How to Cook a Steak - Not.

[liuzhou]

My local supermarkets have taken to selling these "steaks".

 

 

Back in September, I tried one, as reported here. It was as bad as I expected.

 

Yesterday, I noticed that they have helpfully put up a large sign informing their eager customers how to cook the things.  Seems I did it all wrong.

 

According the 8 step instructions I should:

 

1. Prepare all the ingredients.

(Note: they don't tell you what those ingredients are)

 

2. Immerse the steak in Worcestershire Sauce, making sure the steak is completely submerged. Soak for at least half an hour.

(Note: the supermarket does not sell Worcestershire sauce)

 

3. Place the steak on oiled tinfoil/aluminum foil and place in a preheated oven at 400F (204C) for 45 minutes.

 

Note:

a) No one has an oven.
b) China, like almost all countries, uses Celcius. No one here would know what F is, but I love the precision of the conversion.

 

4. Boil an egg.

 

5. Cut broccoli into small pieces and slice shiitake mushrooms. Boil the broccoli with salt and seasonings and add a little oil to preserve the colour.

 

7. Heat a wok, add butter and fry the shiitake with garlic, salt and other seasonings.

 

8. Turn the steak over to avoid burning. Plate it. Serve with A1 sauce.

Note:
a) yes, the supermarket doesn't have A1 sauce. In fact, I've never seen it in China.

b) what happened to the egg and vegetables?

 

The final result.

 

 

Looks wonderful. I'll get it right next time!

Edited April 7, 2017 by liuzhou (log)

[Thanks for the Crepes]

@liuzhou,

 

I am so sorry you can't get a decent steak there. But shouldn't this be in Food Funnies?   I had several laughs out of this one! Ay yi yi! 哎哟

 

I'll bet it's not so funny, though, when you have a serious steak jones going on.

[liuzhou]

3 minutes ago, Thanks for the Crepes said:

But shouldn't this be in Food Funnies?

 

I did consider that option, but decided it is too tragic to go there. Too sadly amusing.

[caroled]

Thank you so much for this!

 

[Anna N]

WOW.  I am quite fond of Worcestershire sauce but I never thought of soaking my steak in it.  

Ah wait.  45 mins x 400F = beef jerky.  It is beginning to make sense. 

[Shelby]

 

 

I think the egg boiling was to give you something to do while you wait for your jerky to be done.

[FeChef]

I would like to know where the fries and tomato on the front of the package went?

[liuzhou]

12 minutes ago, Shelby said:

 

 

I think the egg boiling was to give you something to do while you wait for your jerky to be done.

 

Or something to eat when you found the meat inedible.

[Cronker]

And yet, I've had customers order steak who would love that final product.

[Thanks for the Crepes]

22 hours ago, Cronker said:

And yet, I've had customers order steak who would love that final product.

 

Ay yi yi! 哎哟