I will never again . . . (Part 2)

[McDuff]

Never take the bucket of swill water from under the sink and pour it down the drain until you are done reconnecting all the damn pipes.

[Grub]

In case you decide that it's a good idea to store trash and a bag of coals near the grill, try not to forget putting the lid on the grill after you're done, on windy days.

[WHS]

Never store salt and sugar in identical mason jars and not label them...

[Toasted]

Last year's mishap: Don't put your cleaned salad greens in a pillow case to wave around and dry because: the second you walk away your husband might just see it as dirty laundry and throw it in the wash.

So yeah, it took about two hours to get the lettuce out of the washing machine and my husband was all "why the hell would anybody put lettuce in a a pillow case?" and I'm all like: "Hey, I read it online somewhere, it's supposed to be a good way to dry the greens and why the hell would you put a full pillow case in the wash anyway?".

Well, we cleaned the machine and got over it and now can kind of laugh about it and this year I got one of those salad spinner things for Christmas! I'll never use it because I think the pillow case thing works really well but I'll never leave it on the counter alone again.

[I_call_the_duck]

Last year's mishap:  Don't put your cleaned salad greens in a pillow case to wave around and dry because:  the second you walk away your husband might just see it as dirty laundry and throw it in the wash.

So yeah, it took about two hours to get the lettuce out of the washing machine and my husband was all "why the hell would anybody put lettuce in a a pillow case?"  and I'm all like:  "Hey, I read it online somewhere, it's supposed to be a good way to dry the greens and why the hell would you put a full pillow case in the wash anyway?".

Well, we cleaned the machine and got over it and now can kind of laugh about it and this year I got one of those salad spinner things for Christmas!  I'll never use it because I think the pillow case thing works really well but I'll never leave it on the counter alone again.

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I couldn't get past your husband taking the initiative and doing the wash himself!

[JLam]

Always make sure that your immersion mixer is unplugged when you're changing attachments. That switch is veeeery sensitive.

Trust me.

[Philanthrophobe]

I pledge to never ever again forget where I put the bag of potatoes, only to be reminded months later--by the smell. The very very very bad, even-the-dogs-left-the-room smell.

[fifi]

Always make sure that your immersion mixer is unplugged when you're changing attachments.  That switch is veeeery sensitive.

Trust me.

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Ooooo . . . I don't really want to know the details. But I did think about it. My Kitchen Aid stand mixer is in storage so I used the Bamix for some baking chores over the holidays. I thought that it might be wise to unplug the thing before digging the cookie dough out of the blade thingy.

[sazji]

If you are cooking and someone else is helping you, and you tell them to put the whole eggplants into the oven, make sure you either tell them to give them a poke with a knife, or do it yourself. Especially if said oven is in a wood stove and you can't just turn it off. My living room smells funny.

And a really painful one, almost too painful to include, which (thankfully) is not my personal "d'oh!" If you are beating cake batter with a hand mixer, and the cord pulls out of the mixer (but not out of the wall), and falls into the batter, do not lick the batter off the female plug... Details omitted for obvious reasons. The woman who did do it, always starts the story with "I don't know *what* I was thinking...but..."

I've also done the bare hand on the cast iron pan preheated for cornbread trick several times. But I seem to have learned; now I find myself cautiously touching the handle every time I pick up the thing. Knock wood.

[GSBravo]

Don't leave the plastic utensils milimeters from the in-use stove burner.

In the same vein: don't preheat the oven unless you're sure it's empty.

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EVERY TIME!! I keep my cast iron skillet and one of my baking sheets in my oven and I always forget to take them out when I preheat the oven.

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Along these lines, I learned to stop storing the cast iron pan and other things in the oven, for this very reason. But...I can never remember to remove the middle rack from the oven when roasting a turkey. And end up carrying it across the house to set it outside.

It goes outside because I may or may not have learned that a lineoleum floor burns.

And I may or may not have learned to use an oven mitt when pulling said rack out.

Oh, and go back quite a few pages and there is a post about handling peppers. And contact lenses. And if you're a woman how there are certain other things worse than contacts to have to deal with.

[saskanuck]

My husband still hasn't learned this one after the first attempt: don't try to clear ice cubes from under the blender blades without first turning it off.

Margaritas with built-in toothpicks are really hard on the digestion.

[Teri Everitt]

I will never again try to catch an egg that is rolling off of the counter.........with my hip!

[Genny]

I have done SOOO many of these things!

Brown steak on the stove, pop it in the oven to finish, remove pan, set steak aside to rest and grab handle without a mitt to start the pan sauce. OW! SOLUTION: (It only took a dozen times to figure this one out folks...hehe) Put the oven mitt over the handle once the pan comes out of the oven. Its my reminder that the damn thing is HOT.

