Obsessive Coffee Fetishes

[Chris Amirault]

Yesterday, I went to our local breakfast place (Phenix Square Restaurant) to get a sack of bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches and a coffee to go. When I got there, I realized something astonishing: for the first time in my life, the server had put the lid on the coffee cup correctly, so that the lid opening was at six o'clock, directly across from the cup's seam at twelve o'clock.

I asked her why she did it. "It's obvious! The place where the lid and cup seam meet is usually leaky, so you want it on the other side!" "Yes!!" I replied. "And this alignment allows you to feel where the lid opening is with your hand -- without looking!" "Of course!" she said, as if all right-minded people simply know this.

I had thought this all of my coffee-drinking life, despite never having met anyone else who felt the same way. Clearly, so had she. But we smiled at each other like two long-lost siblings, knowing that we were part of a secret club in which our goofy fetishes are embraced as superiority.

I've talked to a lot of people about this lid business, and they usually look at me like I'm nuts -- and then launch into their own goofy fetish that they are convinced is superior to my goofy fetish, convincing me that they're nuts. Given the primacy of coffee in the meals, routines, and lives of billions of people worldwide, perhaps we can all learn something about humanity and its foibles if we share them here. I promise to chuckle at yours quietly.

[patti]

There is only one coffee. Community coffee, medium roast. That is all.

[Anna N]

It has to be BLACK. It has to be HOT. And it has to be in my hand within 3 minutes of waking up. After that I can get very fussy.

[Chris Amirault]

I agree on the black, Anna. Here in RI, the land of Dunkin' Donuts, it's seen as an aberration. Last week I heard, "large coffee, 10 sugars, 10 creams." No one blinked an eye.

Speaking of RI coffee, "regular" here means "with sugar and half-n-half." What's a regular where you are?

[Anna N]

. . .

Speaking of RI coffee, "regular" here means "with sugar and half-n-half." What's a regular where you are?

Chris I don't remember the last time I was in a coffee shop! I have no idea what constitutes a regular. I am sure others will jump in and answer. I probably should relinquish my Canadian citizenship on account of my failure to support Tim Horton's.

[David A. Goldfarb]

I think in most NYC diners and corner sandwich shops (AKA "delis," which doesn't necessarily mean "Jewish delis" in New York as it would in many other U.S. cities), a "regular" would be a coffee with milk and two sugars in a blue paper cup with an image of the Parthenon in white (AKA a "Partho cup").

Personally, if I get an ordinary coffee, I usually like half-and-half, no sugar.

Edited October 31, 2010 by David A. Goldfarb (log)

[JAZ]

Although I'll drink coffee out of paper or foam cups if it's the only choice, I really don't like to. Ceramic is my first choice, then porcelain or china. Needless to say, I don't drink much take-out coffee, and when I stay at a hotel that only has plastic or paper cups, I often buy a mug to use while I'm there.

[kayb]

Freshly ground. Preferably made in a French press, though I'll accept machine made. Half and half. Insulated mug with a top, preferably. The "travel French press" and the plug-in hot pot are the finest invention in the world, for one who travels; if I'm just going overnight and don't take them, I drink tea in the morning instead.

And I hate Starbucks. Damn stuff tastes burnt. I can only tolerate it if it's in a latte.

[Dakki]

Light roast, drip, no cream but sweet.

Starbucks is pig disgusting.

[maggiethecat]

No sugar. Ever. I mainline coffee, but if it's sweetened I'll go cold turkey. I'm fine with milk or cream, but often that extra trip to the fridge in the morning seems like too much work.

