How we ate growing up

[Susie Q]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Southern and Mid-western. with Arizona and California influences. Both parents worked but meals were mostly from scratch. When young, I and my brother grew up with "No Thank You Servings" which meant that a bit of everything was to be put on our plate and honestly tried. Food was important. When my grandfather would come to visit us from Missouri, his clothes were in a small duffel bag, but in his giant suitcase was produce from his farm and home canned goods from my grandmother's pantry. We also grew up with everyone who came home from an event or some place else talking about the food which seemed to always be described in detail.

Was meal time important?

Yes. The evenings were really the only time we could all gather together.

Was cooking important?

Yes, and when my brother and I were old enough she spent a summer teaching us how to cook. It became our responsibility to start the evening meal after school. She would put the finishing touches on it when she got home.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Mama taught us manners very early so I don't remember any penalty. Friends parents were impressed with my table manners.

Who cooked in the family?

Mama, then my brother and I. My dad would only cook at Scout Camp.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

More common when I was younger. Because both of my parents were working we at out maybe twice during the weekdays. As my brother and I got older we became responsible for starting meals each week night.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

no.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

I was about 4 or 5.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only if my dad's side of the family were visiting.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No. On holidays we had certain things.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

My mama left 5 notebooks of hand written recipes she had collected since high school. One just of family recipes alone. Some going back to my great great great grandmother. I cook from those books. I've always enjoyed making "family food" but now it's a way of still feeling connected to family as my mother and grandmothers are gone. Having certain holiday foods, knowing that I'm making the same Applesauce Cake that my great grandmother did it roots me. And I make kids who visit have "No Thank You Servings" too.

[Susie Q]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Southern and Mid-western. with Arizona and California influences. Both parents worked but meals were mostly from scratch. When young, I and my brother grew up with "No Thank You Servings" which meant that a bit of everything was to be put on our plate and honestly tried. Food was important. When my grandfather would come to visit us from Missouri, his clothes were in a small duffel bag, but in his giant suitcase was produce from his farm and home canned goods from my grandmother's pantry. We also grew up with everyone who came home from an event or some place else talking about the food which seemed to always be described in detail.

Was meal time important?

Yes. The evenings were really the only time we could all gather together.

Was cooking important?

Yes, and when my brother and I were old enough she spent a summer teaching us how to cook. It became our responsibility to start the evening meal after school. She would put the finishing touches on it when she got home.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Mama taught us manners very early so I don't remember any penalty. Friends parents were impressed with my table manners.

Who cooked in the family?

Mama, then my brother and I. My dad would only cook at Scout Camp.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

More common when I was younger. Because both of my parents were working we at out maybe twice during the weekdays. As my brother and I got older we became responsible for starting meals each week night.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

no.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

I was about 4 or 5.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only if my dad's side of the family were visiting.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No. On holidays we had certain things.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

My mama left 5 notebooks of hand written recipes she had collected since high school. One just of family recipes alone. Some going back to my great great great grandmother. I cook from those books. I've always enjoyed making "family food" but now it's a way of still feeling connected to family as my mother and grandmothers are gone. Having certain holiday foods, knowing that I'm making the same Applesauce Cake that my great grandmother did it roots me. And I make kids who visit have "No Thank You Servings" too.

[astartenyny]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

father=russian. mother=filipina. i was the middle of 3 daughters. grew up in the 70s/80s. we ate lots of different food and i remember being familiar with way more tastes and vegetables esp than my other friends.

Was meal time important?

dinner was always eaten together as was weekend brunch and every holiday the extended family (on my mother's side) would gather at our house for the meal.

Was cooking important?

very. both my parents love to cook but they are competitive with each other, so it was usually either my mother cooking or, on more seldom occasions, my father. for the holiday meals my sisters and i would pitch in but would only be allowed to do the tasks my mother gave us. it wasn't until we moved out of our parents house that we could actually contribute our own dishes to the table.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

i don't remember any penalties for elbows, but burping was definitely not allowed.

Who cooked in the family?

during the week my mother. for entertaining sometimes my father.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

only special occasions. getting to eat at mcdonalds or kfc was a 'special' occasion.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

no

When did you get that first sip of wine?

probably 8 or 9. but i think i was given beer to try first.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

always. my mother is a devout catholic.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

fish on fridays (see above about pre-meal prayers). we usually had a nice fry-up on weekend brunches. my mother definitely had a repertoire that would repeat itself, due more to budget than ability. a lot of it was filipino food. sometimes a treat would be pizza from the local pizzeria, but it would always get topped with my mother's fried peppers and onions.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

it's just my partner and i and in general we sit down at the table to eat, tho we do indulge in meals in front of the tv as well on occasion. i really miss the big family get togethers and am always planning gatherings of friends at our house.

[hummingbirdkiss]

What a fantastic thread I am so enjoying reading about your traditions!!!

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

I was a very little curly redheaded half Middle Eastern Jewish/half anglo girl... who was raised by a beautiful Afro/IndoCaribbean woman from Trinidad ...in a Southern Italian neighborhood in Providence RI....my mother passed away when I was 3 so this woman (along with all the other mothers in the neighborhood) became my mother/s ..she took me every summer to her family in Brooklyn NY ..where I was completely immersed in her family culture ..I was also blessed beyond reason to be able to spend a lot of time with my Jewish Grandmother in Montreal Canada ..she was a brilliant cook and loved making Greek and Persian food! I was so lucky in many ways growing up...

