The One Inviolable Pizza Topping Rule

[gfweb]

There are all sorts of pizza rules/debates...deep dish vs thin crust ... round vs. sicilian (school cafeteria pizza...bleh), but there is one that must forever be adhered to. PIZZA TOPPING MUST MAKE ITS OWN GREASE and the corrollary rule PIZZA TOPPINGS MUST NOT ADD WATER TO THE PIZZA. Slushy pizza is gross.

Therefore, sausage, beef, pork, ham in all its forms, cheese etc are legal.

Feta cheese, mushrooms, whole tomatoes, celery, peppers etc are to be avoided.

Chicken and lobster are in a gray zone, probably to be avoided.

Basil, garlic, oregano, tomato and rosemary are OK if part of the sauce and are to be encouraged.

Wolfgang Puck will one day be punished for his abuses.

Edited December 27, 2008 by gfweb (log)

[LizD518]

Uh Oh! I better tell my brother that before he makes white pizza with garlic, tomatoes, olive oil and mozzarella.

Mushrooms are okay if they are sauteed first and dry.

Tomatoes need to be used sparingly and in small / thin pieces so the extra juice evaporates in the hot oven.

Celery?!?! who would add that to pizza?!

Peppers - only if they are roasted in my world.

My problem is with bbq sauce...It does not belong on my pizza for any reason!

[gfweb]

Good point about bbq sauce. There are plenty of tasty things that just don't belong on pizza. Foie gras for example even brings its own grease to the pizza, but yet should never be used on one.

I'd expand the bbq sauce ban to anything that is sweet just to be safe. I cannot think of an exception.

[K8memphis]

Wait. There's a technique for tomatoes. You par boil them to remove the skins then you slice off the top and smush out all the water & seeds with your pointer finger, slice and arrange on the partially cooked crust. It's the perfect 'sauce'. Not wet not tough or gloppy--perfect.

Talk about killer pizza. None of that gloopy tomato pastey stuff that acts like so much boiling hot sticky peanut butter on the roof of your first degreee burned mouth.

I mean whoever started with the pineapple and ham on pizza left the door wide open for bar b q huh.

Edited to say, maybe it's your pinkie (to squosh out the water & seeds)

Edited December 27, 2008 by K8memphis (log)

[gfweb]

It is a slippery slope.

[Katie Meadow]

Anyone who makes pizza regularly has strong opinions about toppings (and about the use/style of sauce, nature of crust, and everything else about pizza.) Here are my topping guidelines:

Fresh tomato: should be used only during tomato season when they are good. To reduce the moisture, slice thinly and place between layers of paper towel or bar towels. Pat dry as necessary. Done like this, no unwanted wetness will occur on the top of the pizza but the tomato flavor will not be diminished.

Pineapple: canned pineapple is revolting. For those who like Hawaiian pizza, fresh pineapple works great. If the oven is as hot as it should be, the edges of the fruit will char and the moisture in it will evaporate and not effect the pizza adversely.

Other veggies: raw vegetables are peculiar on pizza for the most part. Very thinly shaved zucchini can work raw, but most other veggies like peppers or mushrooms or chard or raddichio are much tastier if sauteed or grilled first.

Garlic: I'm not wild about using raw garlic on pizza. I prefer to add minced garlic halfway through when sauteeing any vegetable--lots if I want a garlicky taste.

I'm not a vegetarian but for some reason I just really like my pizza veg. My husband likes mussels and clams on pizza because he had that in France. My daughter wouldn't touch that. I don't like sausage or pepperoni and the idea of chicken pizza seems just plain weird. We've been making pizza at home for so many years, and my daughter, my husband and I have so many strong opinions about what types of meat we will tolerate on it that by default we go with vegetarian pizza and we're all happy. And I admit it's quirky, but we do sometimes make a pineapple pizza without any ham. My daughter loved it when she was little, and now it seems just fine. Once in a while, if my husband lobbies heavily for ham with that pineapple--and we are feeling merciful or he seems pitiful--we add it.

[slkinsey]

I think it says in Leviticus or somewhere similar that pineapple on a pizza is an abomination before the Lord, and while it is not punishable by stoning, perhaps a serious shunning is in order.

[Batard]

Therefore, sausage, beef, pork, ham in all its forms, cheese etc are legal.

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So by these rules, this would make Spam OK? Sorry, that's too open-ended. Once you open the door to all these ingredients, there is no closing it again. Let's keep pizza as pure as possible. Anyone can pile on the anchovies, but the classic margherita, made properly, is transcendent.

I agree with K8memphis, to keep the sauce from getting too watery or bitter, concasse the tomatoes first.

[gfweb]

Spam? hmmm.

Spam musubi is pretty good (and that's the only way I have had it).

But I don't think that it would go with anything else on a pizza except pineapple, and thats already verboten.

So, as pizza commishioner, I won't ban spam based on Rule 1 or 2, but would strongly discourage its use nonetheless.

Edited December 27, 2008 by gfweb (log)

[qrn]

pineapple??????? Yetch!!!!!!!!!!

as Kate said, fresh san marzino tomatoes,sliced thin and blotted dry, and a suitable amount of fresh chopped Geneovese Basil and olive oil...Topped with a good mozeralla an equal amount of strong provolone, and a touch of Romano.

