft butter, and I certainly don't liked being served soft butter in a restaurant. I prefer it to be cold and, if necessary, for it to "warm up" in my presence so that I know it hasn't been hanging around at room temperature for god knows how long.

And I prefer butter on my bread to be cold and hard 

I was also wondering what is wrong with room-temperature bread? Unless you mean that if it's crappy, it should be toasted/warmed. If it's good bread, surely room-temperature is perfectly satisfactory or even ideal??

Chloe

North Portugal

←

I agree with you on the butter thing. I love cold butter on really good bread!

[cjs]

Seen for the first time the other day --

Low

Carb

Pizza

That's just so wrong on so many levels.

←

what about low carb beer!!!!!!!! i mean come onnnnnnnn!

[PurpleDingo99]

Most of the stuff just rolls off me right now. hell, under the right conditions, i can love a CPK thai chicken pizza, enjoy crappy bags of guacamole, or even stand market tomatoes ( )

the low carb stuff makes me want to try out my new wustof on someones finger, however. cutting carbs and adding protein to lose weight is like blaming school shootings on grand theft auto. i have this wierd feeling like there is a wizard of oz somewhere that keeps whispering bad advice in the ears of potential activists right before they figure out the real problems. Se la vie.

Edited January 17, 2005 by PurpleDingo99 (log)

[EdS]

Rock hard, cold butter. 

Lettuce in guacamole.     

←

who the hell puts lettuce in guacamole??!!

←

Probably someone who wanted an "inoffensive" cilantro.

[deltadoc]

I agree with many of the previous posts but here are my particular un-favorites:

Shrimp cocktail that:

1.  Smells fishy

2.  is limp and Rubbery

3.  isn't cold

Mushy stuffed grape leaves

Cold Shawirma

Undercooked Shawirma

Hummous without Tahini

Any rubbery, hard, yucky things in hamburger

Any plated food where some of it is fresh and tasty, and some of it is definitely a day or two old:  Don't like mixing old with fresh anything!

Skim milk

Any steak not cooked to order

iceberg lettuce salads

Bottled salad dressings

Water without ice cubes

Anything dried onto my unused eating utensils

doc

←

Egad. Where have you been eating?

←

Mostly in the Twin Cities, MN. In the '80's, I was a published food critic for ~ 4 years. I've seen all of the above.

In fact, I still see the same things if I eat out whether it is in the Quad Cities, Twin Cities, or almost anywhere. I've eaten in 4 star restaurants and had lousy meals.

That is why I don't eat out anymore, or hardly ever. Pay $100+ for a meal for two and wish I'd bought something at the grocery store instead and cooked it myself!

And also why I grind my own hamburger, make my own Tabouli and other Middle Eastern favorites, make my own demi-glace, make my own stocks, even make my own ketchup, can everything I can, grow my own food when possible, buy mass quantities from the Farmer's market when in season, and many times wish somebody with a good restaurant would hire me so I can instill the same sense of perfection in food preparation and presentation that I instill in my own home and for my family and friends! :)

doc

[Jinmyo]

Gotcha, doc.

[bergerka]

Cool Whip. need I say more? I don't know what that shit is, but it isn't food. There oughtta be a law.

K

[Luckylies]

Cool Whip.  need I say more?  I don't know what that shit is, but it isn't food. There oughtta be a law.

K

←

coolwhip is some foul shit. melted coolwhip is probably what did Yushchenko in, dioxin dischmoxin...yep, melted coolwhip.

also flat syrupy soda, wet butter (fresh from the ice bucket)

underripe avocado

grilled cheeses where the center has not melted

wilted tempura

[CharityCase]

Gosh I agree with so much that's been said here, it would be impossible to recount it all.

1. Crappy seafood, and imagined "Seafoon Festivals" out of season.

2. Iceberg lettuce, other than in a sandwhich, has no place at a restaurant meal.

3. A dish that uses "Asian" as a prefix. We've all progressed in our knowledge, I think we could stand hearing the name of the country!

4. Shitty fusion restaurants. Gosh, there are just so many I know of and it makes me want to cry. There's creative, and then there's fruit pastas with seafood sauces. Blech

5. restaurants with picures of their entrees in the menu

6. Asking a waiter what he's tried, and being told "everything's good". Betcha it's not...well, I guess I'll just stop asking this.

7. Restaurants still modelled on "big portion, low quality". I can see that they've diminished in popularity somewhat, but the all-you-can-eat buffet is still a sad affair.

