I will never again . . . (Part 3)

[prasantrin]

Vanilla salt might have some interesting savoury applications though … did you just bin it, or did you  try to use it anything?

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She still has it. I was thinking of using it to sprinkle on caramel or something like that. Only problem is that it's ordinary iodized table salt, which (in my opinion) doesn't have a great flavour straight. I think my mom might just continue using it as regular salt. It does smell rather nicely of vanilla, though.

[judiu]

Vanilla salt might have some interesting savoury applications though … did you just bin it, or did you  try to use it anything?

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She still has it. I was thinking of using it to sprinkle on caramel or something like that. Only problem is that it's ordinary iodized table salt, which (in my opinion) doesn't have a great flavour straight. I think my mom might just continue using it as regular salt. It does smell rather nicely of vanilla, though.

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Maybe there's a lobster dish in there? It seems to be a "trendy" thing to pair vanilla and lobster...

[Idlewild]

I will never again forget that ham can be kinda the same shade of pink as uncooked chicken and as a result spend ages trying to get chicken cordon bleu to finish cooking through, including sighing in despair and chucking it in the microwave before realizing that's not raw chicken that bizarrely refuses to cook, that's the filling.

I feel appropriately stupid, also I have blisters on my fingers. (Well, a blister from trying to remove the meat thermometer from the chicken, and flip the chicken, at the same time. Hot pan!)

[prasantrin]

I will never again put my favourite silicone spatula in my crappy Japanese blender. Because even if the blender is crappy and can't blend the crap out of my a**, its rotating blades are still sharp enough to take a chunk out of my spatula.

My poor spatula....I really loved it!

[s_sevilla]

I will never rush in slicing a potato on my Mandoline (at least without one of those kevlar mitts)......its even worse when you have julienne blade in there.

I will also never flambe in a kitchen with no fume hood and a dried wreath hanging over the range.

[duckduck]

Put my hand on a burner to see if it's warm. I was about eight and didn't realize that Mom used to hold her hand OVER the burner and not actually touch it. I had a stripe across the top of my palm for years.

I will never get distracted by turning to look at something being shown to me in the next room while quickly slicing a very juicy lemon either. They can show me later. (Oh, look...this lemon comes with a finger bone.) Just thinking of it makes me cringe and shiver. Your body never forgets something like that one.

Edited September 9, 2006 by duckduck (log)

[lexy]

I just remembered one from years ago (I don't think I've posted it here before):

I was making brown rice from the instructions on the bag, which included the directive "Soak in cold water for 1/2 hour". My brain firmly in "off" mode, I ran a sink full of cold water and put the unopened bag of rice in to soak … I can't even fathom what I thought this was going to acomplish. Ten or fifteen minutes later I came back and realized that soaking the outside of the plastic bag wasn't going to be very useful. The sad thing was I'd made rice planty of times before - I can't even plead inexperience on that one.

[Shalmanese]

I will never again put anything meltable near the vents of my new electric stove ever, ever again. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the very, very hard way with a not 9 HOUR old Magnum Pepper Grinder:

[Qui]

... put a full pot of butter to melt and walk away from it, almost start a stove fire

... reach into the deck oven without the arm length oven mitts (too many scars on my arms already

... turn on the 60qt mixer without checking the speed setting

[snowangel]

So sad, Shalmanese, about your Magnum!

Lock up your good knives. DH decided it would be quicker to grab my favorite paring knife than go grab a screwdriver. A paring knife without a tip was the result, and not one that I was particularly happy with (especially since it didn't do the job, and he had to go to the garage to get a screwdriver anyway).

[hathor]

So sad, Shalmanese, about your Magnum!

Lock up your good knives.  DH decided it would be quicker to grab my favorite paring knife than go grab a screwdriver.  A paring knife without a tip was the result, and not one that I was particularly happy with (especially since it didn't do the job, and he had to go to the garage to get a screwdriver anyway).

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Bad. Bad. Bad. My husband had a thing (note the use of past tense) for putting my good knives in the dishwasher. After I made good on a threat to no longer cook for him, he finally got the message. Now I'm working on training him not to leave a knife in the bottom of the sink filled with soapy water.

"What, there are more knife rules???"

[Teri Everitt]

I will also never flambe in a kitchen with no fume hood and a dried wreath hanging over the range.

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I think you should get this one printed on a T-shirt!

[racheld]

I will also never flambe in a kitchen with no fume hood and a dried wreath hanging over the range.

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I think you should get this one printed on a T-shirt!

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I catered a party years ago in a house with a little stuffed cow sitting atop a very slanty rangehood. I was nervous that she'd leap into a sauce or bounce onto a flame. And I always wondered how the woman FRIED anything for her family and still had such an immaculate stuffed animal as her kitchen mascot.

[Velma]

I will never again try to make bread using nutritional yeast.

[Smithy]

I will also never flambe in a kitchen with no fume hood and a dried wreath hanging over the range.

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I think you should get this one printed on a T-shirt!

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I catered a party years ago in a house with a little stuffed cow sitting atop a very slanty rangehood. I was nervous that she'd leap into a sauce or bounce onto a flame. And I always wondered how the woman FRIED anything for her family and still had such an immaculate stuffed animal as her kitchen mascot.

