I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[kel]

...forget that the pan was just in a 450-degree oven, and grab the handle... (there's an epidemic of that one, isn't there)

And my father still chuckles over the time when, as a teenager, I made a pork roast but forgot to drain off the excess fat before making the gravy.

The first time I read this, I was planning on making a dish in the cast iron skillet, and I was petrified that I would grab the handle after pulling it out of the oven. The entire time I was muttering to myself, "Do not grab the handle...do not grab the handle..." Amazingly, I didn't! I'm sure it will happen at some point, though.

Edited September 4, 2004 by Jason Perlow (log)

[Bicycle Lee]

oh yes...

I have a beautiful crescent moon shaped scar across the palm of my left hand from doing just that....

nothing as pure as pain, though...

[FistFullaRoux]

Word of advice from one who's done it. Never make a dark roux barefoot. One little splash, and your shoes are uncomfortable for weeks.

Other moments of temporary insanity...

My grandmother's first microwave (In fact the first in my family) and she tries to make peanut brittle. In a plastic bowl.

On the jalapeno/habanero front, slicing some of those bad boys then arranging the fruit on the dessert.

[Basildog]

Leave anything, and i mean ANYTHING anywhere remotely near the edge on any surface as Becky has reached "counter height"...we learn this via the medium of a dropped onion on her toe..no injury but one shocked bubba

[suzycooks]

Dump 3 cups of kosher salt into 8 liters of coke when making Cooks coca-cola brined fresh ham. If you don't want an eruption of Coke all over the kitchen you have to SLOWLY add the salt. I should have know this before the Coke volcano but, oh well, live and learn. It does make a really yummy ham.

[Stone]

Not sure about this one. But I rinsed a live lobster before knifing it between the eyes. A fountain of water spewed up about a foot. Freaked me out to the bejesus.

[browniebaker]

You know how you buy a fryer chicken in a bag and underneath the chicken is a spongy absorbent pad that soaks up its body fluids? Last night I thought I'd give it a good squeeze before throwing it in the garbage can, so it wouldn't drip in the can. Chicken fluids squirted three feet up, all over my kitchen cabinets.

[s'kat]

ewww. Chicken fluids. *shudder*

I will never again be in a rush to clean my new, extremely sharp knives. Typing this is painful.

[Suzanne F]

ewww.  Chicken fluids.  *shudder*

I will never again be in a rush to clean my new, extremely sharp knives.  Typing this is painful.

Yup. On both counts. (Sanelli slicer, ouch)

[Jinmyo]

On the jalapeno/habanero front, slicing some of those bad boys then arranging the fruit on the dessert. 

s'kat, ouch. Sorry.

Suzanne, was this recently?

[Chad]

How 'bout halving a recipe (mentally) then forgetting that you're supposed to be halving it half-way through adding the ingredients? And then not remembering which you did half of and which were full strength.

That happened with the sesame-soy vinagrette last night. Luckily I caught myself before dumping a 1/2 cup of vinegar into the bowl.

Chad

[Baltic Zephyr]

After marrying my Polish wife and moving to Warsaw I was responsible for cooking a family dinner (20ppl +1 baby + cat). Appearantly I had meantioned that I could cook. I couldn't understand a stitch of Polish and ended up tossing marinated green peppers in lue of capers for my caciatori. It had a rather, um, stong flavour to it. (They do sort of look the same!)

[kel]

<sigh> How 'bout halving a recipe (mentally) then forgetting that you're supposed to be halving it half-way through adding the ingredients? And then not remembering which you did half of and which were full strength.

That happened with the sesame-soy vinagrette last night. Luckily I caught myself before dumping a 1/2 cup of vinegar into the bowl.

Chad

Oh, I do that all the time. Fortunately, I haven't had any major disasters - mostly just end making things a little hotter, or with more onion, than the recipe calls for, and that's always ok. I just hope I never do that while I'm baking.

[picaman]

Great post to read at work when you should be working, except that my constant giggling may cause people to think I've finally gone round the bend

Here are a few off the top of my head:

--Don't sandblast your mother's iron skillet, the one that was passed down to her from her grandmother (I didn't do this, but, once upon a time, my mom's boyfriend did!)

--Don't measure any ingredient over the mixing bowl.

--Don't shove the garbage down into the can with your hand without looking in first (I can now tell you firsthand that can lids are sharp!)

--Don't hang a ketchup bottle off your top lip by sucking it into the mouth of the bottle. This is entertaining for the entire time that people watch the process, but only initially entertaining for you.

