Crimes Against Food

[spaghetttti]

Worse than mint IMHO is covering everything in powdered sugar. gross. it looks stupid, blurs the colour contrasts and tastes vile.

←

oooh, I like a gentle dusting of powdered sugar, in fact I think on certain desserts it adds a subtle touch to an otherwise naked confection. However, I don't like mountains of whipped cream to embellish some things, though.

Edited September 28, 2004 by spaghetttti (log)

[khm99]

You know what drives me nuts? Ultrapasteurized heavy cream. Doesn't taste nearly as good as regular stuff, can't make creme fraiche or clotted cream from it, and it's EVERYWHERE. Arrgh!

[Bond Girl]

I thought this thread was dead but today I had something that really pissed me off...Tiramisu that didn't contained mascapone. Not one bit. Zero. Nada. It was all whipped cream! What pisses me off even more is that the place is across the street from a cheese shop. How much work is it for the pastry chef to walk across the street and get a tub of mascapone cheese?

[zeitoun]

I thought this thread was dead but today I had something that really pissed me off...Tiramisu that didn't contained mascapone.  Not one bit. Zero. Nada.  It was all whipped cream!  What pisses me off even more is that the place is across the street from a cheese shop.  How much work is it for the pastry chef to walk across the street and get a tub of mascapone cheese?

←

The exact same thing happened to me 5 years ago at Chez Jaqueline in the village. Their tiramisu consisted of a coffee soaked sponge cake with heavy cream. I did not even touch it and respectfully requested that it be erased from my bill. The only time I ever did that.

[Tess]

Sweet things in savory dishes, generally. Sweet salad dressing made with reduced balsamic vinegar. Fruit in main courses. Someone in another thread mentioned rare tuna with blueberries. I knew it would come to that one day.

I also can't understand bread baskets that are put out at the beginning of dinner with things like muffins, popovers and date bread. No one holds a gun to my head and makes me eat those, but even the sight of them is somewhat off-putting.

[Luckylies]

I'm a raging nut on my mission to get lettuce nixed from under crunchy hot fried foods. Why?! to make my mozzerella sticks cold and wet? to dampen my calamari? It kills me when they (anybody) ruins my nice hot food with cold crispy lettuce... in some dishes the contrast is nice...say, a warm goat cheese salad, or whatever...but please! not as a bed for my yummyies.

[Suzanne F]

No, really, Luckylies, tell us how you REALLY feel.

[malarkey]

Ohhhh-hh good thread. Lots of great stuff mentioned.

1. overly vinegary salad dressings. esp if its balsamic: yep, hate that.

2. fruit in salads, ok, I know some people like this, but not with an olive oil based dressing!!

3. RASPBERRY VINAGRETTE.

4. fruit in savory dishes: this one is tricky. Very few dishes successfully pull this off. I'm always leery of this.

5. regular broccoli substituted for chinese broccoli. NO!

6. mountains of whipped cream on desserts. Do NOT like this, because the whipped cream is usually overly sweet.

7. Chocolate decadence type desserts. Just bring a 80% Valhrona chocolate bar if you want it that dense.

[JPW]

5. regular broccoli substituted for chinese broccoli. NO!

←

This is how I knew that my wife and I were seen as regulars at our local hole in the wall Thai place.

One of her favorite dishes has broccoli. One night the waitress asked if we wanted chinese broccoli instead. Not knowing the difference at the time, we thought, "why not give it a shot?". Huge improvement. Ever since then we've felt like honorary Thais -- getting Chinese broccoli while the rest of the gringos get boring old "regular" broccoli.

[fatmat]

MacDonalds should be tried for food crimes

[takomabaker]

Key Lime Pie made with persian limes, or worse yet with persian limes and green food coloring.

[Aileen]

I agree with so many of these! One that really sticks with me is the overly sweet dishes in Chinese restaurants. There's a chain (based in California, I believe) that has made its way to Colorado, and many of my friends and co-workers think it's fabulous. I've tried many times to find something on the menu that's not horribly oversweetened. I finally found one dish that wasn't, the Shrimp with Lobster Sauce. Although not too sweet, I took one bite and got a HUGE mouthful of eggshell (don't know how I missed seeing it!) Haven't been back since, I absolutely refuse.

