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Anti-Valentine ideas

jackal10

By jackal10
in Food Traditions & Culture

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jackal10

jackal10

Posted
Posted

I'm tiring of the kitsch that are most Valentine cakes and pastries, so invite suggestions for anti-valentine cakes, for those falling out of love, or contemplating divorce:

Bleeding heart, pierced by a poisoned arrow

Faded Rose with thorns ("Screw the rose, give me the thorns")

entwined with Poison Ivy

I'm sure there must be lots more possibilities...

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Gifted Gourmet

Gifted Gourmet

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* Black-frosted cookies in the shape of broken hearts, complete with jagged edges down the middle.

* Black candy hearts with messages like "No way," "Are you kidding?", "Don't even think about it" and "You're doomed to die alone".

* Special Anti-Valentine's versions of mainstream candies, such as Russell Stover's Bitter Chocolate LonelyHearts, Peeps Marshmellow Vultures, Cruel Snickers and Hershey's Kisses of Death.

from HalfBakery.com

Don't want to forget the cool collection of the AntiValentines cards ...

Nothing says "I love you" quite like saturated fat and slutty lingerie is my very favorite card ... :laugh:

Melissa Goodman aka "Gifted Gourmet"

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johnnyd

johnnyd

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:laugh:

What a riot!

V-day is also my birthday so the kitsch factor is most annoying. Those are the perfect antidotes! Thanks!

"I took the habit of asking Pierre to bring me whatever looks good today and he would bring out the most wonderful things," - bleudauvergne

foodblogs: Dining Downeast I - Dining Downeast II

Portland Food Map.com

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Bond Girl

Bond Girl

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Having just rid myself of another pondscum (okay that's not a nice way to refer to tha guy that I've been seeing), I am thinking of a voodoo doll cake with your ex-lover's name on it.

Wasn't it Blake that says' Love can make a hell of heaven's despite?

Ya-Roo Yang aka "Bond Girl"

The Adventures of Bond Girl

I don't ask for much, but whatever you do give me, make it of the highest quality.

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I_call_the_duck

I_call_the_duck

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Bond Girl, I'm sorry to hear about the latest pondscum.

Happy Birthday, johnnyd.

We just celebrated our six-month wedding anniversary, so I shouldn't be even thinking about this, but since this brings out my morbid side, I'll bite...

How about a heart with a big fist in it?

or a marzipan cupid pierced in the heart by a flame thrower?

Karen C.

"Oh, suddenly life’s fun, suddenly there’s a reason to get up in the morning – it’s called bacon!" - Sookie St. James

Travelogue: Ten days in Tuscany

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shelora

shelora

Posted
Posted (edited)

A friend once toyed with the idea of creating divorce piñatas. Don't know what the piñata would be in the shape of, but thought it would be a hilarous way to blow off steam - beating the crap out of a paper mache figure with a stick.

There is a place called the Janitor's Warehouse where I live, that has an ever-changing marquee. It is one of those things that you only catch out of the corner of your eye while driving. But their Valentine's advert/words of wisdom is "Nothing says I love you more than a box of heart-shaped urinal cakes."

:wub::laugh:

Edited by shelora (log)
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Jason Perlow

Jason Perlow

Posted
Posted
I'm tiring of the kitsch that are most Valentine cakes and pastries, so invite suggestions for anti-valentine cakes, for those falling out of love, or contemplating divorce:

Bleeding heart, pierced by a poisoned arrow

Faded Rose with thorns ("Screw the rose, give me the thorns")

entwined with Poison Ivy

I'm sure there must be lots more possibilities...

Jack, it sounds like you have a wounded heart. Do tell.

Jason Perlow, Co-Founder eGullet Society for Culinary Arts & Letters

Foodies who Review South Florida (Facebook) | offthebroiler.com - Food Blog (archived) | View my food photos on Instagram

Twittter: @jperlow | Mastodon @jperlow@journa.host

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ludja

ludja

Posted
Posted

A small menu:

Bittermelon Soup

Nettle Risotto

Lemon Sorbet

:smile:

"Under the dusty almond trees, ... stalls were set up which sold banana liquor, rolls, blood puddings, chopped fried meat, meat pies, sausage, yucca breads, crullers, buns, corn breads, puff pastes, longanizas, tripes, coconut nougats, rum toddies, along with all sorts of trifles, gewgaws, trinkets, and knickknacks, and cockfights and lottery tickets."

