I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[nerissa]

Sure beats mine.  Nine pm.  Six (by then) starving and drunk guests, including my husband's parents-in-law.

He had said previously that he would be in charge of dinner.  He appeared, all cheery -like, with a leg of lamb.  Frozen.

You have never heard such a deadly silence in your life.

(BTW, he fired up the grill, laid the lamb on it, and carved off crusty rare slices for everyone, a la minute.  Gyros-style.  It has gone into the family legend.  And , however grudgingly, most say it was the best lamb they have ever eaten.  So maybe not a disaster.  But our marriage almost ended that night! )

Thank goodness "His Handsomeness" is so multi-talented--the piano, the cooking... and as the conclusion to your story demonstrates, certainly is resourceful. As they say in Charleston "When you have a lemon, make a vodka tonic."

[NeroW]

. . . have too much to drink out of nervousness while frantically trying to feed 15 people at a dinner party, and put the centerpiece dish into the oven with Saran Wrap still on top.

[guajolote]

Put too many onion rings in the deep frying pot - and I wasn't wearing any shoes either, ouch. My wife has instituted a new house rule - no drinking while deep frying.

[beachcove]

Grab the curry powder instead of the cumin while making refried beans...

[IrishCream]

Let the Judge cook anything without my constant supervision. Last week he kindly offered to grill the Cornish Game Hens. After consuming them, I realized the giblet bags were still inside them! I asked him how he didn't notice the giblet bags when he washed the hens. Complete silence and he wouldn't meet my eyes... Ug.

[elyse]

There are only a few of these that I haven't done. But what a good laugh I had reading them!

This may be obvious, but ice and water in a bucket chills things faster than ice alone.

Levyme wrote:

>>i think i was about fifteen when a friend and i found a bottle of dom >>perioign 62' at my grandmother's house. only knowing that it was good >>from the mention of it in "You only live twice" i immediately suggested we >>put it in the freezer to cool it down. I returned a month later to defrost >>and scrub the freezre down the contents of a bottle that i will probably >>never come in contact with let alone be served chilled

I would have licked the freezer clean.

[fimbul]

Lessee. I once:

used nylon string to tie a roast. (Duh. It gets melty. Duh.)

set dough in the oven with the light on to rise (still in bowl, covered in cling wrap), then, moments later, began to preheat the oven with the dough still inside.

used three packages of chiles when I wanted a third of a package. I realized my mistake later, when I began coughing, crying, and crawling around my apartment opening windows. I made a mean pepper spray, but, as a curry, that was a failure.

And, I once watched my girlfriend goof off by sucking a wine glass onto her face. As we giggled at the sheer silliness of this, the wine glass gave a soft, "Pop!" and died in a million pieces. Fortunately, no one was hurt.

I must confess also at being a master at the old, grab-the-handle-of-the-pan-that-was-just-in-the-oven trick. The blood-curdling screams coming from my house last Halloween were not for show.

[Varmint]

Let's see, I was home brewing and decided to sterilize my bottles in my lab's autoclave. Beer bottle glass and high pressure steam do not make a good combination.

[Stone]

Forget to put the pot under the coffee maker....nothing like coming back to massive amounts of steaming coffee all over the counter and floor at 5am!!!

I did this over and over again, until I bought a coffee maker that wouldn't work until you put the pot under it. That was great, except I kept forgetting to turn the damn thing off. Coffee would burn down and then BAM, one exploded pot. After 6 exploded pots, I went out and bought a coffee maker that had to have the pot under it to work AND turned itself off after two hours.

I did this at the office. You really shouldn't push the "brew" button twice.

[Liza]

...slice jalapenos and THEN decide to put in my contact lenses.

[fimbul]

...slice jalapenos and THEN decide to put in my contact lenses.

And, for the love of gawd, don't slice habaneros, then go to the bathroom!

[Liza]

Permission to scream in empathetic agony?

[guajolote]

I can top the bathroom terror (I've done that several times.)

chopped jalapenoes + intimacy = very mad girlfriend

Edited February 4, 2003 by guajolote (log)

[fimbul]

chopped jalapenoes + intimacy = very mad girlfriend

I...I can't... You shouldn't....

Oy.

Words.... Not enough.

[Stone]

Crumble red peppers into sauce. Three hours later take out one contact lens. Jump around the apartment, bumping into things, and realizing slowly that I had to take out the other. No, repeated washing of hands didn't help that much.

Putting lens back in the next morning and realizing quickly that soft-lenses absorb and retain capsicum as readily as they do water.

[elyse]

On the hot pepper front, I hear that if you rub olive oil into your fingers, it will take most of the heat away. I'm a pepper whimp, so I can't attest to it. But it's worth a try for safe eyes and good sex, no?

[gknl]

On the hot pepper front, I hear that if you rub olive oil into your fingers, it will take most of the heat away.  I'm a pepper whimp, so I can't attest to it.  But it's worth a try for safe eyes and good sex, no?

stainless steel works, rub your hands on something stainless steel, I use my sink pan or the knife (carefully!) while running cold water. This works for onion, garlic, and fish too. Won't get it all, but it gets a lot.

Edited September 4, 2004 by Jason Perlow (log)

[awbrig]

Dredge Wiener Schnitzel in sugar instead of flour...

[Jinmyo]

Dredge Wiener Schnitzel in sugar instead of flour...

awbrig, sugar doesn't even look like flour. It's crystals. Flour is powder. Were the lights off?

[ranitidine]

...have bread in the toaster while reading the egullet board.

[Al_Dente]

I once roasted a chicken forgetting to pluck it first...

[mags]

...slice jalapenos and THEN decide to put in my contact lenses.

And, for the love of gawd, don't slice habaneros, then go to the bathroom!

Just one word: Tampon.

I sat in a dishpan full of yogurt for an hour.

And I apologize for what is clearly Too Much Info.

[tedwin]

Filling a Cuisinart food processor with too much liquid so it runs down the center post and out onto the counter top.

[Sam Iam]

Preheating the new gas Weber, and ripping open two beautiful packages of Angus porterhouse steaks. Slapped them on the hot grill. Closed the cover, and slurped down the rest of my bourbon. Several minutes went by, and something really started stinking. It was the plastic pad under the steak that absorbs the juice that drains out in the package. They were now a permanent part of each steak.

Yuk!

[Mottmott]

Making a simple syrup I poured in a couple cups of kosher salt instead of the sugar.

Edited February 8, 2003 by Mottmott (log)