Dinner II: The Gallery of Regrettable Foods (Part 1)

racheld · April 10, 2006

Cerise Octopi and Bento Bunnies!!! This thread gets a new life of its own and grows and grows.

Well, AWWWWW is better than EWWWWWW any day, and :laugh: certainly beats :sad: and :wacko: .

Pumpkin Lover · April 11, 2006

Those cupcakes are the awesomest things I've ever seen.

Pan · April 11, 2006

[...]I went to a sushi workshop the other day. Everybody was so serious and respectful of the whole sushi ritual (you know, fanning the rice and stuff like that) that I could not help myself and made this sushi easterbunny:
It doesn't look inedible (and it was, in fact, perfectly edible), still I feel that every sushichef would cringe upon seeing it
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Yeah, but I think it's cute rather than regrettable. hathor, thanks for the picture of an edible "buon compleano" in sushi!

Grub · April 11, 2006

This wasn't perhaps not the worst looking, or worst tasting meal I've made, but measured against my expectations, it was truly depressing.

Smoked Salmon Croquettes with Roasted Cauliflower and a Mournier Sauce:

I love classical sauces, so I was really looking forward to the Mournier (Bechamel with Gryere cheese) sauce. Also, I made another sauce from the Bechamel, where I used Norwegian goat cheese instead of the Gryere, which got a nice dark color (Norwegian goat cheese is dark brown) and they weren't bad, but that white sauce just didn't look right on the cauliflower at all. Obviously, way too thin...

The croquettes were made from leftover mashed potatoes and smoked salmon -- not the thinly sliced (and very red) stuff, but the thick stuff, which isn't so red. I'm not sure what the difference is, but the taste was quite overpowering. Perhaps I should have used less salmon and more mashed taters, or something else. Or perhaps I should not attempt to make croquettes anymore until I figure out how to do it...

Was thinking, some thinly sliced English cucumber and tomato wedges migth brighten up the visual impact a little. Ugh.

racheld · April 11, 2006

Chufi, just so you don't feel alone in the world of sushi-humor....check out this sushi birthday cake. I didn't make it, one of the Japanese chef that went to Ital.cook with me made it. Took him all day and we demolished it in 15 minutes! Try to see the Santa Claus birthday candle...its a very special touch!
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In the beauty of all the arranging, I didn't even SEE the "Buon Comp" until just now!! Was it written with a writing tip AFTER? Please tell me it's not spelled out with intricately-curved bits of Nori arranged inside the rice, spanning from top-to-bottom with every slice like that Christmas-tree-in-a-piece-of-hard-candy thing. That would just be too MUCH, somehow.

hathor · April 11, 2006

In the beauty of all the arranging, I didn't even SEE the "Buon Comp" until just now!! Was it written with a writing tip AFTER? Please tell me it's not spelled out with intricately-curved bits of Nori arranged inside the rice, spanning from top-to-bottom with every slice like that Christmas-tree-in-a-piece-of-hard-candy thing. That would just be too MUCH, somehow.
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The buon compleano was really and truly spelled out in curved bits of nori. It was pretty amazing...!

saskanuck · April 12, 2006

That sushi cake is just amazing.

My husband wouldn't let me take a picture of the vile stuff he reheated for supper the other night because it looked so gross.

It was very similar to the shit in a pot picture posted earlier. It was chili that he'd frozen because it was leftover from a Scout camp he attended about a month ago. He froze it in a large container, so to defrost it he kept stirring and beating it to death until it was hot enough to eat.

Everything broke down into the consistency and appearance of something you would find in the diaper of a baby who was unwell. Add to that the scorched smell of chili that was originally cooked over a campfire and bleurgh.

MissAmy · April 12, 2006

The other day, I found this recipe for Asian eggplant caviar in some vegan cookbook. I should have known when it came out of a vegan cookbook, right? But anyway, it sounded good, so I made it to take to a party. Oh god I wish I had a picture. The only descriptive I, or anyone else for that matter could come up with was, "Baby poo." It looked JUST LIKE BABY POO. It tasted ok, but.. ugh.. the look of it. I finally had to cover the damn thing in brunoised carrots and red peppers just to make it remotely presentable.

mizducky · April 12, 2006

I love classical sauces, so I was really looking forward to the Mournier (Bechamel with Gryere cheese) sauce. Also, I made another sauce from the Bechamel, where I used Norwegian goat cheese instead of the Gryere, which got a nice dark color (Norwegian goat cheese is dark brown) and they weren't bad, but that white sauce just didn't look right on the cauliflower at all. Obviously, way too thin...
The croquettes were made from leftover mashed potatoes and smoked salmon -- not the thinly sliced (and very red) stuff, but the thick stuff, which isn't so red. I'm not sure what the difference is, but the taste was quite overpowering. Perhaps I should have used less salmon and more mashed taters, or something else. Or perhaps I should not attempt to make croquettes anymore until I figure out how to do it...
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Alas, I can't help you with the sauce, other than to note that, yeah, it probably would have looked better if it had been thicker.

