Food Deconstructors

[SKinCA]

Is it just me or does it drive anyone else out there batty when someone deconstructs their food?

I mean those people who can't eat anything without separating out little bits of it and putting it to the side of their plate.

They think they don't like red peppers, so you serve them something that has red peppers as even a minor componetn and you find a tiny little pile of red pepper pieces on their plate at the end of a meal.

And usually, it's more than one item. You find that these people have taken one ingredient out of every single thing you've put in front of them.It's like getting a little piece of your mise back at the end of the meal!

They do it at restaurants too. "I don't like mushrooms."

What do you mean you don't like mushrooms!? Different mushrooms taste different! Maybe you didn't like one particular type of mushroom, one specific time in one speficic dish! Give the poor mushroom a chance! Give the poor chef a chance! Maybe, just maybe he knows something your mom didn't!

This is really in my face now because I donated a catered dinner to my kid's school for their Silent Auction and now I'm hearing "Well, I don't eat scallops - I once had a bad scallop experience".

I once had a bad date - it didn't put me off men forever!

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way...please?

[Gifted Gourmet]

While I can handle the "deconstructing" of foods in public, I am somewhat less than sanguine when it is performed, within my sight, and in my own home (by company).

I am sufficiently paranoid to believe that I have made a perfect dish and, by removing pieces of it, bit by bit, I consider that the most passive-aggressive criticism of my culinary abilities ....

Both my daughter and husband have the audacity to dislike mushrooms and have been known to scream, in their most sonorous tones, "eek, fungus!!" to my neverending consternation... so I eschew the mushrooms and sneak them in under cover of night ...

[suzilightning]

sorry - i plead guilty to deconstructing if there is celery included in the dish. unfortuntley i'm in that miniscule group of people who are salt sensitive and for whom celery causes an irregular heartbeat.

my favorite adventure dining partner has a problem with mushrooms. not that they taste bad - she loves them- but about 2 hours after eating any kind of mushroom she is in such gastric distress it is just not worth it for her. in restaurants she has become more comfortable in requesting that any mushrooms be left out of a dish.

here again we are talking food sensitivites not "ewwww fungus". i will try anything once but if i am cooking for someone at home i find out any limitations they have and try to work around them.

as far as the scallops - that is a food preference. i grew up eating scallops 3-5 days a week in season. now you can't pay me to eat them.

[fifi]

I also plead guilty. There are a few things that I just cannot stand. One of them is raw tomatoes. I am not talking a subjective dislike that I should really try to get over. I am talking about gagging. There are some things that I know are going to have tomatoes in there and it isn't practical to order without. Guacamole and tabouli salad come to mind. I also run into tomato slices on premade sandwiches that are in box lunches that are sometimes ordered for business meetings. I just discretely work around them or gently slide them off the sandwhich.

[Pan]

I'm "guilty" of this, too. I often forget that bell peppers are so often put in dishes that don't include them in the description. My stomach reacts poorly to bell peppers of all kinds, especially green peppers.

I wonder how many of you eat all of the hot peppers in hot Sichuan dishes. Even I often leave a fair number of those behind.

[Sleepy_Dragon]

Guilty as charged. Especially when it comes to big and plentiful soggy chunks of tomato, onion and bell pepper.

I think Chicken Cacciatore is a way to ruin a perfectly nice batch of chicken.

Though I did have this one version where the tomatoes and onions were cut up small, and in lesser quantities where you could actually see that sauce espagnole comprised the majority of the sauce, and I enjoyed that, bits of tomato and onion and all. Usually though, people just chunkify the sauce into a tomato and onion glop, and it just induces my gag reflex.

Pat

[ingridsf]

The lovely and lively JAZ wrote a TDG article on something akin to this discussion, http://egullet.com/?pg=ARTICLE-jazguesttactics

The Compulsive Cook: Gracious Guests

I think the context makes a difference. If we're out to dinner, it's not such a big deal to me if someone picks something out of their dish. I'm a little frustrated though if they don't understand that substituting Jack cheese for bleu will take away from the intended balance of flavors, and possibly make it less than appetizing through no fault of the kitchen's.

If it's a dinner party, and I'm the cook, or even if I'm not, it's a lot dicier. I've fed friends something I truly thought they would find delicious and well within their range of fat, etc., only to have them sit there -- eating with gusto, mind you! -- saying they don't usually eat so much grease. There's got to some phrase for people who you KNOW eat bacon but act like they subsist on lettuce leaves and mineral water. Something like, "backseat drivers." Any ideas, folks?

Ingrid

[andiesenji]

Both my daughter and husband have the audacity to dislike mushrooms and have been known to scream, in their most sonorous tones, "eek, fungus!!" to my neverending consternation... so I eschew the mushrooms and sneak them in under cover of night ...

Have you ever tried feeding them duxelles?

