I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[col klink]

Dignan, you're all right.

Another one: .... use a cylinder style combination grill/smoker.

If you're interested, I've written a course on smoking - Smoking Meat at home.

The corresponding Q&A has some good tips for the Weber Bullet style of smoker which sounds like what you have.

By the way, great stories.

[bleudauvergne]

Try and wipe the condensed water from the tiles behind a hot pot of steaming tamales.

[bergerka]

My best friend asked me to add her story to this. She'd do it herself, but her new baby is keeping her too busy to websurf.

She will never again bake chocolate chip cookies while sleep-deprived...because she read "one cup of baking soda" instead of "one teaspoon of baking soda."

Ever seen a tray of cookies explode? Kind of like fireworks in your oven, apparently.

K

[bleachboy]

Still shaking head from last dumb moment. Finished cooking halibut. Removed pan from burner. Put plastic cutting board on burner.

Running fan, opening windows, to get rid of burned-plastic smell before husband (restaurant cook) gets home and makes fun of me. (And yes, I hid the dead cutting board under coffee grounds in the trash.)

I've done this before, too. Early in the AM, chop some chives and tarragon on a plastic cutting board for an omelet, move the cutting board to the range top (tiny kitchen) then proceed to crank the burner to "high" to get it hot enough for omelet making. Once I smelled the burning plastic, I went to yank the cutting board off the burner and -- of course -- it was completely cemented to the burner. Melted plastic all down in between the burner coils. Argh! After I finally got the cutting board off the burner, the only way to get rid of all the once-gooey-but-now-solid plastic globs on the burner coils was to burn them off. Figured I was gonna die from plastic fumes.

[Dignan]

If you're interested, I've written a course on smoking - Smoking Meat at home.

Thanks, Colonel. That's a well written descriprtion of the process. And it would have been helpful if I had read it before I trashed my smoker, which, yes, was the bullet type. It such a mess that I junked it and was going to go for one with the side fire box (my theory is that I overloaded the former unit, and the rendered fat was making its way down to the rocks over the burner -- combine that with my inattention, and I got a nice cracklin' fire). But I then moved and now am in an apartment with no appropriate place for smoking meats. I'll get back to it sometime, though.

[agnolottigirl]

Wow, this thread is so much cheaper and so much more gratifying than therapy!

I will never again, after preheating the oven to "hotter than a thousand suns," decide I need to move the rack with the pizza stone on it. . . and take the oven-sized pizza stone out with ONE hand (the other oven mitt was too far away, ha) BEFORE identifying a likely heat-resistant place to put it down.

[Toasted]

Wow, this thread is so much cheaper and so much more gratifying than therapy!

I will never again, after preheating the oven to "hotter than a thousand suns," decide I need to move the rack with the pizza stone on it. . . and take the oven-sized pizza stone out with ONE hand (the other oven mitt was too far away, ha) BEFORE identifying a likely heat-resistant place to put it down.

Yikes! That sounds painful. My poor little girl learned her first "I will never

again" lesson yesterday after grabbing a hot pan from her Easy Bake oven.

She burned her finger just a little bit, hopefully she will remember that when

Mommy says don't touch- she really means it!

[agnolottigirl]

She burned her finger just a little bit, hopefully she will remember that when Mommy says don't touch- she really means it!

Oh, I dunno, Toasted. . . my mother did her best with me, but apparently I'm one of those "slow learners" you hear about.

[Toasted]

She burned her finger just a little bit, hopefully she will remember that when Mommy says don't touch- she really means it!

Oh, I dunno, Toasted. . . my mother did her best with me, but apparently I'm one of those "slow learners" you hear about.

Well, the reason I have Toasted as my tag name is that I burn at least half

of everything I cook! I have real timing issues and I hope I don't pass it on

to the poor girl.

[JPW]

For the first (but not I'm sure last) time since I joined eG, I did something stupid enough to add to this thread. The Chicken stock Chowderhead move!

Making stock with the carcass of Sunday night's bird. Turn off burner. Arrange strainer over metal mixing bowl. Strain very hot stock. Grab now very hot mixing bowl in both hands because, after all, it was cool just a minute ago. AAIIIEEEE!

Fortunately spill and burn were both fairly minor. Thank god for calloused hands.

[NeroW]

JPW, at least it wasn't the ever-popular strain-the-stock-down-the-sink-drain move.

[chow guy]

I will never again try to choke my dinner guests. While studying Chinese cooking at the China Institute I did not take Florence Lin's advice ( "do not to cook more than four dishes first time out" ). I did six, in a tiny Park Avenue apartment kitchen, altered by wine and other substances. I got the wok very hot and threw in a bunch of tiny red chiles. The apartment filled with chile smoke and my guests fought for air as they rushed into the hall choking and tearing. I opened the kitchen window to let the capsasin cloud drift out. There were obscenities screamed down the shaft from angry neighbors up wind of my little fiasco.