Was meal time important?

Absolutely! it was but not always at a particular "time" in the traditional sense ...we always had fantastic food going in the kitchen and if we wanted to eat any time of the day in almost any house on the block..well then that was a meal time for us and we had to sit at the table ..so maybe I am wrong there was not much importance on what time ..just that we make time

Was cooking important?

Along with keeping a nice house ..cooking was a most important skill it appeared to me ...that a woman could have (we were expected to go to college and have careers during this time... but it was very important as well to be good at keeping house) ...and the kitchen was for sure a woman's domain! Most mothers where/when I was growing up..stayed home to raise kids and keep the house ...and it was a very respected and important job as far as I could tell... it was not until I was older that I realized a man could actually cook! It was a very serious business feeding a family and families needed good food to grow into healthy adults ....so yes yes yes ...cooking was of the utmost importance ...still is to me ..however I am quite convinced men are as good as we are at it when they apply themselves

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None for me at home but I went to a Quaker girls school and manners were pretty much expected ..we did just behave very well at the table ...I never felt threatened it just seemed expected at school and in restaurants to sit up straight ..put your napkin in your lap ...do not grab for food and no elbows on the table... Quakers are gentle people but somehow they did convey the message of being well behaved at the table ..our lunch room was more a dining room at school and we had a chef and servers so it was like eating out each day when I had school lunch.... (my favorite dish they served was Fall River chow mein)

at home however we were expected to enjoy our meal and never cared how we looked eating it!!!

Who cooked in the family?

The amazing woman who cared for me ...she cooked non stop!.. she always encouraged me to help and praised me highly for my efforts ..but my silly red hair ..the fact I was pretty tiny and also did not have a "real" mother somehow made it very important that my neighbors feed me "good" food as well ..I was an oddity and it was to my benefit because I learned to cook early by being in all those wonderful kitchens with a plate of food in front of me watching all the goings on!

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occasions?

Both... we had so many wonderful Italian restaurants around us that we went out at least once a week..also for Chinese food ..great stuff as a kid in Providence very exotic! ...the only fast food I ever remember were clam cakes and chowder at the amusement parks or pizza at the bakery or pizzeria ...actually to me "fast food" was stopping at the bakery for a strip of pizza or a freshly baked roll ...

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

no we were such a small family ourselves we all ate together ...but at the larger families of friends and neighbors ..yes there was a kiddy table and it was a blast to me as a child since there were only two of us at my house... eating with a pile of kids at our own perfectly set table ... that was so much fun!!!

When did you get that first sip of wine?

In my breast milk

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

At my neighbors always and I loved how solemn and important it all seemed..at home no

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

some type of curry at least twice a week.....other than that no predictable menu...we ate in season and always fresh foods ...our menu's were dictated by what was available ...shopping was an event ... first we would go to the fish market or butcher to see what there was ..then after we bought our meat we would mull a bit over ice cream ..then to the produce market... finally the bakery ..food shopping took place every day almost ...so did the ice cream

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

all of it ...my kids expect curries ...I stayed home and "kept house" while they were little....we still shop and cook based on what is available fresh and almost every day ....the one thing that has changed is the kitchen being a "woman's domain" ...I love having all my men in there with me ....

PS I am 49 years old so you can have the time frame for the period I grew up in the 60's-70's

Edited March 27, 2007 by hummingbirdkiss (log)

[doughgirl]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Mexican/Spanish/Southern American. My mother is 1/2 Mexican and 1/2 Spanish and my father hails from a long line of farmers in West Virginia with Scandinavian ancestry

Was meal time important?

Absolutely, we always had pretty regular mealtimes until my older brothers started high school and then we all sort of went our separate ways during the week. But we always, always has Sunday dinner together, it was mandatory and dressing for dinner was mandatory! No jeans allowed at my mother's Sunday table.

Was cooking important?

Definitely, my mother made it a point to start including us in the kitchen as soon as she deemed us old enough. Dad was in charge of the grill but Mom was in charge of everything else food related. She baked bread and pastry every Monday with our housekepper and made a huge Sunday dinner every single week...still does as a matter of fact! She always told us girls that we couldn't get married until we could cook tamales, mole and feather light sopaipillas.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

I think we all probably only ever had to be told once, table manners were a pretty big thing at my house.

Who cooked in the family?

When we were young it was my mom or our housekeeper (she came in and cooked breakfast and dinner once or twice a week), as we got older we all had our chores and it was expected that we would pitch in with peeling potatoes or making assembly-line tamales, or shucking corn, pitting cherries, snapping beans, sorting pintos...that sort of thing.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Pretty common. My dad was the one that always took us to showbiz (now called chucky cheese) and McDonald's, Dairy Queen and A&W and he always got in trouble for it with my mom, but we had some pretty good times during those "dad-meals". We all went out to restaurants together during the middle of the week to give everyone a break from cooking.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Yes, but only because there were five of us kids and we couldn't all fit at the table with guests (our table seated 10).

