Crimes Against Food

[cakewalk]

"An onion, o.k. not bad, even one with a cheese coat on top ..."

Dare I ask? That sounds like it even beats out the blueberry bagel.

I find it interesting that the NYers are moaning about bagels and the southerners are moaning about corn bread. I guess we all grew up with certain things that are considered regional, and when they "transcend" their native regional boundaries the non-natives start to play around with the food, turning it into things we would never recognize. Like blueberry bagels. With cheese on top. Oh my.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the blueberry bagels stayed in LA, but they're here in NY too. And if the corn bread with sugar stayed in NY it wouldn't be too bad, but it seems to have made its way down south as well.

What a mess.

[dumplin]

Those nasty hard brownies with bland vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce that is on almost every dessert menu. Can't restaurants come up with real desserts?

[Carlovski]

Unadvertised cream or tomatoes.

Normally commited by pasta dishes.

Linguine with clams, spaghetti with ham and peas etc, for some reason (Probably because some fool ordered them once and said 'but where's the sauce?') come swamped in cream or tomato sauce.

On a similar note, unwanted peppers.

The worst culprit being the mystery raw peppers which make there way into salads they have no place in (I have got them in salade Nicoise, and even in a Ceasar salad!), but also the lesser crime of appearing cooked (Although not normally well) in all manner of pasta dishes, risottos etc

[GG Mora]

chefs who forget to season their food so everything taste bland. A little salt to finish really goes a long way and should be beaten into them in culinary school.

Amen to that, sister. Undersalting or, worse, failing to salt altogether, is the #1 all-time worst crime against food.

[origamicrane]

hmm...

wouldn't the ultimate culinary crime be excellent ingredients in the hands of an indifferent chef?

personally one of the things i hate is when the menu reads like a damien hirst art piece

[davebr]

When greens are used as a garnish on a entree or a side on an app and they serve it dry.

Once I got a red velvet cake with just plain white icing!

Po-boys on some lame soft bun.

mushy risotto served by using an ice cream scooper out of a steam table.

chewy overcooked calamari

God Ive had some bad food.

[chefdg]

personally one of the things i hate is when the menu reads like a damien hirst art piece

Forgive the ignorance, but is that a good piece of art?

You gave me an idea; Menu's that list every ingredient, how each one was cut, seasoned, cooked, and presented. It's like the chef ripped the pages out of their recipe book and changed the font. Make the menu brief and to the point, give me something to look forward to.

[Andrew Fenton]

personally one of the things i hate is when the menu reads like a damien hirst art piece

Forgive the ignorance, but is that a good piece of art?

I'm guessing it means a menu that describes animals pickled in formaldehyde. Which I agree would be pretty nasty.

[jetsie]

Soy oil! Especially in mayonnaise, but it's in just about every convenience/processed food these days. I can't be the only one who finds the taste overpowering and unpleasant. At least it forces me to cook and eat better.

[origamicrane]

well i don't want a menu to list every ingredient and preparation method

but i also don't want a menu where i need a culinary dictionary !!

yep some food can be a work of art and yes i'm not against naming a beef carpaccio a carpaccio rather then calling it 3 slice of raw beef and a dollop of mayo but i would also like a concise description of what it is.

just that the most absurd entry i seen in a menu was

Sky Juice after asking the waiter what that was

i was informed it was water.

Edited June 28, 2004 by origamicrane (log)

[Susan G]

Ruin a half decent dessert by squirting on whipped "creme".

Ohh, yeah! I second that one! The "creme" that doesn't melt in hot cocoa, and has little taste other than the oil.

[RSincere]

This has happened to me three separate times at three different restaurants in Wisconsin (granted, not the most expensive restaurants). I order a burger or steak and the waiter asks me how I want it, and I say "rare" and they tell me they are only allowed to do medium or above, or it's their policy not to serve rare meat. Why even ask me how I want it? If it has to be cooked that long then I'd rather have something else. Actually, thinking about it, it's kind of scary...do they know something about their meat that I don't?

[FistFullaRoux]

OK, I have a list. I'm in a mood...

Overly cutesy names of dishes.

Chunky ingredients on thin bread. Don't these people watch Alton Brown?

Celery in everything.

"Marinara" the consistency of tomato paste. Or Gatorade.

Cajun anything cooked by someone who wouldn't know tasso if I stuck it in his ear.

Flat fountain drinks. Especially when they look okay when dispensed, and you only find out once you are in the parking lot or down the street.

Egg rolls with extra potent cabbage...

[patti]

And it isn't baked in a cast iron skillet.

It isn't? My Texas grandma always baked hers in an iron skillet (pre-heated in the oven w/ bacon grease) and now I do the same. What makes it *not* cornbread to you?

[browniebaker]

And it isn't baked in a cast iron skillet.

It isn't? My Texas grandma always baked hers in an iron skillet (pre-heated in the oven w/ bacon grease) and now I do the same. What makes it *not* cornbread to you?

I think she meant that her peeve is cornbread that isn't baked in a cast-iron skillet.

[patti]

I think she meant that her peeve is cornbread that isn't baked in a cast-iron skillet.