I was totally mortified.

[destinyrules]

I will never again . . .

. . . crack an egg directly into a bowl that has all the other eggs in it already, because one fucked-up egg will ruin the entire batch.

Burn macaroni. It happened 15 years ago and I think it ranks as my number one all time biggest kitchen disaster. Also, I vow to never, ever, ever use olive oil to bake brownies again.

I feel cleansed now.

BTW, I'm new here.

[NeroW]

A long time ago I was making macaroni from scratch and I scorched the bechamel sauce. Not knowing it was scorched (I was new then), I continued on with the recipe. It was so bad I couldn't eat it. So I brought it over to a friend's house--this dude is a huge stoner--and told him it was special "smoked" macaroni. He ate it and loved it. Of course, I've also seen him eat dog kibble.

[Toliver]

I will never again . . .

. . . crack an egg directly into a bowl that has all the other eggs in it already, because one fucked-up egg will ruin the entire batch.

Burn macaroni. It happened 15 years ago and I think it ranks as my number one all time biggest kitchen disaster. Also, I vow to never, ever, ever use olive oil to bake brownies again.

I feel cleansed now.

BTW, I'm new here.

Welcome to eGullet, destinyrules!

This is a great thread for absolution.

[hathor]

I completely do not get microwave ovens. (When my son was six, one of his friends was staying over for the weekend, looked around, didn't see a microwave, and started to wail "How will we eat???)

So, I'm making a large holiday meal at my mothers, and figure her microwave must be good for something, so I set up some monkey dishes with butter in it, and crank it up. The results were spectacular! There was butter everywhere...leaked out of the microwave, down the cabinets, into the open drawer. Truly impressive. Will not do that again.

Another time at my mother's, I put some chestnuts in the ol'microwave. Didn't bother to put little puncture holes into the nuts, as I normally would. Again, spectacular results. First the chestnuts pirouette madly around, then they explode. Honestly, if I was given the chance, I might do that again.

[sparrowgrass]

Another time at my mother's, I put some chestnuts in the ol'microwave. Didn't bother to put little puncture  holes into the nuts, as I normally would.  Again, spectacular results.  First the chestnuts pirouette madly around, then they explode. Honestly, if I was given the chance, I might do that again.

That reminds me of my son's first recipe, dutifully written on a 3x5 card.

"Put hot dogs in microwave. Use a plate. Cook on number 1 til they wiggle."

[snowangel]

I am very pleased and proud to announce that last night, after taking the saute pan out of the oven and placing it on top of the stove, I did NOT grab the handle with my bare hand. This thread has pounded that into my consciousness as no burn ever did. Thank you all!

As I repeat my mantra "use potholders when pulling hot skillet out of oven" I did what I mantraed (is that a verb?) not to do. Dropped skillet on rack, raised hand to upper oven rack.

Burn on palm and top of hand. Nicely blistered on both sides, I might add.

But, I have never strained stock down drain

[Dave the Cook]

I . . .  figure her microwave must be good for something . . .

Read this: Things you can do with your microwave.

Sincerely,

Department of Shameless Self-promotion

P.S. I have to try chestnuts. Thanks for the tip.

[hathor]

Thanks Dave!! Oh great.... now I have to make a quick trip to my mother's and I need my sister to distract her. See, how you bring the family together!

[Dave the Cook]

sigh

My work here is done.

[torakris]

Though not nearly as painful as these other mistakes, I did a major no-no in the kitchen last night.

I did not read the recipe all the way through thoroughly! gasp!

I was making a braised whole chicken Chinese style and read that I needed to braise it for 45 minutes, some how I missed the very last sentence that said to turn it over and continue braising for 1 MORE HOUR! Well my family couldn't wait that long so we ended up with noodles and will have the chicken tonight.

[GSBravo]

Having read this entire thread three times now, and contributing, I am left with one nagging question.

What is wrong with us? Why do we keep making the same mistakes over and over again? I mean isn't mistaking a TSP for a TSB once, enough?

[Suzanne F]

Dear GSBravo,

Do you mean you want to get into a philosophical discussion on the fallability of human beings?

I think it's because we're all so smart and multitalented and have such diverse interests that we just, um, lose focus sometimes. You know, we're distracted momentarily by the vastness of the universe, or something or other.

Or else we're too sleepy to turn on the light. (Literally)

[snowangel]

Dear GSBravo,

Do you mean you want to get into a philosophical discussion on the fallability of human beings? 

I think it's because we're all so smart and multitalented and have such diverse interests that we just, um, lose focus sometimes. You know, we're distracted momentarily by the vastness of the universe, or something or other.

Or else we're too sleepy to turn on the light. (Literally)

The one here with the burned palm and top of hand blames it on the fact that I have three kids who are all clamoring for my attention at one time . Either that or I can't focus on my "don't pick up pan without potholder" mantra.

Edited February 12, 2004 by snowangel (log)