How to make entertaining more entertaining

[Marlene]

Re: shoes: do you tell people about your no shoe policy ahead of time and advise them to bring slippers, or do you provide slippers?

The only time I've been told to take my shoes off when visiting someone's house it was high summer, so I was wearing Birkenstocks. No socks. COLD marble floors. ICE COLD.

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We do, for this very reason. All my floor upstairs is ceramic tile or hardwood. I have several pairs of warm fuzzy moccassins I kept for guests. Although as I said, if I know we are just going to be upstairs, I don't normally ask people to take their shoes off.

My brother was notoriously late for everything. Whenever I needed him to be somewhere at a certain time (my wedding for example, to give me away :biggrin:Christmas dinner etc ) I always told him the time to be there was an hour ahead of whenever it really was. I could still count on him to be almost 15 minutes late, but it was better than having him arrive an hour late.

Maybe I just entertain so much that not too much about the process stresses me out anymore.

[snowangel]

In the winter here, people naturally take their shoes off at the front door (snow), and most bring slippers. Otherwise, I don't care (secretely, I want our carpet to die so I can expose our hardwood floors!).

But, like Marlene, I entertain often enough that it has become easy. Load up the dishwasher as you go. I have plenty of dishes and flatware, and lots of linens. Get things soaking immediately. As to the crumbs on the floor, they are ever present with three kids, so I sweep daily.

I have two very close friends who are often invited, and I welcome their help cleaning up (or helping with the prep) because it is a good chance for us to get caught up on what's happening. O

In the summer, it is on the deck, which makes it easy, but I never resort to paper plates and disposable flatware.

One of my friends always brings flowers, but she brings them in a vase, already arranged, and otherwise people just seem to bring beer or wine, which is always a good choice.

[Luckylies]

The biggest problem I have with entertaining is guests arriving too early. I don't have much time, ever. I try to get as much done as possible in advance, but I'm often scrambling at the end, and I usually still haven't showered half an hour before people are supposed to arrive. Therefore, when my friends ring the buzzer an hour or 45 minutes early, I usually start screaming at my husband to make them go away. The worst part is that most of them know that I hate early arrivals. As for gifts...no one gives me awkwardly large gifts. Heck, I'm lucky if someone brings wine.

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ugh, I hate hate hate early guests!!!! can't they walk around the block or something.

I make it easier by; drinking, having my guy do the dishwashing between courses (which actually helps pace the meal), actually eating, chatting and slowing down dinner etc...

I'm working on my sense of entertaining entitlement- so I won't be so stressed about being perfect.

The more empowered I feel the happier my guests are....so I chat and speed up and slow down at a moments whim. I don't have a dishwasher so I've taken to filling up my bathtub with soapy water in order to dump the dishes...later they just need a rinse and sort.

Just repeat my new mantra "this is not a restaurant" I also kidnap guests to "help" in the kitchen..stirring etc. and keeping me company, it keeps us all engaged, so I don't feel like the help also

Also with the shoe thing...ever think of offering socks??? maybe in fun colors? I used to have ugly foot paranoia and would have hated going "naked" Do you have a bench to sit on to remove shoes?

also ever try Evites? put your time...state sharp and require rsvp's. Stick to your guns!

Edited April 4, 2007 by Luckylies (log)

[StephMac]

Early guests are worst than late ones in my book, since I'm continually running late prepping for parties. At least late guests call to warn you they'll be late! (well, the good ones do...)

As for the shoes-off thing, my friend has this same policy and solved it by getting a bunch of cheap, easily-washable, one-size-fits-all (plus a few XL-sized ones for the tall folk) slip-on slippers in various colors at Ikea or somewhere similar and putting them all in a large basket by the door with a simple wood shoerack next to it. As you come in the house, she'll say something along the lines of "please help yourself to a pair of slippers; you can leave your shoes on the rack next to the basket."

Oh, and when it's cold out, she lines up the slippers next to the heater so they're warm and toasty for the tootsies. Fabulous!

