Vegan-Friendly Food, Not Vegan Food

[Khadija]

A good friend is vegan, and this sometimes causes problems. She likes to be included in social gatherings (and feels hurt/offended when she isn't included), but many gatherings center on food (either food preparation or eating or both), and most members of our group are not vegan. When we try to include her, there is always some big production made about whether she can eat the food (she usually can't).

Sometimes I have tried to make some vegan food, especially for her. This can backfire, for several reasons. she is highly suspicious of whether things are "really" vegan. Sometimes she decides not to come at the last minute. (Given that a lot of our gatherings are casual, deciding to back out of plans at the last minute is considered socially acceptable, so I don't fault her for doing this.)

She often decides to eat on her own beforehand, but at the actual gathering, she is always hungry and often monopolizes discussions with the subject of whether any of the food on offer is "vegan." She is very used to eating processed vegan food purchased from "health food stores" that comes out of packages (fake-meat, vegan cookies, vegan candy, vegan potato chips, etc.). She does not seem to trust that food is "vegan" unless it comes out of a package that tells her it is vegan. She also often tries (forcefully) to direct our group to vegetarian restaurants, where none of us want to eat.

We love our friend, but her veganism drives us nuts. I recently came up with the idea of trying occasionally to have dinner parties that feature "vegan-friendly" foods (not "vegan" food). By "vegan-friendly" I mean dishes that are not trying to cater to vegans or vegetarians, but just don't happen to have meat or dairy in them. This way, everyone can enjoy the food, without having to eat a bunch of fake meat and tofu-cheesecake, and without leaving my friend out or having to talk about the lack of vegan options all night.

Any ideas? Like I say, I am looking for foods that are not trying to imitate non-vegan foods (no grilled vegetables on a bun). So far, I've come up with falafel.

[gfron1]

My apologies if you've already done this but there are a few previous topics that touch on vegan foods HERE.

Also in the Pastry & Baking Index we have a section on special diets that you might find helpful HERE.

[Khadija]

My apologies if you've already done this but there a few previous topics that touch on vegan foods HERE.

Also in the Pastry & Baking Index we have a section on special diets that you might find helpful HERE.

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I've done searches, but I didn't find all of the threads that you linked, so thanks!

[Pebs]

Now that the weather is cooling, perhaps a soup buffet party would work for you. There are a vast array of vegetable based soups. You could serve three or four soups with one or two being meat based and the others vegan. Most meat eaters have no objection to vegetable soups. Add a salad and some great bread with some hummus in addition to butter and you'd be all set. And it could all be made ahead and reheated.

[The Old Foodie]

Hmm.

There are two issues here - one is the food, which I am sure you will get a lot of help on from eGulleters

The other one is about friendship - you are clearly an excellent friend to this person. Yet she doesnt trust you, and she monopolises the conversation on the issue that you have worked so hard on, just for her. What makes you think that she will "trust" your vegan-friendly meals either?

She needs a little lesson in how to be a good friend in return.

May be you should take her out for a cup of vegan coffee and have a little talk about her lack of trust, and the meaning and responsibilities of friendship?

Another alternative, if you could bear it, would be to stock up on processed vegan food of her preference, so that at least she couldnt complain of hunger and monopolise the conversation.

[WHT]

I think being accomadating is one thing but some people go too far. You as the host can only do so much to to make someone comfortable. Would this friend broil you a steak if you came to an event they where having? It sounds like your friend has some control issues that need to be resolved. Why should the whole group be put on the spot for one person?

[StevenC]

I think being accomadating is one thing but some people go too far. You as the host can only do so much to to make someone comfortable. Would this friend broil you a steak if you came to an event they where having? It sounds like your friend has some control issues that need to be resolved. Why should the whole group be put on the spot for one person?

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Precisely. It's an attention thing. Tell her if she's not happy with what you're serving, she should bring her own food.

[gfron1]

Geez gang...I have all sorts of friends who have dietary needs and I don't put my energy into worrying about how they respond or what monopolizing may happen - that's their crap to keep. I enjoy the challenge of making great foods under unusual circumstances - meaning their restrictions. I like to pick the brain of folks with dietary needs so I can have a better repertoire. But I certainly don't put energy into all the drama around it - its just not why I cook. (For the record - I eat anything and everything and love it)

[Khadija]

Usually, I wouldn't bother to cater to one person's dietary preferences, especially if that person is being difficult, but I treat this case a bit differently. All I can really say is that sometimes I think we are more accommodating to certain people, because of the context of the situation, even when those people are being difficult or even unreasonable.