I have sneaked this into a dish and it was consumed with gusto by a person who wouldn't eat mushrooms that were recognizable (but eats Campbells cream of mushroom soup) gak....

I do understand about the bell peppers. I can eat all kinds of chiles and have no problem with ripe red peppers but when they are green I have a bit of a problem. I avoid them in big chunks, like stuffed peppers, etc. But if they are chopped up and part of a dish or a sauce I eat as much as I can tolerate and just leave the rest.

I have serious allergies to shellfish and other seafood from the ocean - freshwater is okay. I also have a severe allergy to raw alcohol. If it is cooked in a sauce or in a dish for long enough for the alcohol esthers to be eliminated it doesn't bother me. Otherwise I get laryngeal edema, my airway closes and it could be fatal. Simply flaming it doesn't remove enough to make it safe for me. I have to avoid desserts that might contain alcohol.

[Gifted Gourmet]

Both my daughter and husband have the audacity to dislike mushrooms and have been known to scream, in their most sonorous tones, "eek, fungus!!" to my neverending consternation... so I eschew the mushrooms and sneak them in under cover of night ...

Have you ever tried feeding them duxelles?

I have sneaked this into a dish and it was consumed with gusto by a person who wouldn't eat mushrooms that were recognizable (but eats Campbells cream of mushroom soup) gak....

When I tried feeding them duxelles cleverly hidden by beautiful rib roast, and then hidden beneath the dough of their respective Wellingtons, some kind of "alarm" went off and they knew they had been duped, albeit cleverly ...

It seems that the only two "Popeil mushroom detectors" sold this year in the borders of the continental US were to these two family members, I guess ...

now, they even examine their chocolate mousse with deep suspicion, glancing furtively at me ...

[andiesenji]

now, they even examine their chocolate mousse with deep suspicion, glancing furtively at me ...

That reminds me of a funny thing that happened years ago. My ex loved choc mousse and I made it fairly often.

One evening he came home from some event and delved into the fridge and came out with a dessert in a crystal goblet that I had prepared for a tea the next afternoon.

Without asking, he removed the cover and dug into it, thinking it was the choc mousse.

He made a face and said "What is this stuff??" I smiled and replied "Prune whip" - it was requested by the ladies at the bridge club that were having the tea the following day.

He continued eating then said it wasn't bad and wandered off into his den, leaving the goblet for me to pick up and take back to the kitchen.

I often wondered what he thought it was......... It looked like chocolate mousse in the dim light from the family room. If he had bothered to switch on the kitchen light he would have noted the difference.

[Gifted Gourmet]

His lack of perceptivity and general lethargy may well have contributed to his position as the "ex" of anyone ... for an "ex", prune whip is best when doled out with that fluffy creamy ExLax topping that gives it a certain "je ne sais quoi".. but at least he didn't have his Popeil prune detector set too high ...

[CompassRose]

What is it with prunes? I like prunes. Poor, abused, misunderstood dried plums -- they're so succulent when fresh!

My brother is one of the mushroom-haters. He can find the most microscopic speck of anything fungal in anything. Says he hates everything about a mushroom: the taste, the smell, the (he shudders) slimy texture. In fact, it was he who taught me that tempeh is in fact a mushroom -- something which had not previously occurred to me, but which other mushroom-loathers have since confirmed. (Although that doesn't explain why my husband, a vegetarian who loves mushrooms with a passion -- he'll even eat cooked shaggymanes (a.k.a. "black loathesome ichor") on toast with gusto -- dislikes tempeh intensely.)

[Cusina]

Deconstruction, in extreme, is definitely off putting. One of my girlfriends absolutely cannot eat pizza without completely tearing it apart first and then consuming the ingredients separately. I love her, but that just isn't fun to watch from across the table.

However, in reading this thread, I realize that she is extremely allergic to pork and is probably checking to be sure that no stray bit of sausage has snuck into her pizza accidentally. I should cut her more slack.

[SKinCA]

Just a clarification - if you have an allergy or something causes fatal gas, I'm totally with you. I'm allergic to mango myself (and isn't it everywhere today?) and have to request that people leave it out for me.

What I'm on about here is the people who are picky, picky, picky. The ones who formed their palates at age 3 and never matured from there. I would argue that they don't know what they like or dislike because they have formed an opinion based on a sample of one only.

I do try to cook within the tolerance of my guests. I try to make them something delicious. All I want is for them to give it a go.

But I'm seeing a trend here that tells my to relax and go with the flow. I shall try.

[Bicycle Lee]

allergies aside, I believe it is parenting that leads to this...Not exposing kids to food, or exposing them to your own food psychoses stunts their pallettes, and hence, their personality. Unwillingness to even try certain foods is a trait that extends to most other facets of their lives and is detrimental IMO. This goes to all the parents here: make your kids try all different things at a young age and you will spare the rest of world the horrible fate of there being nothing but bland all you can eat meat and potatoes buffets on every corner. Okay, that's a little extreme, but you know what I mean.

