Alone on Thanksgiving

[Randi]

The planning had been going on for a couple of weeks. Saving ideas and recipes from the folks here, recording Thanksgiving shows on the Food Network. Making lists. Testing a recipe or two.

Then my roommate tells me she has made other plans, knowing that my boyfriend was coming and thinking it would be nice for us to be alone (he lives 1200 miles away). Then it turns out my guy's job has gotten crazy busy and he really can't leave right now (they are in crisis mode.)

Suddenly - I find myself alone on my favorite holiday. I have mixed emotions. Part of me is kind of relieved that I don't have to shop and cook. Since I have a roommate, the idea of having the house to myself actually sounds good. I am glad she has something fun to do, and I completely understand that my guy can't risk his job by flying in right now.

So intellectually I am totally fine. But the past couple of days it has gotten to me emotionally. I am feeling sad.

I am wondering what I should do - should I buy some basics and cook anyhow? Should I get one of those "just heat and heat" complete meals from the local grocery store or Wegman's? Or perhaps the Boston Market drive through with their turkey and all the fixin's? (I am leaning towards that...)

What would you do if you found yourself alone on Thanksgiving? Would you cook, get takeout, or try to wrangle an invitation from a friend or family member?

[KatieLoeb]

Wrangle an invite. I'm sure there's space and plenty of food for you at someone's table. Being alone on the holidays is only fun if it doesn't make you sad. Like if you were feeling thankful about having the house to yourself for once that would be different. Doesn't sound that way though.

The other alternative is to really treat yourself right and have yourself an at home "spa day". Take a long leisurely bath or shower with a pair of exfoliating gloves or a loofah. Walk around in your favorite PJ's or bathrobe all day. Make yourself some mulled wine or cider to curl up with in front of the TV while you watch your favorite DVD's you've laid out in advance and let the head to toe moisturizer soak in. Give yourself a pedicure - not the nail polishing part but pumice off your feet and then grease them up with some vaseline and put on old sweat socks. Walk around with the green Frankenstein mask on. No one's going to see you! Take a nap in the middle of the afternoon if you feel so inclined. If you like to cook, then plan and execute a most fabulous meal for yourself. You can even just go to the local Whole Foods or gourmet shop and pick up pre-made pates, cheeses, whatever. Treat yourself and then be thankful that you can.

[Pan]

I know what I'd do: Any great Chinese restaurants in your area?

[Megan Blocker]

I know what I'd do: Any great Chinese restaurants in your area?

←

I was thinking something along these lines...either try to treat yourself to a dinner at your favorite place (if they're serving), or make your favorite dinner at home. Don't try to make it like Thanksgiving - unless that's your favorite meal! I would probably do rack of lamb or something like that...

Wrangling an invite could also be good!

Edited November 21, 2005 by Megan Blocker (log)

[Carrot Top]

I am often at a loss at to how to do this thing of being a single parent.

The fact that I am alone on Thanksgiving is always a reminder of this.

Thanksgiving will soon be here and the children will have gone off on a plane to their father’s house. This has been the way of things since the marriage ended – they live with me and spend holidays mostly with him.

Any holiday takes on a special shape because of this circumstance, Thanksgiving, most poignantly for me. I am thankful to have a few days completely to myself, free of the every moment demands that having children brings, the sense of always watching ready to help or direct, the constant parental inner eye always vaguely focused.

Thoughts of what has happened, this dissolution of the idea of family, enter into the Thanksgiving day, and there is nothing to do for it but to mourn the loss. Tears are indulged in, for tears are a part of life – and to stem them seems to create a false bonhomie that does not sit well nor seem appropriate in some important way.

As we have things to be thankful for, we also have a sense of our losses or lacks on this day, whether we are young and missing our family and friends, or older and doing the same thing from a different angle.

The children will at their father’s for Thanksgiving.

As for me, I’ll eat some things, read some things, and try to refocus on the things that I do have that I am very thankful for.

