Dining Solo

[Sneakeater]

There have been several recent instances on the New York board of prospective visitors asking whether certain restaurants are "suitable for solo dining."

This has struck me (and several other New York posters) as odd. At least in New York, almost every restaurant is suitable for solo dining. Most have bars (and some have communal tables) where you can eat alone, and virtually none will discriminate in any way against solo diners in terms of seating and serving them at a table for two.

The only exceptions I can think of are what I'd call the very-highest-priced blowout restaurants with limited seatings (I'm thinking of places like ADNY or Per Se), or perhaps some of the few remaining oldline fancy places.

So we New Yorkers don't really understand the visitors' concerns. As far as we're concerned, you can eat just about anywhere alone. Maybe this is limited to major urban centers, which tend to have large populations of single people. Or maybe it's just that big cities tend to be more impersonal, or more tolerant.

I recently travelled alone to Mexico City (obviously about as big a city as there is). It didn't even occur to me to worry about whether the places I chose to eat in would be suitable for solo dining. I just made a bunch of reservations -- including at most of the very top-of-the-line restaurants there -- and went. I never felt out of place.

So I guess I'm asking about others' experiences. What is the basis for the misgivings that some people have about dining solo? Has anyone had any bad experiences? Are there types of places that people feel should be avoided? Why? Or are the misgivings some people have mainly misplaced?

Edited May 11, 2006 by Sneakeater (log)

[DTBarton]

As someone who traveled alone a lot on business working for defense contractors (i.e. you don't get wined and dined as folks do in the private sector) I never had any problem eating out alone. I usually took a book or a magazine or something.

I was in NYC last week and had lunch in Chinatown at the Peking Duck House on Mott St. There was a guy in there who was dining solo with his IPOD. The new age book or magazine, I suppose.

[santo_grace]

I also used to travel alone for work and would eat out since sitting in my hotel room was depressing. (Can you tell I loved traveling?) Not to mention I love eating at new restaurants. I did a lot of research before I went and had some great meals by myself. It was actually the only perk to all the travel that I did. I was usually so involved in the book I brought that the waitstaff would startle me to ask me "if I was finished" or "wanted another glass of wine." I did wonder what other diners thought of me sitting there, and figured that those that thought it was weird, would never dine alone. I think there is a certain group of people like that and they aren't comfortable with it for whatever reason. Some people may be shy, others aren't comfortable doing anything alone.

If someone is asking if its suitable for solo dining, I would think that they would wonder if the restaurant is trendy/hip, and more of a social type place (see and be seen), than one that is concentrating on its food and the customer. I hope that makes sense - I'm not saying that trendy can't have good food, I'm just saying that some places are focused on a social atmosphere. While I don't mind dining alone, there are probably places here in Chicago that I've gone to, but wouldn't necessarily do so alone because of the crowd.

[Dignan]

When I solo dine, I prefer to sit at the bar and eat. So when I ask that, that's really what I mean. Some restaurant bars are too full of barhoppers to make dining there comfortable. And some restaurants have a limited bar area that is meant as a waiting area for tables, so that's no good. Other than that, I don't have a problem eating alone anywhere -- except I'd prefer to be at a two top in the dining room than a four.

[BryanZ]

Okay, here's a conundrum. I'm underage, thus making dining at the bar, at best, awkward. If I'm offered a seat there I'll take it but would normally prefer a table. Declining alcohol to a waiter is one thing but to a bartender it just seems wrong.

Am I correct in my misgivings? In the past I've always said something like, "Well, I won't be drinking tonight so would prefer to have a table." Most places accomodate but others have innane policies that only seat single diners at the bar. I understand how this makes sense for a crowded establishment but for a half-full restaurant it doesn't seem to make much sense.

So what's a kid to do?

[Dignan]

Okay, here's a conundrum.  I'm underage, thus making dining at the bar, at best, awkward.  If I'm offered a seat there I'll take it but would normally prefer a table.  Declining alcohol to a waiter is one thing but to a bartender it just seems wrong.

Am I correct in my misgivings?  In the past I've always said something like, "Well, I won't be drinking tonight so would prefer to have a table."  Most places accomodate but others have innane policies that only seat single diners at the bar.  I understand how this makes sense for a crowded establishment but for a half-full restaurant it doesn't seem to make much sense.

So what's a kid to do?

