Comforting foods, consoling foods

[Ondine]

What do you eat when you feel down? What flavours help a heartbreak? When you really need something more than that siren-song bottle of scotch or that handful of hanky, what do you reach for?

We are all familiar with the cliche tub if ice cream with chick flicks, or the box of chocolate truffles larger than your torso. What else makes you feel just that little bit better about the world for just that little while? I'm looking to hear of habits, inclinations, peccadilloes, and even possible suggestions.

I am currently going through a nasty breakup, after a combined 13 year relationship, and things are looking pretty dark. So it's probably a good thing I'm not running the current foodblog or it'd read pretty oddly.

Anyways, I am an equal-opportunity topic starter: what about all those eGullet men out there? What would you choose? I'm sure it's not just us girls who do this.

Fire away!

[sml311]

Well, the first few days I can't keep anything down. After that, really good stove top mac and cheese (not from a box), baked apples, ham...all comfort food to me. A lot of soft drinks...normally I try not to drink too many bc of the empty calories, but that all goes out of the window when I'm upset. Anything that doesn't require too much thinking or effort...lucky charms out of the box, things like that. Chips and queso from a local restaurant that does it well.

I guess that's about it...

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I'll save you the hackneyed sayings you're probably hearing a lot of right now. Just indulge yourself for a while...get taken care of by your friends...eat copious amounts of food...

Good luck!

SML

[hillvalley]

Donughts

and vodka

and an amazing meal out somewhere with girlfriends

Take care of yourself and feel better!

[Mudpuppie]

Hey, I've been there too.

My favorite comfort food is starch. That's right, starch. Potatoes (mashed, steamed, boiled, fried, roasted), pasta, mac-n-cheese.

Are you a baker? I found baking bread to be very therapeutic after a bad breakup. It's the combination of kneading (grrrrrrr ) and delicious, soothing product (ahhhhhh ) that seems to work wonders.

Get yourself some yeast and flour.

[KarenS]

Good cheese on really good bread. Dulce de late ice cream. Puttensca pasta. potatoes mashed with horseradish or celery root- turnips, parsnips etc... Roast chicken with roasted vegetables. Pie. Rice pudding or tapioca pudding. Chille rellenos, burittos, tamales, enchiladas. Creamy polenta, risotto. Cheese fondue or souffle.

Can you tell that I have had many boyfriend woes?

[maggiethecat]

There is no real comfort food for heartbreak; in fact, I usually lose my appetite. Scotch on an empty stomach can be therapuetic.

But, Babe, I feel for you. You have full license to eat whatever the hell you want.! In quantity.

[fifi]

The last heartbreak that I had to go through was the day I had to "put down" my beloved basset hound after 15 and a half years of togetherness. Hell... I hate that oh so correct phrase "put down". Get real... I killed her... euthanasia. That led to a round of martinis. That was NOT a good idea at the time. For a couple of days I was prone to eating things off of spoons... dulce de leche, peanut butter, even Hellmans Mayonesa. Then, oddly, I made bread for the first time in years. There must be something to all of that kneading. The bread wasn't very good because I had beat the crap out of the dough. It tasted ok but the texture left something to be desired.

[Mabelline]

I say make that puppy sorry he hurt you. Eat as you like, and as soon as you feel better, go join a gym, and everytime you are fossilizing in the house, go to the gym, and walk around the track if nothing else. It did work for me; I relocated less than a 10 minute walk from the gym. Everytime I was moping around, I walked over and did a round on the machines, then walked the track till I felt tired. Kept me from shooting somebody---no, not me.

[Pouncy]

As my fiancee is active duty military and we have done 2 six to eight month deployments together, my old reliable comfort foods are starches.

Trader Joe's frozen Gnocchi alla Sorrentina has been a standby both deployments, and for sweets, Jamba Juice Peach leasure smoothies are my friend.

As for things I make at home, most of it is pasta based - When he's not home, I'm generally eating alone, and on a reduced budget. I do a lot of baking for him, too.

