It's THEIR diet but YOU have to eat it

[torakris]

I recently got together with a group of Americans friends here in Japan and had a nice Thanksgiving dinner, well it was nice until dessert.

Earlier in the day the hostess had been working on a pumpkin pie, she got the crust and then was called off to do other things, so one of the guests offered to make the filling for her. The hostess gave her the recipe and left her to it, what the hostess did not know though was that this woman is on a diet in which she consumes no sugar. She followed the recipe to a T but added no sugar and only a pinch of salt because salt isn't really good for you either.....

Of course not one of the 22 guests knew it was a sugar free cake until they had a slice of it on their dish, she could have saved time by just serving everyone straight from the can, it tasted no different.

The hostess was extremely embarassed, this guest was actually a guest of one of our friends so no one really knew her very well.

Then the absolute killer is that the woman refused a piece of the pie because "she doesn't eat sweets", so who the hell was she making it for?

Why do people do this and what do you do about it?

[srhcb]

Why do people do this and what do you do about it?

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They probably mean well.

I just let it go.

SB (it bothers me that they can vote though)

[Jason Perlow]

Kill them, hopefully prior to them reproducing.

It becomes more problematic when these types of people are your relatives, and if they are constantly going thru different types of diet phases and they force this type of stuff on you because they feel their bizarre diet has to be experienced by everyone. Just refuse to eat it and protest until they finally begin to understand that you will refuse to tolerate it. And if that doesn't work, beat them over the head with a large bludgeoning instrument until they die, cut them up into little peices with a hacksaw and bury them in your backyard. You'll do at least 30 years in prison (provided you don't live in Texas or Florida, and then you'll probably get the death penalty) but as I understand it, they make an excellent pumpkin pie during Thankgsiving at the SuperMax.

[Rebecca263]

I just eat the cookies I've got stashed in my purse.

[OnigiriFB]

I agree with Jason

[Ling]

I think it was really rude of the lady to impose her "diet" on everyone else at the table...especially without consulting with the lady who made the crust, or even telling the eaters that the pie contained no sugar!

I would have no problem having people bring certain dishes to family dinners if they were on a special diet, and couldn't eat all the fat-laden goodies that I make. I understand that they might like an alternative to what I'm providing, and I take no offense.

[Pan]

If she had baked it in such a way that she could eat it, that would be one thing (though it still wouldn't be acceptable), but since she had no intention of eating it, her action was plainly hostile. I don't think that she had good intentions, and she should never be invited again, or at least never allowed to make any food.

[Ling]

If she had baked it in such a way that she could eat it, that would be one thing (though it still wouldn't be acceptable), but since she had no intention of eating it, her action was plainly hostile. I don't think that she had good intentions, and she should never be invited again, or at least never allowed to make any food.

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This sounds so final.

I agree, if she intended to eat the pie, then her action would've been just rude and inconsiderate.

If she didn't intend to eat the pie--then...well, I don't see why she did what she did.

[castironchef]

Shockingly rude and inconsiderate.

I trust that the guest who brought this saboteur was suitably embarrassed.

[mochihead]

Ugh. That woman is amazing. You don't offer help to someone and then stab them in the back with your own ethical/moral/personal issues pie. What is this world coming to when the "I ME MINE ONLY AM RIGHT YOU'RE WRONG" attitude is replacing courtesy and respect? They don't seem to realize that their attitudes and beliefs should stay their own and not be forced on others. Especially as a guest in someone else's home. Now, if it's in their own home, they have every right to serve whatever the hell it is they want.

I have no problem with people having their own issues. I personally don't eat land meat, but it doesn't mean I go and throw all the steaks into the goat pasture in the back when my family has a BBQ. Genuine offers of help means you HELP the hostess, not make things worse. Yeesh.

[rjwong]

I hope, for her sake, that it wasn't some despicable prank on her part.

torakris, how did she respond? Did she apologize?

[Tess]

I feel for you!

I have a couple of older relatives who behave like this and I am convinced in their cases that the reason is lifelong undiagnosed eating disorders. They pretty much can't help themselves so I feel bad for them. I can go home and eat normal food; they are living with their neurosis every day. That said, it is aggravating. One of my family members serves everyone diet ice cream with diet chocolate sauce, both containing those sugar alcohols, sorbitol and mannitol, which make a lot of people sick to their stomachs. She doesn't announce this; I happened to notice when she brought the packages to the table.* There is something seriously wack about someone who does that.

*I have thought about warning my fellow guests about the ice cream but so far have not done it. I will warn them when for sure when she starts serving olestra.

[torakris]

I hope, for her sake, that it wasn't some despicable prank on her part.

torakris, how did she respond? Did she apologize?

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When the hostess and some of the other guests tatsed it they commented jokingly that must ahve forgotten the sugar, everyone thought it had been a mistake. The woman then replied that no it wasn't a mistake that she never cooks with sugar and that it is better for your body. That was it, no apology, nothing. It was as if she honestly thought there was nothing wrong with it.

[bleudauvergne]

You guys are going to laugh about this for years. The story will grow with every pumkin pie you share with this group of friends. Hilarious! Was she expelled from the table?

