I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[elyse]

ewww.  Chicken fluids.  *shudder*

Heeheeheehee.

My little sister (known as "20-20" because when her teacher said, "Kristen Butler, what's your IQ?!" she stood up and said emphatically, "Twenny twenny!") was roasting her first chicken. She called up Mama to ask how it was done, and meantime was cleaning out the cavity. "Mama, something's in here!"

Mom said, "Honey, that's the giblets and organs."

Krissy sounded so disappointed. "Oh. I thought I won something."

[NeroW]

One time, I halved a recipe for New York Style cheesecake.

When I was mise en place-ing, I forgot to halve the sugar.

I dumped the sugar into the mixer before I realized it.

The sugar was just resting on top of the rest of the batter, so . . . I got out the Dustbuster and vacuumed (what looked like) half of it up.

Cake turned out fine.

[Suzanne F]

NeroW, that's a great truc to remember: always keep the dustbuster handy in the kitchen.

[NeroW]

NeroW, that's a great truc to remember: always keep the dustbuster handy in the kitchen.

I always do.

EDIT: to say I will never again drop a star anise pod on the floor, not pay attention to its final resting place, and step on it with my bare foot.

Edited September 16, 2003 by NeroW (log)

[bloviatrix]

I'm posting this on behalf of my lovely husband....

I returned home this afternoon to the smell of burnt wood. It hit me as soon as I opened the door. Now, it's a pleasant smell, but not one you want to be greeted by. It seems, my husband placed a wood spoon very close to one of the burners - when it was on - and singed it. To make matters worse, he was unaware that this happened until I came in and asked what caught on fire.

I'm lucky the building is still standing.

[Socrates]

There's a legendary story about my dearest Xanthippe (back when I didn't know her) frying chicken naked. Wish I had been there! And she still has a scar...

[elyse]

Done it!

[Line Cook]

I will never again...

Attempt to blacken steaks in a poorly ventilated apartment.

Take a big whiff of my pot of reducing balsamic syrup(or hot wing sauce)

Toast nuts without a timer

Make a large batch of tapenade or olive pesto in my robotcoup without checking all the olives for pits.

[megaira]

throw finely minced garlic into a pan of hot oil. hot popping garlic shrapnel hurts!

[misgabi]

... leave any cooking in our house to my gorgeous boy (husband - and GB from now on).

We invite people for dinner and I have to work late that night - We are using the rotisserie on the BBQ for a whole scotch filet and GB says he will put it on an hour before the guests turn up) 7.30pm. I get home at 7.00pm to find him asleep in front of the TV and the BBQ outside shooting up 5 foot of flame (totally destroyed the shade cloth on the pergola at the house we were renting). He apparently put it on at 4.00pm in the afternoon and fell asleep watching the Wiggles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Second disaster involves GB again but ??? I go into the kitchen to find him throwing slices of beetroot (canned - it is an Australian obsession) into the deep fryer with a sprinkle of corn flour on them. When I asked what the hell was going on he said "we don't have to go to that Japanese place now - we can tempura them ourselves".

[curlywurlyfi]

I think this is my new favourite thread and I am guilty of at least half of them (hot pan handle? cold water/hot Pyrex? egg in microwave?). I myself, however, will never...

... use a plastic lighter to light my gas oven to roast a butterflied leg of lamb and forget where I left the lighter. Six guests sitting in the kitchen, laughing and enjoying a glass of wine, me quietly thinking, god, my eyes are really stinging, that cigarette smoke is really bothering me, hope I haven't suddenly developed an allergy, this is really dreadful - all of a sudden everyone else said, christ, what is that smoke - well of course plastic lighter was in flames on the floor of the oven, choking clouds of toxic black smoke pouring into the kitchen... we broke for cover into the garden and stood there laughing and weeping. We ate the lamb anyway, it was delicious, and I invented a whole new dish called Crying Lamb.

... I will also never use my Le Creuset griddle pan for searing previously marinated tuna steaks, then put the pan in the sink and immediately stack the Tupperware marinade container into the pan...

and finally, (see the Recipe software thread), I will never run into the other room to check a recipe on the computer whilst holding a wooden spoon from the cheese sauce pan. Cheese sauce + keyboard = such a telling-off.

Fi

[GSBravo]

I've done some of the things listed, and thesse probably aren't new, but they are things I should stop doing.

Do not, as oft mentioned already, grab a cast iron pan that has been in a 500 degree oven. It's hard to sleep while trying to hold a bottle of ice. Although the scars do show the proper way to grip a pan.

I'm pretty sure someone has already issued a warning about hot sauce, if not...do not take a deep whiff from the pan of whatever hot sauce you are making. It will make you cry. And don't lick the top of the hot sauce bottle either.

Now this is a do, DO take the time to make that you have the right measuring spoon. You can't pick out the extra salt.

It seems obvious in retrospect, but don't blow away the flour (pepper, etc) on the edge of the bowl. You really can't blow away just that little bit.

Oh, almost forgot. It's never a good idea to dry off a sharp knife. With a paper towel. Even if you fold it several times.