Jamie

[theakston]

I will never again grill bacon on a Weber.

At least not until my eyebrows have grown back.

[maggiethecat]

--Don't sandblast your mother's iron skillet, the one that was passed down to her from her grandmother (I didn't do this, but, once upon a time, my mom's boyfriend did!)

--Don't measure any ingredient over the mixing bowl.

--Don't shove the garbage down into the can with your hand without looking in first (I can now tell you firsthand that can lids are sharp!)

--Don't hang a ketchup bottle off your top lip by sucking it into the mouth of the bottle.  This is entertaining for the entire time that people watch the process, but only initially entertaining for you.

Outstanding list, Jamie! I have been guilty of (2) frequently, but am so far safe on the ketchup thing.

Er...could you please expound a litle on how this came about?

And, welcome to eGullet.

[megaira]

How 'bout halving a recipe (mentally) then forgetting that you're supposed to be halving it half-way through adding the ingredients? And then not remembering which you did half of and which were full strength.

Notice how, if you're baking, it always turns out to be the salt, baking soda or powder?

[Jinmyo]

marinated green peppers in lue of capers for my caciatori.  It had a rather, um, stong flavour to it.  (They do sort of look the same!)

Riiiight.

Welcome to eGullet.

[Suzanne F]

Jinmyo -- not recently, thank goodness. By the way, how's your foot?

[picaman]

Er...could you please expound a litle on how this came about?

Re: the ketchup story. I'd had a bit to drink, but I'm sure you'd surmised that already. I was in the kitchen with friends, cooking burgers, and I for some reason started talking about how I used to hang pop bottles off my upper lip when I was a kid. Basically you put your lip on the mouth of the bottle and then suck the air out; your lip pops in and the suction keeps the bottle there. So I grabbed the ketchup bottle to demonstrate, forgetting that:

a) my upper lip was a good deal bigger than it was when I was 8

b) I didn't drink wine at that age either (well, not much or often...)

c) a nearly-full ketchup bottle is a bit heavier than an empty pop bottle

So, bottle, lip, suction, hands-free, laughter, bottle removal, pain, large red welt on face.

Don't try this at home.

Jamie

[sherribabee]

I will never:

Use a mandoline. Period. Even with the handy little guard, I still managed to mangle at least 2 different digits.

Put a can of Coke in the freezer to chill.

Jam my large hand into a drinking glass to wash out the bottom (a drinking glass will break nicely into 2 pieces for you though, instead of shattering into all manner of shrapnel).

Do my mother a favor and scrub all the black "gunk" off her iron skillet (I was maybe 9 at the time).

Try to show my coworkers how a little cold water, salt and a few ice cubes will scrub out a dirty coffee pot, while demonstrating with a HOT pot.

Cut a hot pepper without wearing protective gear on my hands.

"Set it and forget it" I put some butter in the microwave to melt (at a friend's house -- unfamiliar microwave), and instead of setting it for 10 seconds, I set it for 10 minutes.

Edited September 11, 2003 by sherribabee (log)

[MichaelB]

Along the line of trying to catch a falling knife, never catch a falling box of saran.  In my case, an almost new, 24 inch by 2,000 foot roll.  This was years ago; and I still rub my right hand every time I think about it.

Well, at least I didn't try to catch it this time. Ten days ago, while working in my fish vendor's walk (well, drive) - in, a damp box of saran slipped out of my hands. As I rapidly withdrew my hands, the cutter raked across my left palm.

Finally, the cut is nearly closed. Oh well.

[KateW]

re: the grabbing hot pan handles, I always drape something over the handle of something that is hot. a rag will do. just make sure its dry or there is a whole new set of accidents :)

[tanabutler]

ewww.  Chicken fluids.  *shudder*

Heeheeheehee.

My little sister (known as "20-20" because when her teacher said, "Kristen Butler, what's your IQ?!" she stood up and said emphatically, "Twenny twenny!") was roasting her first chicken. She called up Mama to ask how it was done, and meantime was cleaning out the cavity. "Mama, something's in here!"

Mom said, "Honey, that's the giblets and organs."

Krissy sounded so disappointed. "Oh. I thought I won something."

We have a lot of Krissy stories—and she's an excellent, excellent cook.

[sparrowgrass]

Note to self: Next time, to use the timer on the microwave, punch 20 minutes into the timer function, not the cook function. Cause if you leave the empty microwave on high for 20 minutes, while you watch the last few minutes of Queer Eye, your microwave will smell funny and you will have to go to Walmart to buy a new one the next morning.