Most Useless Kitchen Items and Utensils

[Schneier]

I also regularly use a garlic press, and we are forever needing more wine charms.

And I'm pretty curous about a shrimp deveiner. Sounds like something useful.

But I have a mushroom brush that I've never used.

Anyone want to trade?

Bruce

[OPJK]

Wine Clip.

[Jinmyo]

I have a tea ball, and haven't made tea in years. But since it is  made of non reactive metal, I have found it very useful as a garni holder in soups. It actually works great for this purpose.

Exactly. Through wrapping in cheese-cloth or, for large bunches of herbs, between two pieces of leek wrapped with twine work just as well and i the latter case, better.

Kitchen gadgets are the Devil's Marital Aids.

Garlic press? That's the heel of your hand if yer of right mind.

Putting down yer chef's knife to get some gadget out of the drawer, fumble with it, do the deed poorly because yer using some fancy-schmansy irrelevant bit of stuff to do it with costs more time than to just do it.

Which gap then opens the hole in yer soul that allows microwaving pre-digested roasts and meat-loafs for ten minutes* make sense.

Just raise yer knives and wave off the aggressors called "convenience".

__________

*New. From Maple Leaf. Ten dollars for a roast the size of yer palm which should be rightly smacking yerself in the forehead.

Edited November 21, 2003 by Jinmyo (log)

[bloviatrix]

And I defy anyone to prove to me that finely minced garlic tastes any different when pushed through a press or when minced with a knife.

I don't think it has anything to do with taste. In the amount of time it takes to slice the garlic to place it in the press and squeeze, you can mince a clove. Plus, there's less to clean up.

[robyn]

Probably from the same home demonstration thingy I have this hopeless cutter thing that has a wavy patterned blade. It is supposed to make "wavy cut vegetables for an attractive crudite tray". It was so big and klutzy and I never used it. So I threw it in the yard.

I had high hopes for the Kyocera julienne slicer. I had visions of mounds of julienne jicama slaw. It doesn't work, unless you are trying to make jicama or carrot juice. At that price I should send it back.

I did return the Kyocera julienne slicer I bought at Williams Sonoma. The regular slicer works ok - but the julienne doesn't. I am into Ebay sales for anything that can no longer be returned - but which I think can fetch $10 or more. Robyn

[fifi]

I did return the Kyocera julienne slicer I bought at Williams Sonoma. The regular slicer works ok - but the julienne doesn't.

Oh good. Then it wasn't just me.

How does a company like Kyocera make such a no-good product? How can a company like Williams Sonoma actually sell something like that? Doesn't someone try this stuff before they crank up the manufacturing and marketing? Sheesh.

[tommy]

I did return the Kyocera julienne slicer I bought at Williams Sonoma.  The regular slicer works ok - but the julienne doesn't.

Oh good. Then it wasn't just me.

How does a company like Kyocera make such a no-good product? How can a company like Williams Sonoma actually sell something like that? Doesn't someone try this stuff before they crank up the manufacturing and marketing? Sheesh.

ming seems to endorse it.

[SethG]

Wine Clip.

It's been a couple hours. You'd think Mr. Clip would've shown up here to defend himself by now.

[fifi]

I did return the Kyocera julienne slicer I bought at Williams Sonoma.  The regular slicer works ok - but the julienne doesn't.

Oh good. Then it wasn't just me.

How does a company like Kyocera make such a no-good product? How can a company like Williams Sonoma actually sell something like that? Doesn't someone try this stuff before they crank up the manufacturing and marketing? Sheesh.

ming seems to endorse it.

They probably made him take on the whole line or they wouldn't let him use their knives anymore.

The knives rock. My nephew has one. The only problem is, it makes me nervous. One drop to that tile floor and bye-bye expensive knife. I have the yoke style peeler and it is pretty good, too.

[tejon]

Grapefruit knives. Plural. Not a fan of grapefruit. My father has a thing for buying odd, often useless gifts for people - and once he's decided something is a successful gift he will often repeat several times.

I keep trying to find something useful to do with them. Art, perhaps.

[Alex]

Wine Clip.

It's been a couple hours. You'd think Mr. Clip would've shown up here to defend himself by now.

He was booted off eGullet.

[Alex]

My most useless = a bread knife with an attached guide to facilitate uniform slicing. We had one in my childhood home (a Magna Knife, if memory serves) that I thought was the coolest thing since, well, sliced bread. I'm sure I bought it out of misdirected nostalgia, given that I had two bread knives already. It hasn't left the drawer since.

[Varmint]

And I defy anyone to prove to me that finely minced garlic tastes any different when pushed through a press or when minced with a knife.

I don't think it has anything to do with taste. In the amount of time it takes to slice the garlic to place it in the press and squeeze, you can mince a clove. Plus, there's less to clean up.