As to the salmon though: yeah, the big-chunk smoked salmon is done with a different process than the thin stuff. The thin stuff is lox, traditionally eaten as-is on bagels, and is meant to have a very mild, even sweet flavor (especially the so called "nova" lox). In many places (especially those without large Jewish communities), you'll see it labeled as just "smoked salmon", on the theory that the locals wouldn't know what "lox" is--but we lox initiates recognize it on sight (and start salivating ... :wub: )

The thicker stuff tends to be in the alder-smoked style adapted from the Northwest Native American peoples; it is quite delicious too, but it can definitely come on strong. It can be eaten straight, but is usually served in smaller amounts because of its strong flavor. I've seen it flaked, and then strewn on salads, or added to alfredo-style sauces, or added to risottos--all in garnish-type amounts.

When cooking with this alder-smoked style of salmon, I find it works best to use a very light hand with it, or its flavor will take over and blot out anything else in its path. FWIW, I just Googled now, and most of the smoked salmon croquette recipes I ran into specified the lox-type salmon. I'm sure there's a way to use the Northwest-style smoked salmon in croquettes, but I would definitely try using less of it.

No worries--hey, I had to climb a salmon learning curve myself, as I grew up eating the lox-style salmon in my New York Jewish family, and was then quite startled when I moved to Seattle and discovered that lox was not the only smoked salmon in the universe. :laugh: Bottom line: a taste test is always a good thing--not only for your recipe, but as an excuse to munch out on smoked salmon.

Grub · April 12, 2006

mizducky, that's great info -- thanks a bunch!

purplewiz · April 15, 2006

This looked a whole lot better in person than it does in this picture. It's chicken and eggplant parmesan, made specifically to showcase the flavor of the homemade tomato sauce (made from the last of the frozen homegrown tomatoes). Sadly, the tomato sauce is hidden under the cheese, and the whole thing looks like oozing roadkill:

But damn, it was good.

Marcia.

lesfen · April 15, 2006

This looked a whole lot better in person than it does in this picture. It's chicken and eggplant parmesan, made specifically to showcase the flavor of the homemade tomato sauce (made from the last of the frozen homegrown tomatoes). Sadly, the tomato sauce is hidden under the cheese, and the whole thing looks like oozing roadkill:
But damn, it was good.
Marcia.
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That looks really good.

handmc · April 16, 2006

Tha't kind of looks like the opossum I pulled out of the pool yesterday. But I too think it probably would taste good.

eJulia · April 17, 2006

The possum or the chicken parm? :biggrin:

Only on eGullet!

BarbaraY · April 17, 2006

In the beauty of all the arranging, I didn't even SEE the "Buon Comp" until just now!! Was it written with a writing tip AFTER? Please tell me it's not spelled out with intricately-curved bits of Nori arranged inside the rice, spanning from top-to-bottom with every slice like that Christmas-tree-in-a-piece-of-hard-candy thing. That would just be too MUCH, somehow.
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The buon compleano was really and truly spelled out in curved bits of nori. It was pretty amazing...!
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The Encyclopedia of Sushi Rolls by Ken Kawasumi has detailed instructions on making the whole alphabet.

Lots of other good sushi ideas, too. I especially like the Salmon Miso Saute rolls.

purplewiz · April 18, 2006

That looks really good.
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Thanks...I wish the picture had been better! The chicken and eggplant had both been grilled first, so there were all those grilled/smoky flavors under the brightness of the tomato sauce. But it just doesn't photograph so well.

Marcia.

fou de Bassan · April 21, 2006

I've been lurking when I should have been posting. Many of my plates belong here but last night I outdid myself. I made creamed spinach, which is never truly attractive, but I cooked it in a cast iron skillet. The result was like the greasy grey-green Limpopo River from The Elephant's Child. If only my dinner could have been narrated by Jack Nicholson it would have been perfect.

I took no pictures. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

racheld · April 21, 2006

If only my dinner could have been narrated by Jack Nicholson it would have been perfect.
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This says SO MUCH. And would fit so many occasions. Especially here.

I know a sig line when I see one.

Edited April 21, 2006 by racheld (log)

chardan · April 21, 2006

Oh good, a thread that I can constructively contribute to! Oh, wait... no, that's not a

good thing... hehehe.

So difficult to choose the worst one... but I will give it a try.