And the meal that invokes the idea of thanks in fullness given to the universe-at-large will be on another day, when the children return.

This year, I am thinking of re-naming it “Pranksgiving” and eating foods that surprise. Fun for the kids! And somehow just right as a reminder of some of the things life sometimes holds for us.

But if I were you, and if you can manage it, I would do just as Katie *and* as Pan have suggested. A Spa Day, combined with Chinese take-out? How could you beat that.

[I_call_the_duck]

The planning had been going on for a couple of weeks.  Saving ideas and recipes from the folks here, recording Thanksgiving shows on the Food Network.  Making lists.  Testing a recipe or two.

Then my roommate tells me she has made other plans, knowing that my boyfriend was coming and thinking it would be nice for us to be alone (he lives 1200 miles away).  Then it turns out my guy's job has gotten crazy busy and he really can't leave right now (they are in crisis mode.)

Suddenly - I find myself alone on my favorite holiday.  I have mixed emotions.  Part of me is kind of relieved that I don't have to shop and cook.    Since I have a roommate, the idea of having the house to myself actually sounds good.   I am glad she has something fun to do, and I completely understand that my guy can't risk his job by flying in right now.

So intellectually I am totally fine.  But the past couple of days it has gotten to me emotionally.  I am feeling sad.

I am wondering what I should do - should I buy some basics and cook anyhow?   Should I get one of those "just heat and heat" complete meals from the local grocery store or Wegman's?    Or perhaps the Boston Market drive through with their turkey and all the fixin's? (I am leaning towards that...)

What would you do if you found yourself alone on Thanksgiving?  Would you cook, get takeout, or try to wrangle an invitation from a friend or family member?

←

Sorry about your situation. Thanksgiving has become so commercial, but nonetheless it's hard to spend such a day alone.

If you can't possibly stand the thought of being by yourself, I'd try to wrangle an invite from my favorite person. I'm sure someone will be sympathetic to your plight. Last year, my sister's best friend of 40+ years was a "Thanksgiving orphan" as I called it, and it felt very nice to share it with someone who would otherwise be by herself. And I can tell she appreciated it as well.

If that fails, then I'd take that as an opportunity to have a nice evening by myself. The pressure is off, but you can still have fun by cooking a great meal. Buy your favorite part of the turkey instead of the whole bird (in my case, it'd be the wings and drumstick), make a small batch of fixin's and a sinful dessert. Put on some nice music, open a nice glass of wine or champagne, and just enjoy myself. I treated myself to such a meal one or two lonely Valentine's Days, and that seemed to take the edge off. Oh, and I took a nice bubble bath too.

I hope you have a nice holiday whatever you decide to do.

Edited November 21, 2005 by I_call_the_duck (log)

[douginvirginia]

On Wednesday - go to library or bookstore and get something you know you'll like. Then buy your favorite, most sinfull desert, to be eaten tomorrow.

On Thursday - sleep late, then do something outdoors. Take a long hike, do the final garden cleanup, ... Mid-afternoon take your book and go to your favorite Chinese restaurant, and order any and everything that strikes your fancy. Ask them to serve your selections banquet style - one at a time. By now you're fully engrossed in your book. Return home, get comfy, and continue reading. Later that evening, pull out the desert and gorge. Then get in bed with your book, reading until it falls on chest at which time you turn the lights out and fall blissfully to sleep.

Also, I wouldn't drink too much.

[Curlz]

First and foremost, know that you're not alone on this one! The bottom line is, I think you have to ask yourself what you really want to do--do you want to be around friends and/or family? If so, wrangle the invite--even if it's just for dessert. Want to feel like you're contributing to something bigger? Volunteer at a local hospital/soup kitchen for part of the day. Want to stay home and do nothing, or watch movies and do spa treatments? That's fine too! Just don't apologize to yourself or others for whatever decision you make. In the end, it's your choice. Own it, as they say!

