I will never again . . . (Part 2)

[Richard Kilgore]

I will not, absolutely will not, try to remove a thermometer from a roast with my bare hands. You know the remote transmitter thermometer that has been buried in the roast in the clay baker in the 450 degree oven for the past hour.

[monavano]

Will never pull a stemmed wine glass out of the dishwasher and "flick" it to get the water drops off. The stem snapped between my thumb and index finger....should have gotten stiches in my thumb, but instead stood in the kitchen with gobs of paper towels, holding my hand up over my head saying "it'll stop bleeding soon".

Will not overfill my hand held blender/mini chopper with parm reg cheese to grate it. The blades jammed, lid came off whilst still turning the bowl and had parm bits fly all over my kitchen. I got around to cleaning after letting my 3 dogs go at it for a bit. After that it really wasn't so bad.

Edited January 7, 2005 by monavano (log)

[fifi]

Will not overfill my hand held blender/mini chopper with parm reg cheese to grate it. The blades jammed, lid came off whilst still turning the bowl and had parm bits fly all over my kitchen. I got around to cleaning after letting my 3 dogs go at it for a bit. After that it really wasn't so bad.

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Heh . . . The single best cleaning appliance for the kitchen floor is a basset hound.

Except for one time . . . I was moving a pot of concentrated tomato sauce from the counter to the stove when I tripped over said basset. (This was a common occurrence.) Tomato sauce went everywhere. At least it wasn't hot. So the basset proceeds to start cleaning up the sauce. I was thinking that that was a good thing and went about my business while she worked. It was only later that I thought "Oh My God! The ears!" The ears had become completely saturated with the tomato sauce and a few hundred square feet of light colored carpet had been artfully painted in the dragging ear pattern.

[monavano]

That's a very funny story, thanks for the laugh!! Personally, my bichon frise is not allowed to chow on anything tomato until his freshly bathed white coat turns once again to ecru. Then, anything goes.

[shiv]

I didn't think tomatoes were good for dogs...

[fifi]

She used to bite them off the bushes in my mother's garden. If she grabbed a cucumber, don't try to get it away from her. Same for green beans and hot peppers. She lived to be 15 1/2 in good health.

My son didn't think she would clean up a substantial red wine spill. While he was out getting the mop and bucket she had already lapped up a considerable quantity. Her white paws were stained and she got drunk and fell over. The vet said to just let her sleep it off. If she drank too much she would throw it up. She was one sad looking hound the next morning.

[FistFullaRoux]

She used to bite them off the bushes in my mother's garden. If she grabbed a cucumber, don't try to get it away from her. Same for green beans and hot peppers. She lived to be 15 1/2 in good health.

My son didn't think she would clean up a substantial red wine spill. While he was out getting the mop and bucket she had already lapped up a considerable quantity. Her white paws were stained and she got drunk and fell over. The vet said to just let her sleep it off. If she drank too much she would throw it up. She was one sad looking hound the next morning. 

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Now that's a visual.

[tamiam]

She used to bite them off the bushes in my mother's garden. If she grabbed a cucumber, don't try to get it away from her. Same for green beans and hot peppers. She lived to be 15 1/2 in good health.

My son didn't think she would clean up a substantial red wine spill. While he was out getting the mop and bucket she had already lapped up a considerable quantity. Her white paws were stained and she got drunk and fell over. The vet said to just let her sleep it off. If she drank too much she would throw it up. She was one sad looking hound the next morning. 

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I am in love with your dog

[Curlz]

Love this thread and thought I'd share my very own dope slap.  It is not a good idea to sniff when grinding a whole bunch of dried chipotle chiles into powder in the Cuisinart. 

Really not a good idea.  The inside of my nose, throat, mouth, eyes, and every other mucous membrane in my head was burning, throbbing with pain.  I couldn't make it stop.  I couldn't think.  It hurt from the inside. 

I didn't know what to do, so I put my head in the freezer, but I needed something that could get inside my head, so I snorted milk.  Imagine sticking your nose into a cold glass of milk and trying to inhale it without drowning or spilling all over the place.  Then I put peeled cucumber sticks into my wet milky nose.  Very uncomfortable, but not worse than the burning.  Mostly I had to suffer and wait it out, but I'm sure there is still a picture of that night around here somewhere.

