Dinner II: The Gallery of Regrettable Foods (Part 1)

[Pan]

How did it taste, Abra?

[Restorer]

My first post on this thread of shame...

My first try at risotto. It was coming along perfectly until I started adding the marinated artichoke hearts. I added them straight from the jar, very little draining done, so they brought a whole lot of oil with them. All of the rice was coated in an oil slick, and there was a sizable puddle of oil at the bottom of the bowl. In terms of taste, it came out too tart - I added a bit of vinegar at the very beginning to emulate the acidity of the wine I didn't have, and the artichokes had their own vinegar from the marinade. Texturewise, it came out perfectly, aside from all that oil.

[mizducky]

a Sog of Pears, Stilton, and Pine Nuts.  Supposed to have been a tart, ended up being a sog.  And that's putting it politely.

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Abra, I swear to God I thought that was an overloaded Sicilian-style pizza till I read your description.

[Grub]

a very over ripe durian

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That ain't no fruit -- that's one of them face-clingers from Aliens! Someone call Ripley!

[chardan]

HORROR

Wow!! I think I'm terrified. "Buttery Taste That's Pink" kind of says it all. I also am pleased to know that the shocking pink substance in that container is good for me-- just look at all of those healthy vitamins! A truly epic entry.

I like durian, but that one does look... past its prime.

Gee, thanks for getting my morning of to an appetizing start. Or something. ;>

-J.

[CheGuevara]

HORROR

Wow!! I think I'm terrified. "Buttery Taste That's Pink" kind of says it all. I also am pleased to know that the shocking pink substance in that container is good for me-- just look at all of those healthy vitamins! A truly epic entry.

I like durian, but that one does look... past its prime.

Gee, thanks for getting my morning of to an appetizing start. Or something. ;>

-J.

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it is scary to think there is a market for that in the US. reminds me of the fruit roll-ups with tatoo ads a few years back, so kids could unwrap them, stick them on their face, tatoo themselves and then eat the roll-up. better to steer thoughts somewhere else.

-che

[Meez]

So, what do you call that thing, Grub?

"The Aristocrat."

[Grub]

"The Aristocrat."

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I don't get it...

Joooost keedin... That had me laughing my ass off, dude. Good one. I wonder if that was Sandra Lee's initial title for her show?

[Grub]

Potato, onion & ham Frittata:

Or, scrambled eggs with taters, onions and ham. I made a quiche just fine a whole ago, but this ended up just all messed up. Oh well. Tasted fine, though.

[christine007]

Grub you're too hard on yourself, that plate looks lovely and very eatable!

[chardan]

Potato, onion & ham Frittata:

Grub, I'd gladly try a bite. -J.

[Grub]

You guys are impossible! My stuff hardly ever looks good enough to warrant praise in the Dinner thread, so I post my disasters here instead, so people can get a good laugh out of it, or at least feel better about their own cooking -- and NOW you go telling me it looks GOOD?

I'm gonna have to do better. Or worse.

[gfron1]

You guys are impossible! My stuff hardly ever looks good enough to warrant praise in the Dinner thread, so I post my disasters here instead, so people can get a good laugh out of it, or at least feel better about their own cooking -- and NOW you go telling me it looks GOOD?    

I'm gonna have to do better. Or worse. 

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I suggest "worst" This thread makes me laugh harder than anything else!

[curlywurlyfi]

OK, so I had the sort of man who makes foie gras ravioli with asparagus foam + a crenellation of lark's tongue when you go to his for dinner round last night. I gave him... cold ham + salad. Endearingly retro? Yes, but not only that, eye-searingly colourful too! These are just four of the side dishes (I did slice the tomatoes). Look! Purple, bloody-hell-that's-fluorescent green, red and, er, brown.

Let's have a closer look at that bowl of brown. Aubergines, since you were wondering. Originally beautiful - small, slim, lavender-streaked-with-white - transformed by my genius into something that came out of a dogfood tin. Delicious!

[christine007]

LOL Grub! worse, hands down.

Curly, that looks like you ate it already, good job!

[Jake]

Fi, the aubergine definitely deserves to be here, bloody awful thing to look at first thing in the morning. And I can only imagine (in horror) how it looked plated with the flourescent green mush. Nice one!

[mrbigjas]

wow, i had an eggplant dish just the other night that looked like that, but with even more brownish yellowish grayish sauce around it.

so this isn't dinner, but this morning i made myself a cup of oatmeal. and i didn't want it plain so i looked in the refrigerator here at work and noticed a jar of blueberry pear butter, and put in a few spoonfuls. see where this is going? right here:

[handmc]

Gaaaaahhhhh! You are not supposed to stir Monkey Brains!!!

[Megan Blocker]

Gaaaaahhhhh! You are not supposed to stir Monkey Brains!!!

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While popular in Cantonese cuisine, they're not often to be found in Washington, D.C.!!!!

Sorry, sorry...

That's nasty.

What's that green stuff, Fi?

[racheld]

Our family has two colors unique to our vernacular, though they may have also passed down through the neighbor family whose matriarch originated them. My Mom used to roll the lady's hair every Saturday on those little bobby pins, covering her hair in paper-twisted curls to look like one of those daisy-clustered swim caps of decades past.

The lady liked her hair tinted occasionally, and on one particular Saturday afternoon, bent her head over the sink for Mother to apply the bottled stuff which would render her miraculously beautiful. Mother gazed doubtfully at the vile stuff which flowed onto her scalp and expressed her dismay.

Mother told the story afterwards for all her life, quoting Mrs. Moore exactly: "I don't care if it turns it Piss-munkum brown---just so it ain't Piss-alum Green!"

Dear Fi, bless your heart, you've achieved both on a plate.

[slbunge]

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Perhaps it wasn't popular on your side of the Atlantic, but I remember many a meal when mom would serve Stouffer's Spinach Souffle. Looked very much like the bloody-hell-that's-flourescent green stuff in the sauce pan.

[racheld]

Stouffer's Spinach Souffle.  Looked very much like the bloody-hell-that's-flourescent green stuff in the sauce pan.

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If we had a blushing smiley, I'd confess that I took three of those little packets out of the downstairs freezer that I defrosted today---DD got them on sale some time ago. (Real Blush---I put them back when I was finished; their lifespan doesn't run out til June).

But if that's the green I can expect, I think I'll go to the curb again before the truck comes early tomorrow.

[slbunge]

But if that's the green I can expect, I think I'll go to the curb again before the truck comes early tomorrow.

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Actually, I believe they have laid off the food coloring in recent years so the current Stouffer's Spinach Souffle looks a bit more like real spinach.

Unless the stuff in your freezer is from about 1978. Then, flourescent it will be.

[Sugarella]

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Ok.... I've been served stuff like this before; mushy brown rice made by someone else is always a source of anxiety for me. Am I the only one who stares at a forkful for a few seconds before eating, just to make sure none of them moved, or does everybody do that?

[mizducky]

Let's have a closer look at that bowl of brown.  Aubergines, since you were wondering.  Originally beautiful - small, slim, lavender-streaked-with-white - transformed by my genius into something that came out of a dogfood tin.  Delicious!

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I adore aubergine (or eggplant as we less-poetic Americans insist on calling it), but I must say it is a challenging vegetable to keep from getting ugly-looking. Promptly dousing the raw eggplant with lemon juice or similar acid as soon as it's cut helps keep it from discoloring, but only to a certain extent--instead of grayish-brown mush, you wind up with beige mush. Oh well--at least it takes flavors really well.