[bmdaniel]

Steamed half and half, one equal one sweet and low. Not interested in regular milk. (cold half and half is fine for drip coffee, can make do with only equal, but that's it)

[CaliPoutine]

I'm 43 and I never thought I liked coffee. I always loved coffee ice cream or frappacino's or iced caps( Tim Horton's). I realized that I dont like HOT coffee. I hated to see my ex throw away leftover coffee so I stuck it in a pitcher in the fridge. Then I added sugar free vanilla syrup and some half and half and voila, I loved it. When we split up last May, I had to buy a coffee maker and figure out how to make coffee. I still dont think I make it right. My ex made it really strong. I also dont think I know what "good" coffee is vs. crappy coffee. I wont drink maxwell house though, even my ex stopped drinking that when I urged her to try better coffee. I fill up the water( filtered) to 12 cups. Pour in the coffee( Im using Sprouts Bulk organic breakfast blend) until its halfway up the basket and press the on button. I let it cool for a few hours, throw it in a glass pitcher with Torani sugar free vanilla and sugar free caramel syrup( Subscribe and save on amazon.com) and 1 cup of half and half. It must be refridgerated overnight. I make ice with an old-fashioned metal ice cube tray( with the pull lever) and Arrowhead drinking water. I use a double insulated made in the USA Tervis tumbler with lid and straw( I have one with a cupcake, Cal State Long Beach, a peace sign and Green Bay Packers). I really look forward to it every morning. Man, I love caffeine. I didnt realize what I was missing all these years. I only allow myself 1 glass because I could probably drink 2 or 3. The pitchers lasts 4 days. I'm basically drinking 4 Tbls of half and half a day and I do feel guilty about that. I tried to use less, but I didnt like it as much. So, there is my weirdness with coffee.

[Anna N]

Speaking of RI coffee, "regular" here means "with sugar and half-n-half." What's a regular where you are?

A survey around the table last night: Regular here means coffee with 1 sugar and 1 cream.

[lancastermike]

I drink mine black. My wife likes half and half in hers and the only thing about it that I think unique is she puts the half and half in the mug than pours the coffee on top. No stirring necessary that way. I use a presspot at home for our coffee and really like it. Lots of drip I get out is ok, but lots of it sucks.

[HungryC]

What I want in an AM cup of coffee: a perfectly made Roman cappucino, of the sort churned out inexpensively by the bazillions at tiny coffee bars all over the Eternal City, like at Bar del Cappucino on via Arenula (it's Danesi coffee and fresh milk, but it's the technique & machine that matter most). Sadly, I'm a long, long way from the endless perfect capuchos of Roma, so I have to make do.

What I get in a typical AM cup of coffee: whatever my better half feels like making; usually espresso, sometimes moka pot, sometimes french press. He insists that the milk be at least scalded if not steamed, usually adds more sugar than I like, but the important part is he makes it for me! Beans less than a week old, freshly ground every AM, burr grinder. Less frequently, cafe au lait with coffee & chicory--this usually goes with a big breakfast, as the bitter chicory somehow complements salty brekkie foods.

Afternoon or evening coffee is a different story: a macchiato (a real one, not a silly Starbucks version) at 3, or cold-drip iced coffee w/lots of milk if the weather is warm, or a cafe sua da for courage. A long latte if I'm feeling the need for extra vitamin D.

[heidih]

My wife likes half and half in hers and the only thing about it that I think unique is she puts the half and half in the mug than pours the coffee on top. No stirring necessary that way.

I do the same thing. I think it keeps the coffee warmer than that stirring business, and I swear I can taste the wood of wooden stirrers.

[heidih]

I'm basically drinking 4 Tbls of half and half a day and I do feel guilty about that. I tried to use less, but I didnt like it as much.

I am an iced coffee lover as well and find the fat free 1/2 & 1/2 works well for me. Have you tried that? It is 10 cal per tablespoon.

[lancastermike]

I agree on the black, Anna. Here in RI, the land of Dunkin' Donuts, it's seen as an aberration. Last week I heard, "large coffee, 10 sugars, 10 creams." No one blinked an eye.

Speaking of RI coffee, "regular" here means "with sugar and half-n-half." What's a regular where you are?

You mean if you go in a place and order a coffee to go it will have milk and sugar in it unless you ask not? Around here you get coffee and if they don't have a bar for you to fix it up they give you sugar and one or more of those little creamers.

At McDonalds drive through they will put the cream in the coffee for you.

[Chris Amirault]

Speaking of RI coffee, "regular" here means "with sugar and half-n-half." What's a regular where you are?

You mean if you go in a place and order a coffee to go it will have milk and sugar in it unless you ask not?