[wlg]

Oooh, the shoe thing. I hate that. I have an aversion to walking around in my socks or stockings. If I'm first-time guest, I have an special aversion to being surprised by this policy at the front door - now I'm sentenced to an evening of cold feet and potentially snagged stockings. If I know it's a no-shoe house ahead of time, at least I have a chance to bring an indoor alternative of my own choosing. Shoes are part of adult attire and behavior, however. I suppose that one advantage to not wearing shoes in the house is that you can put your feet up on the coffee table, too? I've seen a hostess with a no-shoes policy in a gorgeous silk skirt and sweater set, accessorized with a pair of ugly grey felt bedroom slippers. Nice. Have your guests wipe their feet at the door. Get decent doormats. Put more than one in a row in front of the door and down the hall - folks should get the idea, and their soles should be fairly grit free by the time they hit the bare floor. Alternatively, at least warn your guests ahead of time.

Generally, my dinner guests are friends who are adventurous eaters with good senses of humor. I feel fine experimenting on them with new recipes, and if it turns out that I get behind, they are happy to come up with creative ways to wrap shrimp wontons as they help out. I too believe that if folks want a restaurant experience, they should go to a restaurant.

If someone brings wine, I'll generally start with what I've planned. As the evening progresses, if the gifters indicated that the wine can be drunk now, and the wine looks like it'll fit in, I'll break it out.

Cleaning up is one of my favorite things. In the quiet afterwards, I think about the evening, load the dishwasher, wash the wineglasses, and only leave hard-core pots requiring overnight soaking. I like to come downstairs the next morning to some semblance of order, rather than facing the wreckage in the cold light of day.

[racheld]

I go barefoot most of the time at home, and shuck my shoes in most folks' houses, whether they ask or not. Socks or bare, I usually tuck my feet up crosslegged in my chair anyway. I don't care what they wear or don't at my house. Sometimes we "dress" for dinner, but that usually means breaking out a freaky old hat collection we've been adding to for years.

And we usually linger at the table through dessert, coffee, maybe liqueurs, more coffee, and enough stories and jokes and fun to leave us all gasping. No time for cleanup before guests leave except grabbing a dozen or so go-boxes and dividing up the leftovers for whoever wants to tote 'em. I like doing the cleaning at my leisure anyway---usually to a Jane Austen or Sue Grafton or Sherlock Holmes on tape. This is the first time ever I haven't had a "view" from the sink, so I let my ears do the entertaining.

We entertain lots, I guess, but nine times out of ten the whole process is so mellow that the stress level is non-existent. 

Y'all come on by.  It's warming up.  The terrace (AKA the front porch) will be open for business any day.  Shoes optional.

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Busboy, you had a fascinating piece on "cleanup" in another thread---maybe last year? It was really well written and made the whole aftermath sound as fun as the party.

You should link it, for those who missed it.

[helenjp]

The shoe thing...funnily enough, although I live in a fairly Japanese-style Japanese house, when I'm in New Zealand I don't like to impose my shoes-off policy on guests. My guests see everybody else's shed shoes, so they can't help knowing my policy - if they still don't want me to see their shoe-induced bunions, so be it .

White carpets, fragile parquet - I think that your choices are either to put an "entertaining" carpet down on top of your current floor surface, or to dine out when entertaining. Inviting somebody to your home is a big message of trust and intimacy - it's worth a lot of tolerance and backbending to avoid undercutting that message.

[Chufi]

Busboy,  you had a fascinating piece on "cleanup" in another thread---maybe last year?   It was really well written and made the whole aftermath sound as fun as the party.

You should link it, for those who missed it.

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I'm not Busboy, but rachel, your post made me want to read that thread again so searched for it:

In Praise of Doing the Dishes

I have to say I'm puzzled by this whole topic, and it's another reminder that customs are, indeed, different around the globe.

I always think of the people first, and then about the food I'm making. So we'll think: Oh, we haven't seen those friends for a while; let's call them and see if they are free this weekend. If it turns out they're not free, we might set a date somehwere in the near future. I only start menuplanning when I know who's coming - because different guests get different types of food, based on their likes and dislikes etc.