When did you get that first sip of wine?

I think it was at Church during Communion.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Bless us O Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through Christ, Our Lord. Amen. (we are Catholic)

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Not really, there was always at least one really Southern meal per week: chicken fried steak or fried chicken, white pepper gravy, mashed potatoes, greens and "pot likker", yeast rolls and cornbread. And there was always a traditional mexican dinner: green chile stew or posole or enchiladas or tamales, sopaipillas, homemade tortillas, beans, biscochitos, natillas, prune pies or sweet potato empanadas. And our housekeeper was German so there was always a German meal thrown in once a week too. We ate pretty lightly for breakfast and lunch, but dinner was always something of an affair.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I like to think I am keeping the traditions alive. I'm a stay at home mom with two little girls, ages 5 and 18 months. I make it a point to have home-cooked breakfasts and dinners at least 3-4 times a week. We usually eat breakfast and dinner out on the weekends. My family eats a lot more fruits and veggies than my brothers and sisters did. I keep at least a half dozen Tupperware containers of fresh cut up fruit and veggies for us to snack on and there is NO soda in the house which was definitely not the case when I was growing up.

[Donia]

I am in love with this thread. Here's mine..

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My parents are both small town Texans and I grew up on Southern food and Tex-Mex mostly. My mother grew up very poor and she fed us well because of it. We were never denied food and pretty much ate whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it.

Was meal time important?

Supper was very important. My parents both worked very hard (and still do) but supper was always at 6:00 no matter who was home to cook it. I still don't know how mom managed to get a meal on the table every night, but she did.

Was cooking important?

Cooking was important. It was very basic for the most part and my mom did not like Chinese food or any fish or seafood. We ate quite a bit of beef and chicken. The beef was always cooked VERY well done and I was so happy when I learned how to cook because then I could cook my OWN meat medium rare. My mom always had me in the kitchen with her and by the time I was 11 or 12, I was cooking full meals for the family when mom and dad were working. My grandmother on my dad's side taught me how to bake. In fact, she died recently and one thing that was brought up was that nobody knew how to make her yeast rolls. I had to point out that I sure did because she made me do them over and over again until I got it right.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

There weren't any penalties, but table manners were ingrained from the time we were old enough to understand. I still put my pinky up when I'm taking a drink and my Canadian husband often comments on how delicately I eat.

Who cooked in the family?

Mostly mom, but as time went on, I did it quite often. Dad would try every now and then, but it wasn't always very good. I have sisters, but they are 10 and 12 years younger than I am so they didn't start cooking too much until I was already out of the house.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occasions?

They weren't very common at all. I didn't realize it at the time, but we just couldn't afford it very often. I do remember that it was a big deal for mom and I to get Burger King when dad was working at night. (He would work a week of day shifts and then a week of night shifts) I almost never eat fast food now, but Burger King is still mom's favorite hamburger.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Only when the whole family was there...it was fun!

When did you get that first sip of wine?

My parents never really drank wine. I have heard the story over and over again about how I was 2 years old and I kept begging for a sip of my dad's beer. Mom finally said to let me try it because I wouldn't like it and I'd stop asking. She was wrong...there's a picture of me holding the bottle of beer with my head tilted wayyyy back. I do drink wine, now, but I still love my beer.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only at family gatherings.

Was there a rotating menu?

Not really, but I can remember certain things that we ate all the time. Chicken fried steak, fried chicken, mashed or baked potatoes, pork chops, milk gravy, sour cream enchiladas, tacos, and a variety of casseroles which I still crave sometimes, much to the disappointment of my husband.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Not much, really. My children live with their father and I do cook for them when they're here. They sit down at the table and eat just like we did. I am also much more adventurous when it comes to food and eating than my mom was. I'm teaching myself to cook Indian and Japanese and I'll try anything once. Mom still won't really try anything that she doesn't already know she likes and her favorite place to eat is Olive Garden. That's ok, though. She's mom and she's allowed to eat whatever makes her happy as far as I'm concerned.

[faine]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Yuppie fresh food strained through Asian and Southern influences. My mother and grandparents were ex-pats in Korea and Hong Kong and traveled extensively through Asia, and my father is from a small North Carolina town (and a barbecue freak.) Food is always very fresh, pretty healthy, and usually heavily spiced. We got into fresh ingredients and organics when we moved to Sacramento, although thankfully my parents aren't annoyingly religious about it. We almost always had family dinners together at the table, which is apparently getting increasingly rare for someone of my age. (18.)

Was meal time important?

Very important. We ate out frequently, but we almost never had those disjointed "running around shoveling in food" meals the media likes to harp on. We always had a rule about no TV and no books (in my case) when we were eating, even if our days had been so boring that we just stared at each other and chewed. They'd always play slightly mournful jazz in the background, which I found kind of inappropriate for eating.

Was cooking important?

Very important - both my mother and father really take great pride in cooking. We always like going through our old Asian cookbooks, finding something new, and seeing if we can properly execute it. My dad is more of the artiste but they can both get something good, interesting and fresh on the table quickly. I aspire to such things. I've finally resolved to learn to cook over the summer since I'm vaguely embarrassed that all I can make is irregularly chopped salads and not-half-bad guacamole.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

"Hey you, get your elbows off the table," generally. If they're feeling humorous, they might poke me viciously with a fork. I considered calling CPS in my youth but concluded they would laugh at me.