[torakris]

You guys are going to laugh about this for years.  The story will grow with every pumkin pie you share with this group of friends.  Hilarious!  Was she expelled from the table?

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She wasn't expelled from the table but I don't think she will ever be invited again.

The other 5 of us belong to the same book discussion group, this woman teaches English at the same place that one of the members did and since she was a fellow foreign wife she decided to invite. I had met her once before but didn't really know her.

I sure this pie will be brought up at every book discussion group meeting we have for years....

[therese]

Great story. So great that I'm going to have a second piece of pumpkin pie for breakfast, in its honor.

[MomOfLittleFoodies]

Someone remind me to stop going to dinners in other people's homes. I had no idea people were this tetchy about special diets.

I always warn people that the stuff I make or bring isn't typical though.

[Irishgirl]

^ it's not that they have a problem with special diets...it's that this woman deliberately enforced her philosophy of food on them, changing a recipe that was set out for her, and not letting anyone know that she had done so. AND never intending to eat the thing herself!!!!! I find that ridiculous. She was not their mother. She should have just followed the recipe.

[BarbaraY]

I find it terribly arrogant that she should try to force her issues on others with no forewarning.

I doubt that she gets many second invitations. 'Fraid I would have yelled at her if she had screwed up my pumpkin pie.

[bergerka]

Wow, is that woman ever rude! It's one thing to say "no thanks, I don't eat sugar," but ruining a Thansgiving dessert for everyone???? Surely that's a capital crime somewhere...

I'd drop her from my guest list and laugh my ass off telling the story to all and sundry today...while making and devouring a pumpkin pie WITH sugar.

K

[Susan in FL]

I hope, for her sake, that it wasn't some despicable prank on her part.

torakris, how did she respond? Did she apologize?

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When the hostess and some of the other guests tatsed it they commented jokingly that must ahve forgotten the sugar, everyone thought it had been a mistake. The woman then replied that no it wasn't a mistake that she never cooks with sugar and that it is better for your body. That was it, no apology, nothing. It was as if she honestly thought there was nothing wrong with it.

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I would have wanted to be a smart-ass and give her a piece of my mind, but probably wouldn't have had the nerve. People like that really irk me. But then, go on and have fun and lots of laughs telling the story later.....

[cakewalk]

Wow. Talk about control-freaks. I'd wager she also behaves similarly in situations that don't involve food. And mean-spirited to boot. I'd say most people who are on diets do not behave this way, and would also shudder at this story.

The only way to prevent this from ever happening again, of course, is to always have more than one dessert at the ready!

[Pontormo]

I don't think the woman was intentionally rude, nor was her crime the grounds for committing murder. How many rude people have the kind of self-knowledge that guides them into making the right decisions when they interact with others, anyway?

That said, it was definitely a rude, preachy, self-righteous act that she thought was justified by current and long-standing attempts of companies and individuals to increase the healthful nature of the foods we eat.

The last thing you want to do with such a misguided person is to respond to her Passive-Agressive behavior in kind. I wonder if she feels not only superior to you all, but sorry for herself by nobly practicing such self-denial. She drew attention to her attitudes about food and nutrition in a way that was meant to shame you all and spoil your pleasure, whether she was aware of the result of her action or not. The attempt obviously boomeranged.

I say wait a while, and then in a neutral setting, she ought to be enlightened. It's going to be awkward since it is a confrontation and she's bound to be defensive. However, smiles, compliments about her earrings, jokes and (only if sincere) non-verbal signs that she is still a friend help to alleviate tension.

Were I an Orthodox vegetarian invited to Thanksgiving and asked to supplement the turkey by bringing a pork roast and mashed potatoes with buttermilk, I'd remind the host with a smile that I could not mix dairy with meat even if I still ate the latter...and quickly offer to bring a nice big cauliflower gratin and some marinated mushrooms.

It was the guest's responsibility to remind the hostess that she did not eat sugar and to volunteer an alternative way to help out without imposing her preferences on others.

When invited to the house of friends who have one son allergic to all tree nuts and peanuts, too, I always make sure I bring something we all can eat. It makes sense not to put a child into the position of feeling either self-conscious or deprived...or different.

When a vegetarian comes to dinner, it's easy to make a vegetarian meal. Large enough group, perhaps an alternative dish or variation on the main dish that contains meat. I'd accommodate allergies and religious taboos of adults just as readily when it comes to the main course, especially.

However, when it comes to desserts??!!! Maybe I wouldn't make Daniel's OINK-fest cake, but I wouldn't think twice about indulging a grown-up who chooses not to eat sugar....especially for something that is kind of good for you, like the pumpkin pie I ate this morning for breakfast

I say, bring on the chocolate cake and let her eat fruit!

...if she's a good sport about it all, perhaps a wedge of Stilton on the side.

Edited November 26, 2005 by Pontormo (log)

[Pan]

Part of the problem here, too, is that pumpkin pie without sugar tastes AWFUL! At least if it were sweet potato pie, you'd have a fair degree of sweetness from the sweet potatoes themselves.

[Susan in FL]

Part of the problem here, too, is that pumpkin pie without sugar tastes AWFUL! At least if it were sweet potato pie, you'd have a fair degree of sweetness from the sweet potatoes themselves.

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Yes! Very good point, Michael.