When I'm sick, Campbell's Bean and Bacon soup really settles my stomach, and oftentimes plain potato chips are the only thing I can keep down for some weird reason.

[Pan]

I definitely go for chocolate or/and rich ice cream like Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche or, worse, Rum Raisin (which upsets my stomach by can be worth it because I get a little buzz out of it!!!) with some kind of Milano cookies (now, probably raspberry, but before those existed, orange or some chocolate variety).

I'd probably also consider buying a 6-pack of hard cider and drinking a couple (I wouldn't get drunk, just a bit buzzed).

If I felt up to it, I might treat myself to a delicious, pricey dinner for one.

I guess it's been a while for me, as I can't remember much more.

Hang in there, Ondine. It must be really hard to break up after 13 years.

[Ondine]

Thank you everyone for all your good wishes, I am trying hard to just get through the days. It hasn't been a week yet.

Pan: The breakup is a little complicated actually. I had a partner of 10 years and a partner of 3 years (yes, at the same time; yes, they knew of and liked each other). In a spectacular case of ripple effect a whole lot of things happened and I am now single. And not loving it.

Is it time to put my therapist on overtime?

I am trying to decide what to have for dinner right now.....mustard sounds good. I'll have to have something with mustard...

[jackal10]

Plenty more fish in the sea..... Don't go looking; relax, socialise, and they will come. The fastest way to get over an old affair is to start a new one, even a temporary one with someone less than perfect.

Standard counseling is that you go through four stages of grief:

Denial ("they will be back")

Anger ("how dare they...")

Resignation ("poor me..")

Resolution ("Moving on..")

Denial need realism and accurate information and assessment

Anger needs a safe place and people to express it to

Resignation needs activity and information about future possibilities

Resolution needs encouragement

Key is a support group of friends (besides eGullet) that you can share with, shoulders to cry on and go for meals or drinks with...

[maggiethecat]

There is no real comfort food for heartbreak; in fact, I usually lose my appetite. Scotch on an empty stomach can be therapuetic.

That's late-night heartbreak talk, not get- through- tomorrow -and -the -day- after- that advice, until you've worked your way through the four stages of grief that jackal has written about.

If you're the kind of heartbreak victim who loses her appetite and whose digestive system fails her, try something easy, nutritious and cheap. You might already have the ingredients in your fridge right now: eggs, butter and cheese. Get a loaf of bread. That eGullet stalwart, a pound of bacon, would be a helpful addition.

If you can bearly bring yourself to cook, and you're outta gas, scrambling a couple of eggs (soft!) and making a piece of buttered toast can be accomplished in under five minutes, and can be eaten in less than three. This meal has the remarkable ability to stay in the stomach even after a crying jag.

Then, onto poached, coddled, Western Omelets...in fact, you could work your way through the eGCI Egg Curriculum. Here.

[srhcb]

I favor a more confrontational approach. For instance, my GF doesn't like fish, so were we to have a serious falling out I reassert my indpendence by gorging on foods from the briney deep!

[Mayhaw Man]

I'm with maggiethecat.

Eggs are somehow very reassuring. Then again, so is a big bowl of Raisin Bran or a couple of toasted english muffins with extra butter and Mayhaw Jelly.

I think that I must equate comfort and breakfast. I didn't realize that until just now

[GG Mora]

Don't know about you, but when I've been in the throes of a breakup, there's been a good bit of anxiety involved, sometimes nearly to the point of panic. I found Bach's Rescue Remedy (available at most health food stores) to be indispensible. Capsules of Valerian root will help enormously, too.

As for food, when you simply can't eat, try a few spoonfuls of some good, plain yogurt. Something about it is quite soothing to the gut.

Sucks, girlfriend. I'm happily married now (had to wait til I was 42) but I was in your shoes more times than I care to remember. Here's some positive vibes from a perfect stranger.

