PMS: Tell it Like It Is. Your cravings, Babe (Part 1)

[Fresser]

ok ladies - and steve since you are obviously monitoring this thread, my dear Heather...

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Gee, and I thought I could sneak in here unnoticed.

I'm kind of jealous of all the camaraderie and snacking going on at the Pi Mu Sigma (Π Μ Σ) sorority. May I join if I bring chocolate and a nice wedge of feta cheese?

[gini]

Oh god, I have a date tomorrow night. I hope don't bite his head off. Or cry during Harry Potter. 

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Once when I was dating Girlie Girl, the long-fanged, three-headed Menstrual Monster reared her head. When I figured out what was happening (and that GG didn't MEAN to act homicidal ), we retreated to the grocery to purchase a chocolate bar, pretzels, Midol and Diet Coke to wash everything down.

We then held an impromptu picnic outside the grocery, where GG wolfed down a fistful of pretzels, several chocolate squares and the Magic Midol pill. Definitely an interesting date, even if I did feel like an extra in a George Romero movie.

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You should write a screenplay based on that scene. It should probably include animation.

From my end, I'm not often visited by cramps or cravings, but I sometimes feel like I eat like a pregnant woman....last night I ate an entire jar full of leftover homemade cranberry sauce. And two vanilla sandwich cookies. And a piece of bread with brie. And 7 carrots. And 13 whole cashews. But I told my baby I only ate the cranberry sauce. Cause I was insane. He then offered me some chocolate almond biscotti. I should have taken him up on his offer, but they'll have to wait till Friday.

[Mooshmouse]

ok ladies - and steve since you are obviously monitoring this thread, my dear Heather...

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Gee, and I thought I could sneak in here unnoticed.

I'm kind of jealous of all the camaraderie and snacking going on at the Pi Mu Sigma (Π Μ Σ) sorority. May I join if I bring chocolate and a nice wedge of feta cheese?

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Dark chocolate, Fresser. Preferably a Scharffen Berger chocolate/espresso bar.

And no feta, please. Brie. Or a beautifully creamy cambozola. Don't forget the crackers.

[mizducky]

ok ladies - and steve since you are obviously monitoring this thread, my dear Heather...

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Gee, and I thought I could sneak in here unnoticed.

I'm kind of jealous of all the camaraderie and snacking going on at the Pi Mu Sigma (Π Μ Σ) sorority. May I join if I bring chocolate and a nice wedge of feta cheese?

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Dark chocolate, Fresser. Preferably a Scharffen Berger chocolate/espresso bar.

And no feta, please. Brie. Or a beautifully creamy cambozola. Don't forget the crackers.

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Oooh! As long as you're at it, Fresser, can I put in an order for a Carnegie Deli-style overstuffed pastrami sandwich, a pint of Cherry Garcia, and a bottle of Tylenol?

Edited to add: hey, I just realized, you could fulfill a role in the sorority kind of analogous to that of the Shabbos goy. (Irony most definitely intentional!)

Edited December 16, 2005 by mizducky (log)

[Ling]

Fresser: I would like two dozen spiced dark chocolate truffles, a healthy wedge of Stilton with a side of figs poached in port, and thin slices of dense, nutty bread. All served on a silver platter by Tyson Beckford.

That sound ever more civilized than what I've been eating in this thread!!

[rooftop1000]

There is this really nice guy in the mailroom at work that seems to "find" snackfoods and redistribute them.....to us Thursday was an entire giftbox with sausage cheese crackers nuts candy etc...he said to each go ahead and pick one I managed to get the cinn cashews and the dried cranberry pecan carmel corn. Then friday our diabetic boss got a cinn walnut coffee cake which he donated to the breaktime cause, preceded by a buttered roll extra butter breakfast and onion pizza for lunch. Dinner was most of my favorite foods bread, butter, foie gras, lamb sausage, pork belly, duck confit, chocolate mousse cake, ooooh why did I eat beans.

In the middle of all this my 5 danish arrived from O&H Bakery......cant eat feel ill.

HE eats cherry cheese danish and drags me to the mall at 8am

2pm bacon double cheeseburger my fries and his and diet coke

tracey

[Fresser]

Fresser: I would like two dozen spiced dark chocolate truffles, a healthy wedge of Stilton with a side of figs poached in port, and thin slices of dense, nutty bread. All served on a silver platter by Tyson Beckford.

