I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[possum]

i havent laughed so much in ages....

well i am proud to say that i had trouble of thinking of something stupid i did in the kitchen.....and i cook alot....

but one of hte stories did remind me a slightly traumatic expirience i once had....

sink full of dishes after dinner.....lots of soap.....plates, cutelry and....cheap glasses my mom bought.....hand goes rushing into the sink to do the dishes quikly....AHHHHH the shock!....the sheer pain!!!! i pulled my hand out with a big peice of glass stuck into the soft skin between to fingures.....(i still have the scar)....i was afraid to do dishes for a few weeks after that....(and told mum to spend the extra bucks on proper glasses...)

something my mom did:

1) sow up chicken and forget the needle......(dad got the....gift..)

oh, and when i was 4 or 5 years old me AND my brother (im not sure who did it first...) decided it was a good idea to put our mouth on a tray mum just took out of the oven.... (no damage done...)

[NeroW]

Braise a lamb shank in class on top of the stove. Braise anything in class on top of the stove. Some kid cranked my burner to INFERNO and thought he was cranking his burner to saute something. Well, he forgot to turn my burner back down. All my braising liquid evaporated while I was doing something else and I had no idea it was going on. The lamb shank turned into a huge charred lump in the pan, the mirepoix as well, and it took me 15 minutes to scrub the pot.

[nessa]

I will never again reach blindly into my magic bag of spices and judge by color. It LOOKED like cayenne. Was one pinch/grab enough? Hmm not sure. Golly the chana still tastes the same. Throw a little more in. Well damnit it still isnt spicy (hot). Dip finger into spice. What the hell? Wait. Why is my hand a freakish yellowish orange? Those BASTARDS! I bet they put food coloring or something in the chile powder. Just look! Yellow smears on the refrigerator handle, my hand is orange, what the hell is this.

Oh. Achiote molindo. Ahem. ANNATO YOU DUMBASS!

Tomorrow I reorganize the spice closet.

[YKL]

um ... my mishap is not strictly food related but was at one of the family Christmas dinners ... all because we wanted our bubbly nicely chilled ...

so when my sisters and I realised we'd forgotten to put it in the fridge (lack of space with all the other festive foodstuff), we decided to stick it in the freezer ... overnight.

*SIGH* ... you can imagine it - elderly parents sat patiently at table with smoked salmon starters, saying yes, a small glass of champagne would go down nicely. Daughter decides to do the honours by removing bottle from freezer and proceeding to open it. Now because we're not "stupid" (!) and we don't want to waste any, I do the trick of holding the cork down with one hand and twisting bottle from the base.

What happened next was not so much a gentle sigh as the pressure is released, as a huge "bleep bleep" jet of frozen champage shot out, going all over parents, dinner and the whole room as I was unable to control the force... bit like a fireman's hose at full blast. As I tried to shut it down by putting one hand over the top, found that it was too powerful to be stopped, and actually my fingers created some sort of spray head effect - just to make sure no-one escaped.

Christmas - it's what it's all about ...

Also seem to remember my sister telling me of a friend who made home made scotch eggs ... totally yummy except he forgot to peel the eggs first!

DOH!!

[aidensnd2]

Hopefully I will never again strain the oil from the deep fryer into an empty oil bottle, place that bottle next to the new oils and then give that bottle to the neighbors making brownies for their kids. The neighbors were smart enough to suspect that something was wrong, but unfortunately trusting enough to assume that if I gave it to them it had to be okay.... Lets just say they weren't the best brownies...

[Susan G]

I must confess also at being a master at the old, grab-the-handle-of-the-pan-that-was-just-in-the-oven trick.

Right there with you. The corollary rule to that one in my house is: I will never, never NEVER again roast a chicken in a frying pan.

[sequim]

*SIGH* ... you can imagine it - elderly parents sat patiently at table with smoked salmon starters, saying yes, a small glass of champagne would go down nicely.  Daughter decides to do the honours by removing bottle from freezer and proceeding to open it.  Now because we're not "stupid" (!) and we don't want to waste any, I do the trick of holding the cork down with one hand and twisting bottle from the base.

What happened next was not so much a gentle sigh as the pressure is released, as a huge "bleep bleep" jet of frozen champage shot out, going all over parents, dinner and the whole room as I was unable to control the force... bit like a fireman's hose at full blast.  As I tried to shut it down by putting one hand over the top, found that it was too powerful to be stopped, and actually my fingers created some sort of spray head effect - just to make sure no-one escaped.

Christmas - it's what it's all about ...

That's too hysterical.

For me it happened the other night. My mom made a mess in the oven from her homemade pie leaking. She was going to clean it up manually. Oh no, we've got a self-cleaning oven I told her. Turned it on. Maybe an hour or two later I start smelling something funny - at first I thought it was normal. Then all hell breaks loose when all our smoke alarms go off and they are so incredibly loud. I get the ladder out (we have cathedral ceilings - just what you want at a time like this), struggle to get the battery undone, no luck. Give up on that idea and open all windows and doors. I check the stove and there's a plastic bottle of oil on the stovetop by the pilot light. Although the bottle didn't melt, it must have gotten hot enough that the oil boiled up, all over the stovetop and down the burners. What a mess, although not as bad, I'm now thinking, as burned plastic.

[terrarich]

Pour clean oil into the deepfryer without making sure the valve is set to "close".

