"I want a Krispy donut!"

[HVRobinson]

From the mis-spelling files:

The best one for just being easy to unnerstand:

I'd like an order of French-Fires please.....

This came from a National menu at Chili's...

hvr

[Panosmex]

My cousin, when a small girl, referred to hot dogs with kraut as "frankfuggers and sourcrap".

[onehsancare]

I am the product of a mixed marriage. My mother's version of whipped cream on desserts is just that, whipped cream. My father's, though, includes vanilla and sugar.

We now call that "wimp cream."

[YWalker]

Ha, I was just thinking the other day about some family friends who called Parmesan cheese Parmesian (Par-meez-i-an) cheese, and wondering where I could use that... Well, where, other than in Parmesia, where I hear it's still pretty popular..

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When my oldest was a baby, my child care provider had a daughter who was in kindergarten. She referred to Parmesan cheese as "Farmer John cheese."

She came home from school one day with a notice to the parents of kindergarteners that the school was going to be having a severe weather drill the next day. Sarah had come home and announced "They're having a tomato drill tomorrow!"

[pamjsa]

When I was a little kid my favorite breakfast cereal was "Rice Fiffies"...the family still calls them that!

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At my house, they were "Rice Pippies." I was also a big fan of "Yucky Charms."

[I_call_the_duck]

Another one...he always calls chicken pot pies "chicken chop ping". It adds a wonderful level of elegance to the thing. .

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My husband used to call chicken pot pies "chicken Popeye."

[lesfen]

I had to bump this because of a conversation that I had with my husband the other day in the car. I was going on and on and on about a new tapas bar in town. Now, I accept the fact that he probably only listens to about half of what I say, but he kept asking me to repeat myself and I was starting to get pissed. Then he just kept saying things like "I can't believe you want to go there!" and "I can't believe they opened it right around the corner from the library and right next to Jacob Goode!" and "You don't want to eat the food in those places!"

He thought I was saying "TOPLESS".

[zilla369]

Then he just kept saying things like "I can't believe you want to go there!"

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Poor guy. Got his hopes way up and then dashed within moments.

[lesfen]

Then he just kept saying things like "I can't believe you want to go there!"

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Poor guy. Got his hopes way up and then dashed within moments.

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I know... now when we do go there, nothing is going to be good enough for him.

[Fresser]

Heee, Fresser, my Cape Cod born-and-raised Auntie Mary is the original Mrs. Malaprop. My favorite of hers went something like this:

"I only shop at the Co-Op now, because I read a book that said you should only buy orgasmic food."

"I'll have what she's having."

[Lan4Dawg]

having waited on tables for a while I have heard just about every thing. I think my favorite was an order for a "giraffe of white zinnia bells" (I kid you not and I asked twice while biting the in side of my cheek so hard it bled just to keep fr/ laughing right in his face).

The Rev will walk in to a breakfast place and order "crazy mixed up cackle-berries w/ spicy pig innards, cat head biscuits, rat-trap cheese, and cow squeezins" which translates to "scrambled eggs w/ hot sausage, large biscuits, sharp cheddar & butter". Then tease the waitress about not knowing what he means (he does it w/ a smile on his face and tips well so he gets away w/ it.

"Cow juice" or "moo juice" is milk. "Swabajigger" is relish (I have no idea). Powdered milk is "kitty milk" b/c we used to give it to the cats.

My nephew was about four when he was staying w/ my parents. They had dried a bunch of apples and had given some to my nephew as a snack. A couple of hours later he told his gr'mother he had enough dry apples and wanted a "wet" apple. So now we ask if you want a "dry" or "wet" apple.

Then just the other day my mother called as she was going to the store wanting to know where she could find "adagio" cheese. It took a while before it dawned on me she was looking for "Asiago" cheese. You can imagine her trying to ask me to purchase Grand Marnier, Amaretto, Kahlua, et al (this is the same woman who once told us when she confused two types of cars, "well, they are exactly the same only different".)

[tino27]

Whenever my family would go out to eat and my sister would order a salad, she always insisted on getting "Franch" dressing. We never knew if she wanted French or Ranch. Actually, I don't know that she knew the difference at that age either.

