Crimes against food ... guilty as charged?

[Gifted Gourmet]

What crime have you committed against food in your own kitchen?

I know, for example, that I mishandle lettuce, and don't tear or cut it properly; sometimes, have been known to abuse my corn by overcooking it; my fish is sometimes far too well cooked and too flaky; and my hard-boiled eggs sometimes have that green tinge on the yolks ... and, although, I cook much of this without thinking twice about the intricacies if the preparation, I know I have "abused" the trust placed in me by my food purchases.

Are you ever knowingly guilty of a crime against some food in your daily life?

Do you promise yourself that you won't do this ever again?

Are you a food recidivist?

Confession is quite good for the soul .. or the sole, if you are a petrale or dover enthusiast....

[jgarner53]

Well, aside from the vegetables and herbs that die a slow, lingering death in the vegetable crisper, slowly turning to goo , I would hope that I treat my food with a certain amount of respect.

OK, I confess. I slice my lettuce, rather than tear it by hand.

And there's the occasional overcooked bit of something, or recipe that I screw up because I'm halving it, and forget somewhere in the middle. But I chalk that up to carelessness more than a deliberate food crime.

[little ms foodie]

eek.... I don't clip my chives with scissors, I cut them up with a knife! Please don't tell!

I also don't stir my risotto constantly! I clean up the kitchen between stirring!

And sometimes if we haven't chilled the white wine.... ummm.... we'll put an icecube in it!!!! ahhhhhhh

[Gifted Gourmet]

I also don't stir my risotto constantly! I clean up the kitchen between stirring!

Told you that confession is good for the sole ...

Are you aware of the fact that some individuals are actually doing hard time in prison for failing to constantly stir their risotto??

Yep, arrested, convicted, and imprisoned by the Risotto Police!

[little ms foodie]

Told you that confession is good for the sole ... 

Are you aware of the fact that some individuals are actually doing hard time in prison for failing to constantly stir their risotto?? 

Yep, arrested, convicted, and imprisoned by the Risotto Police!

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Hense my secret identity here on eGullet.......... I don't want to be joining Martha! Hell she'd be the first to line up to kick my ass for not stirring!

[Gifted Gourmet]

You sure got that right, little ms foodie! Are you now in the Witness Protection Program (hence the fake name)??

[lperry]

Uh oh. The risotto police are going to take me down. I make it in a pressure cooker. No stirring at all!

[Gifted Gourmet]

Uh oh.  The risotto police are going to take me down.  I make it in a pressure cooker.  No stirring at all!

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Pressure cooking risotto is tantamount to a capital crime ... call your attorney!

"Yes, your honor, I plead nolo contendere but I throw myself upon your mercy for this offense ... too bad it is not a first offense..."

[Lexica]

I knowingly and willfully overcook chicken. Not entirely my fault, though - my husband's the one who dislikes juicy, tender meat. He's the only person I've encountered who prefers that his poultry not be brined - it makes it too juicy!

I got tired of choosing between having him leave it uneaten on his plate or having him put his piece back on the stove to cook longer, and decided that household harmony would be improved by overcooking it a little in the first place.

[RSincere]

I don't know if this counts, but I tend to really maul whole chicken legs when I attempt to separate them into thighs and drumsticks. Tonight I tried it again, with the complication of skinning/trimming the chicken as well (I have problems with that too). It took me an hour to separate and skin FOUR whole chicken legs. Also, I was imagining people from eGullet looking on in horror at my clumsy, unsafe knife handling while I was at it. And some of those poor drumsticks were in shreds by the time I was done with them.

I haven't attempted to take apart a whole chicken yet. I was contemplating trying that next week.

Edited October 9, 2004 by RSincere (log)

[Gifted Gourmet]

I haven't attempted to take apart a whole chicken yet.  I was contemplating trying that next week.

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Thanks for the warning .. the Poulet Mutilating Squad will be arriving momentarily on your doorstep ... You might even be on an episode of "Poultry Law and Order" on NBC ...

[tejon]

I'll also admit to mauling perfectly defenseless chickens. And the occasional turkey as well.

[Gifted Gourmet]

Off with your head! or at least the fowl's ..

