Cooking and Food Fights with Home Partners

[Badiane]

Wow....I feel like the luckiest woman alive...my husband is a saint!

I am the chief cook, he is the bottle washer. He shouts from the computer room every 5 minutes or so 'Let me know if you need me to do anything'. And when I am ready for him to 'do something' he comes trotting along....he is an expert at lining baking pans with parchment, cleaning mushrooms, peeling things, taking out the trash and stirring vigorously when I get tired. Basically he is quite happy to do all the crap I hate doing.

[MelissaH]

What about doing dishes? My husband is wonderful in most ways. We share the cooking and the cleanup, mostly evenly. But I don't like the way he does dishes, and his mother doesn't like the way I do dishes.

Him: Start with a dishrag, a bottle of dish soap, an empty sink, and a sink stopper. Put the stopper in the sink, add hot water to half-fill, and while it fills add a couple of squirts of dish soap so you get lots of suds. Once the sink is full, turn the sink down to a trickle. Dump a bunch of dishes into the water. Pull one out, wipe it clean with the dishrag, and hold it under the trickle to rinse before placing in the drainer. Repeat. The sink of water gets less and less sudsy, more and more full, and really disgustingly greasy by the time it's full enough to need to briefly pull up the sink stopper and drain back to half-full. More than once, I've found dishes in the drainer that still have a greasy slime coating them, presumably from being dragged through the dishwater and not being adequately rinsed by the trickle...or by inadvertent dipping back into the dishwater during the rinse!

Me: Start with a scruffy, a bottle of dish soap, and room under the faucet. Wet the scruffy with hot water, and add a bit of dish soap. Put some dishes in the sink, so that the rinse water from previous dishes starts to degunk them. Take one dish at a time, and rinse well with hot water before scrubbing clean. Rinse clean, and place in the drainer. Add another dribble of dish soap to the scruffy, as needed to maintain good cleaning power.

We haven't actually done the read-the-meter test for equal quantities of equally dirty dishes, to see who uses less water. But by this time next year, we should have a dishwasher!

MelissaH

[Darcie B]

His beefs:

I don't throw away expired dairy products (milk especially). In my defense, I use soured milk for chocolate cake! He will ask me before opening anything if it is okay or if it's one of "Darcie's Dead Dairy Delights."

I make too much "fru-fru" food. "Can't we just have baloney sandwiches?!" (For Valentine's Day I brought a hot baloney sandwich to him at work.)

I lick my fingers when making food. I know it is an awful habit and I am working on it. Now when I lick my fingers I immediately wash my hands. One day I will learn to use utensils, I swear...

I'm not "sanitary" enough. This from a man who will eat food that has been sitting out on the counter for days!!

He complains that I clean too much (but see above). Arrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!

I don't use enough salt. Tis true; I am highly sensitive to salt. I want to taste the food, not the salt!

My beefs:

The only setting he knows how to use on a cooktop is HIGH. I don't know how many food products AND nonstick skillets he has destroyed. He has started grease fires and ruined many clothes with hot grease splatters.

He uses metal utensils on the nonstick cookware.

He constantly gives me advice, even if he has never made what I am making.

His idea of cleaning up is moving dishes from table to countertop. If he does do dishes, he uses so much soap that the suds start coming up in the opposite side of the sink. And he never cleans up the counters, cooktop, small appliances or knobs. Just yesterday I turned on the stove only to find greasy pot roast leftovers all over the knobs. Blech!

He NEVER puts away any ingredients. I wonder how he coped as a bachelor; he claims his place was always neat and clean. Harumph.

He piles magazines, bills, tools, parts and more all over the island (the main work surface). I just purchased some lovely baskets to hang on the wall for all the paperwork; we'll see if he uses them.

Other than that we get along fine...most of the time. We agree highly on the proper use and care of cast iron, using quality ingredients, and not eating processed foods. We've been together for 12 years, so I guess we're doing something right.

One thing for sure, though, if anything happens I am NEVER going to share a kitchen (or for that matter, a house) with another human again. It'll just be the crazy old lady and her cats...

[CharityCase]

Just to balance things:

She complains that I use too many dishes

She puts feta cheese in damn near everything

She says I intimidate her when she wants to cook

She says "do you need me to do anything?" to which I say "yes" to which she says "I'm tired, can you do it?"

and now me:

I give advice when it's not "needed": I know I do this, and I'm trying to stop but it's really hard. and I refuse to stop saying "Why are we having Feta cheese with roast turkey?" The needed is in quotes because sometimes it's just better to let her do something her way rather than the right way.

I "take over" and do not relinquish control in the kitchen easily Yes. Hmm, it seems I might be contradicting my complaints about her?