One of my pet peeves is unusual and I'm sure many (especially Coloradoans) would disagree with me, but I just find it so wrong: Rice in a burrito. Horrible. Of course, I live where Chipotle restaurants began, and ever since they became popular, too many places have been filling their burritos with rice. Ick.

Oh, and one more I haven't seen mentioned is pizza with the vegetable and meat toppings buried underneath a huge amount of cheese. I can live with buried veggies, but pepperoni or other greasy meats just ooze their fat into the sauce and it stays there. Disgusting. Pepperoni especially should be placed on top, where it can get crispy in the oven.

[Ovenfrenzy]

Someone mentioned superflous globs of fake whipped creme- I get disgusted with globs of the real thing on every single dessert you care to order. For instance, the Cheesecake Factory thinks that a slice of their signature dessert is not complete without a tower of whipped cream. That is a crime on top of their already fat and calorie laden cheesecake. I don't understand whipped cream on sundaes, cake, pie. It's just too much, folks!

[deltadoc]

I agree with many of the previous posts but here are my particular un-favorites:

Shrimp cocktail that:

1. Smells fishy

2. is limp and Rubbery

3. isn't cold

Mushy stuffed grape leaves

Cold Shawirma

Undercooked Shawirma

Hummous without Tahini

Any rubbery, hard, yucky things in hamburger

Any plated food where some of it is fresh and tasty, and some of it is definitely a day or two old: Don't like mixing old with fresh anything!

Skim milk

Any steak not cooked to order

iceberg lettuce salads

Bottled salad dressings

Water without ice cubes

Anything dried onto my unused eating utensils

doc

[Viola da gamba]

forget the butter for a minute and make way for the little thimble full of piss, the UHT milk carton, with the lid that's superglued on so that just as the seal goes and it starts to open the momentum of the struggle throws the 2 mls of white stuff all over the 16 stone trucker on the next table.

I agree wholeheartedly - the only thing those are good for is that "flipping" game where you hit one edge with a finger & see how many times you can get it to flip & still land right side up.

I've also gotta agree with the seasoning gripes - look - I go to a restaurant to have someone cook for me - if you screw up the seasoning, that's your fault - don't leave it ENTIRELY up to me - if I want to add more, fine - but for God's sake - salt was considered a measure of currency for a reason - use some!

[Veloman]

Always tweaks me when I order a cheeseburger and then get it served with the cheese basically melted completely off the burger, leaving little more than an oily, slightly cheesy glaze atop the burger. It's especially annoying when you're asked to pick which of several cheeses you'd like--why bother, if whatever gets put on there will be vaporized by the time it hits the table?

And since I consider wine a food as much as it is a beverage, I am constantly disappointed by poor quality, completely inappropriate stemware even at "nicer" restaurants. Nothing quite like getting a 5-ounce pour of red wine in a 6-ounce tumbler with a jelly-jar rim.

Cheers,

Tom

[FistFullaRoux]

forget the butter for a minute and make way for the little thimble full of piss, the UHT milk carton, with the lid that's superglued on so that just as the seal goes and it starts to open the momentum of the struggle throws the 2 mls of white stuff all over the 16 stone trucker on the next table.

I agree wholeheartedly - the only thing those are good for is that "flipping" game where you hit one edge with a finger & see how many times you can get it to flip & still land right side up.

I've also gotta agree with the seasoning gripes - look - I go to a restaurant to have someone cook for me - if you screw up the seasoning, that's your fault - don't leave it ENTIRELY up to me - if I want to add more, fine - but for God's sake - salt was considered a measure of currency for a reason - use some!

←

These also make for a great party trick, when you pretend to stab yourself in the eye, and stab the little container instead... Yeah, fun.

And try doing it at 3:30 am at Waffle House with 20 people in makeup, covered with gore and spider webs from the haunted house that just wrapped up.

That's one helluva first impression. Makes grown drunks cry like little girls.

[chef koo]

to be honest i don't think anything about food offends me. you can send you an overcooked plate of the wrong food and serve it ice cold and i would'nt complain. i would however complain if that dish of french fries cost a million dollars.