[Jake]

Although eating isn't something I can do in that situation cooking is. This does have the added benefit of having a lot of interesting stuff in the freezer for when I can eat again, and the possibility of inviting a guest or two for dinner. Or when you know you need to eat something b/c last nights dinner was vodka and cigarettes.

If you don't feel like cooking, order in whatever you feel like, and spoil yourself a bit. Feel better.

[Gifted Gourmet]

and after you consume the comfort foods which feel really good at such a time, try to remember my favorite saying: "living well is the best revenge"...

I am apt to lauch into a butter-dipped lobster with all the trimmings on that theory alone!

after all, why should you suffer, right?

[deibu]

I ate lots of really-awful Domino's Pizza, popped Paxil and drank margaritas after my last breakup. I also put on 30 pounds which didn't make me feel better. Last summer I picked up working out and jogging again, and it was the ultimate cure. I feel like my whole period of being upset over him was a big fog and that thinking about that whole period of time brings back lots of pain. I think that exercise and as many things as possible as you can do for yourself and your own health are the best cures. I also hope you feel better soon!

[Susan G]

I second the Rescue Remedy solution........and I also suggest making a big pot of large pearl tapioca.......heavy hand with the vanilla (almond flavoring too if you're feeling like something exotic) and add a can of mandarin oranges. Eat warm. Nothing lik Grandma used to make, and oh so comforting. Slides down easily on an upset tummy. So sorry about your breakup.

[JPW]

I always found the heartbreak diet to be extremely effective for me. The last one before Mrs. JPW saved me from a life full of them saw me lose 15 pounds. That equals about a week of being unable to keep solids down and a couple more weeks of not being able to eat much.

My comfort food was mainly beer.

Once I could eat, I found that a big pot of long simmering pseudo- chili was the best way to go for me. It's about halfway between real chili and a meaty red sauce and goes best with a baguette. The aroma that filled my apartment was just the right amount of warmth and spiciness to get my stomach working again.

These days when I'm feeling down I generally go for anything that's a long simmering dish on the stove top. Making chicken stock when you're down is a great way to get those beautiful warm aromas going.

To quote my wife's favorite movie, ondine - just remember "Tomorrow is another day"

Edited February 23, 2004 by JPW (log)

[Comfort Me]

I had a roommate who, during a breakup, spent two days laying underneath the piano listening over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again to Barbra Streisand's "Memories" and eating Nacho Cheese Doritos.

By the end of the weekend, I sincerely wanted to inflict serious bodily harm on Babs. But my roommate was fine.

Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line?

[suzilightning]

hmmm...

when we were going through a bad patch after18 years of marriage and thinking about breaking up permanently i couldn't eat. no appetite, didn't want to drink(and for anyone who knows me that says a lot - i love my champers).

first went to counseling - it helped

when i did start to feel a bit better i remember eating soft, creamy things - soy yoghurt, cottage cheese, butterscotch pudding, scrambled eggs. i ate a lot of scrambled eggs and toast. and worked out. i was in the gym daily and on days off i did an extra hour or so.

keep positive though that is probably the hardest thing - should i make the chocolate chip cookies to send to you?

[srhcb]

I had a roommate who, during a breakup, spent two days laying underneath the piano listening over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again to Barbra Streisand's "Memories" and eating Nacho Cheese Doritos.

By the end of the weekend, I sincerely wanted to inflict serious bodily harm on Babs.  But my roommate was fine.

Can it be that it was all so simple then?  Or has time rewritten every line?

I would rather suffer forever than submit to that "cure"!

"Memories" by Babs; the castor oil of consolation music.

SB (Doritos are okay though)

[tryska]

The fastest way to get over an old affair is to start a new one, even a temporary one with someone less than perfect.

the best advice i ever got during my last breakup was "the best way to get over a dead dog, is a new dog...."

ironically from the new dog, trying to get me to go out with him. it was fun tho, for the fling that it was.

i highly recommned rebound love affairs.