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In many areas, you needs be 21 to be in/at the bar, so that might make it even more awkward.

[Sneakeater]

The best things about problems like that is that if you wait a while they take care of themselves.

(How underage are you, though? If you look old enough to be seated at the bar, you must look old enough to order a glass of wine with dinner. I can't imagine most restaurant bars card people.) (Not that I'm encouraging you to do anything illegal, you understand.)

[BarbaraY]

Just tell them you're underage. I doubt that they will seat you at the bar.

I dislike eating at the bar.

[BryanZ]

The best things about problems like that is that if you wait a while they take care of themselves.

(How underage are you, though?  If you look old enough to be seated at the bar, you must look old enough to order a glass of wine with dinner.  I can't imagine most restaurant bars card people.) (Not that I'm encouraging you to do anything illegal, you understand.)

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Aren't you a lawyer?

I'm 19, but it's a plight I've had for a few years, as I eat out a lot. In NYC this isn't really a problem since I usually don't dine alone. But at school, in the SOUTH, I eat out alone for the newspaper and, in general, most kids aren't willing to spend as much as I do as often as I do. To make matters worse, people aren't too keen on serving underage kids in that area. It's just a big, awkward mess.

[Sneakeater]

You can imagine how much sympathy those of us who are nearing fifty have for you for being a 19-year-old college student.

Edited May 12, 2006 by Sneakeater (log)

[Sneakeater]

Aren't you a lawyer?

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Whichever way THAT cuts.

[Sneakeater]

If someone is asking if its suitable for solo dining, I would think that they would wonder if the restaurant is trendy/hip, and more of a social type place (see and be seen), than one that is concentrating on its food and the customer.  I hope that makes sense - I'm not saying that trendy can't have good food, I'm just saying that some places are focused on a social atmosphere.  While I don't mind dining alone, there are probably places here in Chicago that I've gone to, but wouldn't necessarily do so alone because of the crowd.

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That actually makes perfect sense (I kind of feel that way, too). But you often see people asking the "suitable for solo" question about places that OBVIOUSLY aren't trendy "scene" places but rather are OBVIOUSLY food/customer-oriented.

[eipi10]

I think there are many places that just aren't suitable for solo dining. If there's a bar, I almost always feel comfortable. But if I'm dining alone at a table and there are people waiting for a table, I feel awkward.

To the underage guy, I really don't see the problem. Not once have I been carded for merely sitting at a restaurant's bar. Even if there's a law prohibiting you from doing so, I don't think it's enforced. I sit at bars all the time and just order water to drink. Practically speaking, I see no reason you shouldn't do the same.

[Pan]

I think there are many places that just aren't suitable for solo dining. If there's a bar, I almost always feel comfortable. But if I'm dining alone at a table and there are people waiting for a table, I feel awkward.[...]

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I think you should feel entitled, not awkward. Let 'em wait for their own table.

[Shalmanese]

Aren't you a lawyer?

I'm 19, but it's a plight I've had for a few years, as I eat out a lot.  In NYC this isn't really a problem since I usually don't dine alone.  But at school, in the SOUTH, I eat out alone for the newspaper and, in general, most kids aren't willing to spend as much as I do as often as I do.  To make matters worse, people aren't too keen on serving underage kids in that area.  It's just a big, awkward mess.

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I'm overage in Australia but underage in the US (20) and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I never once got carded in my trips there. I went to snooty restaurants, college dive bars, local pubs and run of the mill joints, all solo.

[Kent Wang]

I don't really understand the concern either.

What do you usually do when dining alone? Read a book? I much prefer to keep occupied so that I don't eat too fast. I sometimes fiddle with my phone if the place is not too fancy.

[Daniel Rogov]

As a person who adores travel and often travels alone, I never hesitate to make reservations for one at any restaurant to which I want to go. I have rarely been turned down and never, never felt the least bit awkward. I will say though that I have a duel role - that of a person who thrives on dining out and as a restaurant-wie critic. In that second role, the restaurant that will not seat a single gets at least one black mark in my reviews. I am aware that the ideal table for a restaurant is one for four as that takes a single waiter, the same time, the same overhead expenses and the same effort as a table for one but that is one of the "risks" that restauateurs must take from time to time. The man or woman who dines alone on one evening may return a half a dozen times later with a group of 2 -3 friends.