-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1962 "Big Mama's Funeral"

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Carrot Top

Carrot Top

Posted
Posted (edited)

You could always make one of those "porcupine" cakes (individual small oval shaped cake base with buttercream topping and pignolis or slivered almonds stuck in to resemble quills) but instead of just leaving it "au naturel" (looking like a porcupine) make it out of dark chocolate cake, use small dark chocolate slivers to resemble fur, then stencil a white stripe down the back (of confectioners sugar) and add a small tail (of cake).

A skunk.

Two tiny little evil cinnamon candies for the eyes. . .and a note that says "You stink" and you're set.

Hide a ripe durian under the table for extra effect. :smile:

Edited by Carrot Top (log)
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ludja

ludja

Posted
Posted (edited)

A passive agressive approach to an anti-Valentine meal: a whiter shade of pale:

barley soup

filet of sole with creamed onions and mashed potatoes

vanilla ice cream

edited to add: I focused on the title first but now realize I am OT re; anti-kitsch Valentine dessert ideas... Carrot Top's skunk cake is cracking me up.

Edited by ludja (log)

"Under the dusty almond trees, ... stalls were set up which sold banana liquor, rolls, blood puddings, chopped fried meat, meat pies, sausage, yucca breads, crullers, buns, corn breads, puff pastes, longanizas, tripes, coconut nougats, rum toddies, along with all sorts of trifles, gewgaws, trinkets, and knickknacks, and cockfights and lottery tickets."

-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1962 "Big Mama's Funeral"

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Carrot Top

Carrot Top

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Posted
barley soup

filet of sole with creamed onions and mashed potatoes

vanilla ice cream

This menu would suit Bond Girl's vanilla guys she mentioned in her story, don't 'cha think?

Sounds sort of like sweet vanilla dreams while floating on a soft toothless cloud. . .

Might end up with one seriously enamoured after this meal.

:wink:

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johnnyd

johnnyd

Posted
Posted
a marzipan cupid pierced in the heart by a flame thrower

:laugh: Awesome. I can just see a death spiral, wings singed beyond repair, colored red and black like Ben Afleck's in Dogma! How about a little heap of marzipan cupids suffering various wounds? And a victorious couple armed with malevelant glares and automatic weapons?? Don't get me started!

Double jeopardy here?

You're getting warmer: It's also our Anniversary! :blink: I know... I know... :rolleyes:

"I took the habit of asking Pierre to bring me whatever looks good today and he would bring out the most wonderful things," - bleudauvergne

foodblogs: Dining Downeast I - Dining Downeast II

Portland Food Map.com

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Rebecca263

Rebecca263

Posted
Posted

Of course, one could always do what I did at 14: make him a lovely cake, deliciously iced by your artistic mother with his name in white icing on a dark chocolate frosting, the entire recipe made with NaCl replacing the C12H22O11, which I disclosed by writing the recipe out for him! He bit. After he figured out the 'surprise', our friends made him eat an entire slice. Sweet! I felt even better after the school suspended him for peeping in the girls' locker room!

More Than Salt

Visit Our Cape Coop Blog

Cure Cutaneous Lymphoma

Join the DarkSide---------------------------> DarkSide Member #006-03-09-06

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jamiemaw

jamiemaw

Posted
Posted

If you're using V-Day to dump some unwanted relationship baggage, begin the festivities by giving him/her a copy of Vegan Cooking For One.

from the thinly veneered desk of:

Jamie Maw

Food Editor

Vancouver magazine

www.vancouvermagazine.com

Foodblog: In the Belly of the Feast - Eating BC

"Profumo profondo della mia carne"

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Gifted Gourmet

Gifted Gourmet

Posted
Posted
If you're using V-Day to dump some unwanted relationship baggage, begin the festivities by giving him/her a copy of Vegan Cooking For One.

Ah, the exquisite pain of being hoisted upon one's own petard! :hmmm: When I read your response too quickly, Mr. Maw, I read Virgin Cooking for One ... taken more carefully in your gourmet nonsexual context, it now makes perfect sense ... :laugh:

A 'petard' was a crude kind of bomb with a notoriously faulty fuse that tended to blow up in the face of the person lighting it. To be hoist by one's own petard means to be undone by one's own devices. It has an earlier meaning from the Latin - less fatal but equally unpleasant: a loud explosion of intestinal gas.

Melissa Goodman aka "Gifted Gourmet"

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