Edited December 20, 2009 by tino27 (log)

[Tri2Cook]

When we were kids, my younger brother was once asked at a retaurant if he wanted soup or salad... to which he responded "Yeah, I'll have the super salad". It's been super salad since.

I frequently refer to mustard as mousse-turd. Kids find that funny but with that "Is he serious?" look on their face.

I use "sammich" but it's entirely intentional and sort of an inside joke. A friend of mine was disgruntledly working at a sub place between jobs so I made a point of visiting occasionally just so I could walk up to the counter while it was busy and say (loudly) "make me a sammich b!tch". I'm a guy that knows how to treat his friends right.

[Kouign Aman]

Hangaber, and hangaber w cheese, courtesy the offspring.

At sushi bars, we order opatus.

for a while, we drank a lot of mangle juice.

[pastameshugana]

Beautiful thread...

In our house, Honey Bunches of Oats has become 'Funny Bunches of Goats'

We get Frunch Fries with our Happy Meals

My (then 2 year old) son made me spill my Sonic Route44 Cherry Limeade all over the car when he asked for his Tater Tots by saying: "Mom, I want my retards!" To this day, I can't figure out where that came from.

One of our favorite breakfast joints back home was called (in our family) 'Nasty Crap' for some reason. It's sooo adorable when your 2,4 and 6 year olds start asking you in front of the in laws if they can have 'nasty crap' for breakfast!

At least once a day (honestly) I try to convince one or more of the kids that we're about to eat squid lips. Whether it's on the pizza or in the soup, I say it daily. My 8 year old finally wisened up and told me "Squids don't have lips!" (dang education)

Here in Bangalore, one of our friends lives in an area called 'Kammanahalli' - so when ordering calamari, my friend either orders Kammanahalli, Call-me-mary, Carla-Marlie, or whatever else pops into his head. For some reason, this same friend also makes it a point to order 'peeenie pasta' at the Italian place, when trying to get penne.

One friends daughter called Chinese 'chonies' so now we eat 'chonies food'

With this many kids running around there's surely more, but I can't remember them at the moment...

[Badiane]

At our house, we call mise en place 'weasel hats'.

[LesleyC]

Spaghetti Blow-your-nose appears in our household from time to time, courtesy of DD when she was about 3 or 4.

[DanM]

As a very small kid, I called worchestershire sauce as "horses#itter sauce".

[nibor]

My mom made a horrible baked casserole of noodles, canned tuna, whole asparagus, with some type of white sauce goo to hold it all together. The recipe was either from a school PTA or church collection, and was named Seafood Delight. Based on the appearance of the limp stringy asparagus that twined its way through the goo, we called it Seaweed Delight. After a while she called it that too.

The only thing she made that was worse was La Choy canned chop suey. I finally put an end to that one by running away from home over it. I didn't get far - I was at the end of the driveway when she counter-offered with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My mom was really tough, so for me to win ( I was probably 7) was a major coup. We called it Chopped Gooey.

[yosemit3]

When my daughters were young, Emma called her younger sister "Marcie-celery" instead of Marcella.

[Milagai]

My then 3 yo daughter in a Chinese restaurant wanted to use "chompsticks". We still call them that ...

[ErinM]

The first time I ever did anything with sweet potatoes, they frustrated me. It took forever to peel them, they were impossible to cut, then when I DID have them boiled they tasted like absolute crap. So I finished the casserole I was making with them to take to Thanksgiving dinner with a very poor attitude about the whole thing. The casserole was served and my elderly aunt took one bite and said "Erin! These are FANTASTIC! What do you call this?" Because I was still in deep hatred of the whole thing I answered "Sweet Potato Crap."

And we have called them that ever since.

Edited January 11, 2010 by ErinM (log)

[thayes1c]

My fiance was asking me about some gravlax I had made and said, "What do you call this stuff? Graviclaus?" I think it might be a new Christmas dish.

[Country Cook]

My father always pronounced Parmesan, par-mea-sian all his life allong with a few othe malapropisms that were both endearing and annoying.

Edited January 11, 2010 by Country Cook (log)