The worst things ever heard in a Restaurant

[Mulcahy]

My junior year college roomate got a summer job bartending in Sperry's in Saratoga Springs NY. Lovely restaurant can't recommend it enough, still there I hope. I would go and keep him company and taste test his newly aquired mixing skills. Unfortunately his menu knowledge was even more untested. One sultry summer night the soup du jour was announced from his mouth as "gestapo"

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(Sperry's is still there.)

Edited September 8, 2004 by Mulcahy (log)

[chefgy]

One time my family and I were out to dinner at nice Italian restuarant, when my dad felt that our bread supply was inadequate, and needed to be replenished so he began motioning to out waitress. He kept on trying but she never saw him, and before long he was leaning back in his chair waving both his arms, when he fell over backward kicked the table, and spilled his red wine on my mom. He was fine, and once the whole of the restuarant ( now silent) got over their shock, they began to chuckle, following suit of my father.

Edited September 9, 2004 by chefgy (log)

[munchymom]

One sultry summer night the soup du jour was announced from his mouth as "gestapo"

I wasn't there for this one, but my parents swear it's true. One night they were at a restaurant and the waitress recommended a dish from the menu that was called "Chesapeake Chicken" - but she pronounced it "Cheapskate Chicken"!

[cakewench]

One time my family and I were out to dinner at nice Italian restuarant, when my dad felt that our bread supply was inadequate, and needed to be replenished so he began motioning to out waitress. He kept on trying but she never saw him, and before long he was leaning back in his chair waving both his arms, when he fell over backward kicked the table, and spilled his red wine on my mom. He was fine, and once the whole of the restuarant ( now silent) got over their shock, they began to chuckle, following suit of my father.

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oh man. When I waited tables, I saw one or two people do this little maneuver (without falling.) It is considered to be extremely obnoxious. It will get a response from the server, but usually after there has been sufficient time (don't worry, it only takes a minute) to smile over the looks of horror creeping across the faces of the people around that diner.

I'm sorry, but it is rude. Especially in a 'nice' restaurant. If the situation is desperate, I would eventually get up and approach the hostess, or someone, in hopes of finding the server. In a decent establishment, this action should be enough to get at least one server, and possibly the manager. I think I've only done it once.

[petite tête de chou]

Never try making up your own sign if you don't exactly know one, either. A friend of mine tried asking a deaf fellow out for a piece of pie by forming a wedge shape with her fingers. Much too much like the sign for vagina.

*wheeeee*

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[chow guy]

Years ago I was trainning a waiter on how to take a drink order for a large party (at a large expensive Fifth Avenue tourist trap). One of the guests had a speech impediment and he got flustered because he couldn't understand the guys order. When we left to go to the bar I explained that the man had a hair lip. The young waiter found it very funny (he had never heard the term used before). He returned to the table and began serving cocktails clockwise from his tray describing to each guest what he was serving them, "Vodka Martini with a twist, Old Fashioned on the rocks, Hair Lip". I felt really bad...there was a scene and he was fired on the spot.

[winesonoma]

oh man.  When I waited tables, I saw one or two people do this little maneuver (without falling.)  It is considered to be extremely obnoxious.  It will get a response from the server, but usually after there has been sufficient time (don't worry, it only takes a minute)  to smile over the looks of horror creeping across the faces of the people around that diner. 

I'm sorry, but it is rude.  Especially in a 'nice' restaurant.  If the situation is desperate, I would eventually get up and approach the hostess, or someone, in hopes of finding the server.  In a decent establishment, this action should be enough to get at least one server, and possibly the manager.  I think I've only done it once.

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Just call the restaurant on you cell phone and tell them you need bread at your table.

[fifi]

Just call the restaurant on you cell phone and tell them you need bread at your table.        

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This is one of those "why didn't I think of that" moments. That is absolutely brilliant.

[intraining]

Years ago I was trainning a waiter on how to take a drink order for a large party (at a large expensive Fifth Avenue tourist trap). One of the guests had a speech impediment and he got flustered because he couldn't understand the guys order. When we left to go to the bar I explained that the man had a hair lip. The young waiter found it very funny (he had never heard the term used before). He returned to the table and began serving cocktails clockwise from his tray describing to each guest what he was serving them, "Vodka Martini with a twist, Old Fashioned on the rocks, Hair Lip". I felt really bad...there was a scene and he was fired on the spot.

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oh man, that's shamefully histerical. so wrong he was sacked though

[snowangel]

oh man, that's shamefully histerical.  so wrong he was sacked though

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Shamefully would be the point. I have a child with disabilities, and as I pulled out the bowl and cup she must have, the comment from the waitron was "so, why don't you just feed her at home." Never mind that home was half-way across the country.

Sorry; you hit a really sore point with me. It is not a laughing matter.

[NulloModo]

Still though, if it was an honest mistake, i.e., the waiter thought the cocktail was called a hair lip because of the exchange and wasn't trying to insult the diner, he shouldn't have been fired for it.

[intraining]

Shamefully would be the point.  I have a child with disabilities, and as I pulled out the bowl and cup she must have, the comment from the waitron was "so, why don't you just feed her at home."  Never mind that home was half-way across the country.

Sorry; you hit a really sore point with me.  It is not a laughing matter.

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since the guy unconciously said it having never heard it before, it was funny to me, but believe me, disability jokes are not funny.

[Misa]

My little sister used to know every slogan to every store that she saw an ad for on tv and referred to them by that (for example, she'd say "Jamesway-we-care" instead of "Jamesway"). And, at the time, my mother was a manager at Pizza Hut. One day, on our way in to see my mother, she saw an earwig near the door. She ran up to my mother and pronounced loudly, "Mommy, there's a bug at Pizza Hut Making It Great!"

