Food neuroses that drive you nuts

[WiscoNole]

My college roommate would not eat red meat because he got sick from an undercooked burger when he was 6.

[pax]

My college roommate would not eat red meat because he got sick from an undercooked burger when he was 6.

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I have to say I have some sympathy with this. In high school my Mum made me "tacos", you know, the boxed grocery store "dinner", and I got sick as a dog from something in it. It took me YEARS to be able to look at Mexican food again with any kind of longing. Blowing meat out one's nose is traumatic.

[prasantrin]

Someone I know likes to greet her food before eating. It's sort of like a "Hello, I'm going to eat you now, thank you [for giving your life]." She usually says it to herself, but sometimes says it aloud, too.

Is that a neurosis?

[George]

My wife won't eat meat with any sign of pink. As I like lamb and beef quite rare this is a problem. I end up looking for irregular shaped joints of beef - roast it so the thin end is well done and the middle of the thick end is comparatively rare.

[scubadoo97]

My wife won't eat meat with any sign of pink. As I like lamb and beef quite rare this is a problem. I end up looking for irregular shaped joints of beef - roast it so the thin end is well done and the middle of the thick end is comparatively rare.

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George my wife is the same way. We grill flank steaks a lot which have that nice tapered end so there is a range from well done to medium and I put the thin end at the hottest part of the grill.

[maggiethecat]

Someone I know likes to greet her food before eating.  It's sort of like a "Hello, I'm going to eat you now, thank you [for giving your life]."  She usually says it to herself, but sometimes says it aloud, too.

Is that a neurosis?

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To me, it's not a neurosis, it's invoking grace. I'm going to take it up.

[judiu]

Someone I know likes to greet her food before eating.  It's sort of like a "Hello, I'm going to eat you now, thank you [for giving your life]."  She usually says it to herself, but sometimes says it aloud, too.

Is that a neurosis?

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To me, it's not a neurosis, it's invoking grace. I'm going to take it up.

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You should pardon the expression, Amen!

[jsmith]

Someone I know likes to greet her food before eating.  It's sort of like a "Hello, I'm going to eat you now, thank you [for giving your life]."  She usually says it to herself, but sometimes says it aloud, too.

Is that a neurosis?

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Does she say it to vegetables, or just to meat?

[AmyKay]

My mother has always insisted that she doesn't like fish. And yet, EVERY TIME she eats fish that I cook, she declares with amazement "I don't like fish, but I liked that!" It's not like I am that amazing a cook when it comes to seafood. She has even been known to go to a local seafood restaurant and split a salmon dish with my father. When challenged on this behavior, she steadfastly insists, "I don't like fish, but that was good!"

God forbid my mother admits that she likes fish!

Of course, she has lately started on a strange "nothing that bleeds" kick, so I don't know where she imagines fish fit into that diet. The nothing that bleeds thing is particularly random since she has always loved steak (well, she used to anyway).

[pepperAnn]

Where to begin.....

One of my friends frequently makes herself egg sandwiches for breakfast. She lays the eggs the same way on the bread each time, starts at a certain corner of the sandwich and cuts each bite in a certain order every time!

When I serve white rice, my three kids and I sprinkle sugar on the rice. That's the only way we eat it. My husband thinks that's disgusting, my kids think it's the only way (they're 14, 13, and 9 yrs. old).

I have NEVER eaten ketchup, mustard, or mayonnaise. Mayonnaise has to be one of the worst things on the planet. Just the thought disgusts me. Thus, I have never eaten egg salad, tuna salad, or chicken salad.

When I eat something, I spot the best french fry, potato chip, onion ring, corner of steak, crispiest edge (you get the idea) and I have to eat it last.

I have a bunch of oddities when it comes to food.

this one may not be odd, but I love vanilla ice cream with orange juice poured on it!

[Lisa Shock]

My hubby won't eat any yellow food and doesn't want it around. He claims that yellow is the color things turn when they are starting to rot. He will however, eat corn. He says "it isn't yellow, it's golden." This can make cooking a bit challenging at my house; no golden delicious apples, no yukon gold potatoes, no yellow split peas, no yellow tomatoes, no parsnips, no wax beans, and, curries had better be brownish, green, or red.

[vloglady]

Any new neuroses since last August?

[Shinboners]

My dad used to bring home live chickens, ducks, pigeons, etc. and slaughter them himself for dinner. My sisters never ate those dishes, saying it was horrible how it was to have the poultry alive one minute and presented on the dinner table a few hours later. Incidentally, they had no issue with eating chicken, duck, etc. when it was bought already ready for cooking from the supermarket.

And yet, when dad brought home live lobsters, crabs, and prawns to cook, my sisters had no issue with eating those dishes when put on the table.