Who cooked in the family?

Mom generally when Dad was away on business trips (often) and dad whenever he was home. They do have their specialties: mom for pastas and salads, dad for meat, fish, and various Asian dishes. My dad and I are creating a tradition where we go to the Vietnamese area of town, eat banh mi, and buy big angry crabs for Singapore chili crabs later that evening. Yum.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Usually about three or four times a week - my parents are definitely foodies and into checking out the local restaurant scene. (And lazy bums.) We never seemed to make it more then two weeks without going out for sushi or Korean food. The determinant factor for going out was usually "how lazy am I feeling?". Trips to pretty much anywhere are horrible food orgies, which I research months in advance.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Only at big family dinners where there were, you know, other kids. I'm an only child (which probably explains a lot.) They've been known to kick me out of the house or bribe me to stay in my room when it's people they actually want to impress.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Probably around twelve or so. I now get a glass of good wine with dinner every night when I'm home , which I really appreciate. I was in a class discussion a few weeks ago where we took an informal poll of whose family drank at least a bit every night, and only my hand and the Hungarian kids hand went up...I thought that was really strange. Is it because we're Southern, or is it just because we're lushes?

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No. We're heathens. (My mom prefers agnostic.) Thanksgiving is usually composed of the whole heathen family, in which we have an awkward "So what now?" moment before we all fall to. Last year an attempt at a non-denominational blessing turned into an animated discussion on cannibalism as we doled out turkey, so I guess we're not getting anywhere.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

We could never pull off that much organization. Recurring dishes were my dad's really good barbecued chicken, thai beef salad, coconut milk curries, etc. And lots of simple grilled fish and steaks, with a side of sesame oil spinach and some other vegetable that looked good at the supermarket. I'm a broccoli addict, so I request that a lot.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I'm in college on the other side of the country (and don't have much money) so I'm living out of the dining hall. This drives me nuts. I'm waiting eagerly for the day when I can live somewhere with my own kitchen and start making food that hasn't been filtered through Sodexo for my daily purposes. And I miss that non-swill wine.

[Malkavian]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Standard Southern home cooking, but minus as many of the unhealthy aspects as my mother could manage to get rid of. Also with a smattering of tex-mex and asian recipes that mom could find that would please my brothers and myself (who had very adventurous palates) and my dad (who didn't)

Was meal time important?

Sort of. It was about the only time, when i was younger, that the entire family was in the same room. Later on it was less so as my brothers aged and our schedules all diverged somewhat

Was cooking important?

I don't know quite how to answer that one--it was something my mom took pride in and was very talented at, so I suppose it was important to her. She found it important insofar as taking responsibility to put nutritious varied food on the table

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Getting fussed at generally. Chewing with one's mouth open was the big offense.

Who cooked in the family?

Mom in the kitchen, dad on the grill, was the usual order of things

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Depends in a way. At various points of my life my parents one or the other have found work calling them out past mealtimes, so we ate takeout a lot (more often take out from a sit down restaurant rather than fast food) but the whole family going out to eat somewhere was usually some sort of event

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Yes, but mostly due to space constraints. The kids got a card table or two set up at thanksgiving, christmas and etc as there were so many of us buggers.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

One christmas a cousin decided to take a play at winemaking (And I laugh at this now, having the experience with that hobby that i do) and I couldn't stand the stuff. My palate at the time just registered vinegary bittereness, but at this point I don't know if it was bad wine or i just couldnt handle the dryness.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only at meals my grandfather was present at; don't really know why as my mother is a devout Christian; i suspect it was a matter of tradition

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Not really. When my father was doing group work regularly (eg every thursday) we could count on that night probably being leftovers, and friday was often a takeout night when i was older as mom was pooped from cookin the rest of the week

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

As I don't have a family, it's replicated in as far as my mom's instilling in me a love of cooking and desire to eat not-horrible for you food

[Salty Dog]

Hi there, I'm new to the forum so I guess this is sort of like an introduction as well

In answer to the questions asked:

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Not at all, only to me.

Was meal time important?

No.

Was cooking important?

Grew up with my mother who just looked on it as a necessary chore.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

Meals were quite informal, so no batterings for poor table manners.

Who cooked in the family?

My mother cooked, & my grandmother for family get-togethers. I wasn't allowed in the kitchen in case I might make a mess.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Definately only for special occasions.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No special tables, kids were with everyone else.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

When I was about 20 years old! Tried bourbon when I was 17 though.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No pre-meal prayer as my mother was a "non-practicing Christian". I've continued this tradition as I am an atheist.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Poorly cooked roast chicken & soggy boiled vegetables almost every day, occasionally interspersed with something else, very rarely red meat, which is probably why it makes it to the menu so often in my adult life.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Not much. Most meals are informal which is the same as my home life but I try & expose my son to all different types of food & have him involved in the kitchen & preparing meals.

I figure he should learn the essential skills like being able to take care of himself when he's an adult, (something I'm still learning)

He's only just turned six but as he had been helping out or at least trying to I got him his own little Global knife last year which he has been taught to use carefully - has only cut himself once & it was only a little one.