Nope, nope, nope. At least, not for me. My local grocer peels my garlic for me. If I want 2 or 3 cloves, it takes me a total of 6 or 7 seconds to mince it with a press, and 3 seconds to clean before popping it in the dishwasher. Getting out a cutting board, making sure that it's the one for "aromatics", smashing the garlic, mincing it, scraping it into the pan, and then washing knife and board (by hand) takes far, far longer for me.

Now if I want sliced garlic, or coarsely chopped garlic, that's an entirely different matter.

[Schneier]

Grapefruit knives. Plural. Not a fan of grapefruit. My father has a thing for buying odd, often useless gifts for people - and once he's decided something is a successful gift he will often repeat several times.

I use mine to section a grapefruit. Wouldn't give it up.

How do you section a grapefruit without one, at least without losing most of the pulp?

[bilrus]

And I defy anyone to prove to me that finely minced garlic tastes any different when pushed through a press or when minced with a knife.

I don't think it has anything to do with taste. In the amount of time it takes to slice the garlic to place it in the press and squeeze, you can mince a clove. Plus, there's less to clean up.

Nope, nope, nope. At least, not for me. My local grocer peels my garlic for me. If I want 2 or 3 cloves, it takes me a total of 6 or 7 seconds to mince it with a press, and 3 seconds to clean before popping it in the dishwasher. Getting out a cutting board, making sure that it's the one for "aromatics", smashing the garlic, mincing it, scraping it into the pan, and then washing knife and board (by hand) takes far, far longer for me.

Now if I want sliced garlic, or coarsely chopped garlic, that's an entirely different matter.

I'm completely with Varmint on this one.

I also buy the pre-peeled whole cloves of garlic and I also use the garlic press quite a bit, especially if it is going in something I that I don't want to have small chunks of garlic.

It takes a REALLY long time (if not impossible) to mince garlic to the consistency that a press will provide.

That said there are times that I want slices of garlic or pieces of garlic with a little bite - then its the 10 inch chefs knife.

My first reaction to my most useless piece of equipment was also the shrimp deveiner. I use a very small scissors like from a manicure set (never used for the intended purpose) to do the job. I think I got the idea from Alton Brown.

Edited November 21, 2003 by bilrus (log)

[Cusina]

Mine is a garlic peeler. Little rubber $6 tube that a friend talked me into buying. It's so awkward. I just smash the garlic with my knife or something handy and heavy and get on with it.

And then there was the cheese slicer. Little Y shaped thing with a wire. Egads. Just cut your cheese with a knife! That one bit the dust long ago.

[guajolote]

my wife

[tryska]

one of those "as seen on TV" combo wisk/tong things.

a gift from my mother. she said it was useless, but since they had 2 for some reason, i needed to take one. i might find a use for the useless thing.

actually maybe i could use it as a litter scoop, now that i think about it.

Edited November 21, 2003 by tryska (log)

[Varmint]

my wife

But you're the tool.

BTW, my wife is also useless in the kitchen. You saw first hand how much she cooked the weekend of the pig pickin'.

[Sandra Levine]

Garlic baker, anyone?

[tammylc]

I with Varmint - I wouldn't be without my garlic press.

I have a pretty useless garlic peeler as well - there's one brand that's pretty good for when you have to do a lot of garlic, but it's not the one I own, which I got as a freebie somewhere. The one I have sucks - I may even have thrown it away.

My garlic roaster is pretty useless. But I think the most useless thing I have is this little metal egg poacher thing. You stand it up in a pot of water and crack an egg in it so it stays together when poaching. There are little holes in the bottom to allow the water to drain out. At least, I think that's how it works - I've never used it and can't for the life of me remember where I got it.

After my recent move, it's been exiled to a box in the basement destined for our next garage sale.

[hjshorter]

I have never once ever, in my entire life, experienced "wine confusion".  Does anybody really use these things?

you've never lost track of your glass when there are 3 or 4 on a table? i have, and i use those things whenever i think of it. the problem is, i always forget which freakin charm i am.

Why not use those giant red plastic cups and write names on them with a Sharpie? Worked in college.

[guajolote]

Why not use those giant red plastic cups and write names on them with a Sharpie? Worked in college.

I always write "Tommy" on my red cup.

[Comfort Me]

The garlic press that I recieved when I got married has been used all of one or two times. I have moved it to three different houses and two apartments in the last twenty years. I have no idea why.

I have a tea ball, and haven't made tea in years. But since it is made of non reactive metal, I have found it very useful as a garni holder in soups. It actually works great for this purpose.

I have a top o' the line ricer that I need to put in someone's garage sale. Pain in the ass to use and worse to clean up. What's the point?

I'm feeling like such a schmo, but I'm actually muttering to myself, "Hmmm. I need a tea ball. I couldn't find one when I needed one the other day. Hmmm. I have been eyeing a ricer for months, but my wife says it's too much money. I want a ricer."

The most useless thing in my kitchen? A cast iron corn-bread mold shaped like fish. Attractive, yes; but heavy, difficult to clean, and cornbread baked in it doesn't actually look like fish.

[elyse]

I'm still a big garlic press lover. Call me crazy.

I'm with you, and I hate arguing about it.