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Well, considering that I, as your newest pledge sister, am doing all the shopping for salted meats and chocolates, I guess Tyson could ride shotgun and deliver the foodstuffs. You want I should lend him my toque and chef's whites?

Which begs the question: when you ladies get the Menstrual Munchies, do you send the lucky men in your lives out shopping? Or do you order in?

Just curious...

[Ling]

Well, considering that I, as your newest pledge sister, am doing all the shopping for salted meats and chocolates, I guess Tyson could ride shotgun and deliver the foodstuffs. You want I should lend him my toque and chef's whites?

Which begs the question:  when you ladies get the Menstrual Munchies, do you send the lucky men in your lives out shopping?  Or do you order in? 

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It doesn't matter what he wears...or if he wears anything at all.

I've always gone out and bought my own snacky junk, or made it at home. I'm not too high-maintenance.

Edited December 18, 2005 by Ling (log)

[tejon]

Mmmmm....MEAT. Give me a slab of beef, tender and glistening. Oh, and some dark chocolate for afterwards. With those two things, I'm good.

[Ling]

I can't seem to put down these cookies...

[miladyinsanity]

Can I join?

I believe that booze, painkillers and chocolate are all the drugs a girl needs.

[suzilightning]

last night after work...

1/2 package of jimmy dean precooked sausage patties with real maple syrup

2 egg omlet with jalapeno and ketchup

cup of swiss miss double chocolate cocoa

sigh

and it's really good when some of the syrup interacts with the eggs

[miladyinsanity]

Okay, just to recap a few things in earlier posts:

Chinese old wives' tale says you can induce your period with pineapple. It's the same reason why pregnant women are not supposed to eat pineapple--fear of miscarriage. I have no idea whether this is true. Also, I have heard that eating pineapple during your period will cause cramps, or more cramps as the case may be, and a heavier flow. There's something else you can try, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is.

Rosehip tea is said to work as a 'PMS tea.' Dong guai, aka Chinese angelica root, taken in stock (just drink the soup), together with wolfberries and other stuff, will work provided you drink it within a week before the red tide comes.

Does anybody use Evening Primrose Oil? My doc told me to take it--and I ought to try, if no reason to cut down on painkillers, but...I do so love being high!

[Ling]

Can I join?

I believe that booze, painkillers and chocolate are all the drugs a girl needs. 

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I had booze and chocolate yesterday. No painkillers, but the four cheese spinach dip with fried bread was a decent substitute.

[petite tête de chou]

Okay, just to recap a few things in earlier posts:

Chinese old wives' tale says you can induce your period with pineapple. It's the same reason why pregnant women are not supposed to eat pineapple--fear of miscarriage. I have no idea whether this is true. Also, I have heard that eating pineapple during your period will cause cramps, or more cramps as the case may be, and a heavier flow. There's something else you can try, but I can't for the life of me remember what it is.

Rosehip tea is said to work as a 'PMS tea.' Dong guai, aka Chinese angelica root, taken in stock (just drink the soup), together with wolfberries and other stuff, will work provided you drink it within a week before the red tide comes.

Does anybody use Evening Primrose Oil? My doc told me to take it--and I ought to try, if no reason to cut down on painkillers, but...I do so love being high!

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I've never tried Evening Primrose oil but I have tried Black Cohosh pills. They seemed to lessen the cramping after I was taking it for about two months. But my lifestyle was much more active than now. Remaining physically active has been the only tried-and-true method of minimizing my cramps. Now, the emotional upheaval simply calls for a quiet and calm enviroment, books, weepy old movies with happy endings, steak with lots of salt, scotch and endless wedges Huntsman cheese. That's all. Nice and simple.

edited to add...I don't recommend taking Black Cohosh without your doctors approval.

Edited December 23, 2005 by petite tête de chou (log)

[miladyinsanity]

Thanks petite tête de chou.

I really need to start on the EPO. :laughing: I never remember to take my pills.

In the mean time, I'll enjoy my frozen chocolate milk.

[I_call_the_duck]

I believe that booze, painkillers and chocolate are all the drugs a girl needs. 

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It works for other things too. Booze, drugs and chocolate. Not just for PMS anymore!