My boy tasted wine when he was 2 years old - just my finger dipped in & then in his mouth after he kept reaching for my glass of red..."see you won't like it"....he did though, so I had to hide it!

[laurelm]

What an interesting thread!

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My dad loves to cook, and he mostly cooked with a heavy French influence. My mom did more of the basics- meatloaf, ribs etc. One side of the family is Jewish, so that was a large part of our culture for food as well.

Was meal time important?

yes, we had a set time every day and no tv, it was family time.

When we got busier with high school, theater, sports etc, we tried to eat as many meals as possible together.

Was cooking important?

Yes, very much so.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

My dad was the disciplinarian, and it meant sitting by him for your meals (which no one wanted) because you got in trouble anytime your manners were off. I guess it has helped me to this day, but I still hated it as a kid.

Who cooked in the family?

Both parents.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Special occasions, we did not have much money, and my dad could typically cook a better meal and by far cheaper than restaurants.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No, only at my grandparents for Thanksgiving, and it was necessary since the family was so large.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

pretty young, my parents did not want drinking to be "taboo", so I believe I had some wine with water a couple times.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Nope, but I pray before I eat now.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No, except when my Dad played racquetball, we got hot dogs for dinner- my fav when I was 5, haha.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I call and email my parents for their recipes all the time. But I had no interest whatsoever in cooking until I was married, so I have only been cooking for 2 years or so. No kids yet, but they will definitely be taught good table manners.

[Toliver]

Bumping this discussion up in case there are new members who would like to answer the questions.

[Chris Hennes]

Toliver, thanks for bumping this. Reading through people's memories is a wonderful way to while away a Friday afternoon. Here are mine:

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My dad worked at the local newspaper as an editor, so he didn't get home until 9 or 10 most night: everything we had was something that could be microwaved with reasonable results five hours later. Mom worked too, starting when I was fairly young, so we had a lot of crock-pot meals, or very simple preps (baked chicken, jarred-sauce spaghetti, etc.).

Was meal time important?

It was at a fixed time each day, but I would not regard it as particularly important until my dad got a non-newspaper job and was able to actually come home for dinner most nights. I was much older by then.

Was cooking important?

No---typical middle-class Americana: low prep, low fussiness factor.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None that I recall, but that may be because I was a wonderfully well-behaved child .

Who cooked in the family?

Mom. Dad made Bisquik pancakes some Saturdays, though.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Very, very uncommon. Ususally just for Easter, and the anniversary of my sister's adoption (she was adopted from Korea, so we went to a local Korean place on "got-her day" every year).

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No, and as the oldest child and grandchild, I generally got a seat at the "adults" table anyway, at holidays.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

When the Minnesota Twins won the World Series in 1987 we had a bottle of "champagne" to celebrate.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Yes, my family was very Catholic, so we always said grace before eating.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Nope.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Basically none of it! Mom instilled a love of cooking in me unintentionally by letting me help with Christmas cookies: that made cooking a special occasion. When we got a bread machine when I was around 12 the booklet that came with it had a recipe for making croissants (using the machine to knead the dough): I stayed up all night playing cards with my dad, siblings, and best friend, making the croissants between hands. Those were the most phenomenal, magical, wonderful croissants ever (to a sleep-deprived 12 year old). I never really looked back.

[JimH]

Great topic!

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Mom cooked most meals with grilling responsibilities falling to dad. Most of what I remember clearly is from the '70's on. Mom cooked mostly Irish American meals with some Italian thrown in to keep dad happy. The Great Stew Uprising of '69 had not yet become a passing memory when the dreaded Casserole Invasion of the '70's started. While most of these so called "casseroles" were edible there was one that assaulted my senses, leaving a mark in my memory as clear as any scar on my skin. Now, imagine if you will being a boy of 8 or 9 whose idea of dinner is potato/vegetable/meat (fish sticks on Fridays). Fish sticks were my idea of fish, canned tuna with onion and celery was for sandwiches. It never occured to me that someone somewhere would take canned tuna and heat it. I think I've blocked out the first time mom made it, the shear horror of the smell too much for my young mind. It was that second time, walking home in the snow, downwind from our house, the odor of hot tuna horror strong on the wind, knowing there was no escape. I think dad took pitty on me or perhaps it was the first time he was there to bear witness to this abomination but it was the last time Tuna Casserole was ever served in our house. Even in later years, when things were tough and I had money for not much more than rice and Tiger Sauce you could not get me to eat Tuna Casserole.

That said, mom was a good cook but your failures always stick out like a sore thumb, with apologies to anyone who actually enjoys Tuna Casserole.

Was meal time important?

Yes, hands washed, chairs pulled up to the table, napkins used and "please" came before every request. Conversation about your day was expected, radio or TV turned off.

Was cooking important?

Yes, mom cooked a new meal for each dinner. She liked to experiment but most of it was her family's "staple" meals.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

No penalty really just a reminder that it's not allowed.

Who cooked in the family?