I don't really think of this as entertaining (and, btw, there is no Dutch word for that ) but I think of this as "having friends over for dinner".

And the shoe-discussion reminds me of that episode of SITC where Carrie visits an old friend and is asked to remove her shoes. She looks down her dress to the tips of her shoes and exclaims: "but you don't understand.. This is an OUTFIT!"

As a rule, Dutch people don't ask their guests to take off their shoes. Some guests might take them off just to be more comfortable. I understand that if you have a really precious floor, or fussy neighbors, you might go for this policy. But the way I see it, going to a dinnerparty requires mutual effort. The hosts make sure their house is reasonably clean, they cook, they set the table, they make the food look appetizing. The guests arrive on time, they will have clean and somewhat nice clothes on, and shoes that match the clothes.

Hey, I have shoes I can't walk in so I can only wear them to dinnerparties Please don't make me take them off!

anyway, interesting topic!

Edited April 5, 2007 by Chufi (log)

[Simon_S]

The biggest problem I have with entertaining is guests arriving too early. I don't have much time, ever. I try to get as much done as possible in advance, but I'm often scrambling at the end, and I usually still haven't showered half an hour before people are supposed to arrive.

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Answer the door naked. I've never done this myself you understand, but in my case at least, nobody would EVER arrive early again.

Si

[racheld]

Thank you, Chufi, ---that was a lovely read. I could not let go til the last bit of the thread, though we're supposed to be on the road by seven. Just those words, from all the kitchens and all the households represented, will sustain my daily requirement of eGullet until we return on Monday.

And where we're going, there WILL be dishes.

[Jean Blanchard]

While I can relate to much of what's being said here, I can't help but think that not having friends who want to come share an evening with me would be much worse. Certainly, if a guest is deliberately rude the decision to invite or not invite is easy. Anything else? Oh well...life ain't perfect.

jb

[scubadoo97]

When we have people over my wife goes into a cleaning mode to make sure her house is clean. I do all the shopping, cooking and most of the kitchen clean up so it's not something she has to deal with but she gets so worked up about cleaning the house just prior to having people over that she is exhausted and hates to entertain. I tell her, don't worry so much, everything doesn't have to be perfect. I just get a joy from cooking for my family and friends. The shoe thing really intrigues me. Unless one has white carpet or antique oriental carpets I don't see where shoes are a problem. Life's too short to worry about such things.

[jayhay]

And the shoe-discussion reminds me of that episode of SITC where Carrie visits an old friend and is asked to remove her shoes. She looks down her dress to the tips of her shoes and exclaims: "but you don't understand.. This is an OUTFIT!" 

So true! I can't imagine being invited to a cocktail party & everyone is in bare feet or wearing an assortment of slippers. It's supposed to be a dress-up affair.

As far as clean-up goes, nothing is done while the guests are still here other than putting food away. I think it spoils an evening if everyone jumps up & starts rattling pots & pans. Much rather sit & enjoy our guests, & do the dishes after they've left.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

I'm loving this thread. So sorry I came in on it kinda late.

If we entertain for business, and sometimes larger parties for fun (such as, honoring someone who's done something amazing), I hire helpers. I do the food, and they finish and serve it with a little direction from me. But for the many more casual dinners we have, I do this:

-Tell people to bring nothing. If they do, they're in charge of it. Of course, I don't tell them that!

-Tell people to wear what they want, and then tell them what I'm wearing and stick to it (usually, "Fabby will be in the jeans that fit her best on that day!" keeps potentially nervous people from feeling overdressed.) I also keep my shoes on, and encourage others to do so because Jean-Luc adores bare and stocking'ed feet.

-Meet people at the door with the following: Big hug, glass of champagne or bubbly water, and a hat full of jobs on slips of paper. Everyone gets as many hugs or bubblies as they want, but only one job. Trading is allowed, but we do try to discourage people from selling their jobs to others.

-Because of this, plating and clearing can be done with minimal fuss.

