I will never again . . . (Part 2)

[fifi]

Just before I add a scrambled egg to my Hot n Sour soup, I thicken it with some starch. This time I grabbed the other yellow box in the pantry. Arm n Hammer.

Can you guess what happened?

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Why do I see a miniature version of the old washing machine overflowing with suds gag? Now you have to tell us how long it took you to clean up the mess.

The "industrial strength vampire repellent" got me as well.

Thanks for my daily GulleyLaugh you guys.

[liv4fud]

tried to make stuffed peppers that I saw in some show

they had asked for nicely charred peppers with tons of cheese ( they were making rellenos). not enough cheese, not enough charring and a lot of crushed black pepper later - 3 lbs of stuffed peppers went into the garbage bin - all nicely stuffed and cooked.

[suzilightning]

put something in the toaster at work WITHOUT FIRST checking the darkness level.

i had made a blue cheese buffalo burger yesterday for lunch and had toasted the bun. went to do the same thing today and it seems the director, who has a passion for well browned bread, must have made some yesterdayafter me. i set the fire alarm off and cleared the whole library and recreation department out into the rain.... i'm so ashamed...

[sazji]

This is thankfully *not* my personal story, but one of a former housemate. He was going to cook a big pot of beans one evening, and decided to give them the quick-boil-turn-of-heat-then-cover treatment before heading out to Discovery Park for the day with his friends. (For those of you who know Seattle geography, he lived in Capitol Hill...)

So he turned on the stove, which was electric, and as things hadn't gotten boiling or even making stove noises yet, and they were in a bit of a rush to get going, he forgot about it.

About 3 hours later, as they were hiking back up from the seashore, someone mentioned dinner, the mental connection was re-established. He shouted, "THE BEEEEAAAAANNNSSS!!!!" and started running to get home. It's several miles away from Capitol Hill, he was on foot, and there didn't seem to be any buses coming any time soon, so he hoofed it. Luckily he was a bicycle courier (too bad they had gone by bus) and had the stamina. About 45 minutes later, as he came around the corner, out of breath, he saw a plume of smoke coming out of the kitchen window, a fire truck in front of the house, and a fireman coming out the front door, carrying the the sides but not the bottom of the large stock pot in which he'd "started" (and quite efficiently finished) the beans. Trying to be nonchalant, he went up to the house and said "so, what happened?" The fireman answered, "ah, some asshole put on a pot of something and left the house." "Wow, what an idiot" said John, and walked on by trying to become as invisible as possible.

Now one would think a lesson like that would preclude a repeat performance...but actually the reason he told me this story in the first place was that he had just forgotten one of my heavy-walled aluminum pots on the electric stove at the house, and come in to find [what was left of] it melted/fused to [what was left of] the burner.

In keeping with the topic, I hope he will "never again," but mostly I'm just happy we are no longer housemates...

[mochihead]

My roommate in college put water on the stove to boil potatoes. She turned on stove, left for class, and returned TWO HOURS LATER to our townhouse with every single window & door open, fans blowing and black, acrid, putrid smoke billowing everywhere.

In the midst of the smoke was me, in my pajamas, melted pot in hand. I was asleep upstairs until I was woken up by choking and the smoke alarm going off. She thought that it would take 2 hours for her 1 quart of water to boil. We never again let her near the stove.

My "never agains," unfortunately, keep happening to me. Don't take hot pan out of oven, close oven, then touch hot pan without mitts. Don't get distracted and grate knuckles with microplane. Don't dump ingredients into a bowl and lose count on the fifth ingredient. Use a separate bowl!

"Was that the fourth or fifth cup of flour I just added?"

However, I will always end up with oil burns and oven burns on my ribs, because I just can't stand cooking with sleeves and shirts on. Kitchen is waaaay too hot for me to cook in more than a sports bra and shorts! Even in the winter! (Ok, so winters here are 70-80 degrees, but still...)

[ned]

Don't handle hot peppers seeding, peeling etc (about thirty of them) barehanded and then go to the bathroom and pee. Don't do that.

Edited December 30, 2005 by ned (log)

[annecros]

Always, always, always use the guard on the mandoline.

You don't want to bleed on the food. Trust me.

[dianem]

My husband learned two important lessons this Christmas, cooking dinner for my parents at their place.

1. Do not chop onions in front of the fan that is blowing straight at you.

and if that wasn't lesson enough, shortly thereafter:

2. Do not use the pepper grinder in front of the fan that is blowing straight at you.

As we were leaving, my mom remarked, "Wow, we went through two boxes of Kleenex tonight."

d.

[Gifted Gourmet]

Clean up spilled water, grease, or food peelings as soon as possible ....

Always watch food being heated .. I tend to get distracted and then everything bubbles over my glass stovetop ...

After cooking, make sure all of your stovetop knobs are turned completely off.

Wash and dry knives and put them away immediately.... never ever leave knives to soak in soapy water!

[TAPrice]

Remember, after a pan's been in the over you shouldn't touch the handle. Is there anyone who didn't learn this lesson the hard way?

[petite tête de chou]

Don't hang your nose over a pan while toasting spices for a curry. Yeowch!

[judiu]

Always watch food being heated .. I tend to get distracted and then everything bubbles over my glass stovetop ...

(end quote\)

I thought that was one of the selling points of the glass cooktop, that it was easy to clean? (ducks the flying wooden spoon flung by G. G.)

[raxelita]

Remember, after a pan's been in the over you shouldn't touch the handle. Is there anyone who didn't learn this lesson the hard way?

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Oh the painful fritatta last week.

I can't seem to learn this lesson.

[Gifted Gourmet]

I thought that was one of the selling points of the glass cooktop, that it was easy to clean? (ducks the flying wooden spoon flung by G. G.)

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Here to report that blackened carbonized sugar boiling over is a nightmare no matter what the stovetop!

[JEL]

never cook chitterlings, or grind horseradish in the house......

[Katie Nell]

Never store your crockpot on a stove burner!

[bavila]

Don't handle hot peppers seeding, peeling etc (about thirty of them) barehanded and then go to the bathroom and pee.  Don't do that.

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Or change your contact lenses.

[peppyre]

Never place a plastic colander on top of a hot element!

This one has to be said again, never grab the handle of a pan sitting on the stove, especially if it's just been in a 500 degree oven.

[SuzySushi]

Do not measure the salt over the pan.

[I_call_the_duck]

When taking the cover off a pot, use a pot holder and lift the cover AWAY from you.

[goldie]

Don't store the bag of bread (or any plastic bag) on top of the toaster oven.

Be very careful using that brand new, very sharp mezzaluna (she says six stitches later).

Never use a knife with wet hands.

[acautrell]

Don't leave the plastic utensils milimeters from the in-use stove burner.

In the same vein: don't preheat the oven unless you're sure it's empty.

[Lori in PA]

If you inadvertently turn on a different gas burner than you intended at the same moment that someone else drops plastic wrap on said burner, do not attempt to rescue the plastic wrap by reaching INTO the flame to snatch it. If you ignore my advice and do it anyway, you will probably experience the pain of burned digits for a few weeks like I did.

Edited December 30, 2005 by Lori in PA (log)

[echarlto]

Don't stir the roux you're cooking with a plastic whisk.

[avocado]

I thought that was one of the selling points of the glass cooktop, that it was easy to clean? (ducks the flying wooden spoon flung by G. G.)

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Here to report that blackened carbonized sugar boiling over is a nightmare no matter what the stovetop!

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Agreed.