Mom cooked every meal, dad grilled the meat in the Summer (on a Hibachi when I was little)

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Special occasions, Christmas Eve at a restaurant on the Jersey side of the Byrn Mawr bridge.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Yes but it was considered "overflow", if there was room at the big table openings were assigned by seniority, it upset my sister to no end.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Not wine but Cold Duck with my dad at one of his childhood friend's liquor store, I was 8 or 9. I think it had something to do with their raiding my great grandfathers homemade wine when they were my age. I still have a warm spot in my heart for Cold Duck.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

During holidays and with company always. Neither of my parents were vying for the position of Pope and I am carrying on the family tradtion.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Not that I can recall, outside of fishstick Fridays, it was up to mom's whim.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I fell far from mom's tree. Mom taught me how to read a recipe but she rarely used one for most of her dishes. I'm starting to incorporate some of the things she makes by watching, meatloaf being the most recent. Table manners, even when I'm by myself, are still important. I cook enough so I can have leftovers, something that rarely occured when I was young. Mom cooked dinner each night no warmed-up leftovers that I can remember. Tuna gets no warmer than room temperature and stays in it's can until the onion & celery are diced. I've never had the desire to make a casserole.

ETA: a missing question ans answer.

Edited March 1, 2008 by JimH (log)

[Toliver]

Thanks Chris and Jim for your posts.

Jim, I feel your pain. My nemesis was salmon (from cans) patties. I shudder from the memory to this day.

[JimH]

Thanks Chris and Jim for your posts.

Jim, I feel your pain. My nemesis was salmon (from cans) patties. I shudder from the memory to this day.

←

Toliver, there should be a special place in Dante's Inferno for their creators.

[tim]

Thanks Chris and Jim for your posts.

Jim, I feel your pain. My nemesis was salmon (from cans) patties. I shudder from the memory to this day.

←

Toliver, there should be a special place in Dante's Inferno for their creators.

←

Hi,

One of the nightmares in my past was an important business lunch in our exclusive and stuffy corporate dining room.

They served salmon salad with the salmon cut from the can, WITH THE RINGS FROM THE CAN CAREFULLY PLACED ON TOP. It was an embarrassing horror.

In fairness, our kitchen had to come up with this dish at the last second to replace the pork chops being served to our kosher observing customer.

The cigar box after lunch sealed the deal....

Tim

[Brigid Mary]

Anyone care if I post here, even though I'm still in the process of "growing up"?

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Lots of different food cultures. I'm a mix of Polish, Irish, French, German, Lithuanian, English and Hungarian. A lot of my Mother's family recipes are Polish, but everyone in my house loves Italian food and American food.

Was meal time important?

I'd say meal time is pretty important. Sadly these days we don't get to eat together that much, with everyone's working, school, extra activities, but on the days we can, we always sit down together and enjoy a good meal.

Was cooking important?

Yes.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

I can't really remember any. Maybe at my grandmother's house when we I little, but my parents never cared that much.

Who cooked in the family?

My Mom and myself, and sometimes my dad. My mom works in the evening, so it's usually my job to make dinner for my brothers, sister and my dad.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Definitely special occasions. I can't rememeber ever eating out very much when I was younger, maybe a few times a year at best. Recently we've started to go out a bit more.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

We usually let the adults sit at the big table, everyone else just piles on the couches.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

When I recieved my first communion. Tasted awful.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Always! Every meal, everyday, everyone. Our prayer is this, "Bless us O Lord, and these gifts which we are about to recieve from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen." When are whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.) get together my grandfather or uncle, a deacon, will freestyle it.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No. On fridays during Lent we usually eat pizza for dinner, either homemade or takeout.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

Since I'm still living it, all of it. I plan to carry on the traditions!

Edited March 6, 2008 by Brigid Mary (log)

[yunnermeier]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Asian. Mostly Chinese, Nyonya, Indian and Malay. Of course there was McDonalds and KFC as well;)

Was meal time important?

Somewhat. We ate out during the weekend and spend quite some time doing that but on weekdays, everyone usually ate separately (home from work/school different times etc)

Was cooking important?

Again, somewhat. My mother is a good cook. My paternal aunts were also very passionate about cooking local food. That said, we also ate out often as food is both tasty and cheap in Malaysia.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None. Sticking chopsticks into a bowl of rice however is another story...

Who cooked in the family?

Mum and aunts (close family, we'd meet 3 times a week)

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Common.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Yes. Same food but the kids sat together on another table.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Maybe 16

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

No

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No. But whenever I said I liked something, my mother would make it twice a week which made me hate that particular dish;)

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I don't have a family but my partner whom I live with says I'm obsessed with food (typical for Malaysians) and I notice that I show how much I care with food.

[Sherry B]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

A lot of French Canadian influences, Tortiere and so forth. Both my parents loved to cook and experiment though, so we had Italian, Chinese etc. Mostly though, it was "meat and two veg".

Was meal time important?

Yes. Always eaten together as a family, although not necessarily a happy family.

Was cooking important?

Yes

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None that I recall

Who cooked in the family?

Mostly Mom, until I was 12 or so, then I started to cook dinners a few times a week. My Dad and Mom would cook things like Lasagna together on weekends.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Not common.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Only if there wasn't room at the big table. Same food was served.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

I was stealing my Dad's scotch by the time I was 15, I didn't really appreciate wine for many years. I've retained my fondness for scotch, though.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Yep. They didn't work.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

No

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

I still cook some of the food that I grew up with, to me it's comfort food. When my Mom, now in her 70s comes to visit, I always ask her to cook me some of my favorite things....her meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, salmon loaf with egg sauce, etc. etc.