I mean that, if you order your coffee "regular," that's what you get. If you state "regular" or if you order a coffee and the server says "Regular?" and you say "Yes," for sure; if you provide no modifier at all and they don't ask, that's what you'll likely get as well. It's the assumed default.

I note that because I've been to other places where "regular" meant "black."

[lancastermike]

Speaking of RI coffee, "regular" here means "with sugar and half-n-half." What's a regular where you are?

You mean if you go in a place and order a coffee to go it will have milk and sugar in it unless you ask not?

I mean that, if you order your coffee "regular," that's what you get. If you state "regular" or if you order a coffee and the server says "Regular?" and you say "Yes," for sure; if you provide no modifier at all and they don't ask, that's what you'll likely get as well. It's the assumed default.

I note that because I've been to other places where "regular" meant "black."

but my question still is, they put it in BEFORE they hand it to you? Or they give you a creamer and a pack of sugar with it?

[scubadoo97]

As a home roaster I don't go out for coffee much at all even when traveling but I had the opportunity to go to a coffee shop recently and one thing that I really don't like is a lid on my coffee. Part of what makes coffee taste good is the aroma as you are drinking it. With a lid you are robbed of this sensory experience. I know if I'm walking with coffee that a lid is needed but I can't see drinking from a covered cup while sitting in the coffee shop.

[philadining]

Yeah, I was surprised the first time I ordered a "regular" coffee at a truck in Philly and got a not-insubstantial amount of cream and sugar in it. I'd been expecting a black coffee when I said regular, but I'm not sure where I developed that expectiation, diners maybe?

That might make sense because you'd expect to be able to make it yourself from items on the table - except at the Melrose diner in Philly: they used to ask if you wanted cream, and they'd put it in for you. Not sure if that's still true.

I was also amazed at the phenomenon that Chris referred to: ordering a coffee with cream and sugar at a Dunkin Donuts in New England resulted in something more like coffee-flavored cream, with so much sugar that it was precipitating out of the solution! (Mike: yes, all added in by the counter person before it was handed-over, not delivered separately.)

Live and learn. Thankfully "black" seems to be universally understood.

Edited November 1, 2010 by philadining (log)

[andiesenji]

There are coffee shops and "COFFEE" shops and they are so different as to be on different planets.

Southern California has a plethora of the latter, devoted only to coffee (sometimes tea) in its myriad forms and with a seemingly unending list of variables and additives.

I have to admire the order takers and the barista/servers who can remember all those combo names and get them right almost every time.

I can't understand paying the astronomical prices charged by these places when the costs, when one adds up the "ingredients" are essentially a tiny fraction of the final price.

Now the Starbucks drive-thrus (we have several in the Antelope Valley) have lines just about any hour of the day and well into the night. I drive past one on my way to my bank and have seen this first hand.

I can understand the fervor with which true coffee fans await the arrival of the new crop of varietals and special roasts but the attraction of the generic stuff sold in the "COFFEE" shops escapes me.

There is no such thing as "regular" coffee here - ordinary coffee shops and cafes offer black coffee with a battery of tiny half&half containers and a selection of sweeteners.

[Badiane]

Anna, I applaude you for not supporting Tim Horton's!

For those of you that may wander into Canada and find yourself trying to order coffee down at the T-Ho, you will need to know the lingo...

Double Double- means double cream, double sugar.

Double Single - means double cream, single sugar.

Single Single- means single cream, single sugar.

Triple Triple - means triple cream, triple sugar.

If you want milk instead of cream, throw in milk at the end, ie: Double Double milk. And if you do not want sugar, don't say the word sugar or they will throw it in. They won't hear the NO part, just the sugar part. So just say double cream...

And while you are there, try the rethermalized donuts! Yes, they are just as bad as they sound!

[Alcuin]

Once I switched to black coffee, no sugar, I can't really think about milk in my coffee. It just seems wrong. I don't know why that is, but maybe its because I used to drink a lot of that Dunkin Donuts cream and sugar with coffee. So sweet and creamy that its like a dessert. I'm not a big fan of dessert either, so there you go.

Thankfully, I live a block down the street from the best coffeeshop I've ever been to(EVP in Madison, WI if anyone's familiar). Now I've learned to love acidic, subtly fruity light roasts.