[Lilija]

Last night, at 11:30 pm, I consumed a giant bowl of egg noodles, dripping with butter, and sauteed garlic, dosed liberally with salt.

Then, I snuck one of the homemade amaretto truffles I made, to give as gifts...

My husband stared at me in shock, as I stood over the sink, shoving noodles in my mouth, with the wooden spoon. Then he saw me go for the chocolate, and went "Ah. Mmhmm." and left the room.

[Genny]

Fresser: I believe that as an outsider, you must take the pledge to be allowed to remain. Please to repeat:

"I Fresser, being 'just a man' solemny swear to uphold the honor of the sisterhood. I will be kind and consoling and above all I promise to never share the true eating habits of women with other men. I promise to provide chocolate, chips, salty treats and sweet treats as needed without judgement. If I should break this sacred covenant, I will remove myself from the sisterhood, never to speak of it again."

Do we have our menfolk cater to our cravings? Generally not. This is a secret society, you know. Men generally look at us like our head spinning is something that shouldn't happen and, well, we just can't help ourselves sometimes. I think most women do their PMS eating in private and don't generally disclose the entirety of their eating to others (men, especially). You know, "Just a snickers bar and a diet coke" really means "I ate a snickers bar, diet coke, bag of chips, plate of ribs until what I realized I needed was Mom's potato salad so I got some at the store and added salt to it, it didn't totally satisfy but I was too full to eat anything further by then and had to stop."

Oh, and Tyson Beckford should be clad in the torque and an apron...only.

Did I forget anything girls??

[Fresser]

Fresser: I believe that as an outsider, you must take the pledge to be allowed to remain...

Oh, and Tyson Beckford should be clad in the toque and an apron...only.

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I have taken the pledge, Genny, and I eagerly await the rest of the initiation rituals.

Since Tyson is wearing the chef's whites, what should I wear, Genny? I don't want to show up Tyson or anything...

[miladyinsanity]

So...the Time Has Come.

I'm going to spend my time cooking and eating in the kitchen. I shall let you all know what I demolished.

Fresser, I think you need body armor.

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass... while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

Edited December 24, 2005 by miladyinsanity (log)

[Genny]

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass... while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

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OMF*G, ROFLMAO!!!! Can I quote you on this Miladyinsanity??? Too very funny

Fresser, since you will be part of the group you get to wear baggy sweats (bloating), no bra (sore boobs), and socks (cold feet). Be sure to bring your own pillow to snuggle/beat. We do appreciate the eye candy you will bringing to share though.

[Fresser]

Fresser, since you will be part of the group you get to wear baggy sweats (bloating), no bra (sore boobs), and socks (cold feet).  Be sure to bring your own pillow to snuggle/beat.   We do appreciate the eye candy you will bringing to share though.

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Given my broad-shouldered build, I tend to look like half of the Hans und Franz duo when I wear sweats. Combine that with my Spongebob crying pillow and I look like a pubescent member of the East German womens' swim team. Time for a group portrait?

As far as the eye candy, Genny, I presume you mean Tyson--and I ain't talkin' Tyson chicken, Girlfriend! So what does that make me--an eye appetizer, at least?

[mizducky]

Fresser, since you will be part of the group you get to wear baggy sweats (bloating), no bra (sore boobs), and socks (cold feet).  Be sure to bring your own pillow to snuggle/beat.    We do appreciate the eye candy you will bringing to share though.

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Given my broad-shouldered build, I tend to look like half of the Hans und Franz duo when I wear sweats. Combine that with my Spongebob crying pillow and I look like a pubescent member of the East German womens' swim team. Time for a group portrait?

As far as the eye candy, Genny, I presume you mean Tyson--and I ain't talkin' Tyson chicken, Girlfriend! So what does that make me--an eye appetizer, at least?

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An eye-forshpeis, perhaps?

Speaking of which, it's getting close to that time of month for me too, I can feel it coming on ... just in time for some holiday fressing (not to take your nickname in vain, Fresser... ) I've got tons of food in the house right now... but NO CHOCOLATE, so I'm going to have to fix that right away!

[miladyinsanity]

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass... while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

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OMF*G, ROFLMAO!!!! Can I quote you on this Miladyinsanity??? Too very funny

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Sure you can. Stick it on your fridge. Be great as a warning signal to the SO if you have one. It might stop him from eating that last slice of cake!