Oops, thank you for 'splainin that to me. I couldn't imagine what regional difference there could be that would frown upon the wonders of a black iron skillet.

[Andrew Fenton]

Egg rolls with extra potent cabbage...

Non capisco. How is cabbage potent or not?

[FistFullaRoux]

Egg rolls with extra potent cabbage...

Non capisco. How is cabbage potent or not?

Older cabbage, or improperly stored egg rolls can be bitter. When you bite into them, you get a bitter taste and a sulphur aroma. I haven't met a sweet and sour sauce yet that can compete. It's ruined.

[davebr]

I was thinking potent as the level of gas I have afterwards.

[lorea]

Cake from mixes, and that nasty icing made of grease and confectioners' sugar. Blee-yech.

I'm in total agreement. "Frosting" made with shortening should be banned! I'd prefer to have no frosting at all.

Speaking of nasty cake mixes, I recently "made" a boxed Angel Food cake from a mix with a friend. Amazing! I didn't realize cake mixes were that fancy....the thing actually puffed up before putting it in the pan. It tasted like total crap (as expected) - it had a very strange chemical flavor and it gave my tongue a weird buzzing feel. Stay away from boxed Angel Food cake! It's the devil!

Here's another crime - putting soy sauce in all Chinese food. Just because it has soy sauce in it, doesn't make it Chinese! Some of the best Chinese foods are flavored simply, so the flavors of the food stands out.

[Steve Ramsey]

I'll be the first to say I like Ranch dressing....in it's place.

But it's become the new white trash all purpose sauce.

Many a careful preparation has been spoiled by the addition of the white goo.

[origamicrane]

Here's another crime - putting soy sauce in all Chinese food. Just because it has soy sauce in it, doesn't make it Chinese! Some of the best Chinese foods are flavored simply, so the flavors of the food stands out.

lorea i'm with on that one 150%!!!

being chinese i find myself constantly threatening my non-chinese friends with gbh if they dare pour soya sauce on their egg fried rice before they even tasted it.

silly side story here:

I was in a very busy chinese restaurant and the couple on the next table

asked for light soya sauce, the waiter came back with dark soya sauce which is the normal dipping variety. Light soya sauce is used for cooking as its more salty then dark soya.

The waiter explained this to the couple and then they went into a fit with the waiter that they always had light soya sauce and how were they expected to eat chinese food without light soya sauce???!!!

The waiter looked a bit miffed and did return with the light soya sauce at which point the couple complained that it wasn't like the normal soya sauce they had

[Bond Girl]

Here's another crime - putting soy sauce in all Chinese food. Just because it has soy sauce in it, doesn't make it Chinese! Some of the best Chinese foods are flavored simply, so the flavors of the food stands out.

lorea i'm with on that one 150%!!!

being chinese i find myself constantly threatening my non-chinese friends with gbh if they dare pour soya sauce on their egg fried rice before they even tasted it.

silly side story here:

I was in a very busy chinese restaurant and the couple on the next table

asked for light soya sauce, the waiter came back with dark soya sauce which is the normal dipping variety. Light soya sauce is used for cooking as its more salty then dark soya.

The waiter explained this to the couple and then they went into a fit with the waiter that they always had light soya sauce and how were they expected to eat chinese food without light soya sauce???!!!

The waiter looked a bit miffed and did return with the light soya sauce at which point the couple complained that it wasn't like the normal soya sauce they had

That is a crime against restaurant and food! Being Chinese myself, I am still baffled over certain things like "duck sauce" which a lot of my non-chinese friends like to pour over everything.

[durian]

Altho I'm not Chinese, I lived in Taiwan long enough to learn what authentic Chinese food tastes like and where American Chinese food strays from that. I too am annoyed when I see people pour soy sauce on something without tasting it first.

My pet peeve is overly sweet dishes in Chinese restaurants.

Chinese restaurants have a selection of rather inauthentic dishes that Americans like to order. Often a giveaway is that they are sweet fruity elements in what would otherwise be a savory dish. So when you see something with pork and lychees or chicken and pineapple, or beef with mango, be aware that the version you will get will proably be way too far on the sweet side. It's not that Chinese people don't make these dishes for themselves, but they don't make them as sweet. Think of the difference between sweet and sour pork that comes in super-sweet bright red sauce versus another version where it is not all about the sauce color and instead about balancing vinegar and sugar. Along these lines, duck sauce would seem to be designed as an all purpose sweetening condiment to go with any savory dish, I suppose. Chinese people don't eat it, but they will always give you a few packets of both duck sauce and soy sauce with every takeout order, as if you were supposed to be adding these things to your food.

I guess the 'sweet as inauthentic' thread runs through a lot of cuisines/foods, because sweetness guarantees a certain degree of acceptance/profitability when you are introducing new tastes to your customer base. I hate sweet cornbread or bagels that are light and fluffy and one step away from sweet breakfast muffins, but I'm sure that people raised on Twinkies and Wonder bread and sweet potatoes with marshmallows think they are dandy.

[origamicrane]

I think the sweetness thing is a valid point.

Sugar is cheaper then getting better flavoured ingredients and better cooking.