As some wise person said , "we don't need no stinkin' pineapple"...

Bud

[Andrew Fenton]

Anybody who puts more than three toppings (exclusive of sauce and cheese) on a pizza will be eternally doomed to a hell of Totino's.

Anybody who puts more than two toppings deserves sharp glances and a fierce tut-tutting.

[Katie Meadow]

Aww, it's a chilly wind that blows from the east coast! If I'd thought about it I would have realized how much heat I would catch for just the mention of pineapple in a pizza thread. Ouch! I grew up in New York and wouldn't have eaten Hawaiian pizza for love or money. Then I moved to California and went to Hawaii for vacation. Californians...we'll eat just about anything.

And right now I have this thing about tomato with fruit. I love it. I've had salads of tomato and watermelon and tomato and peaches. I make a lovely tomato sauce for my pizza and I gotta say, it's frakkin' good with fresh pineapple.

So, slkinsey, High Priest of Pizza, sneer all you want and thump your bible, but watch where you throw those stones: try not to hit the President-elect and his kids, who are most likely chasing their Hawaiian pizza with shave ice as we write!

[Rebecca263]

My favorite pizza to make is sliced tomatoes, olive oil, chopped basil, mashed garlic, sliced mushrooms and mozzarella, all layered and pretty- then some parmesan grated atop all of that.Sauce? Well, I admit, we use sauce sometimes, but more often we don't, and I prefer a light layer of fresh tomatoes to a sauce on my homemade crusts. If I'm alone I also strew anchovies around- but no one else here cares for them so it is a rare happening.

If I'm wrong about my pizza preferences, then I don't want to be right!

My grandfather was from Italy- but he was more of a cardoon cooker than a pizza maker- so you see, I had no guidance- that's my excuse! As for pineapple on pizza-the idea of it turns my stomach, but I say if it pleases YOUR palate, why not?

[gfweb]

As for pineapple on pizza-the idea of it turns my stomach, but I say if it pleases YOUR palate, why not?

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Sounds like culinary relativism to me :-) .

[lapin d'or]

It is not unusual in the uk to be offered pizza topped with bolognese sauce. This is sometimes done as a half n half, ie normal pizza topping one side, big dollop of bolognese sauce on the other.

You can also get tandoori chicken pizza from quite a few take out shops and I have recently seen crispy duck pizza, with pineapple if you want it.

I would put them all on the no no list.

[theisenm85]

It is not unusual in the uk to be offered pizza topped with bolognese sauce. This is sometimes done as a half n half, ie normal pizza topping one side, big dollop of bolognese sauce on the other.

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How inconsiderate that they don't fold it in half beforehand.

[gfweb]

I think we have Rule 3- A PIZZA IS NOT A QUESADILLA NOR IS IT A PITA.

No sour cream, chile, beans, meat sauce, cilantro, hummus (bleh)...

[prasantrin]

Anybody who puts more than three toppings (exclusive of sauce and cheese) on a pizza will be eternally doomed to a hell of Totino's.

Anybody who puts more than two toppings deserves sharp glances and a fierce tut-tutting.

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capers, olives, anchovies, and oregano. I like it! The oregano isn't part of the sauce, but an add-on, so it would technically count as a fourth topping, wouldn't it?

[K8memphis]

Anybody who puts more than three toppings (exclusive of sauce and cheese) on a pizza will be eternally doomed to a hell of Totino's.

Anybody who puts more than two toppings deserves sharp glances and a fierce tut-tutting.

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capers, olives, anchovies, and oregano. I like it! The oregano isn't part of the sauce, but an add-on, so it would technically count as a fourth topping, wouldn't it?

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4th? More like 3.5

Close though.

[Andrew Fenton]

Anybody who puts more than three toppings (exclusive of sauce and cheese) on a pizza will be eternally doomed to a hell of Totino's.

Anybody who puts more than two toppings deserves sharp glances and a fierce tut-tutting.

←

capers, olives, anchovies, and oregano. I like it! The oregano isn't part of the sauce, but an add-on, so it would technically count as a fourth topping, wouldn't it?

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I'd give a pass on oregano, as an herb rather than a topping. So you're clear!

[gfweb]

I agree.

[slkinsey]

Same thing for the capers. They're a condiment rather than a topping.

[CaliPoutine]

A couple months ago, we sat next to a foreign couple in Grimaldi's. They must have put about 5-6 toppings on their pizza. They couldnt even pick it up, it was so heavy. I wanted to tell them NO, STOP!! When I heard them ordering.

The only topping I'll order( if I order a topping) is mushrooms.

[slkinsey]

Certainly the pinnacle of pizza making is the adornment of a superior crust with judicious applications of crushed tomatoes and fresh mozzarella such that there are some areas of bare crust, some areas with only tomato, some areas with only mozzarella and a few areas with all three. Post-oven lilly-gilding with a few torn basil leaves is optional but appreciated.

[Abra]

The best pizza in my current life in France, and I love it with a passion, consists of a thin crust with crème fraîche, roquefort, coppa slices, and figatelli slices, cooked in a wood fire oven. It's so good that I never even try any other kind, although many others look excellent too. It's a transcendant combination.