[CompassRose]

allergies aside, I believe it is parenting that leads to this...Not exposing kids to food, or exposing them to your own food psychoses stunts their pallettes, and hence, their personality.

I would disagree with that.

My parents eat almost everything (although my mother has the aversion, common, I believe, to many of her generation, to raw vegetables in any form, including "lightly steamed." She also hates garlic -- meaning I was deprived of the delights of both that and salad for 18 forlorn years.)

I eat almost everything, and always have. As a child, I hated a couple things (brussels sprouts, for instance) but when I met them as an adult, in their native green colour and not dissolving from overboiling, I liked them very much indeed.

My sister eats most things, though she eats only small amounts at a time (and was always accused by my hearty-appetited mother of not eating enough to keep a bird alive).

My one brother, the mushroom-hating one, was always picky, and continues to be; he likes few vegetables, and much junk food.

My youngest brother was extremely picky as a child, to the point where my mother taught him to make his own grilled-cheese sandwiches, as that was literally all he would eat for quite some time. Now, however, he has broadened his tastes considerably, and will eat, or at least try, very nearly anything, though not quite with the wild abandon that I will. (I was the only one of us who actually liked my cousin-in-law's durian, and my brothers wouldn't dare it -- though my sister accepted a small morsel which she promptly spat out.)

[GG Mora]

There's got to some phrase for people who you KNOW eat bacon but act like they subsist on lettuce leaves and mineral water. Something like, "backseat drivers." Any ideas, folks?

Closeted lipophiliacs.

[ingridsf]

Just a clarification - if you have an allergy or something causes fatal gas, I'm totally with you. I'm allergic to mango myself (and isn't it everywhere today?) and have to request that people leave it out for me.

What I'm on about here is the people who are picky, picky, picky. The ones who formed their palates at age 3 and never matured from there. I would argue that they don't know what they like or dislike because they have formed an opinion based on a sample of one only.

I do try to cook within the tolerance of my guests. I try to make them something delicious. All I want is for them to give it a go.

But I'm seeing a trend here that tells my to relax and go with the flow. I shall try.

Okay, the thing is, it is more and more often (in my experience) unclear as to who has the allergy/physical reaction and who's saying one thing at the time and doing another elsewhere. It's unfortunate because it's the folks who can't digest the bell peppers, or the whatever, who are at risk for getting an eye-roll from me when they don't deserve it. Because I've just had someone swear to me she "can't" eat sugar anymore when I happen to know she carries peanut butter cups in her purse.

There are a few things I really don't want to eat: sauteed liver, kidneys, brains, vegetables in cheese sauce. Note the verb: "want." Volitional, pertaining to desire. I'm very, very lucky in that there isn't anything I cannot eat, unless you count something like lobster or nuts that I truly cannot get out of their shells. If I were served one of my dislikeables at a dinner party, I would eat it. I'd probably gag, but that's controllable by breathing. Wouldn't eat much, mind you, but still.

[Gifted Gourmet]

Ditto on the hypocrisy of eating and not eating foods when presented by a host ... I, too, have watched in dismay some people who verbalize their "restrictions" in public while indulging themselves "out of sight" ....

and as for

If I were served one of my dislikeables at a dinner party, I would eat it. I'd probably gag, but that's controllable by breathing. Wouldn't eat much, mind you, but still

I would say that is most illustrative of "class". When someone has made an effort to prepare a special meal for guests, either inform them privately beforehand when possible, but please don't make a show of refusing the item loudly. Simple etiquette. Being a mentsch:

A mentsch is a decent, just and caring human being. A mentsch is someone who is compassionate and honest. 'A genuine person'. A mentsch is the opposite of a phony or a snob.

[CompassRose]

Sorry, but who benefits from it if you choke down something out of politeness? Your host? Unless I am unconscious or not wearing my contacts, I am going to notice someone doing that rapid mouth-breathing chew -- and it will worry me, because I will not know it is the diced red peppers she loathes, and will wonder whether my guest perhaps ate a hotdog at lunch that disagreed with her, and may shortly projectile-puke across my table. Or else I will think my cooking is at fault, and will be fretfully worrying my own food and thinking "is that something slightly burned? I didn't think I burned it..."

My guest? Suppose it did unimaginably slip her mind to mention "red peppers" when I asked my customary "is there anything you won't eat" question the week before. Well, there she is, unable to enjoy the conversation because she's too busy gagging them down, and most likely her whole memory of the party will be overshadowed by visions of red, horrid members of the nightshade family. And, because lots of people are like that, she won't want to mention the red peppers next time, in case I feel bad about serving them to her this time. Thus every time she eats at my house, she'll be dreading their possible appearance.