8. Sushi with far too much rice in it.

9. Stuffed tomatoes! Blech blech and double-blech to this creation

10. Pizzas made with canned mushrooms

[Mnehrling]

5. restaurants with picures of their entrees in the menu

I would say there is one exception to this rule; restaurants in very ethnic areas where very few people speak English so they have a photoalbum for the occasional English speaker. I found some of the best Vietn amese restaurants have non-English menus.

[Behemoth]

A lot of the above, with some exceptions. (My butter lives on the counter during all months containing the letter R and I don't like ice in my water. Oh, and a wedge of fresh iceberg with homemade buttermilk or blue cheese dressing can be amazing.)

But my biggest biggest biggest restaurant peeve?

Dear waiter. If your two-top just ordered a bottle of wine please do not bring the appetizer, main, coffee and check in 20 minutes. ESPECIALLY after they make a comment about it. Having to either get wasted or leave half the bottle was not part of our meal plan, and next time we might get so drunk that we forget to tip.

Oh, also: DON'T take the plates away until everyone is finished and DON'T keep asking if we're "still working on that". Ugh!

Edited January 17, 2005 by Behemoth (log)

[NeroW]

I like KoolWhip and flat Coke!

But not at the same time.

[cakewalk]

I stopped drinking soda a while ago, but I used to love flat soda -- as long as it was cold. (Warm flat soda is something else altogether, yuk.) So I would never put the cap back on soda bottles, which annoyed many, many people.

[Misa]

Squid in chow mein. Because it usually comes out super chewy.

[cjs]

"crimes against food?"

how about a customer that asks for his cut of prime rib "lean" ??!!!

actually asks to have all the fat removed, Jesus man! you don't deserve that peice of meat!

[FistFullaRoux]

I stopped drinking soda a while ago, but I used to love flat soda -- as long as it was cold. (Warm flat soda is something else altogether, yuk.) So I would never put the cap back on soda bottles, which annoyed many, many people. 

←

Didn't I share an apartment with you in the late 80's?

And this same guy made Kool Aid by halving the amount of water, and doubling tha amount of sugar. The stuff stained the pitcher. Same guy scored a box of 500 mustard packets. Then volunteered us to make potato salad for a big BBQ. Wanna know how many little mustard packets it take to make dressing for 6 pounds of spuds?

[Susan in FL]

I just found this thread and read through it -- missed it the first time around. I agree wholeheartedly with almost all of them; however, I admit I do like:

Pea shoots

Flavored bagels

"Corn cake" ...I won't call my cornbread with sugar in it cornbread from now on

Soybean oil

Room temperature (soft) butter

Skim milk

Iceberg lettuce

Other ingredients in mashed potatoes.

To the list of crimes against food I will add good cheese, served cold.

[racheld]

Altho I'm not Chinese, I lived in Taiwan long enough to learn what authentic Chinese food tastes like and where American Chinese food strays from that.  I too am annoyed when I see people pour soy sauce on something without tasting it first.

My pet peeve is overly sweet dishes in Chinese restaurants.

Chinese restaurants have a selection of rather inauthentic dishes that Americans like to order.  Often a giveaway is that they are sweet fruity elements in what would otherwise be a savory dish.  So when you see something with pork and lychees or chicken and pineapple, or beef with mango, be aware that the version you will get will proably be way too far on the sweet side.  It's not that Chinese people don't make these dishes for themselves, but they don't make them as sweet.  Think of the difference between sweet and sour pork that comes in super-sweet bright red sauce versus another version where it is not all about the sauce color and instead about balancing vinegar and sugar.  Along these lines, duck sauce would seem to be designed as an all purpose sweetening condiment to go with any savory dish, I suppose.  Chinese people don't eat it, but they will always give you a few packets of both duck sauce and soy sauce with every takeout order, as if you were supposed to be adding these things to your food.

I guess the 'sweet as inauthentic' thread runs through a lot of cuisines/foods, because sweetness guarantees a certain degree of acceptance/profitability when you are introducing new tastes to your customer base.  I hate sweet cornbread  or bagels that are light and fluffy and one step away from sweet breakfast muffins, but I'm sure that people raised on Twinkies and Wonder bread and sweet potatoes with marshmallows think they are dandy.

←

Please do not knock Wonder Bread or sweet potatoes with marshmallows til you've walked a mile in my clodhoppers.