On the issue of trusting whether foods are vegan or not, I don't think that she believes her friends would deliberately try to feed her non-vegan food. I think she just doesn't trust that everyone understands all of the dietary restrictions that her veganism entails. For example, for her, beer is off limits because it contains all kinds of animal-derivatives. I didn't know this before she told me.

I don't really expect to change the way I regularly cook or serve food. But, once in a while, I'd like to make a meal that she can enjoy with the group, where the situation is set up so that her dietary preferences don't set her apart from everyone else to the extent that those preferences wind up being the focus of the discussion. I also thought that, maybe if she is around for the food preparation, and she can see and have some control over what goes into the food, she might feel more comfortable about not relying on "vegan" on a package.

A soup buffet sounds good!

[david coonce]

Actually, beer CAN contain all kinds of animal derivatives. Much (if not MOST) of it does not. The problem sometimes with people on extreme diets is that they believe every single thing about a food product without checking. Vegans, more than probably anybody, should do their homework before saying things like "beer contains all kinds of animal derivatives." Because that's just not true. I was once a vegan, and I have home-brewed beer for many years, without ever putting a single animal product into it.

Here's a resource. And I know there are others:

www.veganconnection.com/veganbeer.htm

[Dianabanana]

Like Rob, I'm no vegan, but I enjoy the challenge of catering to people's dietary restrictions. I don't understand the hostile reactions that people often have to those whose diets are different from their own, and I think it's lovely when a host tries to make everyone feel comfortable, respected, and included. It sounds like your friend just has a lot of anxiety over her diet for whatever reason, and also is lacking in social skills. We're all flawed. I think the approach of making regular food that just happens to be vegan, especially "ethnic" food, is the exact right one. Everyone will enjoy it and probably the only reason they would notice it's vegan is if your friend starts talking about it!

If you take a look at Deborah Madison's Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone or Madhur Jaffrey's World Vegetarian, you will find a ton of delicious, authentic and only incidentally vegan recipes. Both of these books have gotten rave reviews from eGulleters of all dietary persuasions. You can tell her what you're doing, and in the course of the conversation tactfully address her rude behavior. Either she'll get it, and everything will be fine, or she won't, and you can reevaluate whether it's worth the continued effort.

[TongoRad]

For example, for her, beer is off limits because it contains all kinds of animal-derivatives.  I didn't know this before she told me.

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For whatever it's worth, I remember something alarmist like that making the rounds on the web a few years ago. The thing is- it's just not that accurate. The biggest offender seemed to be isinglass, which is made from the swim bladder of a fish but is only used to clarify the beer and doesn't really end up in the final bottled product (it will only be an issue with cask conditioned ales, as it is still there at the bottom of the cask). The other items were pretty rarely used, if I remember correctly, and probably also as finings. Anyway- there are lists out there of 'vegan-friendly' beers if your friend is interested, like this one.

But, once in a while, I'd like to make a meal that she can enjoy with the group, where the situation is set up so that her dietary preferences don't set her apart from everyone else to the extent that those preferences wind up being the focus of the discussion. I also thought that, maybe if she is around for the food preparation, and she can see and have some control over what goes into the food, she might feel more comfortable about not relying on "vegan" on a package.

Piece of soy-cake...lots of 'antipasto' type dishes are vegan friendly (pickled eggplant, mushrooms, roasted peppers, legume salads, olives, green vegetables, caponata, nuts, etc. Bread, of course). Heck- you can even add in stuff like the soups and hummus that Pebs suggested (and maybe falaffel ) and you'd have a helluva spread. Personally I'd also keep some cheese and lebna off to the side, but I don't think it's necessary. If the spread is large and varied enough it should make for a satisfying meal for all.

ETA: Looks like david coonce beat me to the punch on the beer thing. Still- tell her that beer is back on the menu!

Edited October 11, 2007 by TongoRad (log)

[Chris Amirault]

The "beer is off limits because it contains all kinds of animal-derivatives" declaration suggests that any prepared products are guilty before proven innocent (unless they have the vegan seal of approval, apparently). Is it possible to get her list of prohibited ingredients, and then confirm that so that you can assume that anything else is ok? Then you can be creative with the plethora (or paucity) of remaining items.