[Katherine]

I don't know if this counts, but I tend to really maul whole chicken legs when I attempt to separate them into thighs and drumsticks.  Tonight I tried it again, with the complication of skinning/trimming the chicken as well (I have problems with that too).  It took me an hour to separate and skin FOUR whole chicken legs.  Also, I was imagining people from eGullet looking on in horror at my clumsy, unsafe knife handling while I was at it.  And some of those poor drumsticks were in shreds by the time I was done with them.

I haven't attempted to take apart a whole chicken yet.  I was contemplating trying that next week.

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Here's a webpage I made for my daughter when she had questions about how to cut up chicken legs. Not professional qualitiy photography, but you can see the whole process clearly.

[RSincere]

Oh, crap. Oh, crap. I was supposed to cut that backbone thing off?! I've got these thighs marinating in yogurt right now, complete with backbone...I couldn't figure out how to get it off. All I did was stick my finger in behind it and dig out all the red organ-y bits I could find.

But thank you, Katherine--that's really helpful! What complicates things for me is that I have only one knife, a Wusthof Santoku knife, and I baby it. I'm afraid to use it to cut through bone because I don't want to wreck it or dull it.

[Katherine]

What complicates things for me is that I have only one knife, a Wusthof Santoku knife, and I baby it.  I'm afraid to use it to cut through bone because I don't want to wreck it or dull it.

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You aren't actually supposed to cut through "bone" at any point. What you're doing is slicing through the joints where they meet. The bone and cartilage is soft at that point.

You should run out and buy another couple of knives right now. A boning knife is good, but a utility knife can work for you, too.

[RSincere]

You aren't actually supposed to cut through "bone" at any point. What you're doing is slicing through the joints where they meet. The bone and cartilage is soft at that point.

Oh, that's comforting. I'll have to try this. I'll have to run back and forth from the computer room to the kitchen!

You should run out and buy another couple of knives right now. A boning knife is good, but a utility knife can work for you, too.

Right now I'm saving up for a steel so I can hone the knife I have now. Those other knives are definitely on my list, but I have to wait.

It's okay if I cook those thighs with the backbone on them, right? I mean, the ones I have marinating right now?

Edited October 9, 2004 by RSincere (log)

[Katherine]

It's okay if I cook those thighs with the backbone on them, right?  I mean, the ones I have marinating right now? 

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Sure, you can do that. It's just harder to eat that way.

[StudentChefEclipse]

I cook with electric at home. It's not by choice, but I know the Culinary Cops are lurking out there to... what? Speak harshly to the apartment builders? EEP!!

[Carrot Top]

I cook with electric at home. It's not by choice, but I know the Culinary Cops are lurking out there to... what? Speak harshly to the apartment builders? EEP!!

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All manufacturers of electric stoves should be not only jailed but tortured by being forced to cook for the entire jail population on their own stoves.

[oreganosci]

Pasta crimes... I cook pasta in a 3 qt pot and drain it without a colander. I don't salt the water either. Oh and I LOVE pasta and eat it at least 3 days a week.

[Lexica]

I cook with electric at home. It's not by choice, but I know the Culinary Cops are lurking out there to... what? Speak harshly to the apartment builders? EEP!!

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Builders of rental & multi-unit housing should be forced to live (with emphasis on cooking and cleaning) in their own buildings for at least the first year after a building is completed.

Signed,

Been Living In Rental Housing For The Past 16 Years And See No Signs Of That Changing Any Time Soon

aka

Who Decided Black Was A Good Color For Wall-To-Wall Carpet Anyway?

aka

I Hate The Off-Beige Grout On My Pepto-Bismol-Pink Tile Counter Because It's Impossible To Clean

[tejon]

Ahh.....the memories of Pepto Bismol colored bathrooms, miles of beige carpeting, and a kitchen with no ventillation of any kind.... (wait, I still have the latter two ).

[Mabelline]

Totally involuntary, but vastly over-cooking meat for DH. Especially game. Especially antelope or elk. I could quite comfortably eat thin carpaccio slices of any of it. CWD be damned. If I have it, c'est la vie. I still think on the main it is healthier than what I buy.

[Dr. Funk]

Overcooking elk is a crime against humanity. Anything past medium-rare is overdone.