I use alot of dishes Tony Bourdain should be hung for encouraging mise en place in a tiny two-bedroom galley kitchen with nary enough counterspace for the odd ramekin or five.

In fairness we've gotten alot better at sharing cooking over the years, and while I do most of it I think we're making headway in the "you do this, I'll do that" part.

[bergerka]

ok, so you all know from his blogs - and some of you from real life - that slkinsey is a genius in the kitchen, and I do not exaggerate when I say that. I am incredibly lucky to have him in my life, not only for that reason, of course, but because he's a considerate, sweet, smart, funny, talented guy. I do the dishes when he cooks, I don't MIND doing the dishes when he cooks, sometimes I even like it.

That said...

1. He is the only person I have ever met who can destroy a perfectly clean kitchen in ten minutes flat. I mean, FLAT.

2. If HE'S out and I make or order dinner for myself, I do my dishes and clean up the kitchen. If I'M out, he washes the plate he ate off and the silverware he used, and leaves the pots stacked in the sink for a day or two until I get annoyed and wash them (he can outlast me. I grumble, bitch and whine while I do it, though).

3. He will not, will not, will not take the garbage out, Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout. He WILL pull the bag out of the can, tie the top neatly, put a new bag in the can and...leave the old, full, sometimes leaky bag on the kitchen floor.

As complaints go, those are pretty mild though. I can tell you what his is about me, too - I use sour cream in everything.

oh and this is just a general one, why does not one single man I have ever met remember that part of cleaning the kitchen is wiping down the counters and the stove?

...looking back at this post, I realize I'm living with a Scottish version of my father. And that's a GOOD thing.

K

[saskanuck]

My husband is the opposite of most of the guys here. He always turns the heat down on everything, so instead of frying, it's being steamed. And he likes to put lids on frying pans too when he's frying things.

He thinks anything over medium heat is going to burn the food.

We've also had heated discussions over whether basil is pronounced bay-sil or bah-sil (I'm the first one).

He also doesn't clean out the sink after doing dishes and leaves all the food gunk in the strainer and soap suds all over the sink's inside. This drives me crazy more than anything else. My sinks are sparkling clean when I'm done; no schmutz in them.

[daniellewiley]

1. He is furious when I "mess with a good thing." In his mind, once you have something good, you don't mess with it. So, since he likes my traditional meatloaf, I can't serve him ANY VARIATION on meatloaf.

2. He won't eat any leftovers. At all. Grosses him out.

3. He puts our Sabatier paring knives in the dishwasher!!!

4. And, as I read above, he also leaves every cabinet door open. He's actually injured himself quite badly on an open cabinet. No matter - he still leaves them all open.

5. He eats cereal in the morning, rinses the bowl and spoon, and then places the bowl and spoon on the counter to the left of the sink. The dishwasher is just to the right of the sink. I do not understand this one.

[purplewiz]

2. He won't eat any leftovers. At all. Grosses him out.

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I have the opposite problem: he eats ALL the leftovers. The only way around this is to tell him in plain English "DO NOT EAT THOSE LEFTOVERS." And even then it can be somewhat iffy.

After reading this thread, I feel very lucky: the biggest problem is the eternal argument over used dishes. I believe they should go in the sink or in the dishwasher, he seems to believe that if he leaves them sitting by the computer long enough that they will eventually get up and walk themselves to the kitchen.

Marcia.

[Tess]

My boyfriend won't eat leftovers either. Drives me crazy. I like leftovers and I can't stand throwing food out.

I drive him crazy by re-cooking leftover steak. (Oh, he will eat leftover steak.) We get these wonderful prime NY strip steaks and he grills them outdoors, pretty rare. I don't even really like steak but I will eat these because they are so good, even I can recognize the quality. But once they've cooled off it's somehow much more obvious to me how rare they are. If I have to eat them, I slice them and sear them in a pan first. He can't believe I want to eat that steak what amounts to medium well, and cooked twice at that.

[jgm]

It never fails.  Every time I meet some sweet young thing of the opposite sex and I think I may be ready to move things forward with her, I come to eGullet, and some kind group of gentle-hearted writers set me back in the path to truth, light, and happiness.

I'm gonna be a hermit ferever.

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I know this post I'm quoting is nearly a year old, but still, I have valuable advice.

The way to tell whether you really love someone, and whether they are good enough to marry, is to evaluate them on the basis of their attitude towards cooking, food, and related issues. All other qualities are highly overrated.

One boyfriend insisted on watching me cook, and attempted to criticize the way I was making quiche. When I found out he didn't actually know what quiche was, I knew right away that that was the last meal I'd make for him. Bye bye, John.