[RunBe4UFly]

One cowork will not eat chicken if she prepares it, or will not prepares the chicken if she will eat it later. Eat and preparation can't go together.

[BarbaraY]

My eldest recently asked me to stop using minced parsley as it gets stuck in her teeth. I have been referred to as "The Parsley Kid" by a co-worker and have been feeding my child parsley for well over 50 years and now she can't eat it.

[Toliver]

My eldest recently asked me to stop using minced parsley as it gets stuck in her teeth. I have been referred to as "The Parsley Kid" by a co-worker and have been feeding my child parsley for well over 50 years and now she can't eat it.

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Hand her a toothpick or some floss and keep using it.

[jgm]

These are not my food neuroses but my hubby's:

*Insisting his pasta be cooked tender, almost mushy.

*Ditto with carrots, it has to be so soft it practically disentegrates when the fork touches it.

*ABSOLUTELY NO seafood whatsoever (he is not allergic, just refuses to eat them... this after marrying a girl who lived by the sea and comes from a long line of family of fishermen).

*Eats a lot of food cold-straight-from-the-fridge (fried chicken, pork chops, pizza, spaghetti sauce sandwiches, etc.)

*Hates mayo, ketchup and absolutely LOATHES mustard. (I love mustard).

But our marriage has survived inspite of all of this.

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I think I dated him just after college. Glad to know he's found a good woman and is doing well! (Just kidding. It's surprising, though, to learn that there is more than one person with THOSE food preferences.)

[devour]

I know what you mean about the Picky McPickersons of this world. It makes me recoil in horror to hear them justify denying entire categories with a lame circular argument. If you already convince yourself you won't like something, likelihood is you'll find reasons not to like it! I know family and friends who are like this, and it halfway tempts me to say:

"I like you? WHY!?"

But I realize they are just quirks that people have. I think someone mentioned it on here that it's a result of being spoiled and tended to as a child, and since they were used to getting the same kinds of foods over and over again, they enjoy the control aspect of getting exactly what they want and it tasting exactly as they expect. BORING!!

Other food quirks that irritate me:

Ordering an item with enough exceptions as to not make it resemble the item on the menu

"I'll have the Barbeque Cheddar Craptastic Grilled Chicken Sandwich. But can I not have the lettuce, tomato, sauce, cheese, barbeque sauce, or bun with it? Yeah, don't put any of it on there, even a leaf of lettuce. I'll send it back. (Heard as: Please, rub the food on your genitals! I'm a ridiculous jerk!)"

Falsely declaring a dislike as an allergy

I'm not a fan of liver, but I don't tell people I'm allergic to it. I'm not going to try to trick you into eating food you don't like (as tempted as I am).

A repulsion of all things vegetable-oriented.

This is okay if you are a toddler. 14-100, not so much.

Camping out in the kitchen to sabotage the chef.

If you're this anal, how do you dine anywhere outside of your house?

That being said, my wife has a few funny quirks too, but thankfully she's adventurous enough to enjoy different ethnic foods. She claims not to be picky, but allegedly does not like sausage, cooked carrots or celery, "spaghetti noodles", black pepper, bell peppers, or any meat 'on the bone'. The last one is true, but I've seen her eat almost everything else in some combination. So I think some of them do qualify as neuroses or minor control issues. But I have to say, as much as it irritates me that other people do these things, it's kinda cute when she does it!

Weird, right?

[devour]

The whole raw food movement kind of irks me actually. In trying to achieve the same flavors as their "cooked" counterparts, they end up with roughly the same nutritional value. Fats are still fats (albeit unsaturated, but still), and sugars are still sugars. Nuts actually have fat where flour does not, so you end up spending more, getting fatter, and eating foods that taste not as good as the 'real thing.' Sorry to go off on a tangent, but as much as I enjoy the creative aspect of the raw food movement, it's not practical or necessary to achieving better health... and it tastes like garbage!

[HungryChris]

I knew a kid in grade school named Michael. Every day he would bring a bologna sandwich on white bread and a small bag of potato chips for lunch. He would unwrap his sandwich from the wax paper and then open the bag of chips and spread the contents out over the opened, flattened bag. He would then take a bite of his sandwich followed by a chip, always starting with the smallest chip in his collection. As he proceeded he would regulate the size of his sandwich bites according to the numbers and size of his chips so that his last bite was always the largest chip in the bag. Many, many, many years later I was working at a defense plant and noticed Michael working as a temp contractor. Once I had verified that it was indeed the Michael from grade school, I brought up the subject of the bologna sandwich and bag of chips. Now keep in mind that both Michael and I were well into our 40's at the time. He told me that there had not been a day since fourth grade that he had not had a bologna sandwich on white bread for lunch and I was so dumbfounded that I never asked about the chips.