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This is a perfect example of why I need a digital camera...then I could prove to you that I was crying from laughing at this post!!! WELCOME indeed...I believe you've found your rightful owners!

[jtcookie]

I will never again snort the seasoning pack that comes with the Sicilian olives we buy; there's lots of good chili in that wee pack - multo, multo stupido!

I will never again lean over the deep fryer to check on the progress of the (ulp!) unscored chestnuts. Kaaaaawhuuuuumph! The simultaneous explosion of most of said chestnuts emptied the fryer in a millisecond, leaving a startled, greasy, hysterically laughing sous chef with a little bit of cleaning up to do, and no chestnuts left for service that night.

[Mabelline]

I did my own version of snorting a couple of weeks ago. I was in the middle of grinding up two different spice mixes for a vegetable curry, and a venison dish done in a Moghul style. For some insane stupid reason, I thought I had my eyeglasses on (no excuse), so I proceeded to blow into the grinder to get the last of the spice dust out. Yep...it had among the other ingredients,1 t. dried arbols in it. DH came into the kitchen while I was putting ice cubes on my eyes, and came to my rescue with some industrial eyewash. I will not be so lazy next time, that's for sure.

[Marlene]

And now for my stupid trick of the day:

I was melting chocolate and butter on the stove to make frosting for brownies.

I took the pot off the stove and poured the mixture into my KA. In doing so, I noticed that some of the chocolate had dribbled down the side of the pot.

Not being one to let perfectly good chocolate go to waste, well, I licked the pot.

One instantly burned tongue.

(I had to post this before Varmint did. he said he was going to tell)

[Chris Amirault]

Use a thin kitchen towel to pull a skillet out of a 400* oven.  The blisters are going down slowly.

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Yeah, been there. There's always that moment where I have to decide between excoriating pain and grasping the skillet until the precious food gets to the stovetop. Food always wins, and I've got the scars to prove it....

[judiu]

I will never again turn the oven on to bake some tasty nibbles for my supper and forget to turn it off when they are done. I went to bed and the large pillar candle that sat on the stove top (except when the stove was in use) went to a large puddle of melted wax. I wake up the next a.m. going"Dude, what is that smell?" and find the stove top, burner pans and inner lining under the burner pans flowing with red wax. Then I couldn't figure out why the damn thing melted, until the oven clicked on again...

[browniebaker]

I will never again preheat the oven without first leaning down and examining every rack, even the highest one, to make sure I don't have plastic items stored there. I just ordered replacement plastic lids for my Nordic Ware 18" x 13" jelly roll pans ($4.50 each that I didn't need to spend!), and the customer service rep said the replacement lids come with "a beautiful sign to tape on your oven door -- just kidding" -- LOL!

[jilli42]

.......shake any jar/bottle up for use, without tightening the lid first.  I don't relish the thought of having to clean relish off of the ceiling again.

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I just did someting very similiar. I had a side salad to go with my lunch. Took the bottle of dressing out of the rerigerator and gave it a nice shake to mix the ingredients....and got a face full of dressing! It was everywhere ! That was no fun to clean up and to make it worse I was at work !! I had it all over my clothes and had to change in to the extra sweater I keep at work. And I still smelled like oil & vinegar all day.

[NulloModo]

I will never again add hot sauce to a dish without first testing potency of said sauce.

I smoked a chicken last night, and figured a BBQ chicken salad would be great to take for lunch at school today. After building the salad in my lunch tupperware, I added the dressing and some BBQ sauce, and then for good measure, several hearty shakes of my newest hot sauce: Dave's Ultimate Insanity Sauce. It was incredibly tasty, but I think I downed at least 80 oz of water with and near lunchtime because of it.