My houses are for living in, though I do draw the line at rollerblades in the foyer (sorry, Fresser). Crumbs are handled by Roombas, Swiffers and the Hound-dog (not in that order), marks on the floor are a small price to pay for a house full of happy people. Any object that I don't want handled or couldn't bear if it was broken or damaged, is put away. That includes Baccarat crystal purchased on trip to Paris in the 80s (franc was 10 to a dollar, sigh). It does not include my collection of pig salt & pepper shakers (some R-rated), which grace the table with my husband's family silver, and the Santa Claus china that I use to supplement the plain stuff.

And yes, I'm considered weird because of this attitude. I also can't remember the last time someone regretted an invitation without giving a concrete reason, or showed up late, or didn't laugh themselves sick at my table.

[Kouign Aman]

Any object that I don't want handled or couldn't bear if it was broken or damaged, is put away

Aint that the truth! If its out, its for use and the risk of loss has previously been deemed acceptable. I cant imagine holding my breath for fear a guest would break something I used to serve their meal. That does mean some folks get to use glasses that other folks dont.... its all part of "know your friends/family".

[hummingbirdkiss]

I always have buffet style and people can flop with food where ever

I have beautiful rugs/wood floors so what I do is if it is people who are not familiar with me and the whole no shoes thing

1. if it is a small casual group I have fuzzy socks of all colors ...to give as welcome gifts... they are greeted at the door and given a pair to wear at the party and keep very polite "make yourself at home and enjoy being comfortable sort of way" you can buy them in bunches at Costco the nice soft fleecey ones and they are a lovely gift I think!

2 with a larger group that would be too expensive to buy all those socks I put in the invite .."bring your comfy slippers so we can kick our shoes off and sprawl" or something like that ..

most folks when they see a shoes at the door and you with out them will do the same it is the rare occasion people don't ...

seating ..our dining table seats 8 comfortable 10 in a pinch...so to expand our table sitting and bare in mind we are very casual entertainers.....I had my husband cut down the pedistal and revamp a craigslist free score of a dining table but cutting down and making the pedistal work then I painted it in heavy black enamel ...now I have a beautiful Korean style sit on the floor dining table that with comfy cushions will seat 8 people in front of the fireplace ...it is so popular with my friends that they will argue over who gets it like kids would!

clean up

well one good clean up before people come ..then a load in the dishwasher and take the potentially smelly trash out (clam, crab shells that type of thing) out..other than that I do nothing after the party but sit with a glass of wine and enjoy the moment of feeling like I did something very nice for my friends...

one of my annual traditions is to have a spring brunch/plant swap ...usually 50 people show for this I stagger my food and my people naturally seem to stagger themselves into an all day event of non stop buffet..my garage is utilized for the plant swap (everyone who gardens brings a plant from their garden and takes a plant home to add to their garden it is really fun and I end up with the bulk to fill my own garden) ...

I usually never ask people to bring food if they want to bring something I have them only bring a bottle of wine or whatever they enjoy drinking or perhaps a very non perishable dessert (you can never have to many of those!)

we usually do a lot of London broil for crowds everyone loves it served fajita style with roasted/grilled veggies and the..the prep/cooking/clean up is as easy as going to buy a huge top round cutting the London broils out of it ...make a huge batch of marinade and putting them into zippy bags...roasted veggies in the oven and flat bread

I try very hard for large crowds to have the flow both inside and outside ..even if it means some tarpatecture (creative tarping ) during this rainy time of year

OH MY BEST TIP FOR PEOPLE WHO GET TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE...my kids are a Godsend ..we have this drill of scoping for drunks and if one person appears to be too drunk to drive ...and not open to us providing a ride ...my son will say "so and so needs to get out may I please move your car" no one ever says no ..then he keeps the keys and the option when they want to leave is to either sober up and not leave until they are ..or to let my son and friends drive them home...most people are so grateful for this and trust me I am all about drinking and do a bit of it myself .....but I will not have that on my head ...I am not going to have a dead friend or them kill someone ... because they leave my house drunk!

[hummingbirdkiss]

oh one more thing I do as far as people bringing gifts ...

when they ask "what should I bring" ...I say

"we all have so much would you like to just bring a small donation for the local food bank" ?