Candidate one supposedly is a chicken breast with bacon, fried egg, and asparagus with lemon

sauce. However, I believe that michevious gnomes replaced it with a microwaved bacon-covered gopher, put it on somebody's breakfast, carelessly added grease-laden asparagus, and then emptied a jar of undiluted "Chicken Tonite" on top. Or something.

Candiate two is clearly a fruitcake slathered in bird crap. The toastlike object in back is in actuality a top-secret piece of satellite reciever technology, involved somehow with the charred hockey puck to make the pickle-like item glow...

Ugh.... I guess I could go on for a while, I am not very good at making things look tidy. But let me finish with candidate three:

I will quote what I wrote in my gallery:

It doesn't look too bad, but it was. This was one of the worst meals I've cooked in a long time. The disaster started because I foolishly decided that I wanted to make steak in pepper sauce out of... "pinwheel steak". That was mistake nubmer one. Man, do I wish I'd just grilled it instead. Instead, I proceeded. Then, I ran out of pepper. Waaay out of pepper. As a result, the sauce is black pepper, Sichuan pepper, cardomom, coriander, and whatever the heck else I could find that was vaguely peppery-- actually, not terribly bad in and of itself. But the "steak" is a dry, burned cinder. I nearly ignored the spinach, and it is overboiled and tasteless. The potato was baked with a little duck fat in the pan... which would have been great if I'd done it right. I didn't. It looks nice, but is really rubber-skinned, dry, and although it tasted okay, it had a pretty nasty texture. The asparagus was the only edible thing on that plate, and it's really greasy. I should have just decided to make something good, instead of something in particular.

Oh, the shame...

_Jesse Williamson ;-};

sazji · April 21, 2006

It's been a while since I've had anything really worthy of these pages. Actually the first one somehow looks better in the photo than in real life! I was walking a visitor through fresh favas with olive oil and it got a little overcooked - people aren't used to the idea of cooking beans for only ten minutes. :smile: The beautiful green of the fresh beans goes pale and pasty if they start breaking down; kinda makes me think of Linda Blair for some reason...

The second was a Lebanese Chard and Lentil soup with lots of lemon, garlic and cilantro. Also wonderful, but even in real life it ain't pretty (though a garnish of fresh cilantro really helps).

Grub · April 21, 2006

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Ooooh nice ones! I can particularly relate to the first one, cause I love sauces, but pouring them over things rarely comes out looking good in a picture. I try placing the protein on top of the sauce now, if I can remember it. White sauces just tends to look particularly gooey. Ugh. Great fun to watch.

curlywurlyfi · April 21, 2006

The result was like the greasy grey-green Limpopo River from The Elephant's Child.

oh now see this has made my day!

torakris · April 21, 2006

A couple days ago I really messed up a pineapple upside down cake. I came to eGullet and did a search to see if there was a thread on the secrects of the perfect upside down cake only to discover the main thread was on started by me the last time I had an upside down disaster.....

I also rediscovered this picture

The grid like thing on top of the cake is from pattern on the cake pan, as you will see my cranberries ended up on the bottom when they are supposed to be up top.

racheld · April 21, 2006

Candidate one supposedly is a chicken breast with bacon, fried egg, and asparagus with lemon
sauce. However, I believe that michevious gnomes replaced it with a microwaved bacon-covered gopher, put it on somebody's breakfast, carelessly added grease-laden asparagus, and then emptied a jar of undiluted "Chicken Tonite" on top. Or something.
Candiate two is clearly a fruitcake slathered in bird crap. The toastlike object in back is in actuality a top-secret piece of satellite reciever technology, involved somehow with the charred hockey puck to make the pickle-like item glow...
I will quote what I wrote in my gallery:
I should have just decided to make something good, instead of something in particular.
_Jesse Williamson ;-};
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

This is PRICELESS!! What have we been missing? Where IS your GALLERY??

We all need to have that last line inscribed on a kitchen plaque.

And sazji, the chard/lentil soup: Does the word horta come to mind?

dockhl · April 21, 2006

It's been a while since I've had anything really worthy of these pages. Actually the first one somehow looks better in the photo than in real life! I was walking a visitor through fresh favas with olive oil and it got a little overcooked - people aren't used to the idea of cooking beans for only ten minutes. The beautiful green of the fresh beans goes pale and pasty if they start breaking down; kinda makes me think of Linda Blair for some reason...
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b60/sazji/MVC-897S.jpg" border="0" alt="Image hosting by Photobucket"></a>
The second was a Lebanese Chard and Lentil soup with lots of lemon, garlic and cilantro. Also wonderful, but even in real life it ain't pretty (though a garnish of fresh cilantro really helps).
<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b60/sazji/MVC-898S.jpg" border="0" alt="Image hosting by Photobucket"></a>
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Also impressive entries !

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