Edited March 7, 2008 by Sherry B (log)

[racheld]

They served salmon salad with the salmon cut from the can, WITH THE RINGS FROM THE CAN CAREFULLY PLACED ON TOP.  It was an embarrassing horror.

←

I'm trying to visualize salmon rings. Can rings?

[Special K]

My answers inserted in the quotation:

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

Southern, but Mom never learned to cook at her mother's side. 

Was meal time important?

We kids usually ate early, before Dad got home.  Then he and Mom'd have dinner together.  Everybody preferred it that way.

Was cooking important?

Nope.  It was a chore that had to be done.  So was eating. 

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

None if it was just Mom.  Big crime of the century on those occasions when Dad was forced to eat with us.  "I hope you don't behave like that in public!"  Kinda kills the appetite when you're afraid of messing up somehow - and somebody always did. 

Who cooked in the family?

Mom mostly.  Dad used to make pizza (Chef Boy R Dee) every Friday night when we were little, but then he quit.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

Common.  Not fancy places; just burgers or KFC.  A nice dinner out in a fancy restaurant would have made emotional wrecks of us all. 

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

No, and we loved it, 'cuz Dad was all genial and stuff when there were witnesses.    One by one, we all caught on that the thing to do was invite a friend to all the big meals - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter.  I think Dad appreciated it, too!  He loved playing host, even to our friends. 

When did you get that first sip of wine?

Honestly can't remember.  I know it was several years after I got married.  Dad drank beer and my brothers started drinking it in high school.  Different standard for me and my sis. 

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only when there were guests.  Part of the show.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Friday night was usually spaghetti, which Dad hated (they ate out together on Friday nights) and we loved. 

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

None of it.  DH and I both care a lot about what we eat, and we cook together and go over the day's events (we work together, but still we find things to talk about!!!).  We don't have kids, probably because we both had the same kind of experience with our Dads growing up. 

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* * * * *

You know, reading this over I realize it sounds kinda sad, so I should say that as he got older (after we all left home!), Dad got a lot more mellow. His grandkids got all kinds of good attention and love from him. He got a dog, put in a pool, learned to laugh . . . it was great! By the end, he and I were actually trading recipes.

Mom still can't cook, though.

[Lindacakes]

I have a theory of personality based on where you sat at the family table. We had a round table, and my father sat at the position that would be considered "the head" (i.e., he could most easily arrive and depart). My mother sat at the position most accessible to the kitchen (i.e., the one who did the work). I sat next to my father, farthest from my mother, and I believe doing so forged an alliance between us.

My father, sitting at the head in every way, was allowed to do things at the table that us kids were not allowed to do. For instance, remove big fat chalky kidney beans from his chili and cast them aside. I would add my chili beans to his pile, and therefore escape detection and punishment. This would work in my positive favor, as no one liked potato skins except the two of us. We would place a pile of cast off skins between us and sit there, buttering them and eating them after the others had left.

My favorite brother sat on the other side of me, and to this day, I am closest to my table side-by-sides and farthest from those on the other side of the table.

It was my job to sweep after dinner -- my brothers never had kitchen chores. The unfairness of sweeping the filth around farthest brother's chair made me the feminist I am today.

[Lindacakes]

What was your family food culture when you were growing up?

My father is Italian, my mother is a Scottish/English mix. My mother is an excellent cook and baker, and one of the most wonderful gifts she has given me is an early education in baking. My mother did the cooking, and now that they are divorced, my father does the cooking for Christmas eve in particular, which is an Italian thing. I grew up in Ohio. All the vegetables were canned and I didn't meet broccoli and cauliflower until I went to college. But my parents were in love together with food, and food was a great project and entertainment for them and it is for me, too. I am bound to both of my parents in individual ways through this factor.

Was meal time important?

Yes, my father was a carpenter, and we he came home, he was hungry and we ate. As mentioned in the previous post, we ate at the same time of day at the same place at the table each day. If we hadn't, today I don't think any of us would know each other.

Was cooking important?

Maybe shopping was more important. I shop now like my mother shopped then. In Ohio, in the 60's, she went for her groceries in niche places: the Polish butcher (he would give me a big handful of penny candy with his big sausagey hands), the farm wife who sold us the eggs that we resting in a basket on her piano -- we would knock and step in to the parlor and wait for her. I would go to the Pick N Pay with her every Friday, and I sat in the front of the cart and I got a Jack and Jill magazine and a box of animal crackers.

What were the penalties for putting elbows on the table?

We had to observe table manners, but neither of my parents were particularly strict about it. Personally, I find chewing with the mouth open to be one of the more disgusting human postures.

Who cooked in the family?

My mother, who was very anxious for me to learn to do it and take over. Some of this was accomplished during the pre-divorce years, but once they split, my father came into my room one night and told me to remember to eat vegetables. I lived with my father after that, for a short time before I went to college, and I don't particularly remember our reduced family having meals together. I cooked, then, and I do now, when I'm visiting my father. I insist that he not take his plate on his stomach in front of the TV, but sit down at the table with me.