HC

[prasantrin]

I have more than one co-worker with annoying issues about food. I've already mentioned the one who won't eat stuffed or crusted things that are sweet (no cream puffs, no pies, etc.), onions, raw fish (we live in Japan), mayonnaise, etc.

But have I mentioned the other one who won't eat raw fish (again, we live in Japan), anything liver-related (no pate, etc.) or other "foreign foods"?

Now, if you don't like liver or raw fish, fine. But the latter person (who is close to 10 years older than I) insists on making noises whenever she sees or is faced with the prospect of being offered such foods, "Raw fish? Yeccccchhhhhhh! Bleccccchhhhhhh!" even if people around her are already eating them.

Grow up. If you don't like a food, don't eat it. But don't spoil other people's enjoyment of their meals just because you're to f***ing childish to keep your thoughts to yourself.

And why would you come to a country where you don't like most of the food? As James Michener said, "If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay at home."

[Tom Gengo]

Ha, my father is the same way FG. He (from Mass.) thinks that the "lousy" white eggs we have here in the South are "inferior." Along the same lines, my father is not exactly a gourmand, so when asked where I developed my "foodie" interest I immediately credited my father. The entire family gave me this incredulous look of astonishment. I explained that when I was growing up my mom worked 2nd shift, so dinner was Dad's responsibility. He was "Neurotic" about serving me Spam w/ Hormel Chili as a child... every freaking night. AS such, I have developed an interest in cooking, but GAG violently at the sight of a can of spam- avoid that aisle in the grocery store w/ a passion, lol. God forbid I should smell it again... Bought a can of Spam for a joke Holiday gift, but the "gag" was on me as he found it before I could wrap it... could smell it when I came into their house, retreated immediately. Joke was on me

[Stefferdoos]

And also it was pointed out to me that I always leave something on my plate as well. I am sure this a control thing from childhood and my mom making me sit at the table all night to eat the strip of tire rubber that somehow had replaced her pot roast. It wasn't until I made pot roast as a well-seasoned adult that I found out that it could be chewable AND delicious. Who knew?

Landru, we may have shared the same mother. I hated meat as a kid but now realize it had everything to do with the way my mother cooked it (bone dry). Pork chops were the worst I think. I started to try and come up with creative ways to make it look as if I had eaten everything (bits in the napkin or tucked under the edge of the plate). But I remember sitting what seemed like hours at the dinner table unable to choke it all down and clear my plate. To this day I wish I had a dog growing up to eat that stuff for me. Meat has improved at my parents house during my adult portion of my life. In part I think because my father has retired and does all the cooking now.

My neuroses:

I won't eat offal. This comes mostly from bad olfactory memories of my father cooking elk livers in the mornings while I was hungover during my college years. But disguised as a pate, I quite like it.

Strawberry Quik milk. Looks too much like Pepto. But I do drink strawberry yogurt smoothies which are also pink and opaque. Go figure.

Pet peeve neuroses:

My sister insists she hates onions but if I dice them small enough that she can't tell its in a cooked dish, she eats them. I have this one spinach orzo dish I make that she requests all the time and asks me not to put onions in it. I just ignore that and she still has seconds and packages up the leftovers to take home with her.

I had an ex that wouldn't eat a vegetable with more than 6 letters in its name. Not sure how he got around lettuce (7) unless he just didn't consider it a vegetable like asparagus, cauliflower, broccoli or zucchini.

My nephew will only eat canned green beans and not frozen or fresh ones. He's only 5 and a half so I'll cut him some slack. But I blame my sister who cooks out of boxes and cans like some 50s or 60s housewife. She's also picked up my mother's talent in the kitchen for cooking meat until it becomes sand.

This one isn't a pet peeve. Just a memory of my grandmother and her personal neuroses. She doesn't drink milk. And goes so far as to pour orange juice on her cereal instead. However, its just dairy in liquid form. She says its something about not being able to see through a liquid that bugs her. Ice cream and cheese she's just fine with. But not whipped cream. She's 100 and still kicking like no other 100 year old I've ever met. So maybe she's got something right with this one.

[Wholemeal Crank]

Just heard this one: spouse of a foodie friend will not eat any jam, jelly, conserve, preserves, unless it is PURPLE.

Hence, applesauce was out of the question for a large windfall of tart apples.

[Toliver]

Just heard this one: spouse of a foodie friend will not eat any jam, jelly, conserve, preserves, unless it is PURPLE.

Hence, applesauce was out of the question for a large windfall of tart apples.

Make the applesauce. Add red & blue food coloring to make it purple. Done.