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Errm...are you sure she cooked?

Might she have just mooooved said cow from the hood on those rare occasions?

[prasantrin]

I will never again try to make bread using nutritional yeast.

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I love that one! It reminds me of something my mother might have done!

[Velma]

I will never again try to make bread using nutritional yeast.

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I love that one! It reminds me of something my mother might have done!

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Well, the story is even more humiliating than that. It was my very first attempt at bread making and I had no clue as to what I was doing. After 3 failed loaves of bread, I took the nutritional yeast back to the health food where I had purchased it and told them that their yeast was dead.

[Grub]

...DH decided it would be quicker to grab my favorite paring knife than go grab a screwdriver.  A paring knife without a tip was the result...

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That's horrible... I mean, it's just a generally really bad thing to do, to use any kind of knife as a screwdriver. But to use the tools of a serious cook, that's, that's like -- it's like being Anne-Sophie Mutter, and your hubby using your Stradivarius to play raquetball with...

[Anna N]

...DH decided it would be quicker to grab my favorite paring knife than go grab a screwdriver.  A paring knife without a tip was the result...

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That's horrible... I mean, it's just a generally really bad thing to do, to use any kind of knife as a screwdriver. But to use the tools of a serious cook, that's, that's like -- it's like being Anne-Sophie Mutter, and your hubby using your Stradivarius to play raquetball with...

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Too late now but for the future... it happened to me so many times that I finally found a totally useless knife and stuck it on my knife rack - anyone is welcome to use it to pry, lever, screw, unscrew etc., etc. The one thing it won't do is cut!

[I_call_the_duck]

...DH decided it would be quicker to grab my favorite paring knife than go grab a screwdriver.  A paring knife without a tip was the result...

←

That's horrible... I mean, it's just a generally really bad thing to do, to use any kind of knife as a screwdriver. But to use the tools of a serious cook, that's, that's like -- it's like being Anne-Sophie Mutter, and your hubby using your Stradivarius to play raquetball with...

←

Too late now but for the future... it happened to me so many times that I finally found a totally useless knife and stuck it on my knife rack - anyone is welcome to use it to pry, lever, screw, unscrew etc., etc. The one thing it won't do is cut!

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When Mr. Duck was home one morning, a neighbor, who locked herself out of her house, asked if he had something to help her pick the lock on her patio door. He gave her a knife, which didn't work, then gave her another one to try.

Relating this story to me later, I paused, and said, "that's a nice thing you did honey...but...which knives did you use?"

He replied, "oh, just those cheap dollar store knives" (which we use when we go on picnics). I breath a loud sigh of relief.

"Whew! You do know that if you used my good knives, it would be GFD (grounds for divorce)?"

"Yeah. That's why I used the cheap knives."

I taught him well.

edited for grammer

Edited September 15, 2006 by I_call_the_duck (log)

[bergerka]

I will never again stagger into the kitchen (nursing one beautiful bitch of a hangover, where DID we end up last night?) to make coffee and light the burner (Europe: we use a lighter) without first checking to make sure the dishcloth I used last night to wipe up the alcohol I ummm spilled on the counter (hey. It was right after we came reeling in at 3 am and decided to have a nightcap. Gimme a break) is far, far, far away from the open flame.

FOOMP.

Woke me right the hell up, I can tell you.

K

Edited September 15, 2006 by bergerka (log)

[markabauman]

Cook something up without being absolutely sure of what it is. Had some pesto from the summer crop, a friend gave me a bunch of nice veggies from her garden and so I decided to make a minestrone. Went to cook up some cannelinis to add to the soup and found a vacuum-sealed bag of "beans" with all the stuff I usually get at Buonitalia in Chelsea Market. Unfortunately, the label had come off, but I was pretty sure they were cannelini beans. Soaked the "beans", then proceeded to cook them. After an inordinate amount of time, I still found that the "beans" were anything but tender. Then it dawned on me that I had cooked up a nice batch of rosemary-garlic-sage flavored almonds. At least they didn't get put into the soup. Thank goodness for emergency canned beans!

[markabauman]

When you have lemons, make lemonade......

With the "beans" that turned out to be almonds, I decided I could make:

1. Almond pesto

2. White gazpacho

[Marlene]

Hold a wheel of brie in one hand and use a Kyocera ceramic peeler to remove the rind, peeling towards me. Damn thing nearly cut my baby finger off. It probably needs a couple of stitches, but I didn't have time to go to the hospital. Those peelers are damn sharp though.

[prasantrin]

FOOMP.

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Basil endive parmesan shrimp live

Lobster hamster worchester muenster

Caviar radicchio snow pea scampi

Roquefort meat squirt blue beef red alert

Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks

Provolone flatbread goat's head soup

Gruyere cheese angelhair please

And a vichyssoise and a cabbage and a crawfish claws.

--"Johnny Saucep'n," by Moxy Früvous

As an aside, I can't believe you know Moxy Früvous! I thought their appeal was largely limited to Canadian university campuses (and mostly in the '90s), but it's nice to see they have other fans out there.