[Swisskaese]

I hate to admit it, but I hate dining alone. I am sure it is some psychological thing, but I feel so uncomfortable dining alone. I always feel like people are staring at me and wondering why I am dining alone. It always reminds of the scene in "The Jerk", when Steve Martin goes into high class restaurant and says to the maitre'd, "Table for one." and a spotlight follows him to the table. This is exactly how I feel.

I know it is silly. I really don't know how to change this feeling.

[miladyinsanity]

I don't really understand the concern either.

What do you usually do when dining alone? Read a book? I much prefer to keep occupied so that I don't eat too fast. I sometimes fiddle with my phone if the place is not too fancy.

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Same here.

[joiei]

I dine solo a lot. Because I do not get off work until after 8:30pm, I usually get in after the dinner rush has been sat. I have no problem with sitting alone at a table, I am ususally too involved with a book or working on notes from the days work or whatever. If anyone else in the restaurant has a problem with me sitting alone, I am totally unaware of their being uncomfortable with my situation. Plus, I really don't care what they are thinking or feeling, that is their problem, I am hungry and like nice dinners.

Sometimes I will sit at the bar, and being a nondrinker, I have never had a bartender refuse to serve me if I only ordered an iced tea to go with my dinner. In fact, at some places I have been, I have not been the only diner at the bar. I know some times it is faster to get sat and order than waiting for a table.

If I have made a reservation, then I do not feel like I have put any other diners out to wait for their table. The first time I ate at Bluestem in Kansas City, I was a solo diner and have now been back with groups with plans to take more to show off the quality of the food and service. The same at a couple of places in DFW.

Happy Mothers Day all you beautiful ladies.

[rjwong]

As a person who adores travel and often travels alone, I never hesitate to make reservations for one at any restaurant to which I want to go.  I have rarely been turned down and never, never felt the least bit awkward.  I will say though that I have a duel role - that of a person who thrives on dining out and as a restaurant-wie critic.  In that second role, the restaurant that will not seat a single gets at least one black mark in my reviews.  I am aware that the ideal table for a restaurant is one for four as that takes a single waiter, the same time, the same overhead expenses and the same effort as a table for one but that is one of the "risks" that restauateurs must take from time to time.  The man or woman who dines alone on one evening may return a half a dozen times later with a group of 2 -3 friends.

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I agree with that. The "risk" the restaurant is taking can indicate their commitment to the long-term, establishing a solid customer base. To me, how a restaurant treats its solo diners is a great indicator if the restaurant has really done its homework. Once, I dined at a "name" restaurant, and while the food was okay, the service was unfortunately awful. Apparently, I wasn't a party of 6 and the wine was flowing ...

I see the interaction between the restaurant and the solo diner as a two-way street. I'm not as intimidated or self-conscious as I used to be. What can be really fun is to focus on the food, how it's presented, the portions, observe how the restaurant operates, the coordination between FOH & BOH, the timing, the refills, the waiting for the bill, notice how the staff interacts with customers, as well with one another ...

Sometimes, I wonder if solo diners tend to feel awkward because the restaurant staff don't know how to treat solo diners.

[Rebecca263]

I adore my own company, and so, I relish eating alone. Especially in a restaurant with good food, and comfortable seating. I can eat and giggle with myself, people watch, and read a book. Write a bit, eat some more. All by myself. Yay! I'm a very social creature, my friends can't believe that I go out of my way to eat out by myself. But, hey, I'm my very oldest, closest and best friend! My second favorite alone outing is the cinema, or a lecture.

[LindaK]

This subject came up in the France forum here.

In my own experience, I'm usually quite comfortable dining solo when I'm traveling or on business. I'm less comfortable doing so in my home town, though sometimes it's exactly what I want. I don't much care what strangers think about my dining alone, but I don't want to have to explain if I run into friends or colleagues.

[Sneakeater]

I think there are many places that just aren't suitable for solo dining. If there's a bar, I almost always feel comfortable. But if I'm dining alone at a table and there are people waiting for a table, I feel awkward.[...]

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I think you should feel entitled, not awkward. Let 'em wait for their own table.

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Ditto. You got there first.

Edited May 15, 2006 by Sneakeater (log)

[Sneakeater]

What do you usually do when dining alone? Read a book?

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I usually read a book until my food comes, and then concentrate on the food (and, probably, eat too fast). I often ask if I can hold onto the wine list after ordering, and study that.