I label a jar as to what food bank we are supporting for this party...put it by the door and as they leave they can donate no pressure ...

it is such a nice way to share the wealth so to speak I have made as much as $300/for one party to donate and people just love the idea and always want to know "how much did we raise" or "you know I am going to do that next time I have a party!"

[FabulousFoodBabe]

I do nothing after the party but sit with a glass of wine and enjoy the moment of feeling like I did something very nice for my friends...

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Yes, yes! I think of parties where I feel uncomfortable and find some common threads:

-Host/ess cleans up constantly. Uses plastic cups and then walks around with a trash bag cleaning up during the party. (Are we in your way?)

-Guests are asked not to drink red wine or eat certain items outside a small area. (If you are worried about your rugs or furniture, why serve red wine or drippy stuff?)

-Guests are left sitting alone while host/ess cleans the kitchen, loads the dishwasher, etc. Stacking and rinsing and soaking silverware is one thing. (Guests are an afterthought.)

-Guests who are allowed by the host/ess to dominate conversation. (Good Lord, don't get me started.)

Whew, I'm Blabby Fabby today!

[Megan Blocker]

I do nothing after the party but sit with a glass of wine and enjoy the moment of feeling like I did something very nice for my friends...

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Yes, yes! I think of parties where I feel uncomfortable and find some common threads:

-Host/ess cleans up constantly. Uses plastic cups and then walks around with a trash bag cleaning up during the party. (Are we in your way?)

-Guests are asked not to drink red wine or eat certain items outside a small area. (If you are worried about your rugs or furniture, why serve red wine or drippy stuff?)

-Guests are left sitting alone while host/ess cleans the kitchen, loads the dishwasher, etc. Stacking and rinsing and soaking silverware is one thing. (Guests are an afterthought.)

-Guests who are allowed by the host/ess to dominate conversation. (Good Lord, don't get me started.)

Whew, I'm Blabby Fabby today!

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I have many of the same pet peeves, but must make a plea in my own defense as someone who does occasionally clean during a party - it is only because I have, quite literally, about 4 square feet of counter space, and no dishwasher. So washing some dishes here and there is the only way to clear space to set out more booze, the next course, whatever.

Sometimes I hide dishes in the bathtub, but sometimes I do a little mid-party washing up.

Sorry!

For me, the hardest thing about entertaining has been getting over the fact that my apartment is relatively minuscule. Once I realized that guests don't care that they have to help me move the table into the living room once cocktail hour is over, I became much more comfortable having people over and letting them help set up for dinner once drinks have been consumed.

As has been said up-topic, it's all about the right guest list...

[FabulousFoodBabe]

So washing some dishes here and there is the only way to clear space to set out more booze,

Well, honey, why didn't you say so? That's a completely different thing!

Sometimes I hide dishes in the bathtub, but sometimes I do a little mid-party washing up.

Now, that's what I call multitasking. Bathing with the dishes, mid-party? wow. (Where is that salaaming emoticon when you need it?)

Seriously -- I've spent 90% of my life in da 'burbs, where room is plentiful and often underused. Those peevie things I wrote of happen in places where the homeowners care way more for their things than their people.

[BekkiM]

-Guests are asked not to drink red wine or eat certain items outside a small area.  (If you are worried about your rugs or furniture, why serve red wine or drippy stuff?)

I once brought a stack of sippy cups to our book club meeting when it was held (over my strenuous objections) at the home of a (now ex-)member because she said we weren't allowed to have red wine. In fact, her entire house was white--plush carpeting, couches, walls, EVERYTHING. My sippy cups were not particularly well-received, but then, I didn't want to be there...

[helenjp]

Dishes in the bathtub, a woman after my own heart. But may I recommend the shower instead? So much easier to "pre-wash" .

Feeling nostalgic for the entertaining I used to do in the small apartment where I resorted to Megan's trick. I didn't have much Japanese china in those days, so guests were sometimes requested to bring their own rice bowl or ramen bowl .