When it comes to holidays, I usually struggle not over the being solo part, but with the going to someone else's home and making ONE dish. So I've started a different tradition--preparing a full T-Day meal on Friday, and having friends come by on Friday or Saturday to hang out, watch football/movies, and not have the pressure of the relatives! Oh, and comfy clothes are a given. Works out great b/c I get to see the people I want to see, cook recipes of my choosing, and still have leftovers in my house without having had the pressure of THE DAY.

[therese]

Wrangling an invite for T-day the easiest thing in the world, at least if you know me. I routinely gather up every last straggler I can find---dilutes out the weirdness of my parents, and since many of the guests are from outside the U.S. it's a chance to spread the fun around.

Seriously, though, just about anybody is happy to have another guest at Thanksgiving: the meal's cooked, and there's pretty much zero chance of anybody running out.

[jsolomon]

What would you do if you found yourself alone on Thanksgiving?  Would you cook, get takeout, or try to wrangle an invitation from a friend or family member?

←

I would wrangle, or make fondue. Drink champagne.

I'm not too sure about the pedicure/manicure thing... but there are things that men will never understand about women.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

What would you do if you found yourself alone on Thanksgiving?  Would you cook, get takeout, or try to wrangle an invitation from a friend or family member?

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First, Randi, I'm sorry your plans blew apart.

I'd mention your alone-ness to someone you like. You'll be invited in a snap. Moving around the country every couple of years for so long got us into the "orphan Thanksgiving" mode, and it really is a lot of fun. Everyone brings a little something of their own tradition, and we could even find joy in the pepperoni-olive stuffing one person brought.

Failing that, maybe you could volunteer someplace?

Definitely, though, make the meal you were planning another time soon.

[Mussina]

I second the help out in a soup kitchen or at a local shelter suggestion.

[Gifted Gourmet]

The very best of all possible ideas yet! Thank you for this, Fabulous Food Babe, because it resolves not only Randi's problem but is so good for others who are often in considerably worse straights.

Thanksgiving does not always fall on a day designated by an impersoanl calendar .. rather, it is in one's heart and soul ... being thankful for what one has and that one can share it and spread the cheer of the day? Priceless!

[rjwong]

I know what I'd do: Any great Chinese restaurants in your area?

←

Yes there is, Pan. Come on over! Let's meet in FRONT of the restaurant.

Thanksgiving for me will be on Sat. My SIL has to work on Thanksgiving & Fri. So, I have Thursday off. I might find a nice restaurant that's open on that day and eat one of their non-turkey options, since turkey will be served on Sat. (and beyond).

[K8memphis]

...As we have things to be thankful for, we also have a sense of our losses or lacks on this day, whether we are young and missing our family and friends, or older and doing the same thing from a different angle.

...But if I were you, and if you can manage it, I would do just as Katie *and* as Pan have suggested. A Spa Day, combined with Chinese take-out? How could you beat that.

←

Carrot Top, so well spoken that was, in fact your whole post was beautiful. My sweet little Momma passed away the day before Thanksgiving three years ago. And for this fact I know that hotels have huge spreads of every kind of food and ice sculptures and tasty desserts--way cool blow outs of agape foodscapes, every meat, soups, sides, rolls you get the picture. 'Over the river & through the woods' without any dishes to wash.

It's a huge buffet, but nice people are there to wait on you too. It's accomodating without familiarity. A sense of holiday without hoopla. Good food, all the traditions without the work. Even if you went by yourself, I think you would not feel the same as you would in a restaurant eating by yourself y'know? No sense of pathos. The big Holiday Inns do this. Probably other places too.

My plan A if I were in your shoes this year, would be to try to find a friend to treat to dindin at a place like this. Plan B would be go anyway.

I think you deserve and should have a grand meal. You won't forget your babies are elsewhere but consider feeding the kid in you.

Randi, I think wrangling an invite would make you happiest.

Gobble Gobble

Edited November 21, 2005 by K8memphis (log)

[FabulousFoodBabe]

Hey, Randi! Where do you live?