Another had a whole series of health problems he was working on. He called me one evening and rattled off the list of things he'd had for dinner. Which included pineapple. Sounds good, I said. "But aren't you going to say anything?" he whined. "About what?" "I ate FRUIT! I don't like fruit, but I ate it because it's healthy. Aren't you going to say anything?" "No." I said. And then I informed him that if he wanted to be healthy, he knew what he had to do, and if he didn't care enough to do it, I saw no reason to expend the energy to pat him on the head. Sayonara, Bill.

One very funny, pretty good looking guy had the oddest habit I'd ever seen. He would not eat hot (temperature) food. If I brought food to the table hot, he'd either sit and talk to me until it cooled down to room temperature, or he'd get up and put it in the refrigerator for a few minutes. Get lost, Daniel.

See what I mean?

My husband's only real fault is that he won't eat avocadoes. More for me.

[Milagai]

gosh! where DO these speci"men"s come from?

the worst i encountered were neanderthals who

didnt lift a finger to help and goggled in amazement

when i flat out asked them to do something.

obviously disappeared rapidly from my horizon...

but the rest of you have some astonishing war stories.

my family consists of saints and angels apparently ...

milagai

[snowangel]

5. He eats cereal in the morning, rinses the bowl and spoon, and then places the bowl and spoon on the counter to the left of the sink. The dishwasher is just to the right of the sink. I do not understand this one.

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Apparently, it takes a bazillion times more energy for my husband or children to open the dishwasher and insert the dishes than it does for me. They also feel it is important to leave the sink full of stuff so that one cannot use the sink.

[daniellewiley]

5. He eats cereal in the morning, rinses the bowl and spoon, and then places the bowl and spoon on the counter to the left of the sink. The dishwasher is just to the right of the sink. I do not understand this one.

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Apparently, it takes a bazillion times more energy for my husband or children to open the dishwasher and insert the dishes than it does for me. They also feel it is important to leave the sink full of stuff so that one cannot use the sink.

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I hear ya! He will also take dirty dishes out of the left side of the sink, and place them in the right side so that he can use it. I don't think it occurs to him that washing the dishes is an option.

[lia]

Eliot salts EVERYTHING before he tastes it. Yet, late last night when I made some oatmeal (gussied up with cream, dates, maple syrup and cinnamon) he identified the salt I added in the cooking water and complained.

I finally trained him to fill the blender with water after making a smoothie. I have not yet succeeded in training him to re-fill the Brita.

He usually works late. If i haven't cooked for 'real' or ordered in that night, I like to make him a nice creative sandwich. Two recent ones: Scrambled eggs, good ham, jalapenos, and mozzarella on toasted ciabatta; the other was melted cheddar, tomatoes, avocado and jalapenos on the same toasted ciabatta. I love both of these sandwiches, I serve them to him proudly. Can I get you anything else honey? "Mayonnaise." argh.

That being said, he's also a dynamite cleaner, much better than I am in getting the sink super sparkly.

[Bernaise]

I get ratings :-(

I mean I feel like I'm at some amateur games!

I make the meal, SO eats and comments: "oh I'd give this one an 8". "This one is an 11!".

Risotto always seems to fall between 5 and 7.

Another peeve, LOVES Indian food but HATES Mexican like d'uh?

Oh wait, and wants to add to chilies to every damn thing!

[mizducky]

Heh. I don't actually share any cooking with Fearless Housemate, nor his girlfriend who recently moved in, but I have long ago let go of anything FH does with regard to the kitchen. He basically does not cook, with the sole exceptions of boiling some pasta, nuking frozen dinners, or once in a blue moon making some Rice-a-roni (accompanied by a humongous mess). He very seldom cleans anything either--I often walk into the kitchen in the morning and find bowls, counters, etc. encrusted with remains of meals made groggily at 4am (musicians keep bizarre hours, plus he has insomnia).

FH is the Absent-minded Professor of the Universe, so all sorts of kitchen items mysteriously vanish (a half-decent knife of mine turned up in a box of random tools and stuff somewhere in his studio). Also, all sorts of non-kitchen stuff crops up on the kitchen counters (mail; bits of non-functioning electronics and musical instruments; weird souvenirs he picked up at out-of-town gigs). Sometimes he tries to be helpful by loading or unloading the dishwasher, but I always have to re-load it because everything would smash to splinters if it were run as-is, and after he unloads I have to re-stack things in the cupboards so things don't either fall on my head or take up so much space that I can't fit anything else in there. And sometimes when he unloads the dishwasher, I can't find a favorite kitchen implement without hours of searching.