[jsmith]

Just wanted to add a word of support on the no shoes issue. I've never been sure why people think they can come over and rub gas station bathroom drippings into my carpet for several hours but it's not going to happen on my watch.

Mmm, that stain on the carpet is nice, but why not add some chewing gum and dog poo to liven it up a little? Still doesn't look right? I saw some kids horking lugies on the sidewalk, and Sarah walked right through it. Her shoes have just what this floor needs.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

Just wanted to add a word of support on the no shoes issue.  I've never been sure why people think they can come over and rub gas station bathroom drippings into my carpet for several hours but it's not going to happen on my watch. 

Mmm, that stain on the carpet is nice, but why not add some chewing gum and dog poo to liven it up a little?  Still doesn't look right?  I saw some kids horking lugies on the sidewalk, and Sarah walked right through it.  Her shoes have just what this floor needs.

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My god, man! Where do you find these people, and how long do they hike to get to your home?

I once brought a stack of sippy cups to our book club meeting when it was held (over my strenuous objections) at the home of a (now ex-)member because she said we weren't allowed to have red wine. In fact, her entire house was white--plush carpeting, couches, walls, EVERYTHING. My sippy cups were not particularly well-received, but then, I didn't want to be there... cool.gif

Love it! (Did she actually let you use the cups? was everyone handed a bottle of club soda and a scrubber?)

I recall catering a party where the menu was planned around such a home. People who didn't know my work prior to that called me "that caterer who does such bland foods ..." Oh well.

[Fat Guy]

Oooh, the shoe thing.  I hate that.  I have an aversion to walking around in my socks or stockings.  If I'm first-time guest, I have an special aversion to being surprised by this policy at the front door - now I'm sentenced to an evening of cold feet and potentially snagged stockings.  If I know it's a no-shoe house ahead of time, at least I have a chance to bring an indoor alternative of my own choosing.  Shoes are part of adult attire and behavior, however.  I suppose that one advantage to not wearing shoes in the house is that you can put your feet up on the coffee table, too?  I've seen a hostess with a no-shoes policy in a gorgeous silk skirt and sweater set, accessorized with a pair of ugly grey felt bedroom slippers.  Nice.  Have your guests wipe their feet at the door.  Get decent doormats.  Put more than one in a row in front of the door and down the hall - folks should get the idea, and their soles should be fairly grit free by the time they hit the bare floor.  Alternatively, at least warn your guests ahead of time.

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I've never been sure why people think they can come over and rub gas station bathroom drippings into my carpet for several hours but it's not going to happen on my watch. 

Mmm, that stain on the carpet is nice, but why not add some chewing gum and dog poo to liven it up a little?  Still doesn't look right?  I saw some kids horking lugies on the sidewalk, and Sarah walked right through it.  Her shoes have just what this floor needs.

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With such divergent opinions on the shoes-off issue -- from those who find a shoes-off request barbaric to entire cultures that find wearing street shoes in a person's home to be barbaric -- it seems difficult even to approach the issue. I get the sense, however, that Americans are adopting off-shoes policies in their homes in increasing numbers (does everyone agree here?), so there really should be some generally accepted rules and expectations. I mean, nobody is offended by the request in Japan, right?

One issue for me is the formality of the event. For example, if people are coming over in nice clothes for some big event, I agree with wlg that shoes are an integral part of the attire and it would be a bit much to ask for shoes off. But that sort of event -- where men are wearing coats, no less ties -- happens maybe once a year in my home. Every other time we have people over it's jeans, tee-shirts and other Gen-X-appropriate casual attire. And I just don't feel that Merrell, Timberland and New Balance are essential to "adult attire and behavior."

There's also an urban issue here: people in a place like New York put hundreds of street miles on their shoes every year. It's not like in the typical suburb where people are just walking from indoor space to car to indoor space most of the time. The city is much more like jsmith's vision.

And in most any modern home, we're talking about an open or accessible kitchen where the guests are going to hang out. I'm just not eager to have people tracking potentially bacteria-laden street grime through the kitchen, when there's food preparation going on in there. In a restaurant they can hose down the kitchen floor twice a day, but that's not how it works in the home.