[Tkrup]

What a great thread! My latest and greatest oops has to do with the pesky laws of thermodynamics. I've been dabbling in bread making, and since I love a challenge, have been trying out the most difficult Portuguese bread recipes I could find. This particular one called for a sponge and triple rise, which took about two days total, then you use a tray of hot water while it bakes to make the crust nice and chewy. The recipe suggested throwing some ice cubes in the bottom of the oven as well as spraying down the walls of the oven with water to get it nice and steamy before the loaves go in. Well, the loaves were on the peel, the oven was well pre-heated, and I was ready to slide the dough on to my stone. I put the loaves in, grabbed my trusty spray bottle, and gave a couple of good squirts toward the back of the oven....POP!!!!! The light bulb exploded from the rapid cooling action of the water, sending glass shrapnel into my pliable loaves. I baked 'em anyway, and pulled the glass out before I ate them, but I couldn't stop laughing the whole time.

[origamicrane]

mix up salt and sugar again

just preparing for a birthday party and making beef and chicken satay.

Have about a pound of both meats and made the marinade

but i mixed up the salt and sugar pots arrghghhh!!!!

luckily the meat has only been marinating for about an hour but i've

just spent the last 2 hour washing and draining the meat under cold water to see if if any of the meat is recoverable

[g_camper]

It was a week or so after Thanksgiving. I was making risotto for some friends and having heated the brodo for the risotto and having added it, I found that I needed a little more chicken broth (1/2 cup or so) to finish the risotto.

Upon opening the refrigerator, I saw a tupperware with about 1/2 cup of coagulated chicken broth (or so I thought). I added it to the risotto and upon contact, it coagulated even more and turned white - it was egg whites (I guess it is a type of chicken anyway).

Served the risotto anyway. Only one person thought that there might have been something wrong. Upon being questioned, I gave myself up. No pain, just bad risotto.

[ejebud]

Ok, I've got 2. First was in Culinary School. Me and 2 other guys spent 6 hours deboning 100 quails. The Chef instructor who had a VERY HEAVY French accent told me to roll the rack into the warmer on the second floor. I did exactly that. The next day he begins the class by screaming"Who put the quails in the warmer!!!!" I stood up, knees knocking, and said that I did. Ends up he said "walk in" not "warmer". OOOPS!!

The second was at home making Rye bread. Similar to the post a few above mine, the recipe calls for spraying with water to form a crisp crust. I had completed several sprays of water, and went in for my final spray. After closing the oven, I look at the bottle I had in my hand and it was NOW ( an enviro friendly cleaner from Costco that they don't carry anymore) OOOPS again!!. The good news was that I was certain that it was only the final spray that wasn't water and besides, it's biodegradable so how harmful could it be?

[PurpleDingo99]

I will never again cut a carrot on a mandoline widthwise without the handguard. It went about 1/4" into my damn thumb and bled straight through 3 bandaids (including a 2x4 bandaid.) That thing wouldnt stop bleeding for at least 30 minutes.

[winesonoma]

I will never again cut a carrot on a mandoline widthwise without the handguard. It went about 1/4" into my damn thumb and bled straight through 3 bandaids (including a 2x4 bandaid.) That thing wouldnt stop bleeding for at least 30 minutes.

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That's why they make Kevlar gloves. http://www.chefdepot.net/bonesaw.htm

Edited February 20, 2005 by winesonoma (log)

[CompassRose]

Not being one to let perfectly good chocolate go to waste, well, I licked the pot. 

One instantly burned tongue. 

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Well. Don't feel bad. Even though I read this lo! not two days ago, I just did much the same thing. Only the pot had held the cheese sauce for my macaroni and cheese. Ouch.

The sauce had blue cheese in it. Is that an excuse?

I didn't think so.

[Kevin72]

I will never again cut a carrot on a mandoline widthwise without the handguard. It went about 1/4" into my damn thumb and bled straight through 3 bandaids (including a 2x4 bandaid.) That thing wouldnt stop bleeding for at least 30 minutes.

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I think it's a law of mandoline ownership that you cut yourself in one of your initial runs. I got one last year and I think the second or third time I was using it I was just gliding along without pausing to readjust my fingers (I'm wincing just writing this!). A few months later we were at my parents' and I dug out my mom's never-opened mandoline to use for dinner that night and sure enough . . .