[rooftop1000]

I hate

cold butter

cold bread

crappy/no tea selections...just get another sugar packet holder and jam some decent teas in there puleeeze

grey meat....inside or out

bones in my fish

"browned" scrambled eggs

i carry a bottle of good hot sauce to certain chile-based chain restaurants

t

[rockhopper]

Being from Chicago, I feel compelled to say this:

Ketchup on a hot dog!

←

Really? You guys are so afraid of actually tasting the hot dog you put everything else on it.

[Jinmyo]

I agree with many of the previous posts but here are my particular un-favorites:

Shrimp cocktail that:

1.  Smells fishy

2.  is limp and Rubbery

3.  isn't cold

Mushy stuffed grape leaves

Cold Shawirma

Undercooked Shawirma

Hummous without Tahini

Any rubbery, hard, yucky things in hamburger

Any plated food where some of it is fresh and tasty, and some of it is definitely a day or two old:  Don't like mixing old with fresh anything!

Skim milk

Any steak not cooked to order

iceberg lettuce salads

Bottled salad dressings

Water without ice cubes

Anything dried onto my unused eating utensils

doc

←

Egad. Where have you been eating?

[EdS]

Being from Chicago, I feel compelled to say this:

Ketchup on a hot dog!

←

Really? You guys are so afraid of actually tasting the hot dog you put everything else on it.

←

The worst hot dogs I've ever been served were in Santiago, Chile. A friend and I stepped into a hot dog and beer place. They seem to be common there perhaps due to a significant number of German immigrants. The house special was two hot dogs with mayonnaise and a beer. We both ordered that. In a few minutes, the waitress brought our food. The method of preparation was something like this:

1. Lay two supermarket untoasted hot dog buns, partly open in a V-shape, on a plate.

2. Set poached hot dogs in buns.

3. Cover hot dogs with mayonnaise until surface of mayonnaise is level with hot dog bun.

I'd estimate there was a pint serving of mayonnaise for each of us. My friend finished one hot dog, mayo and all, and looked queasy like a Ren & Stimpy character. He didn't touch his beer. I blissfully ate all of mine and chugged down my beer. I guess I was hungry and stupid. Within about 15 minutes, we were both ready to lose it.

A few days later we walked by another hot dog joint and I talked my friend into going inside to try another hot dog. Guess what? Same thing! Scrape, scrape, scrape that mayo off!

Oh, if you walk into a cafe with a sign outside that says "cafe con piernas" and your high school Spanish tells you that you might get a coffee and a drumstick or some other local culinary offering, think again. We had no clue. My friend and I sat down and didn't realize until we ordered our coffee that Starbucks would have some competition in that country [Google for "cafe con piernas" and "santiago", pervs].

[Ondine]

Steaks that have been allowed to steam in their own juices in a pan - in other words, grey from end to end without a trace of browning.

Makes them limp, dense, grey slabs of superchew. And any fat or gristle (which I must admit I like to gnaw on) turns into silicone window sealant.

Was served this once when I was much younger in a joint in Singapore that was trying to franchise "affordable western food in your neighbourhood" in the early 80's.

Blech.

[hazardnc]

I am sure I am all alone here, but I absolutely detest adulterated mashed potatoes. Folks are adding all kids of things to spuds these days: chipotles, roasted garlic, goat cheese..even pears! YUK!

Simple mashed potatoes, IMO, are there to catch the juices/sauce of the entree --think pasta. If you want mashed poatotes with cheddar cheese and roasted chiles, then make THAT your entree.

[ratgirlny]

1. Old lettuce. I can smell it. This includes that shredded iceberg that sits for too long in premade sandwiches, and any lettuce that comes prepackaged in a plastic bag. I am sorry, but it gives off this horrible odor.

2. That acrid marinade that they dump all over the attempts at gourmet salads in supermarkets delis. For example, our Food Emporium sells salads like sundried tomato and bulgar wheat, or chickpeas with roasted asparagus, which look fabulous but they have all been drenched with that weird acrid marinade.

3. Guacamole made with sourcream, yogurt, or worst of all - mayonnaise.

4. Chain restaurant pizza.