Were restaurant meals common, or for special occassions?

I went to my first restaurant as a celebration for graduating from high school. We went to McGarvey's On the Lake and I ordered escargot. I might have also ordered a lobster tail, as my mother had a penchant for them. We had McDonald's once or twice, and a sack of burgers was brought into the house. The pizza was also delivered to the house. I still do not think it's particularly appropriate for children to be in restaurants, certainly not crying and running in restaurants. My parents went out now and again, for weddings and special events, and I usually got some sort of gift in the morning -- a net bag of Jordan almonds if the occassion was an Italian wedding, or a drink stirrer if the occassion was romance.

Did children have a "kiddy table" when guests were over?

Only on Thanksgiving. A padded just off white card table with bronzy edges. One of the chairs is still at my dad's house.

When did you get that first sip of wine?

It's likely I stole a sip of Cold Duck when my parent's friends were visiting, but I remember a good deal of Mateuse and apricot brandy got siphoned out of the liquor cabinet. I'm sure my parents thought my brothers were responsible, as I started rather early.

Was there a pre-meal prayer?

Only on Thanksgiving, thank God. I don't like public prayer, and I'm always uncomfortable at other people's houses while this is going on.

Was there a rotating menu (e.g., meatloaf every Thursday)?

Not a formal one, as in It's Wednesday! It's Ronzoni spaghetti night in Brooklyn!" (Do you remember that commercial on WCBS?) But a regular rotation hit the table. Breaded pork chops was my favorite and I completely dreaded okra-and- tomato-stew-on-Minute-Rice night. My mother found some recipe for chicken breasts on a bed of chipped beef with a mushroom soup sauce poured over top. That made a regular appearance. We had Bisquick pancakes for supper. In the last year I have made a salmon loaf from canned salmon a couple of times out of nostalgia for it. Her choices may have been mundane, but the technique and execution was always excellent. My mother's food spoiled me for life and made a cook out of me for necessity. An awful lot of not good food is passed off as good food, particularly in restaurants.

How much of your family culture is being replicated in your present-day family life?

More than I would have ever thought. My partner and I make food together, and take on challenging food projects together like my parents did. I use quite a few of my mother's recipes for holidays and would find the day rather empty without them. Shopping is as much fun to me as any other aspect of food, and I go to a regular rotation of stores for my supplies. We have our set places at the table. I'm generous with my food and overfeed guests and send them home with leftovers. We will split a pie together, like my parents did. Here's a nice little story to end with: Before the VCR and the DVD, the Wizard of Oz would play on TV once a year, during tornado season. And every time it was on, coincidentally, my mother would have baked a cake and we would be allowed to eat the cake in front of the TV. And it wasn't until I was grown up, many years later, that I realized my mother had planned it that way. She would make the cake for us, to sort of celebrate the Wizard of Oz. And I try to do that to, use food to brighten the colors in Kansas.

[Toliver]

Linda,

Thanks for both posts.

Your theory about dinner table position works for me and my mom. I was happy to be out of arm's reach of my dad who sat at the other end of the table.

I have a sort of "Wizard of Oz" story, too.

Sometimes when "The Colorful World of Walt Disney" (so named because color TV was the new fangled gimmick) was on Sunday nights, my mother would make special wicker basket dinners. She had six little wicker bread baskets. She would make fried chicken and french fries (along with crudites) or other finger-foods and we would put it all in our little wicker baskets (heavily lined with paper towels or napkins) and eat our special "TV dinners" off of TV trays while watching "The Scarecrow" or another Disney series in the living room.

These evenings happened only once in a blue moon and the airing of "The Wizard of Oz" became one of our wicker basket dinner nights.

Thanks for jogging my memory!

[jgm]

When "food people" (trying not to use the term 'foodies', which I don't mind but others do) get together, at one point or another the conversation always turns to things people remember about cooking from their childhoods. I find these stories fascinating.

My grandmother could be really irritating - uneducated, opinionated, and not what you'd call mentally stable, for starters; but she was an absolutely wonderful cook. I will never forget her pies. My memories of her always have her in an apron, or resting in a rocking chair and reading the paper for a moment while a meal was cooking.

A beloved neighbor, often referred to as "my other mother" - she had 5 sons, so my sister and I were her only daughters - was also a wonderful cook. She would allow me, as a small child, to sit on her counter and dip my fingers in the cake batter. In summer, tomatoes from their garden always ripened on her window sill. She loved pizelles, but didn't have a pizelle iron, so she made them on her waffle iron. That shot of whiskey she always put in at the end gave them a wonderful caramel taste, and ensured that the batter was always worth sneaking bites of. Of course, the cookies had to be eaten with regard to the waffle design. Some of us ate the edges, to leave a square that was then devoured row by row; others just launched the row-by-row pattern without cleaning up the edges first.

During the Heartland Gathering this summer, Torakris was my roommate, and while I loved hearing about the differences between Japan and America in daily eating habits, I was fascinated to hear about her grandmother (or was it an aunt?) who, every afternoon, would grab a basket and go out and forage both from her garden and from the surrounding land, for ingredients that would go into that night's supper.

What childhood memories of family cooking do you have?