I'll second the Madison and Jaffrey recommendations, btw.

[plk]

My vegan friends don't drink beer either, but for them, it's just that they prefer mixed drinks. Actually, I did finally find a type of beer they like: framboise. They're not totally without hope. But anyway, if you can't convince her that beer is safe, maybe a nice cocktail would be a good choice.

There are a lot of things you can make pretty easily without animal products. Pasta with tomato sauce, pasta with olive oil, garlic, and herbs, roasted vegetables on the side, and even garlic bread made with vegan margarine (not all margarine is vegan). Earth Balance brand tastes the best, and you can also use it in cooking. You could also do a roasted acorn squash, with a little of the vegan margarine and maybe a touch of brown sugar. Or a squash soup. We also do pizzas, and the vegans either forgo cheese in favor of other toppings (you could do some nice caramelized onions, a couple of sauces, some sauteed mushrooms) or they bring their own vegan cheese (vegetarian cheese is not necessarily vegan, so you have to be careful). Also, if you have a Trader Joe's around there, Soy Delicious ice cream is vegan, and their Jo Joe's cookies are also vegan.

[Khadija]

I didn't know that that most beer is okay for vegans, but we have come across vegan beer. I think she just doesn't like beer. I figure it's just because she hasn't been exposed to beer enough (as a result of the veganism), but if she doesn't want to drink beer, that's fine I guess. But it is good to know that beer may be allowed as an ingredient. I often use beer as an ingredient, mainly because I like to drink beer while I cook. I'll often throw some beer into a pan to deglaze, or thin a sauce with beer.

[lperry]

Middle eastern food is nice for a buffet-type spread and many items are vegan. Hummus, baba ghanouj, tabouleh, etc. Many Asian foods are also vegan. I will be the next person to recommend Jaffrey and Madison cookbooks. I have a shelf full, and they are wonderful.

Good luck and have fun!

-L

[david coonce]

If you want to get totally crazy, find the Millennium cookbook (The Millennium is a San Francisco vegan restaurant). While I (a many-years recovered vegan) find many of the recipes over-reliant on tofu, seitan and other fake, non-sustainable stuff, there are some amazing, intricate vegan preparations in there with nice presentation ideas. Have a vegan dinner, invite your non-vegan friends and don't tell them it's all-vegan, and see how many notice. It will be fun for all and a re-affirmation to your friend that her diet doesn't have to consist solely of crappy processed vegan junk food.

[Khadija]

Thanks for all the recs everyone, especially the cookbook recs. I love Madhur Jaffrey, so that's a great idea. We made samosas once, in the summer, and my friend loved them. An Indian themed meal sounds great. I really, really appreciate information about how to make tasty vegan food that doesn't rely on processed, and heavily packaged stuff.

[plk]

I think I've made two things out of the Millennium cookbook, and I doubt I'll make any more. Each recipe is so much work, I swear. Really exact and elaborate. But, the dishes are impressive. Personally, I think a book like that is something the vegan friend should get for herself and make stuff for all of you. The Voluptuous Vegan is a book I've found to be a bit more user-friendly.

[Khadija]

My vegan friends don't drink beer either, but for them, it's just that they prefer mixed drinks. Actually, I did finally find a type of beer they like: framboise. They're not totally without hope. But anyway, if you can't convince her that beer is safe, maybe a nice cocktail would be a good choice. 

There are a lot of things you can make pretty easily without animal products. Pasta with tomato sauce, pasta with olive oil, garlic, and herbs, roasted vegetables on the side, and even garlic bread made with vegan margarine (not all margarine is vegan). Earth Balance brand tastes the best, and you can also use it in cooking.  You could also do a roasted acorn squash, with a little of the vegan margarine and maybe a touch of brown sugar. Or a squash soup.  We also do pizzas, and the vegans either forgo cheese in favor of other toppings (you could do some nice caramelized onions, a couple of sauces, some sauteed mushrooms) or they bring their own vegan cheese (vegetarian cheese is not necessarily vegan, so you have to be careful). Also, if you have a Trader Joe's around there, Soy Delicious ice cream is vegan, and their Jo Joe's cookies are also vegan.

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Pizza is a great idea, as is the idea to make squash!