Oh, and he's an absent-minded professor with regard to grocery-shopping too. At any given moment there will be four different cartons/bottles of milk in the fridge, all started. He also forgets leftovers in there until they've gone hazmat--but at the same time, he'll chuck bottles of milk that he swears have gone off but in which I can't detect even the faintest whiff of offness. Oh, and he has this weird thing about jarred spaghetti sauce. The cheapo Ragu is the only stuff he likes--and only when the jar is freshly opened. He'll cap the started jar and put it in the fridge, but then never use it because it doesn't taste right to him. He's asked me to keep my eye peeled in the supermarket for the little tiny jars of Ragu, so that he doesn't have the leftover Ragu problem anymore.

Oh, and then there are the various times he's set fire to things in the microwave.

But as I've said, I've pretty much let go of all this stuff. It helps that I actually don't have very much fancy-shmancy kitchen gear, and the little I do have, I keep carefully put away where he can't find it. And if there's stuff of his in the way on the counter, I just pile it on one of his other piles of random crap. I pretty much wind up doing all the dishes and running the dishwasher, but as I'm just a little too disabled to do any other cleaning around the house, I consider that my fair contribution to the household. As we've established he really doesn't care for leftovers, we've also established they're all fair game for my snacks and lunches. And that missing knife: it turned up after I gently but firmly told him it had gone missing; he knows he randomly misplaces things, so he was a good sport about looking for--and finding!--the darn thing. And it was none the worse for wear.

However, if I should ever volunteer to do a food blog for eGullet, he might have a thing or two to say about any photos that show what a collossal disaster-area his absent-minded professor routine has made of the entire house!

[johnnyd]

Jeez, MzD. Sounds like college.

[mrsadm]

My husband keeps threatening to throw out my large copper pot which I love. He says it is way too heavy and I never use it. But I do use it! That's why it's out on the stove!

Then there are my Japanese knives. He says I never use those, either and he'll sell them on ebay. What he doesn't notice is that I wash them right after I use them, hone them and put them back in the knife block. Just because they don't sit around in the dirty dishes pile doesn't mean they aren't used!

I think he is actually jealous of my favorite things ......

[chromedome]

Wrote a long and fervent response, previewed it, and said to myself, "Nah. Don't go there."

Suffice to say that I'm the only one in the place who ever closes anything, cleans anything, puts anything away, bags garbage, takes garbage out of bin when bin is overflowing, etc. Don't get me started on the subject of knives in the sink...

To forestall the inevitable comments, let me say that I spent a solid ten years attempting to instill some sense of responsibility for day-to-day chores, and it's just a lot easier and quicker to do it myself. Even when I've been working 60-80 hours.

[insomniac]

hey you guys, forget the different genders; you are both singing from the same hymnsheet

[BeeZee]

Well, I think everyone has conflict around washing dishes and all that it entails...but specifically around cooking/eating my husband:

1) puts salsa on any rice/grain side dish...forget about the fact that I may have carefully seasoned it to match the other flavors of the meal.

2) when I put out something with multiple sides (ie, chopped garnishes, salsas, chutneys, salads) - he'll ask "how am I supposed to eat this?" - like there is only one way to correctly eat all the elements

3) as others experience, if allowed to cook anything manages to make some kind of mess (pot boiling over, food splatters) and does not suscribe to the "clean as you go along" camp

4) tends to lick cooking utensils...even if they have been in contact with not-yet-cooked meat (one of my huge phobias)

Big plus: will gladly eat just about anything I cook for him, with enthusiasm, plus seconds (except meatloaf)!

[menon1971]

My SO is baffled by the amount of water I can get on the floor and counters when cooking and cleaning. My excuse is that I work quickly and efficiently, and let the mayhem be damned.

[vivelafrance]

My SO is baffled by the amount of water I can get on the floor and counters when cooking and cleaning. My excuse is that I work quickly and efficiently, and let the mayhem be damned.

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In the end I just love cooking with my SO. I think we make a great team. Does that make me weak and pathetic?

[Kajikit]

Sometimes DH drives me insane in the kitchen, because he says it's 'my territory' and he leaves EVERYTHING remotely kitchen-connected to me, with the exception of stopping at the grocery store on his way home if he decides that we need something (and often coming home with one thing we needed and fifteen that we didn't...) He doesn't cook, clean up, do dishes, or take the trash out... so I guess it's a good thing that I (mostly) love to cook... and also a good thing that he eats my food without (many) complaints, even if he does dump a ton of salt onto every plate before he even tastes it!

[annecros]

Playing grab a$$ while I am concentrating on what I am doing. Yesterday he goosed me while I was salting a pot of water for veggies, and I had to start over. Makes me nuts, and makes him giggle!

He also likes to supervise, even if he doesn't know what I am cooking, never prepared it himself, and doesn't know what the plan is.