I too have a glass top stove. Nice and flat and very convenient for the plastic cutting board to sit right next to the pot as I'm chopping and adding ingredients. I've only done this about 8 times: Turn on the burner that the plastic cutting board is on. SOLUTION: Remove the board and likely you will have to throw it away. Wait for the stove and plastic to cool completely (a couple hours) and then use a chisle to scrape off the cooled hard plastic. This has also worked with melted grocery bags and plastic veggie bags from the frozen veggies. (cough! OK I did this waaaay too many times!) I now have wooden boards and I don't put them on the stove!

I WILL NEVER AGAIN: scrape the seeds out of the jalepeno peppers with my nails. That really hurts to have the oils stuck in the nail bed! I try to remember to use the latex gloves for peppers now.

I WILL NEVER AGAIN: lift the beaters out of the marshmallow mixture before turning them off! What a sticky mess!!!

OK, one question... how the hell does somebody lick a light socket?!?!

[Sam Iam]

ly took a dozen times to figure this one out folks...hehe) Put the oven mitt over the handle once the pan comes out of the oven.  Its my reminder that the damn thing is HOT.

I too have a glass top stove.  Nice and flat and very convenient for the plastic cutting board to sit right next to the pot as I'm chopping and adding ingredients.  I've only done this about 8 times: Turn on the burner that the plastic cutting board is on. SOLUTION: Remove the board and likely you will have to throw it away. Wait for the stove and plastic to cool completely (a couple hours) and then use a chisle to scrape off the cooled hard plastic.  This has also worked with melted grocery bags and plastic veggie bags from the frozen veggies.  (cough!  OK I did this waaaay too many times!)  I now have wooden boards and I don't put them on the stove!

OK, one question... how the hell does somebody lick a light socket?!?!

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Genny, WAY upthread, I believe I told the story of my unnamed wife who came into the kitchen, saw the mitt reversed on the red hot skillet, and thought "What a dumb thing for Sam to do!" You can guess what she did next.

I have the Dacor computer glass cooktop (found it on eBay, where I live and make a living), and use a window scraper that uses retractable single edge razor blades to clean off the burnt grease spots and other crud. I suppose that I'll have to use it for other heavy duty stuff in the future. (BTW, thread drift, my favorite cleaner is Bartender's Friend Cooktop cleaner). Try it, you'll love it.

Sam

[Meez]

Don't know if anyone mentioned this, but I will never again click my stove dial to "high" and walk away when I mean to click it to "off."

And I will never again try to cut a piece of ghee out of a plastic container while holding said container in one hand and using too much force with a semi-sharp knife in the other. Guess what, dumbass? The plastic doesn't stop the knife.

The thing I hate the most is when I hurt myself while thinking, Man, this is a stupid thing I'm doing right now.

[sparrowgrass]

Not a kitchen mistake, but food related.

I went out to the chicken house, and gathered the eggs. Too many to carry in my hands, so I put 4 or 5 in my coat pocket. (Pay attention to that "4 or 5"--I didn't count.)

Got back in the kitchen, emptied the eggs out of my pocket into the bowl on the counter. A blue stoneware bowl--nothing prettier than a blue bowl on the oak table, full of eggs in all shades of brown, morning sun shining in--but that has nothing to do with the story, so never mind.

Anyhow--next morning, I had to go to the doctor, and he told me to bring all my 'scripts with me--ok. Dump 'em all in my coat pocket.

I don't even have to tell the rest, do I? Took me a while to figure out what was all over my pill bottles--looked like orange juice concentrate.

[Patrick S]

I WILL NEVER AGAIN: lift the beaters out of the marshmallow mixture before turning them off!  What a sticky mess!!!

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I feel your pain. The hand mixer I occasionally use has a an interesting feature -- the beaters are ejected by pressing down on the on-off/speed dial. So when you try to eject the beaters -- which of course are going to be coated with meringue or cookie dough -- its easy to accidentally turn the mixer on high, flinging stuff everywhere. I've done that a couple of times.

[DaFonz]

When I was a kid, my mom would like to dry chillis in the sun, so being the nice kid I was, i helped flip them so they would... dry evenly. They had lots of seeds my fingers were covered with them.

A bug flew into my eye. That kinda hurt. I rubbed my eyes... that *really* hurt

[Athena1963]

Thanks for all the laughter and the dredging of forgotten memories.

I learned to cook using a Hamilton Beech mixer in which the beaters were all one piece. After using the mixer successfully a few times, I needed a spatula but didn't have one handy so I used a wooden spoon. Wooden spoons and beaters do NOT play well together. Dad bought a new set of beaters. A few years later, got distracted, spatula went into beaters, Dad bought a new set. Forward to 1984, same mixer, lovongly repaired over the years, new cord, new bushings. Making a cake. Got cocky, I bought the new beaters! I now have the mixer.