[patti]

Would it be considered rude of me to inject here that it's hare, not hair (although preferably, cleft) lip?

Snowangel, how'd you respond to the rude server? (BTW, I enjoyed learning the origin of your 'snowangel' name, as we had a son that I used to call the Earth Angel when referring to him in an online forum.)

[snowangel]

Would it be considered rude of me to inject here that it's hare, not hair (although preferably, cleft) lip?

Snowangel, how'd you respond to the rude server? (BTW, I enjoyed learning the origin of your 'snowangel' name, as we had a son that I used to call the Earth Angel when referring to him in an online forum.)

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We got up and left. My other two kids were horrified. They are very protective of their sister.

Never mind that the orders were well under way. We left no tip.

And, it's cleft palate. Birth defect, very treatable (with surgery) when they are babies now a days.

Dining out with a child like Heidi (our snowangel) is a hit or miss experience. Most often, it's really great. When it's bad, it's really bad and we leave. Always because of other people. Sad, isn't it? She loves food. She loves to eat. She love the excitement of eating out.

[patti]

Well, yes, there is cleft palate, which is more involved than cleft lip, but one can have a cleft lip without a cleft palate.

(And I'm feeling very guilty for being so off-topic. Sorry everybody.)

[StudentChefEclipse]

Well, I am going to continue to be off-topic here (though it isn't really, we are still kinda discussing a horrifying thing heard at a restaurant.)

Snowangel, if I'd been anywhere and heard that I would have left with you. There's simply no need for that sort of behavior from servers or anyone else in the human race.

[chezcherie]

Well, I am going to continue to be off-topic here (though it isn't really, we are still kinda discussing a horrifying thing heard at a restaurant.)

Snowangel, if I'd been anywhere and heard that I would have left with you. There's simply no need for that sort of behavior from servers or anyone else in the human race.

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snowangel, when i read what that "person" said to you, i literally couldn't breathe for a second.

good god.

your darling daughter has certainly taught you a great deal about patience, and about what is and isn't important. leaving was clearly the best choice. (i'm not a violent person, but just reading that makes me want to go pound a little sense and compassion into that waitress.)

edited to add: or waiter...or waitron, as you described..which is probably more accurate in this case, as it seems like the least human descriptor.

Edited September 10, 2004 by chezcherie (log)

[fifi]

Snowangel... If I had overheard that exchange, the normally passive fifi would have gone into Mr. Hyde mode and caused another one of these "worst things you have ever heard" incidents. Unbelievable. (It would have been quiet to spare you any embarrassment but no less vicious.)

I have told this story before but it was pretty funny in retrospect. I was part of two couples in a Steak and Ale one night. At the table next to us was an elderly couple. They seemed kind of strange so we kept glancing over. The woman suddenly slipped off her chair onto the floor, landing against the wall in a semi-sitting postion. One of the guys at our table immediately went to see if he could help and the rest of us went to get a waiter. Through all of this confusion, the guy just sat there oblivious buttering his bread. A new family saying was born... "I'm just butterin' my bread".

Turns out, they were plastered. The restaurant called them a cab and sent them home. Sad.

[chefsteban]

Does anyone have favorite stories of odd thing overheard in your favorite dining rooms?  I have one:

It was the first night that the dining room in a new country club was open to members.  I was the Exec Sous and was expediting that night.  I had just sent a set of first courses to the dining room with "Nicki" (not her real name) when I hear her exclaim from the dining room, "This cheese smells like ass!" in relation to a French Onion Soup Gratinee.  Seems that she didn't appreciate Gruyere.  That was her first and last table of her tenure with us.

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I had a waitress say the same thing about some cheese tasting like ass....I looked at her and in a perfect deadpan I asked when was the last time she had tasted ass? The rest of the staff razzed her the rest of her shift and she never talked shit bout the food again.

[Shelley G.]

Received some gruesome moussaka once - it had obviously been partially nuked, and there were lots of frozen spots in it. When the waitress asked how it all was, I remarked quite mildly that it wasn't particularly good, for the aforementioned reason. She shrugged and said "So? What do you expect me to do?" I wondered out loud why she had bothered asking, at which point she said " Just because I ask, it doesn't mean I actually give a damn." It was so awful it was actually rather hilarious.

[Shelley G.]

Just thought of another one. On my first visit to PEI (home of Anne of Green Gables) I spotted a sandwich board outside a rather charming looking cafe. It said "Necrophiliacs welcome." I couldn't resist wandering in, and delicately probing to see what they thought a necrophiliac was. The poor manager thought it was synonymous with "night owl" and blanched when I gently disabused him of his innocent emotion.

[McDuff]

The Houndstooth on Boylston St in Boston, all the cooks and waiters had drag names, some were in fact actual drag queens. Bob, Mr. Pee Pee, comes in the kitchen and grandly announces, "My name is Loretta, my face seats five, I'd like to pick up table 8." Overheard in the dining room.

Another night Rex Reed was in the dining room and Kenny, The Diva, came to the service bar with a cocktail rejected by Reed and hissed, "Miss Reed says if there's any liquor in this, it's foreign to her."

[arielle]

One night the ubiqitous 'difficult' table, that ate every morsel of food presented to them, called me (I was the Assistant Manager) over to complain that their meals should be comp'd because they were "inedible". I pointed out that I had cleared their plates and seen that they had even used bread to mop up the residual sauce.....and further had asked if they had enjoyed their meals, and that their response was, "Everything was wonderful".

The 'gentleman' replied that he simply didn't want to seem rude!

He continued to make a fuss, but I refused to deduct anything, so they left, loudly proclaiming that they would never return and would advise their friends to do likewise.

The table next to them asked me if we (in hospitality) had a special word for such guests.......the GM, walking past, said, "Yes, we call them arseholes!"