[browniebaker]

I'll never again roast Scotch bonnets over an open flame on my stovetop. Cough, cough. The whole family was choking. In fact, I'm never cooking with those peppers again. A week later, I must have touched some contaminated surface just before putting my contact lenses in my eyes. Ouch!

edited for typo

Edited November 21, 2003 by browniebaker (log)

[BJL]

I pre-heated my first gas stove without lighting it and decided to light it after a half hour - well, its a cheap way to get your eyebrows waxed - really waxed.

I am now affectionately referred to in my family as Barb B-Q or Kevin's Kentucky Fried Girlfriend.

Also, don't ever rub your eyes (with contacts in) after grinding hot pepper flakes. Ouch.

The classic was New Year's brunch watching my dear father warm the hollandaise by putting the pyrex measuring cup directly on the stove burner. I think I am still finding splatter in random spots around the house.

Accidentally used self-rising flour for the gnocchi, they looked like marshmallows.

I will never again use Gram's 30 year old Kitchenaid just because its sentimental - As the sausage was coming out into the casings it was already cooked - the machine just wouldn't stop smoking.

Edited November 21, 2003 by BJL (log)

[cfm]

Never remove a hot wok ring from the stove by spearing one of the holes with a single chopstick and thinking you can balance it on the end until you get to the sink. What *really* happens is that the wok ring slides down the chopstick, burning your forearm as tumbles down to your elbow.

This happens too if you remove a plum tart baked in a loose-bottomed tart tin from the oven and carry it across the kitchen with your oven-gloved hand only on the base of the tin. The ring which makes up the side of the tin slides down onto your bare fore arm, your other hand has no oven glove with which to offer assistance, and the only way to shake off the hot ring is to shake off the small but perfectly formed plum tart also. I have never done it again. Not with any kind of tart.

As well as being funny, this thead is informative. I don't have any pyrex and now I've learnt not to buy any - it's clearly far too dangerous.

Catherine MacColl

[elyse]

NOT buying Pyrex is a really stupid kitchen mistake.

[peanutgirl]

Not me... both my husband.

#1: sprinkle cinnamon in soup, thinking it's cayenne.

#2: use vanilla in a savory marinade, thinking it's soy sauce.

So I like to decant my ingredients into more attractive containers! Use your olfactory senses while cooking. I know what's where.

[MichaelB]

I say this regularly -- maybe typing it out will help me remember.

I will never again pay attention to anything other than the task at hand while using a cutting implement.

Last night, I became amused by the warning molded into the side of the japanese mandoline -- "Watch your fingers!" I begin thinking of the hazards of paying attention to the warning while using the madoline and my ring finger slides off the fennel bulb I was shaving.

One hour of direct pressure later, the bleeding was reduced enough for me to see that I lost a few layers of finger tip. I probably should have sought medical attention; but I am way too stubborn for that.

Pay attention, stupid!

[brngckn]

Melt marshmallows and butter for Rice Crispy squares, using a rubber spatula as a stirrer. Although the white plastic did blend nicely with the white marshmallow...

[bloviatrix]

Melt marshmallows and butter for Rice Crispy squares, using a rubber spatula as a stirrer. Although the white plastic did blend nicely with the white marshmallow...

I had the same thing happen. I forgot that all but one of my spatulas are made of silicone. And of course I picked the wrong one to use on something hot. Melted, gooey rubber is not a pretty site.

[torakris]

This has been a bad week for me in the kitchen.

I learned you should not try to carve a bruised piece out of akabocha squash with a chef's knife while cupping it in the palm of your hand.....

and

trying to remove a piece of eggshell from a hot frying pan (while making fried eggs) by pressing it down and dragging it across the pan with your fingertip is only a good way to get a bad burn......

[hjshorter]

Kris, ow!

I've done the eggshell thing myself.

[guajolote]

Kris, ow! 

I've done the eggshell thing myself.

i did it yesterday. i'm an idiot.

[elyse]

Okay Jin, shield your eyes.

Whe you take a set of measuring spoons out of the drawer, slam it shut while noticing two sets have tangled together, don't try to replace one set before the drawer shuts. But try to make sure you have latex gloves if you do. Which I did.

[chickenlady]

Things I will never do again (and really shouldn't have done the first time):

1) Try to loosen the stuck lid to my glass jar of sourdough starter by running it under warm water. Hey, it works for the jar of molasses, so why not? Needless to say, immediate access to the starter was obtained when the jar exploded in my hands. The mixture of sharp glass, gloppy starter and blood did nothing for the kitchen decor. I haven't had the heart to make another starter since.

2) Heat olive oil for wilted spinach salad, then go into living room to talk to husband. After about 10 minutes, husband mentions he's getting hungry. Quick glance into kitchen reveals a weird flickering light through a haze of smoke. Luckily, the fire extinguisher was quickly deployed, but not before the pan and burner fused and the hood was melted.

Unfortunately, #2 happened just last week and we are still cleaning up, repainting, etc. However, the stupid thing a former roommate did possibly spared me a worse fate:

3) Heat oil for fried chicken in a covered pan. When, upon lifting the lid, the oil exploded in flame, she poured baking soda in, which only encouraged the fire. Apparently, she's of the out-of-sight-out-of-mind camp and decided that the solution would be to carry the flaming pot of oil across the kitchen and pour it down the sink. All I can say is thank God she spilled it all over the floor and cabinets before reaching her final destination! Needless to say, we did not get our security deposit back.