[BarbaraY]

If I were alone on Thanksgiving, I would do as several have already mentioned, volunteer.

In our area, the Moose club and several churches have dinners. Not just for the homeless but for the whole community. You get to meet new people and feel good about life.

I can't say the food is any way remarkable but it sure gives one a wonderful feeling of community.

[foodie52]

and you never know whom you'll meet!

[Gifted Gourmet]

and you never know whom you'll meet!

←

Randi already has a guy, it appears ... he just isn't going to be around for Thanksgiving ... hence the quandry ..

it turns out my guy's job has gotten crazy busy and he really can't leave right now (they are in crisis mode.)

[foodie52]

she may make some new friends. I wasn't trying to set her up.

[Randi]

Wow, so many good ideas, you've really got me thinking about what would be most enjoyable!

The "spa" idea - sounds glorious! Really fun.

Gourmet foods? Also great - as is buying the part of the turkey I like best and just cooking that. (do they sell the SKIN? ) Seriously, I considered making turkey wings but then realized one of the things I want to do is avoid the grocery stores for the next couple of days.

Takeout Chinese? no no, that's CHRISTMAS Day!

I do like to have traditional Thanksgiving foods on T-day.

Wrangling an invite? That's not something I am comfortable with, and TBH I don't know many people locally (except co-workers, and that would be awkward). My family isn't nearby, and I don't like imposing on other people's family celebrations.

Volunteering? I really like that idea - I might try to find out how to get more info on where I might be needed that day. And yes, foodie, it would be great to meet more people locally!

Carrot Top, my inadvertant day alone seems like a piece of cake (or is it pie?) after reading about how the day brings up those feelings about how your family has changed. Your Pranksgiving idea sounds like just the recipe to make it special!

FabulousFoodBabe, I am in Central NJ.

I called Boston Market and they are open Thursday. I think what I am probably going to do is...sleep in, then run to Boston Market for turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans and stuffing. I will watch Alice's Restaurant. And catch up on shows I've taped on my DVR (mostly food shows. )

It's funny, this post wasn't just about what *I* should do on Thursday, I really was curious about what others would do.

Thanks for the great responses.

[Cleo]

You should really decide what will make you feel good for the day.

Volunteering is a great idea. It will make you feel good and you will realize that you really have a lot to be thankful for.

If you feel like being alone, what about going to a movie (or two)? You'd be surprised at how many other people will be there.

If you'd rather be with others, don't feel awkward about wrangling an invitation from a co-worker as long as you're somewhat friendly with him or her. Don't hesitate to mention the situation. I'm sure they wouldn't want to think of you being alone.

At any given holiday in my family (Rosh Hashanah, Passover, Thanksgiving--you name it), we always have at least a person or 2 who, for whatever reason, didn't have anywhere else to go. My mother's motto has always been "what's a few more people? Nobody should be alone". People love coming to our holidays and now my sister and I both do the same thing.

Enjoy your day, whatever you decide to do!

[Kent Wang]

A few friends and I are going on a five-day drinking binge.

[Wendy DeBord]

It's funny, this post wasn't just about what *I* should do on Thursday, I really was curious about what others would do.

←

I'm really glad you started this thread! It's cheered me up and helped me think of what I should do.

I have to work Thanksgiving day. I'm sending my hubby to visit with his family ..........which leaves me alone when I return home. I had no idea Boston Market would be open, that's great, I'm so happy I read this thread.

Over the past few years my hubby and I have done Mexican and Chinese over the holiday and that sort of left me/us feeling depressed. The next day everyone asks how your dinner was....... and you can't really tell them you ate chinese or didn't get together with your family (then they feel bad). At least I don't feel comfortable making something up. So Boston Market will be my savior this year. I won't feel like I missed the whole tradition.

Next choice..........which movie to pick, hum.......something I want to see that he'd never want to see.........

[Randi]

Wendy, call your local Boston Market and check their hours. Mine is only open until 6 PM.

This thread made me feel better too!