[tan319]

Pour clean oil into the deepfryer without making sure the valve is set to "close".

Been there for that one!!!

Nice!

[MArkF]

I will never...never...never...again add chopped dried Thai chilis as the first ingredient to a hot wok...and I do not care what the recipe says...My family and I chuckle about it now that our eyes and lungs have healed.....

Mark

[colestove]

I did not do this but had to deal with the results. New dishwasher/helper. End of service Sunday nite. Fryer turned off for draininf and cleaning. Told new person to drain fryer in large stockpot. Went to write produce order (5 mins max) returned in time to see 5 gallon plastic bucket full of deep fry oil melt on floor. 25#of salt, much scrubbing 45 minutes and much cursing later, we went on with normal work. From then on I put proper pot under drain myself.

colestove

[mart242]

Well, I haven't seen this one in the thread..

I will never add my corn starch (diluted in water) all at once to a hot sauce I want to thicken when my wife is pregnant and really hungry. (I rescued the sauce though..)

[Gul_Dekar]

I completely do not get microwave ovens.

My friend used my microwave oven to reheat his garlic bread. With the aluminum foil still on it! It was AWESOME!!! Flashing white sparks inside, almost like a science experiment that I used to do in high school... at least nothing was damaged or exploded. Friend didnt want to eat the bread anymore though.

[bleudauvergne]

mmm....chestnuts.

I will never try and peel chestnuts on Thanksgiving.

[NeroW]

I will never bake bread from an untested recipe and not weigh the dough before I put it in the pans.

[magnolia]

I will never try to "sprinkle" a tiny bit of cinnamon from a wide-open jar. And then I will never again stick a hand-vac into the bowl to try to suck up all the spilled cinnamon in order to save the dish which was three hours in the making up to that point (even though it worked ).

Edited April 12, 2004 by magnolia (log)

[hathor]

I will never try to "sprinkle" a tiny bit of cinnamon from a wide-open jar. And then I will never again stick a hand-vac into the bowl to try to suck up all the spilled cinnamon in order to save the dish which was three hours in the making up to that point (even though it worked ).

Hand-vac. Good to know! Thanks for the tip!

[tryska]

mmm....chestnuts.

I will never try and peel chestnuts on Thanksgiving.

oooh, i did that one like 5 years ago. i agree.

[NeroW]

I will never try to "sprinkle" a tiny bit of cinnamon from a wide-open jar. And then I will never again stick a hand-vac into the bowl to try to suck up all the spilled cinnamon in order to save the dish which was three hours in the making up to that point (even though it worked ).

I've done that before.

[FistFullaRoux]

I will nevah again attempt to make a roast for me sweetie in the altogether...

Bloody hell.

Edited April 12, 2004 by FistFullaRoux (log)

[magnolia]

I will never try to "sprinkle" a tiny bit of cinnamon from a wide-open jar.  And then I will never again stick a hand-vac into the bowl to try to suck up all the spilled cinnamon in order to save the dish which was three hours in the making up to that point (even though it worked  ).

Hand-vac. Good to know! Thanks for the tip!

Be careful not to vacuum up the other ingredients, especially eggs...

[lesfen]

I will never start to bake anything and ASSUME that I have all of the ingredients needed. Oddly enough, veggie oil from your deep fryer will make brownies taste like chicken, even if it's only been used once. Hmmmm... who'da thunk it?

[kendrabail]

I will never again deglaze a pan with a generous splash of balsamic vinegar...

and then lean down to sniff it.

The Accidental Chef

[bleudauvergne]

mmm....chestnuts.

I will never try and peel chestnuts on Thanksgiving.

oooh, i did that one like 5 years ago. i agree.

{Step 6: Just before the turkey is ready to be stuffed and placed in the oven, Parboil and carefully peel the 2 pounds of freshly bought chestnuts.} Which should read: Dunk the chestnuts in boiling water. Remove from water and score the rock hard surface of each one in two complete perfect concentric circles, forming a band, with a razor sharp knife. Be sure to wipe up all of the blood spilled in the process, as bloody countertops are not appealing to incoming guests. Re-parboil the chestnuts with the hope the peels come loose. Rinse in cold water. Attempt to peel them with a vegetable peeler. Try crushing them. Utilize a small screwdriver and rubber mallet to carefully chip the inside out of each chestnut, after attatching to counter top with screw type vise. After two hours and 45 minutes of messy and difficult labor, send husband to buy pre-peeled chestnuts.

[klc14]

{Step 6:  Just before the turkey is ready to be stuffed and placed in the oven, Parboil and carefully peel the 2 pounds of freshly bought chestnuts.}  Which should read:  Dunk the chestnuts in boiling water.  Remove from water and score the rock hard surface of each one in two complete perfect concentric circles, forming a band,  with a razor sharp knife.  Be sure to wipe up all of the blood spilled in the process, as bloody countertops are not appealing to incoming guests.  Re-parboil the chestnuts with the hope the peels come loose.  Rinse in cold water.  Attempt to peel them with a vegetable peeler.  Try crushing them.  Utilize a small screwdriver and rubber mallet to carefully chip the inside out of each chestnut, after attatching to counter top with screw type vise.  After two hours and 45 minutes of messy and difficult labor, send husband to buy pre-peeled chestnuts. 

 

I salute you for being willing to try ANY POSSIBLE METHOD...