When bottling your home-made root beer, always leave at least half and inch more of headspace than you think you need. Trust me on this. I had made a batch of rootbeer a few years ago and stored it on shelves in the basement. Next to the freezer. Unfinished basement, stays cooler. Used heavy St. Pauli Girl beer bottles with ceramic stoppers. A week or so later, Sunday morning, I hear a strange noise. Got up to investigate thinking that the cats were up to something. Go to basement, see nothing, hear noise again. Investigate further and find out the the rootbeer was popping the bottoms off the bottles! Had rootbeer all over the side of the freezer, canned goods, jars, you name it. Carefully carried the bottles to the kitchen to release pressure and reseal. Did 19 bottles, holding a towel over the top in case of fountaining beer. Got cocky.(Do we see a pattern?) Did the last bottle with no towel as none had fountained yet. Good thing I was wearing my glasses. Root beer fountain right into my face. All I saw was brown. Pulled head back and rootbeer got all over the sink, clean dishes, cabinets, ceiling, walls, floor, etc. I was still finding spots weeks later! The moral is: age rootbeer in a COOL spot, inside a styrofoam cooler with a lid, and chill it well before opening. Always open with a towel over the top.

Another lesson with a mixer: when your rubber spatula looks dry rotted and old, DON'T use it to make banana bread. The spatula will dissolve into the batter.

Also, if sugar and salt are stored in similar containers, always taste first to be sure of using the right one. Salted shortcake is so not the way to go. But I blame Mom, it was her kitchen.

Vouching for not touching any body part after doing hot peppers. Learned the hard way with serrano peppers, bare hands and contacts. But the aches in my hands went away for a full week! But I must confess, I still do peppers bare-handed. Cannot work in gloves.

I don't care if it is chocolate, do not taste unsweetened chocolate powder. Yech!

There are some recipes the WILL stick to Silpat.

[Athena1963]

Almost forgot about this one. Don't store egg white and fresh lemon juice in identical containers in the fridge. Egg white lemonade just sucks!

[sazji]

OK, one question... how the hell does somebody lick a light socket?!?!

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It wasn't the light socket. It was the end of the cord that went from the wall into the back of the hand mixer. That was what fell out of the mixer and into the batter, and what she licked...

[Bridie]

I will never attempt to eliminate cooking smells by putting a pot of water on to simmer with some lemon in it, and then forgetting about it while I go out to run some errands. On the positive side, the stench of a burnt pot quickly eliminates any other odour in the house. That was a while ago, and I don't find that the boiling water and lemon actually helps with odours when you avoid burning the pot.

Should I admit to further stupidity?

I will never again place a 1 litre glass bottle of olive oil on a high shelf and later attempt to pull another large object off that shelf without making sure the olive oil is secure. The floor actually has a beautiful sheen once you are finished mopping it all up. A full 1 litre glass bottle of milk that falls out of the fridge because you left it at the very front of the top shelf, despite knowing that the fridge rocks, doesn't do anything to improve your floor, but it is rather fun trying to clean it out from under the partly detached linoleum tiles in your rather old apartment kitchen.

I will never again begin trying to make Rassam (Indian lentil soup) by sauteing onion and black mustard seeds until the little suckers are popping away, and then pour a full cup of water into the piping hot pot on the stove. It did not occur to me to throw the lid on the pot as I ran for cover and mustard seeds covered not only ever surface in the kitchen (ceiling included) but sprayed out the doors at either end of my galley kitchen.

[pork]

I will never again attempt to reduce beef stock and wine to demi glace while drinking heavily and the wife is already asleep.

"Honey? What's that smell?"

[Grub]

I will never again feel smug about my superior choice of coffee, looking down my nose at my co-workers' plebeian tastes as they huddle around that gritty old coffee machine -- and not pay attention as I push down on my fancy-pants French press, after having ground the beans too fine so they clog up the filter... *CLOINK* *SPLOITSCH* and I'm all covered in coffee, and very finely ground, superior gourmet coffee beans.

[McDuff]

When bottling your home-made root beer, always leave at least half and inch more of headspace than you think you need. Trust me on this.

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Also, when making home-made root beer and having no idea what you're really doing, keep in mind that the aphorisim "If some is good, more must be better" does not apply to yeast.

I had 16 bottles of root beer go off like hand grenades while my wife was home alone with infant children and the stuff was stored in a cardboard box on top of a cold wood burning cookstove in the dining room. Glass and sticky syrup everywhere. Still would like to know how to make the stuff.