My other guests? Who may well also notice the "polite gag" and be wondering the same thing about the possible lunchtime hotdog?

By all means, don't say anything at the table, but for pete's sake, don't eat it if you don't like it. Then when I ask discreetly, later, you can murmur about the red peppers, and I won't do it again.

[Sleepy_Dragon]

Yeah, agree with what CompassRose said.

I also agree that it's rude and uncouth to make histrionics at the table, though I personally would not do this, and haven't encountered this with people I've cooked for just because there's something self-selecting about being into food in my experience: I generally don't get along too well with people who don't love food and also do the euuuw thing, it's behavior that crosses into many other areas aside from food.

Which is why I'm also careful about who I'd invite over for a meal. I can't think of any Atkins folks I get along with. Not to say that it would never happen, but in my realm of acquaintances, it hasn't. Same same with people who I notice treat badly those in service related industries. Probably the easiest short-hand I can think of is "Yammerhead", where it's about a person with a very one way mirror outlook on life.

On the other hand, a person whom I like and get on swimmingly with (especially as they're thoughtful, and not a yammerhead), it's not going to phase me in the least if they tell me they don't like such and such foods. I would have asked them beforehand, and would also sympathize with memories of being made to choke things down. This also includes vegetarians, which again, wouldn't be an issue because I'd know them well beforehand to know what sorts of vegetarians they are, and though I'm a carnivore, I enjoy vegetarian dishes and would be just as happy to think of a way to make them.

So, maybe the best way to avoid all this in the first place is to select for people based on a broader set of values as well as overall likeability and congeniality. But, if one insists on being the social butterfly, I think a good host has to at least do some research beforehand about the people they're inviting.

Pat

[ingridsf]

I'm not really sure it's about values. I think at heart it's about taste preferences and where they fit in the hierarchy of social behavior. Until recently, I would have agreed that no one benefits from eating something they simply don't like. Now, I'm frankly tired of negotiating multiple preferences that seem to change from month to month but always seem to have an edge of desperation. As if eating something one doesn't like is going to actually cause harm. Well, Jeffrey Steingarten's essay on eating food he didn't like showed 2 things: Repeated sampling of the food he didn't like decreased the aversion; and often, his aversion to something was based on having had a poorly prepared version of it. When he let his guard down and ate a well-prepared dish, he found he liked it after all.

This was certainly true of me and olives and cheese. Thought I hated both until, out of intense hunger on different occasions, began eating both. Turns out I like good olives and good cheese.

Ah well, it's all sort of a social dance, not really one "right" move.

[Pan]

Just a clarification - if you have an allergy or something causes fatal gas, I'm totally with you. I'm allergic to mango myself (and isn't it everywhere today?) and have to request that people leave it out for me.

What I'm on about here is the people who are picky, picky, picky. The ones who formed their palates at age 3 and never matured from there. I would argue that they don't know what they like or dislike because they have formed an opinion based on a sample of one only.

You may be right, but the important thing is to have a good idea of what your guests will or won't eat. Sounds like you may need to press them a little harder on what they do and don't like to eat.

[foodie52]

Everybody in the world gets one shot at my cooking. If they like it, they are invited back. If not, they are off the list. I'll go to restaurants with them, rather than cook and be offended.

[SKinCA]

Just a clarification - if you have an allergy or something causes fatal gas, I'm totally with you.  I'm allergic to mango myself (and isn't it everywhere today?) and have to request that people leave it out for me.

What I'm on about here is the people who are picky, picky, picky. The ones who formed their palates at age 3 and never matured from there. I would argue that they don't know what they like or dislike because they have formed an opinion based on a sample of one only.

You may be right, but the important thing is to have a good idea of what your guests will or won't eat. Sounds like you may need to press them a little harder on what they do and don't like to eat.

You know, I do ask people before I have them over and I'm more than willing to deal with vegetarians, religious beliefs and food allergies. But when you start to question 6-8 people about their particular food preferences, you're not talking about having a dinner party anymore - you're beginning to be running a restaurant!

I'd either have to make everything so bland and boring that cooking would be a chore or cook to order for each guest. For free, that I won't do!

I think it's the feeding of non-foodies that are a big issue. Many of the pickiest eaters are long-time friends of my husband and not the friends I would have chosen myself.

It's just a killer to think carefully about a menu, spend time preparing it and then have people reject your offerings out of hand because they are walking around with a bunch of food baggage.

And, I knew there was a reason that I like Jeffrey Steingarten so much. He's right on the money - what if it take you 100 times to like something and you give up after only 99 tries?

Also, the amount of swill I've had to choke down at other people's tables, politely, would choke a horse! I can pretty much promise they are getting better than swill at my house - so I'm back to "just eat what I give you!"

Me <-----apparently can't take it easy.